https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 00:21:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782693 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 23:20:53 +0000 bees_knees 2782693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: re: a diaper change. There was an article about sexual abuse conversations in the most recent link roundup. It talked about safe/unsafe touches, and how no one is supposed to touch your private areas in less it is to keep you clean (ie a diaper change!) or healthy. I thought that was a simple matter of fact way of putting it! </p> <p>We have taught our LOs that as soon as they say “I don’t like that”, we immediately stop. And we make sure our family members respect the same boundaries...so no, auntie, you can’t keep tickling him after he says “I don’t like that”. We expect him to give us the same consideration (to stop a certain behavior, like jumping all over me, when I ask him to). </p> <p>Also, we do not force him to give hugs/kisses to any family member. Ever. It’s always his choice.</p> <p>ETA link: <a href="https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/kids-parenting/how-to-protect-children-abuse" rel="nofollow">https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/kids-parenting/how-to-protect-children-abuse</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782690 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 22:42:59 +0000 youboots 2782690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just enforce boundaries with us saying you can’t make anyone do something they don’t want to. Mostly when she’s crawling all over me. Also when she says no or stop when playing we stop instantly, it’s your body and your choice when you want to be touched. Unless it’s bath or diapers-then we say it’s our job to keep her safe and healthy and sometimes we need to touch her to care for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782657 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 15:56:36 +0000 Littlebit7 2782657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are going through this too via feedback from school for my 2.5 year old. She is an "aggressive hugger". Her excitement builds and she just goes all in for a hug, especially during music/dance classes. We have been working on "keeping hands on our own bodies" and asking for permission before she hugs but ooof it's hard. She isn't a snuggle bug but she is so high energy and it just bursts and tackle-hugs kids. I would imagine it totally freaks them out. She's the youngest in the class too, which doesn't help (or maybe it will help). So hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782656 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 15:28:15 +0000 ShootingStar 2782656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I agree with others that suggested "no thank you." If my DD sticks her hand in my shirt I just gently pull it out and tell her no thank you. If she continues I walk away.</p> <p>Also, you can put items that cause trouble into timeout, vs. putting her in time out. My son kept rough housing with a ball inside and I kept warning him and he still kept playing too rough and hitting me and DD. So I took away and put it where he couldn't reach it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782615 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:43:24 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: That has been our thinking and goal as well. I'd like to give her an idea of respecting other's space, including unwanted touching, reaching down shirts, etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782614 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:41:19 +0000 looch 2782614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: Is the only option then to restrict the behavior no matter who it is? I feel at that age, it's all or nothing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782613 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:37:25 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: She does it to anyone she knows well enough to sit close to or be held by. Its just particularly inappropriate with social workers, although they are good sports. In a real life situation, i.e. not foster care, the only people ahe would be in this position with would be close friends and family, and we probably wouldn't think much of it in that case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782609 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:33:20 +0000 looch 2782609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: Agreed, but I admit, this is a tough one...does she do this to other people, or just the SWs when they come over? I wonder why she's doing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782606 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:29:22 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: we do this too, and have had mixed results. It worked better when she was a little younger... now she sometimes hops up as soon as we are done and goes back to whatever she was doing that got her the "break" in the first place. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782604 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:25:59 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2782604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I use a time-in with my LO. Basically, we move to a different part of the house away from whatever he was doing that I didn't want and sit together. When we first sit he's usually still moving around and I wait until he's completely calm before we get out of our time-in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782594 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:11:07 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HappyBaker: Thanks! I'll check it out, you never know. She picks up way more than I expect sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782592 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:09:13 +0000 HappyBaker 2782592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She is probably way to young to understand it from a tv show - but for anyone else reading this with slightly older kids there is a GREAT episode of this show called "Ruby's Studio" on Netflix that focuses on safety (general safety) but also consent / body parts. My 5 year old loved it and I felt like it helped her understand some of these concepts much better through song / cute stories! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782591 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:08:31 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: Agreed, of course. It's just a little tricky as they start learning about consent. </p> <p>@MrsRoo: I love that about asking permission for hugs. I'm going to try that. </p> <p>@Adira: I feel like she's a little young to understand the "how do you feel when... question, but probably not a bad idea to start practicing even if she doesn't get it yet! </p> <p>@looch: We are totally on board with no forced affection or even touching. But I think we also have to talk about boundaries...She has developed a fun habit of reaching down social worker's shirts to find their bras when they are doing home visits! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782589 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 12:02:55 +0000 looch 2782589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I approached it from the other way around, by not forcing my son to kiss or hug anyone that asked for it and it's worked really well. He can if he wants to, otherwise the other person needs to back off.