https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 19:59:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926592 Fri, 08 Apr 2022 13:01:45 +0000 periwinklebee 2926592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilary: Thank you so much! </p> <p>"That allows us to really engage on more complicated things and have the patience to really focus and spend quality time rather than being constantly pulled." This is a central thing that is really missing for us now. When I have all three of them I'm pulled in so many directions that I don't feel I can really do much to encourage them to scaffold new skills, etc. A particular concern given our two year old has some delays. We're just doing as best we can to split them 2-1 between us, plus some help from staggered naps/bedtimes, so they get a bit of focused attention, but it's not ideal... </p> <p>It's good to hear that books on tape paid off. We got the 4 yo a yoto player for christmas and keep on encouraging it, he absolutely loves the music but the books - even with the physical picture books to go along - haven't had the same appeal. This encourages me to keep at it. Ditto on simple art supplies and snacks. Thank you so much! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926561 Thu, 07 Apr 2022 10:21:46 +0000 hilary 2926561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Doing the hard stuff young of helping them develop skills to play independently and eventually listen to books on tape pays dividends in future years. My kids twins (7) and daughter (9) all play either together or independently very often. They can self service snacks, minor art projects and pop in a book on cd/dvd. Having acceptable supplies that are easy access has been something we worked on over time and now they are incredibly independent. That allows us to really engage on more complicated things and have the patience to really focus and spend quality time rather than being constantly pulled. </p> <p>Even pretty young it was a small bin of acceptable snacks accessible and they could sit at the table for it. Or crayons, stickers and paper (now it's paint, glue, alcohol markers). And if you start reading picture books with more words and transition to some longer books to get them to be able to listen to some books on tape is a long process but IMO totally worth the investment. </p> <p>I really had a hard time in the younger years and now feel like I have to edge my way in a lot of the time or they'll just be on their merry way. Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926559 Mon, 04 Apr 2022 11:24:20 +0000 periwinklebee 2926559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: @LadyDi: Thank you so, so much for taking the time to respond. It is super encouraging to hear from you, as I think our family situations have a lot of parallels. Your middle and youngest are similar in age to my oldest and middle, so it makes me feel like there is hope! Trying not to feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew permanently. </p> <p>@nwm: I hope my middle child will follow the trajectory of your youngest soon. Her speech is really improving with therapy and we are working on her sensory issues, but just not seeing the improvements in aggression that we need. I think we got super lucky with our oldest in that he was pretty straightforward as a toddler, so it's been a bit of a shock and stressor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926547 Thu, 31 Mar 2022 15:45:36 +0000 LadyDi 2926547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everyone has pretty much said what I was going to, so I just wanted to say hang in there! The transition to three was by far the toughest for me (my last two are only 16 months apart and that was a HUGE part of it). But my youngest is 2.5 now and they are getting so much better at playing independently and with each other. I mean they are loud and fight about toys and pick on each other a little bit and oh, did I say they were loud? But the stress of the first year has been so worth it now that I can watch them interact. The other night after dinner they all went to play and we didn't hear a peep from anyone for about 45 minutes. DH and I didn't know what to do with ourselves lol. Don't worry, better times are ahead! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926540 Tue, 29 Mar 2022 08:31:19 +0000 nwm 2926540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: just wanted to echo that our situation with 3 (oldest was 3y9mos when the youngest was born, middle was 16mos) stabilized significantly when our youngest turned 2. our youngest sounds a bit like your middle, so while for my older two i had found those toddler years delightful and generally easier, our youngest has been a little more aggressive &amp; physically out of control, such that just keeping him safe can be exhausting. but he is finally experiencing huge leaps in his vocabulary (he turned 2 in november) and has settled down so much. it has helped that he gets to go to school a couple mornings a week now too. it is such a relief that they can all be quietly playing and i'm not immediately panicked that he's on a ledge somewhere. that's not to say that he doesn't grab his siblings toys multiple times a day and vice versa :grin: </p> <p>also sleep deprivation plus (for me) breast feeding can feel really oppressive and endless. you're doing great and you are definitely in the hardest window--things will get so much better i am sure!