https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 07:49:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1498188 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 10:43:13 +0000 looch 1498188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really don't think it makes a difference what sex you are, you need to learn how to keep a tidy person and house, end of story. I don't like to do a lot of things, but I still do them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1498172 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 10:35:04 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1498172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I totally agree with you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495735 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 09:05:26 +0000 .twist. 1495735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lovehoneybee: perfectly said. If my son goes off to live on his own, I want him to be able to take care of himself and not expect or need someone to take care of part of his taking care of himself for him! </p> <p>Eeeer... If that makes sense, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495731 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 09:00:41 +0000 Mae 1495731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: totally agree on the whole "princess-y" thing although I hate to think of myself that way haha. I think of it more as appreciating chivalry. And it actually took a little bit of time for us because my husband grew up in a family where his dad is…. not chivalrous. lol. So he didn't really "get it." But I grew up watching my dad always get gas for my mom, carry the heavy stuff, shovel the drive, etc. Having my husband do the "gross" jobs and carry the heavy stuff and get gas for me when we're out together make me feel taken care of and I like that, personally. And I take care of him in ways that make sense to me (packing his lunch every day, running errands to pick stuff up for him, etc). I feel like it's sort of unpopular now to be okay with some "traditional gender" stuff. But realistically-- I'm attracted to men. And not just because they have a penis. If that was all I was looking for I could buy it for $19.99 online. Those "masculine" traits are what are attractive to me about men, and my "feminine" traits are what are attractive to my husband about me. If men and women were all exactly the same then wouldn't we all cease to be gay or straight? Unless our attraction was 100% based on sex, which I don't think it is. In terms of equality I think equal respect, opportunity, and allowing each person to be who THEY want to be is important. But I don't personally care for trying to erase all boundaries between "typical male and female traits." (although I respect those who choose to live differently!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495588 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 01:46:41 +0000 lamariniere 1495588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Between my husband and I, we more or less follow the stereotypes. Someone cleans our house, but I do all the tidying up, cooking, laundry, etc. My husband fixes things when they are broken. I honestly prefer to cook because my husband doesn't cook well, and he just really doesn't get laundry. However, I will definitely encourage our children to cook and clean up after themselves and do other chores when the time comes. My son already loves to bake with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495565 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 01:04:08 +0000 gingerbebe 1495565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: YES! Complimentarian high five! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495553 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 00:24:21 +0000 shellio 1495553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Such an interesting thread! DH is a SAHD and does most of the cooking and cleaning (and the yard maintenance etc - yeah, I'm lucky!) so I think we already model non-traditional gender roles for our two DS. I like seeing the chores that kids are responsible for. We try to get our older DS involved in whatever household chore/activity we're doing but since he's only 2, his "help" really makes everything that much longer. I hadn't thought of it in terms of boy/girl chores but who knows if there will ever be a girl around our house to do any of the "girl" chores. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495541 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 23:59:05 +0000 Elderberrygin 1495541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My family and DH's family both had a fairly gendered division of chores in terms of what our parents did, but my family divided chores up fairly equitably in terms of the children. We all learnt how to do laundry, iron, cook, mow lawns and do basic household maintenance. Once I moved out of home, I really appreciated knowing how to do basic home repairs and meal plan! I don't think my FIL ever bathed my husband, changed a diaper or cooked a meal in his life, so that was a bit of a contrast in our upbringings. Fortunately, modelling these skills for our children is a priority for both of us.</p> <p>I think our current division of chores is reasonably equitable. I cook during the week because of our work hours, DH cooks on the weekend. Each of us irons our own clothes. Laundry, vacuuming, dishes etc we split evenly. For the most part, day to day care of our daughter is split evenly, DH does daycare drop off and keeps track of everything to do with that, I track all her medical appointments and clothing/gear needs. All of it has evolved over time, partly in response to our work schedules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495493 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 22:40:00 +0000 Weagle 1495493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In general, we are more complimentarian than egalitarian in our relationship. However, when it comes to household stuff, the rule is that you do what needs to be done because it needs to be done regardless of gender. In some choreswe follow typical traditional roles and in other ways we don't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495447 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 22:11:44 +0000 JennyD 1495447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very interesting! We were just discussing this the other day. My husband made a comment about about how we aren't doing a good job modelling equal chore sharing. He had some good points. Growing up, my dad worked out of town, so my mom had to do everything. I remember her mowing the lawn seemed to be a big thing. And when my dad was home, if there was a female in the house, he would call us away from anything we were doing to have us microwave leftovers for him. So, I feel privileged to not have to mow the lawn. </p> <p>I would like to teach my daughter that women can do anything. To be fair, I can and have changed my own tires. You don't NEED a man to do those things. But it sure is nice. And I would like for her to grow up and know that it ain't a big thing to expect your husband to prepare a meal or change a diaper. And I think we do a good job of modelling that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495063 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 18:22:15 +0000 gingerbebe 1495063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I don't think that's necessarily true. My mom always did laundry, ironing, folding, vacuuming and I HATED doing those chores. I avoid clothing that requires any kind of ironing for that reason alone. And I do the weeding and pruning the bushes in our yard, even though my dad did all those things when I was a child. </p> <p>DH doesn't enjoy shopping or cooking because his MOM never liked shopping or cooking. He was never expected to do laundry or vacuum or dishes as a kid and he doesn't mind doing those things at all as an adult. He actually enjoys laundry. He was always forced to mow the lawn or do all the car stuff with his dad when he was a kid and he hates it. He takes the car to the shop at the drop of a hat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495044 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 18:13:21 +0000 yoursilverlining 1495044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think modeling gender equality within your home is the easiest way to teach it. Does it surprise me at all that basically 100% of the people on this thread just happen to like doing the chores they did growing up/that were modeled for their particular gender? Nope, that's how it works. </p> <p>Both DH and I grew up with dads who cooked and cleaned and did laundry, and not surprisingly, my husband (and my brother) both like to cook. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495023 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 18:03:08 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1495023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only my sisters lived with us, so we all did everything - lawn care, dishes, auto maintenance. DH grew up in a VERY stereotypical Latino family where the sisters still do all the cooking and cleaning for the brothers who still live at home (who are in their 30s) and for everyone when we go visit. But DH and I have a pretty even split on household chores and plan to raise our children to be self sufficient. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1495022 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 18:03:08 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1495022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only my sisters lived with us, so we all did everything - lawn care, dishes, auto maintenance. DH grew up in a VERY stereotypical Latino family where the sisters still do all the cooking and cleaning for the brothers who still live at home (who are in their 30s) and for everyone when we go visit. But DH and I have a pretty even split on household chores and plan to raise our children to be self sufficient. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494995 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 17:51:17 +0000 gingerbebe 1494995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Total confession here:</p> <p>I grew up in a totally traditional, gender-biased household. A lot of the gender role stuff irked me when it came down to my mom or me having to do certain things while my brother and dad did not, but at the same time, I do get princess-y about stuff. I have always hated pumping gas. Why? My dad always got gas for me because he didn't want me to smell like gasoline. Obviously I can/have pumped my own gas, but I never liked it. The smell grosses me out. To this day, I wait until the very last second to get gas - to the point where DH always gets my gas for me now.</p> <p>I never had to take the garbage out to the big trash can (while I did have to collect the little baskets around the house). Growing up, my mom nor I ever had to fix the car, carry heavy things, change a light bulb, deal with pests, or fix a gadget around the house. And so I hated having to do all that stuff when I was a single woman living on my own. Meaning I CAN and HAVE done all those things, but DH does them for me now because I'd just prefer not to. And I loooooove it.</p> <p>As I said previously, I think chores are to teach your kids HOW to do all these things, and I do think that with my kids, all of them will learn skills on an equal basis. (I'd like my daughter to learn how to change a flat tire in high school, as opposed to YouTube videos at 25 years old like her mother). But I don't feel like DH and I have to model an completely equal chore divide to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494936 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 17:09:09 +0000 Dandelion 1494936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is interesting!</p> <p>DS is an only boy, with a brother on the way. There won't be any girls to do "girl chores", so they're stuck with them.</p> <p>DS does most of his laundry (I have to reach buttons for him and reach the clothes out of the washer for him.), and I make a point to teach him how to cook and bake because my husband is clueless about anything food related. I'll make a point to teach LO his laundry (DS has been "helping" me since he was itty bitty) and the same things.</p> <p>In that, I agree with @Mae: with showing my boys how me and DH do take on traditional roles in our house. But, I do all the inside stuff, and DH does things outside, and really it's balanced...his 50% is just more masculine than mine.