</p> <p>My son is almost 7 now and that handsiness of his younger years has stopped. He used to touch everyone and everything, but I think it was more of an exploratory thing for him and now he's moved on. He hugs and kisses when appropriate. The only thing that I don't like is when he and his friends try to lift each other up...so it's constantly a work in progress. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782585 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 11:57:02 +0000 Adira 2782585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsRoo: We haven't implemented asking for permission, but I've been very vocal with my kids about stopping with someone says "no" or "stop" and then will ask them things like "How do you feel when so-and-so hugs you and won't stop when you ask? It's not nice, right? That's why it's important to respect other people's space and listen to what they say." Sometimes when I pick up my kids from daycare, one of their friends will try to chase them around to get a hug and my kid will avoid it and I'll be very vocal "No thank you, Friend's Name. Xander doesn't want a hug right now!" And never forcing my kids to hug or kiss others (even grandparents) I think goes a long way to teaching them about consent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782563 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 11:00:41 +0000 MrsRoo 2782563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My oldest was just like this and very affectionate with other kids at this age. As far as unwanted playground hugging/touching we just explained that we don’t touch anyone without their permission. She actually got into a really cute habit of asking friends for hugs. And if she didn’t ask and was too touchy with anyone we’d make her apologize just like if she hurt them. </p> <p>Same as @Grace: regarding safe people. We explained that certain people are allowed to see privates in order to keep her healthy/clean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782534 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:59:59 +0000 Grace 2782534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I think as a parent, there are some things where your LO doesn’t get a say with you. They don’t get to say no about diaper changes, baths, dr appts, dentist etc from you or people that you say are safe people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782533 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:58:33 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Ok this is good. And will work better now that she doesn't have SO MANY PEOPLE changing her. The life of a foster kid is set up so poorly.<br /> @2PeasinaPod: Yeah, it's hard right now. I'm not great at never being negative, and I definitely threaten to not let her do things or to take things away. And I do follow through. But I know it's not the best approach for her at the same time. I'm thankful that she's verbal enough to be able to talk her through things most of the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782530 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:54:10 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2782530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: Gah...not being able to do time out is tough. Any sort of discipline is tough with anxiety. You don't want to take a toy or a lovey away in fear that she'll have that anxiety. </p> <p>This probably isn't the best approach, but we power through diaper changes. We'll explain that his butt or penis will hurt if we don't change his diaper. If he still protests, we get it over with as quickly as possible. I know that goes way against consent, but until he's potty trained, I don't know how else to handle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782529 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:52:57 +0000 Adira 2782529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: With diaper changes, when they fight me, I try to say something like "Caregivers, like Mama and daycare, have to change your diaper to keep you healthy, but no one else should." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782527 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:50:15 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: We have the defiance issue also, but aren't doing time outs with her due to early trauma. Still working on an effective alternative. Anything negative backfires and causes horrible anxiety. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782526 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:48:07 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: I like no thank you. She has already started saying STOP if she doesn't want to be tickled and I've made sure we stop right away. What do you do when they say no thank you about a diaper change? That's such a tricky thing with consent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782508 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:27:18 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2782508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi again! DS2 is also going through this. This was about the time we started teaching DS1 about boundaries. We started by telling him to say, "no, thank you!" firmly when someone is doing something he doesn't like, and we immediately stop. So if we're tickling him, and he doesn't like it, we tell him to say, "no, thank you!" and stop immediately. </p> <p>If it's a private part, we'll tell him that it's for his eyes only and he shouldn't show it to others. If he would lift up my shirt, I'd also say, "no, thank you." and tell him when someone says that to him, he has to stop just like we stop when he says it. </p> <p>He caught on really quickly, and DS2 is testing boundaries. He understands when we say, "no, thank you." but he's in his defiant stage where he's challenging everything we do to see if we'll really do it. Follow through is super important with DS2. We let him know if he continues to do it, we'll put him in time-out. And we follow through regardless of where we are. If we're in a store, I drop everything and bring him outside, stand him against a wall and let him wail as people are staring at us. But he fully understands what he did wrong and doesn't do it again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-boundaries-consent-and-about-other-peoples-bodies#post-2782500 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:21:28 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2782500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This has caught me off guard, I guess I thought I'd have more time! How do you go about teaching toddlers about boundaries, private parts, keeping hands to yourself, etc. Obviously this is all wrapped up in teaching about consent. Our almost 2 year old has been looking up people's shirts (looking for their bras) and reaching down neck lines of anyone who is holding her. Totally normal stuff, just realizing I need to start working on boundaries. She's also very touchy (not inappropriate, just likes the sensory input I think) with other kids which tends to make other toddlers mad. So I want to start working on keeping her hands to herself. I also don't want to shame or make her think bodies are shameful. </p> <p>Thoughts? When does this conversation usually start? Am I over thinking? </p> <p>Fyi She's on the upper end of normal for both expressive and receptive language, so that will help. </p>