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926539 Mon, 28 Mar 2022 21:10:04 +0000 periwinklebee 2926539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: Thank you! Ugh yeah, not looking forward to the social drama. My 4 yo and his daycare classmates are generally super sweet to each other, and my husband and I keep reminding ourselves how lucky we are that he's at this age of innocence where he hasn't had to deal much with meanness yet..... </p> <p>@mdf106: Thank you so much! I cannot wait for them to play well together. My 2 yo has some physical aggression/speech delay issues that often result in a physical altercation between the 2 yo and 4 yo even if my back is just turned in the same room momentarily. EI is helping me with strategies, and I'm really hoping by her third birthday at the end of the year that we'll be in a better place with this. I think i tend to be a natural pessimist, especially when I'm so sleep deprived, but you all are giving me hope.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926536 Mon, 28 Mar 2022 11:36:22 +0000 mdf106 2926536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids generally can play together unsupervised around when they turn three, which is helpful. My older two, 6 and 8, have played together well for a long time, and my almost 3 year old has been joining in. Things also get easier when the baby STTN and when the baby transitions to food. </p> <p>Having kids so close together makes things much harder when they are little, but will make things easier when they are bigger. They will have more similar interests, be more likely to be in the same activities, and be in the same school for longer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926530 Sun, 27 Mar 2022 18:27:09 +0000 nana87 2926530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My girls are now 5 and almost-8, and I def agree with the sentiment that things change/get so much easier when they play together/independently without constant adult engagement! At 8, there are starting to be some tricky social relationships-- we're starting to see some mean girl, clique dynamics which has been hard to navigate. Nothing too awful-- my daughter was being called a crybaby, which is a lot better than other kinds of names she could be called! But still it feels like just the beginning of social dramas to come </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926528 Fri, 25 Mar 2022 21:21:59 +0000 periwinklebee 2926528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you, you all are the best, this is seriously making me feel so much better!</p> <p>@Aria: Thank you so much, that sounds really rough. I feel like when my oldest two can play together without intensive supervision, it will be huge. We've likewise had aggression issues, with my middle child, which has made things particularly challenging. She's not very verbal yet, which contributes, but she is improving and I'm holding my breath that will help. </p> <p>@bhbee: Thank you so much :heart: These responses are making me think that if I can just get to the point where my older 2 can play together without intensive adult supervision, it will make a big difference to my sanity. </p> <p>@togetherthroughlife: Ugh, good luck surviving the reduced childcare. My 2 year old, being a pandemic baby, knows what zoom is and often will start screaming and doing everything in her power to climb up to my laptop and slam it shut when she sees it. </p> <p>@HappyBaker: "it seems like someone is always sick and you are always one day away from catastrophe" Pretty much sums it up. Hoping by 3 and 5 my older two will be able to play well together with less supervision, otherwise I'm not sure how I'll keep the baby who will be 1 then from diving off the back of the couch or all those other crazy things that newly mobile infants do, lol. </p> <p>@ChitownRo: Hah, love the analogy of an au pair as a wife! </p> <p>@mrs.kiwi: 4 is insanely impressive. And I completely agree. I don't know the last time I had a break. At the same time, there's not much I could do in terms of a break - even if I managed to work out childcare - when I need to breastfeed every 2-3 hours anyways. Just not worth the effort to make it happen. </p> <p>@Anagram: I love having your perspective of where we're headed. "bigger kids, bigger problems" - I remember when i went back to work after mat leave with my first, I had several colleagues who kept saying "big kids, big problems; little kids, little problems." Of course, they were all men whose wives dealt with the "little" problems, like breastfeeding and night wakings. </p> <p>@Petitduck: Yes to sturdiness! I really need to somehow be better about sleep, I know it colors everything else. </p> <p>@Alexandra603: Thank you! My 2 yo is definitely the biggest challenge. I feel like I have most of the baby stuff down, even if it is physically exhausting, but toddler parenting is a completely different beast... </p> <p>@kayla0416: oh man, that sounds so brutal. I think my first and second were nearly exactly the same age as your second and third when the lockdown started in 2020, and I can't imagine having survived it with a third. Our daycare shut for nearly a month during christmas/omicron, and that was already rough enough with three under four. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926526 Fri, 25 Mar 2022 14:42:38 +0000 kayla0416 2926526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also have 3 littles close in age - 19 mo between the first two, 25 mo between the second and third. When everything shut down for covid I was on maternity leave. My youngest was 2 months and we had 3 under 4. It was brutal. That first year was such a blur! But now my kids are 2, 4, and almost 6, and they are SO much easier! I actually was able to start grad school last fall. Right after our third was born, my husband took a job where he works from home, where before he traveled for his job a lot. We also have my parents about 20 minutes away, which helps a lot (my mom helped a ton when we had 2 under 2 and my husband was traveling for work). I think everything got so much easier when the youngest turned 1 and we were done with nursing/bottles. The logistics are so much easier when they can just eat whatever/whenever. It also got a lot easier around 2 when the youngest can start playing with older siblings more. And my oldest two play together SO well now. This is really helpful when one of us is doing bedtime alone (like the nights I have class). My husband can put our youngest to bed while the other two are doing a puzzle or legos or something and they can be trusted to not burn the house down in that 10-20 minutes lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926525 Fri, 25 Mar 2022 12:44:19 +0000 Alexandra603 2926525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Those are tough ages, no wonder you're tired! It will, no doubt, get easier. I have 3 kids - 7, 5 and 1.5. The transition from 2-3 was pretty easy for us and I think that was entirely because of the bigger age gap between #2 and #3. An infant and a 2 year is hard!! The hardest part of having 3, for me, is the logistics (drop offs, pick ups, managing 3 different kids activities and appointments) but they really are such a joy most of the time and the big kids are such a big help. Now that my youngest is 1.5 it feels like we are out of a lot of the baby stuff - multiple naps a day, bottles, different foods, lots of gear - and things are starting to feel simpler. You'll get there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926524 Fri, 25 Mar 2022 12:33:21 +0000 Petitduck 2926524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have three and they're the same age gap as yours. When my third hit 2 I really hit my stride I feel and although some days are challenging now, it's a lot easier than it was at the beginning when three was fresh and new. But even after 1/1.5 it was getting easier, I think because my youngest was a bit more sturdy and I didn't need to worry as much.</p> <p>I also really prioritize my sleep over all else so that I can try and have the most energy possible to be there for my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926523 Fri, 25 Mar 2022 11:32:04 +0000 Anagram 2926523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I only have 2 kids, but they are 6 and 8 (turning 7 and 9 this summer) and life is easier in almost every measurable way. The only thing that is "harder" is sometimes logistics of getting them to activities on week nights and weekends, especially if they are scheduled simultaneously for the same thing. But I sign them up for activities myself, so it's mainly all in my own control and I know what I'm signing up for in advance.</p> <p>Here's an example of how it's easier. My husband was just told on Wednesday that his boss wanted the all the directors to come in to the office on thursday AND come in early at 7:30am so they could have a big, global meeting with the London and Hong Kong offices. Well, my husband has been working from home for 2 years and just barely started going back into the office 1 day a week (on wednesdays) so our childcare situation reflects the fact that he is home--he is solely responsible for the daily school drop off for our kids at 8:05am, because I leave for work very early at 6:30-6:40am. </p> <p>Anyway, we were in a childcare pickle because he'd have to leave at 7:05 to take the bus into the city. Luckily, he has a super short door-to-door commute of only about 20 minutes. </p> <p>I didn't want to take an entire half day off work just to drop my kids off at school, but I would have had to to miss my home room and 1st period (I work in a middle school, so there's no flex time or coming late). So after thinking about it for a while we decided our kids are old enough to stay home alone for 35 minutes in the morning. And they are totally old enough--they are both really mature for their age, we already leave them for small periods to run to a supermarket or pharmacy (we live within 2walking blocks of each). </p> <p>So we asked a neighbor whose daughter attends the same school if she'd walk our kids and they just stayed home alone watching TV for half an hour until the neighbor came to get them. Easy peasy. As of next year (4th grade) I would let my daughter try walking alone to school--its super close. And in 2 years, they'll both be walking to and from school alone. It's pretty amazing the parental freedom that comes as they get older. Now that covid is settling down a bit and our kids are vaccinated, I've been allowing 1:1 playdates, so sometimes on a saturday both girls are gone to a friends house for like 4 consecutive hours.