</p> <p>Plus, I'm good at cooking! Landscaping...not so much! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494919 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 16:59:18 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1494919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePeony: That sounds really frustrating. Maybe you could talk about how you feel and he'll make more of an effort. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494870 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 16:35:58 +0000 PurplePeony 1494870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I worry about this when DD gets older. Our chores are not equitably split, and although DH really stepped it up during the first few weeks after DD was born, he's slipped back into old habits. He was never expected to do any cooking, cleaning, or other chores as a kid and wasn't taught how. So now he "can't" cook because he's "bad at it." He's only comfortable doing his own laundry because he's "afraid of doing it wrong" if he tries to do mine. It drives. Me. Nuts. My parents split all the chores, if anything my dad did more (most of the cooking, half the laundry, cleaning, yard work, etc) so I really get annoyed with how much falls on my shoulders.</p> <p>I want DD to grow up seeing more like what I saw, and to be fully capable of doing household tasks herself. I really think my in-laws did DH a huge disservice. I just don't know how to spur him on to actually do some of this stuff... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494848 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 16:22:05 +0000 shinymama 1494848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that DH and I model this behavior for our boys on a daily basis as we split everything. My 12 year old has "boy" chores, but he's also responsible for cleaning all the toilets. It reinforces two important purposes: his aim and gender equality in our home.</p> <p>We're also working on cooking and laundry, but he's not at the point where I'm comfortable with him doing either completely solo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494845 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 16:20:56 +0000 blackbird 1494845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we'll just pick out the kid's chores and make them have a rotating chart of some kind, so they can't bitch and moan! We'll see how it works. I know that DH and I have some "traditional" chores--I cook, he takes the trash out. BUT we prefer it that way. I prefer cooking, he doesn't mind taking the trash out. He does the grass...i hate doing that. </p> <p>It's the tip of the iceberg, IMO, but it's certainly something to consider </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494841 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 16:19:04 +0000 Freckles 1494841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH does the garbage (i dislike doing it and told him it's his domain), the lawn (only b/c when we first got the house he wanted a push mower, and i told him he's in charge of it. Once we got an electric mower i shared in some of the duties), and snow shoveling. He also does the dishes and will cook some meals, but i do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc.</p> <p>Growing up it was just my sister and me, but my parents still expected us to shovel the snow (we were weaklings and it took us 1 hour!), take out the trash, etc. When DH lived at home, he was expected to clean the house, do dishes and take out the trash. </p> <p>I will expect our kids to be self-sufficient and help out around the house. And they will definitely see that DH and i share in the household duties! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494826 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 16:12:09 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1494826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Oh I absolutely agree that it's not all about chores, it's just something that came up in class that made me think about my own parenting.</p> <p>I actually perpetuated a gender stereotype a few weeks ago - one of Liam's toys wasn't working and I didn't really want to fix it at the moment (replace the batteries), so I told him that Daddy would fix it when he got home. A day or two later, something else wouldn't work and Liam immediately said "Dada!" I couldn't believe that it had happened so quickly. I immediately told him that Mommy could fix it, and I got out the tools and did it myself with him.</p> <p>I don't know if I've ever mowed the lawn. It's not that I don't like it because I've never tried, but it's just not something I've ever thought to do. I guess I should try it out! Who knows, I might even like it and want to take on that chore, haha (doubtful). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494801 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:58:05 +0000 nana87 1494801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>great thread! this is something I think about a lot. growing up, I think my parents did a really great job modeling an egalitarian relationship and household. my parents both worked, but had flexible schedules, so my dad usually went in early and then was on dinner-duty, whereas my mom went to work after we left for school and came home later. my dad cooked more often than my mom. he also did the laundry, and my mom did the folding and putting away. my brother and I had the same chores--we took turns taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, etc. I really want us to model that as well for our children, and I feel like the way we divide chores already is starting us off on the right track as we head into parenthood. like, dh does most of the cooking now, because he loves to cook, I keep things tidy and organized, etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494798 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:57:05 +0000 Mae 1494798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we'll just decide what the "kid chores" are and they will include helping me cook and helping dad with the lawn. I grew up in a pretty traditional household where my mom cooked and did laundry and my dad took care of the trash and yard. And that's the sort of marriage I'm in now (although I think in both cases it is out of preference. I'd much rather cook than mow the lawn