https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 03:42:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1144152 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 20:51:04 +0000 Maysprout 1144152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was just thinking about this. There's a little girl in our neighborhood that's still in elementary school but really pressures boys into weird relationships and writes them awkward letters and she's only 8. Her mom is not a good role model and has a string of boyfriends in and out of the house. She's a sweet girl in a lot of ways but her approach to little boys is really unfortunate.</p> <p>One of my momma friends who has a daughter her age is really conflicted what to do because the little girls behavior is inappropriate and she's worried about it teaching her daughter a really bad approach to boys, but at the same time she doesn't want to ostracize the little girl so they've been doing a lot of talking </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1144079 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 20:28:14 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1144079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is a great program out there for talking about tricky people and innoculating them against predation. I'll see if I can find it, but we've been talking about it for a while. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1144071 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 20:25:41 +0000 sarac 1144071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that teaching children (especially little girls) to say NO to violations of their personal space is a really crucial and age appropriate way to teach them to respect their boundaries. My toddler often screams NO NO NO when other children come near her, just because she has a big personal space bubble. I often have to stifle my impulse to say 'oh honey let's be friendly' and remember that I'd rather raise a child who feels confidant about her boundaries than a friendly one.</p> <p>I apply the same logic to touching her (besides required cleaning/diaper changes), hugging and kissing, etc. I ask first, and respect a no. I also really allow her to say no without heckling her to 'be polite' or anything. If something makes her scared or uncomfortable, she gets to shout no and be done with it. If that hurts an adult's feelings, I'm not super worried about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1144012 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 20:12:00 +0000 Kimberlybee 1144012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>These are all really good advice! Thanks mommies. When Oprah Winfrey was still on ABC, she was an advocate for protecting children from these horrible acts and would educate the audience to look for signs of child predators. These child predators always try to win friendships from the parents or are often close to the family already.<br /> Be weary of these people:<br /> Adults who seem preoccupied with children<br /> Single adults who work or volunteer with children's clubs/activities and frequently spend their free time doing "special" things with kids<br /> Adults who spend time volunteering with youth groups who do not have children in those groups<br /> Adults who seem to engage in frequent contact with children, i.e., casual touching, caressing, wrestling, tickling, combing hair or having children sit on their lap<br /> Adults who act like children when with children or who allow children to do questionable or inappropriate things<br /> Adults who want to take your children on special outings too frequently or plan activities that would include being alone with your child<br /> Adults who do not have children and seem to know too much about the current fads or music popular with children<br /> Adults that your children seem to like for reasons you don't understand<br /> Adults who seem able to infiltrate family and social functions or are "always available" to watch your kids</p> <p>Read more: <a href="http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Traits-of-a-Sex-Offender#ixzz2hN5OdxPu" rel="nofollow">http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Traits-of-a-Sex-Offender#ixzz2hN5OdxPu</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143873 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:46:30 +0000 Silva 1143873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Teaching children to respect other people is the first step. It's important to teach our kids the correct words for their body parts, and how to get help if they are feeling unsafe, what's okay/ not okay, use words like surprise instead of secret (no secrets in our family), etc.<br /> Dating violence is a huge problem. So we teach our children to treat others with respect, to understand consent, how to manage difficult emotions, how to be a responsible bystander (how to help a friend, get help, etc.), Internet safety... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143851 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:41:26 +0000 MsMini 1143851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that you have to start as early as possible, start teaching proper anatomical terms, start teaching what kind of touching is and isn't OK (it isn't okay to hit, we must be gentle to one another, etc). </p> <p>My take on it (and how my parents approach it - my Mom has a degree in child and developmental psych, so I figure it comes from a well informed place) is to use continuous dialogue to enforce expected behaviour, what is and isn't OK from other people with respect to touching/dialogue etc and who you can go to for help.</p> <p>I worked in a pediatric psych unit, and it really opened my eyes to how young victimization can take place, we did assessment and stabilization on kids as young as 2 who had been victims of abuse/sexual abuse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143841 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:40:09 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1143841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMamaBear: ditto. Saw that, too. I also tell Chloe that only certain people are allowed to change her diaper, and list the names. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143819 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:36:04 +0000 MsMamaBear 1143819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: Amen!</p> <p>@Danizaur: I saw it on Pintrest, some ways to protect your child. It was a really good read. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143810 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:33:58 +0000 regberadaisy 1143810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: When I was a teen I worked at Salvation army homes for children with social workers. I spent most of the summer organizing their case files. Which meant I had to read through them. And often met the kids (non name matched, obvs) when they came in to meet with their social worker. That summer cinched it for me that I can't work as a social worker or child psychologist. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143797 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:32:32 +0000 regberadaisy 1143797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMamaBear: preach it. Same here. I don't give a f*ing damn. Sick f*ckers like that make me wish the death penalty.<br /> And yes, I do the same. I don't say wee wee or whatever cute term there is for vagina. I say vagina. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143788 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:31:21 +0000 artsyfartsy 1143788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMamaBear: Wow that's a good idea </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143786 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:30:57 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1143786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: I think my husband &amp; dad would take care of that for me.