</p> <p>One of my friends with a 5th and 3rd grader (who are also mature) leaves them for short date nights--just like 1.5 hours total while she and her husband go out for dinner. They have a security camera at home, the kids know how to reach their parents, they live in a doorman building---it's really super safe and I can FEEL the freedom coming soon. haha</p> <p>They are also so independent these days. They do their homework on their own, they clean out their own lunch bowls, they fold their old laundry (obviously I have to sort of make them do it, but they don't really fight me on it). I think in the next couple years, they'll be helping us clean the house as well (right now, they just have to tidy their own bedroom). </p> <p>It's so easy these days! I know some people say "bigger kids, bigger problems", but I teach middle school and I've ALWAYS preferred older kids and it's more in my wheelhouse. Some of my friends have struggled a bit with our older kids and behavior but my personal experience is that every single year they get older, it's better and better for me as a parent. My kids are legitimately funny now...like they can make me laugh. And they can entertain themselves by reading chapter books in the car now. They eat without complaining and without my help. It's really a golden age of parenting for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926522 Fri, 25 Mar 2022 00:43:43 +0000 mrs.kiwi 2926522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have four- almost 8, 6, 4, and 1.5. My first three are 22.5mo apart, and the gap between my 3rd and 4th is 2.75 yrs.</p> <p>Transition to 2-3 was a lot harder than 1-2.<br /> Transition to 3-4 was easier initially but the whole year was stressssfuulll..</p> <p>My youngest is 1.5 and it’s already easier.</p> <p>-not nursing: seriously I don’t need to drink water and eat like a madwoman, I don’t always have to go pee bc if all the water I drink, I can wear whatever I want, I can just shove him snacks instead of finding somewhere to nurse.. I can go out for the whole day or potentially many nights without nursing or pumping..</p> <p>-sleeping through the night consistently: I get enough sleep, unless I take on too much of course. Makes a world of difference.</p> <p>There are other things I can mention but just those two things make my life a lot more free. So hang in there! This is the craziest you will feel and hopefully even in a few months you’ll feel much more sane. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926521 Thu, 24 Mar 2022 22:28:04 +0000 ChitownRo 2926521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have 3 kids - DS 8, DD6 and DS 3.5. We are finally feeling into the swing of things and that life is a little easier. I think this could have happened last year, but covid got in the way. Our youngest can play independently so easily and sweetly. Our oldest is def the most demanding- always wants to play a game or catch. Birth order is so interesting ;)</p> <p>When we had our third, we switched to an au pair for childcare rather than a nanny. That gave me a lot more help and flexibility. I kept saying “I feel like I have a wife!” when she first came. 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926520 Thu, 24 Mar 2022 20:45:48 +0000 HappyBaker 2926520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: oh man hugs to you as you are in the thick of it! Mine are now 9, 7 and 4 - I think having a bigger gap between #2 and #3 made the transition much easier for us, but I generally just don't love the baby/young toddler age anyway and feel like its very much survival for a while. </p> <p>For me it got much easier when the older two could play alone / or together without me / or even just watch a full movie without needing something ha, probably around 3 and 5? Once they stopped napping I instituted movie time while the youngest napped in the afternoon, so that I could take a break from being "on" too. </p> <p>My youngest is now the best at playing independently, and he also goes with the flow a lot since he is used to being carted around to his big siblings activities. The younger ages are so hard because it seems like someone is always sick and you are always one day away from catastrophe. Now that they are older things are WAY easier. I've found my groove with keeping track of our life, and they are easy enough that I don't have to feel guilty when I take some time for myself. There's more driving around / logistics issues now but those are small potatoes to just the constant being touched and neediness of having babies and toddlers! Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926518 Thu, 24 Mar 2022 20:29:53 +0000 togetherthroughlife 2926518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can’t speak to the 3 kids element, but my two kids are 6 and 2. I think once my 6 year old got into full day school, things started to feel easier. There was an added sense of agency and responsibility. In my experience, the oldest kid kind of sets the tone, and when our oldest was 4 and we were dealing with a newborn, things were so hard. 4 was a hard age for us! I’m sure the things that feel hard now will subside and be replaced by other hard things. It doesn’t negate how THIS season feels though. I’m with you on the reduced childcare. We are in the same boat. I’m trying to work solely from home and the 2 year old wreaks havoc every time I get on a phone call. It’s not for forever, but it is hard. Solidarity. ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926517 Thu, 24 Mar 2022 15:42:40 +0000 bhbee 2926517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>2 to 3 was WAY harder for me. I feel you there! The first year was absolutely the hardest. I had a different situation being a SAHM but always felt so harried between feedings and getting older kids places (they were in 2 different schools) and felt like the baby just never got good naps or sleep habits because she spent too much time in the car. My husband also worked all the time and commuted a long way. </p> <p>I think it did get easier past her turning 1. Of course my older kids are further apart than yours, but babies just get a little less needy and the older kids could play with her more. She was 18m when Covid started and they got super close being home so much. I think it also made a big difference that my husband stopped commuting during Covid and generally we became much more of a partnership during non-work hours - he picked up slack he didn’t notice before. It is really hard to do it all yourself with 3 and I’m sure your childcare issues only make that harder!</p> <p>So now mine are 3, 7 and 10. My younger two are best buds right now which is really fun. They will play together for long periods without my oversight and it cushions the fact that my oldest is growing up and she spends more time in her room or with her friends. Little sis is 3 which has lots of its own challenges but overall things are good - just still too much running around as my oldest has more and more activities and projects and all the things. But all to say, 3 has pluses along with the craziness!</p> <p>So while our situations aren’t super similar, I do think the feeling of absolute madness with 3 will get better as baby gets older and your other two are more and more independent (still exhausting though). We adore our third but her first year was just survival. Hang in there!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926516 Thu, 24 Mar 2022 14:12:41 +0000 Aria 2926516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry you are struggling. I only have two kids, but adding a second was absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. My oldest was 4 at the time and absolutely did not want a sibling and talked non stop about how much she hated her. She acted out in the most difficult ways and she her behavior felt completely unmanageable. I cried every day wishing that I could have both my kids but separately in different lives because I could not imagine it ever being better. And my husband had a very demanding job so getting any break from the kids was non-existent. I still think back on that time and get emotional. </p> <p>BUT. By the time my youngest was 2, and I was done nursing and she could play better with her big sister, and she was sleeping consistently, things got so much better. And it started to slowly get easier before that too, but by 2 I noticed a big difference. And now my kids are 3 and 7, my oldest is in school full time and they play together so nicely now. I mean they still fight a lot, but there are definitely lots of times where both of them are off playing and I can just let them be and do my own thing. And my oldest doesn’t hate her little sister anymore. She still has some challenging behavior, but she’s less physical in her outbursts so it feels easier to manage.<br /> It will get better, even if it feels like it won’t. You are doing a good job. </p> <p>Oh, and to manage during that time, one thing that was really helpful is I made a basket of activities my oldest could do by herself and I brought that out anytime I needed to do something with the baby. I only brought it out during that time to keep it special and exciting and it really helped to keep her distracted while I was busy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-how-parenting-has-gotten-easier-and-harder-as-your-kids-get-older#post-2926514 Thu, 24 Mar 2022 12:32:03 +0000 periwinklebee 2926514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have an infant, 2 year old and 4 year old (each 23 months apart), and not gonna lie, things have been pretty challenging since the baby arrived, with the 2 to 3 transition being significantly more challenging than 1 to 2. Our childcare situation has deteriorated significantly and is now on a substantially reduced schedule, but having three kids makes it difficult to find an alternative option, so juggling work is super tough. 2 year old is in EI for delays and has had some behavioral issues, exacerbated by having four teachers quit at her school in a couple of months. The older two definitely do not play well together while I need to deal with the baby. I was on the fence between two and three. Our third little one is just the sweetest and most joyful, wonderful little guy ever, but I worry that I've gotten myself into a life of feeling permanently super overwhelmed and exhausted. </p> <p>All to say, was there a point as kids got older where you felt managing it all got easier? Or perhaps it doesn't get easier but how it's hard just changes? If you found it super challenging to add another kid, how long did it take to hit your stride? Thanks! </p>