personally). But that didn't mean that my mom didn't send my brother to the grocery store for her or have us both help with laundry or have us both help my dad with yard work. </p> <p>I think gender equality is really about a lot more than chores. I do think we'll try to make chores "equal" but I don't worry too much about the kid(s) seeing us taking on more traditional gender roles because I think it is pretty clear to anyone watching that my husband and I are equal partners. We have equal respect for each other. We make decisions together. My husband would tell you I'm smarter than he is. So I don't think I'll worry too much if my daughter grows up to prefer taking on the cooking in her own house as long as she has self confidence that she is just as smart and capable as any man, despite what she chooses to do with her time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494795 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:55:49 +0000 snowjewelz 1494795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our roles are already non-traditional - I WOH more than him, and he cooks most of the time (ok fine, all the time). I think the idea in having our children do chores is to help them be independent. My parents actually never told me to do anything and I missed that! I feel dumb sometimes for not knowing how to do something at home! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494794 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:55:48 +0000 gingerbebe 1494794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tend to think of chores as a means of teaching certain basic life skills so your kids don't fall apart in college or adulthood and less a gender thing. Plus I think it just reinforces the value of working hard and responsibility to yourself and your family, in general. So learning how to cook a few basic meals, cleaning, laundry, setting tables, and basic car maintenance should apply to anyone. But I think its okay if certain kids gravitate towards certain chores more than others. If I have a daughter who would rather cook and clean than do lawn maintenance and garbage, I think that's just fine. </p> <p>DH and I split up the chores based along those lines too. For instance, I do the shopping and cooking because I like cooking and DH doesn't know how to do either. I clean the kitchen and bathrooms because DH doesn't know how to clean them in a way I think is necessary (he literally doesn't see the dirt). He does the dishes, laundry, trash, ironing, and vacuuming because I hate doing those chores and always have. We both hate yard work, auto maintenance, and general house fixing, so we're happy to contract out for those things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494793 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:54:11 +0000 lovehoneybee 1494793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I intend for my son to be able to contribute equally to his future household--to cook, to clean, to do laundry, as well as mow the lawn and take out the trash. I think it's important to raise a self-sufficient adult, regardless of gender. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494788 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:51:17 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1494788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The rule in my house was once you turned 13, you were responsible to make dinner one night a week - boy or girl! I definitely don't think the chores assigned to us as kids were impacted by gender. And I'm glad DH was raised similarly - he cooks just as often as I do, and cleans the kitchen more than I do! We definitely are 100% egalitarian when it comes to household balance and I couldn't be more pleased with how we work together. </p> <p>I plan to raise my son so that he knows how to cook, do his own laundry and in general take care of himself by the time he moves out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494782 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:47:52 +0000 cmomma17 1494782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely want to teach my son that we all contribute to the household, regardless of gender. We can also have things we are good at, and it's not because we are girls or boys. I'd rather handle the laundry in our house, but it's because I do it more efficiently, not because I'm female. DH knows how to do it and does sometimes. DH is way better than me at doing dishes quickly and organizing the kitchen. I want to focus less on gender, and more on personal strengths (as well as raising independent children who know how to do everything in a home). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-gender-equality#post-1494773 Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:44:13 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1494773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Today, one of my classes had a Socratic Seminar on gender equality and several of my students talked about how their parents don't share or divide household responsibilities (a few were annoyed that both parents worked and their moms were still expected to do all the cooking and cleaning). They also brought up that their parents expect the girl children in the family to do certain chores like cooking and cleaning, but the boy children don't have to do those things. The only chore I actually heard any boy say he does was take out the trash.</p> <p>It made me think about our situation and how my husband does more than his fair share of the cooking and cleaning. It also makes me think that, once our kids are old enough, I want to make sure that the chores I give them are fair and equal. I'd definitely like to have a rotating chart so each kid has to do each chore at some point.</p> <p>Also, I didn't grow up with siblings, but I have a 12 year old brother. When I was growing up, I didn't have designated chores per say, but I do remember having to clean the bathroom and dust and vacuum. My mom now has a cleaning lady come every other week, so my brother has no chores, other than keeping his room picked up. Oh! And by his age I was doing my own laundry, which he definitely doesn't have to do.</p> <p>How will you/ do you address this type of thing with your kids?</p> <p>I don't know if this is the right board for this topic, so feel free to change it, @Mr. Bee! </p>