</p> <p>But seriously, that was the hardest job I've ever had and all I did was design annual reports. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143772 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:30:07 +0000 MsMamaBear 1143772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I live in fear of this and I hate it. I constantly worry about my daughter. I swear and I don't even care if this is on the internet for all to see and use in court, but damn right if anyone, ANYONE hurts my baby, I'm picking out a orange jumpsuit because someone is gonna die. Seriously.</p> <p>@locavore_mama: I've already started teaching her the correct word for her private area, so if she were hurt and she used a different word, I'd know. I read this on a pin somewhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143720 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:24:00 +0000 regberadaisy 1143720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe it's a little too much L&amp;O: SVU but whenever LO grabs down there, which I know is a totally normal developmental thing, it gets me worried.<br /> Every other night when I bathe her I check for bruises around her body. I trust no one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143708 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:22:39 +0000 regberadaisy 1143708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: stfu. Seriously?<br /> I wouldn't die but someone would. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143702 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:21:59 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1143702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: they had a display of the t-shirt project in their office one year. There was a 2T sweatshirt that hung. On it, it said "I was this big the first time you hurt me."</p> <p>I almost threw up on the spot. I wasn't married at the time, and kids weren't on my mind. </p> <p>Now Chloe is wearing 2T. If someone touched her I'd die. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143621 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:09:45 +0000 Bao 1143621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sadly, I was in an incident when I was 11...more than once. I said nothing about it, but not sure why. I think it changed my behavior though because I was doing things I shouldn't have been, but I think it was because I had this secret that I felt like I couldn't share. I hope my kids feel like they can come to me about things like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143610 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:07:59 +0000 mrsjazz 1143610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: Yeah. I sat in that meeting this morning shaking my head and groaning. One of the guidance counselors asked me what was wrong and I said, "I'm so scared for my daughter and she's still just a baby!" Some of the girls have been sexually harassed by grown ass men! My kid is going in a bubble.</p> <p>@Danizaur: I never knew to tell as a child because I was afraid of getting in trouble (even though stuff that happened to me was not my fault). You can best believe my kid is going to know that she can tell me anything. I'd rather have a tattletell!</p> <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: Yes! Learning all this information has been making me sick. I never knew much about sexual violence at this young age because I honestly didn't pay a lot of attention to it but now I am immersed in it and the research &amp; statistics are pretty scary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143601 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:06:07 +0000 prettylizy 1143601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a victim when I was 16 and at the time didn't realise that had happened/blamed myself for it. I know I plan to discuss this with DD but I haven't even begun to think how. I'll probably start with some literature for myself on how to open the dialogue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143585 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:02:50 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1143585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: this makes me so, so sad. I used to work for a rape crisis center (I was their marketing coordinator) and I had the block the stats when designing their material. It made me sick. I always had a hard time going into meetings at their offices. A few years there was an issue with sexting. I didn't even know what it was &amp; there were middle schoolers engaging in this!</p> <p>I will absolutely have a dialogue with my kids about dating violence, making decisions and being able to say no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143577 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:01:23 +0000 artsyfartsy 1143577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: Interesting. I was definitely harassed in middle school by boys because I developed quickly. It's hard not to give in because you want boys to like you, but I also cried a lot because I felt so embarrassed and humiliated. It can pressure girls (boys too) into doing things they aren't ready for yet, even at 13 or 14. I'm living proof. It's definitely something that needs worked on.<br /> I'm sure the boys really didn't know they were being inappropriate, because often I was too afraid to oppose it.</p> <p>I don't know how I will teach my future children to help them be smarter but I know it definitely happens in middle school. Thanks for bringing it up...I want to teach my son to be respectful of a woman's body always. And my future daughter(s) that telling a boy no is absolutely okay and the right thing to do and if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable to get help right away, or talk to me. I never did anything about it as a child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143573 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 19:00:17 +0000 regberadaisy 1143573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OK. Whoa. Intense.</p> <p>I'm really not sure. All I can hope for is that I teach my kids that they can have a open dialogue with us about <i>anything</i>. To respect themselves and others.</p> <p>And that I will kill any sick f*ker that messes with my kids that way. I was going to say pardon my french, but you know what? No, I'm not sorry for saying that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/teaching-your-kids-about-sexual-violenceintimate-relationship-violencebullying#post-1143559 Thu, 10 Oct 2013 18:57:42 +0000 mrsjazz 1143559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"Nearly 1 in 10 young Americans between ages 14 and 21 acknowledges having perpetrated an act of sexual violence at least once."--This was from the CDC on a study just released about teens and sexual violence.</p> <p>I had a meeting today at a middle school to talk about the issues the school is having with sexual teasing/games, unwanted touching, and bullying. MIDDLE SCHOOL! Some of the girls don't know that they can say no--they feel pressured to fit in. Some boys don't know that they don't have to tease and touch girls to fit in. It's a sad state of affairs.</p> <p>I know that to empower kids so that they avoid relationship violence and are able to deal with bullying that you have to start early. How early? How can we counter all the negative images and messages these kids are being sent? How do we build positive self-esteem around their bodies and sex?</p> <p>I know my daughter is only a toddler but we talk a lot about race and multiculturalism, can we start a dialogue about sexual violence &amp; teen relationship violence. I feel like it's something you have to build a game plan on early. Through the program we do with pre-teens we learned that girls as young as 9 are being pressured for sex. I want to vomit now. </p>