Hellobee Boards Topic: Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?

Hellobee Boards Topic: Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 20:13:31 +0000 GreeneB2 on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2518115 Thu, 07 Apr 2016 09:43:42 +0000 GreeneB2 2518115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hummusgirl: This article had me in tears. Thank you for posting something so beautiful. Mamaof2 on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2518056 Thu, 07 Apr 2016 08:57:49 +0000 Mamaof2 2518056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't see why its any of their business. If it comes up in conversation somehow its fine if you want to share but I don't think you have to tell them. cascademom on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2518052 Thu, 07 Apr 2016 08:54:29 +0000 cascademom 2518052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom was engaged to someone else before meeting my dad. They had the wedding planned out and everything. She mentioned how awkward it was sending gifts back. I think it came up when I was a kid asking about my mom and dad paging through family albums. My MIL's on her third marriage. She told her tale pretty early into my relationship with my husband. The facts about her first marriage are straightforward. She's less truth telling about her second marriage (to DH's dad). I know that there was some cheating and she got pregnant with DH which brought about marriage. Other than that, no clue. I know that her third and current marriage started in her early 30's and DH was old enough to ask to retain his last name in the courts. My best friend had a horrible first marriage. Both her and her new husband have previous marriages. They talked about it not having any "baggage" aka kids as a good thing. It's kind of funny because her mom was briefly married to her bio dad. Then, she got her stepdad and later half brother down the line with her mom's second marriage. RonjaL7 on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517901 Thu, 07 Apr 2016 06:20:08 +0000 RonjaL7 2517901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @SKIPRA I don't think I have any old photos (I was pretty mad there back when it all went down and think I got rid of them) in my possession. However, my sister does have my old wedding album and video in a box in her barn (I wasn't sure what to do with it). Another thing is that my ex lives in a neighboring town. So we never bring him up, but I suppose he could have kids the same age as me with his new wife and maybe our kids would know each other? Super stretch there... I probably do have some stuff lying around with my previous name on it though, so that was helpful to find out about other people's posts. I like the idea of bringing it up around elementary school age when someone else is getting married/divorced. I'm getting the impression that is better than finding out at high school age or beyond. Rocker2014 on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517806 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 22:07:21 +0000 Rocker2014 2517806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom was married for a few years, long before she met my dad. I very distinctly remember finding out when I was in my early teens, my mom and I were going through old boxes in storage and I found a Bible embossed with what turned out to be her former married name. My parents are very religious and I remember my mom being embarrassed and refusing to give me any details, which was awkward. I also remember not knowing how to feel about it, confused and a little upset, but looking back I think that was much more a response to my mom's reaction than my actually having any issue with it. jedeve on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517776 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 21:07:57 +0000 jedeve 2517776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My grandmother was married before for about 6 months. She didn't tell my mom until she was 21 and she was pretty upset when she found out, mainly that she hadn't told her. I have a friend whose fiancé's mother was married before and he didn't find out until recently. Like, they were looking at a photo album and my friend asked, "who's that?" And she said, "my first husband." She has never told him, and they didn't talk about it after. I would recommend not going about it that way! GoGoSnoGirl on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517772 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 20:59:34 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2517772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I hadn't thought about this, yet, either, but I'm DH's 2nd wife & while they haven't spoken to each other, it does come up among his family, so at some point we'll need to find a way to explain. Fortunately she's not in the picture & there were no children. I can't imagine we'll share any details (she cheated on him & left), though he's been open about it with adults. MrsSCB on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517720 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 20:20:57 +0000 MrsSCB 2517720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My dad was previously married. I feel like I've always known, so it wasn't really a big deal. I think I might have been...maybe not upset, but weirded out to find out as a teen or adult? Although it was easier to navigate because they're on cordial terms and I've met her (we actually had the same hairstylist). hb3233 on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517717 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 20:19:57 +0000 hb3233 2517717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My grandmother was married before she met my grandfather. It was during an era when divorce wasn't socially acceptable, and she never mentioned it. My mom and sister discovered it accidentally when they were planning a surprise party for my grandma and going through her papers to look for the addresses of her friends. My mom and aunt felt like they couldn't really say anything, because they only found out because they were snooping in my grandma's stuff, and she would have been upset about that. Eventually, she passed away and they still had never talked with her about it and regret it. They asked a relative, but all she would say was that it was during the war (World War II), and the war made people do things they regretted afterwards. I doubt this comment is helpful, it just made me think of this... ironically enough my wedding ring is my grandma's wedding ring from her first marriage that ended in divorce. Even if it wasn't a happy marriage, I love it because it's a beautiful ring and a constant reminder of what a beautiful and strong person she was... matador84 on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517707 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 20:10:53 +0000 matador84 2517707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ So I found out my mom had a previous husband when I was a teenager AND my dad had a previous wife. I can still remember how upset and shocked I was that they never told me. I have never brought it up with my mom, and to this day she still doesn't know I know about her first husband! (abusive relationship). It's weird because I wouldn't expect it to come up naturally at all, but no idea how to actually bring it up in conversation with a LO. avivoca on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517649 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 19:28:44 +0000 avivoca 2517649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I found out that my mom was engaged to someone else before she met my dad. I was in high school and it was weird, but not too weird. She didn't try to hide it and was very matter of fact about it and why she dumped him. LindsayLou on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517637 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 19:20:32 +0000 LindsayLou 2517637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think things like this do naturally come up, as kids get older, start realizing that their parents had lives before having kids, and ask questions out of curiosity. Neither of my parents were previously married, but they were open with us on purpose. Both of their dads had been married before marrying my grandmas, and neither was open and forthcoming about it. My mom has an older brother who she didn't meet until she was an adult. Eta: I also found out in middle school, when I was starting to ask my mom about past relationships, that she'd been proposed to before she met my dad. The guy she was dating didn't want kids, so she said no. skipra on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517566 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 17:37:41 +0000 skipra 2517566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Not the same but do you have any pictures of the ex in old photo albums? I have some pics of ex boyfriends in my old albums - nothing weird just like one or two throughout albums with lots of other pics. My kids love to look at them and will ask about people they don't recognize. If you can somehow mention it casually while they are young it will maybe just be part of your story and never a big deal. youboots on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517559 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 17:16:52 +0000 youboots 2517559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My niece realized when she was 5 or so that her Grandpa (my step FIL) and Grandma were previously married. They are both remarried and that's all she knows. I think situations like this and divorce are common and I think it's fine to mention it once they have some context. It really depends on the kid if they would be hurt or not. JenGirl on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517510 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 15:34:35 +0000 JenGirl 2517510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Personally I'd make a point to make sure it came up in conversation sometime while the kids are in grade school. It doesn't need to be a serious, sit-down conversation, but you should be able to find a way to bring it up in conversation when somebody you know (or on TV) is getting married or divorced. My uncle was briefly married when he was younger, and apparently he never told my cousins. When they were in high school and college he passed away. The whole family got together and brought old photo albums to put together picture boards for his first wedding. One of my cousins was looking through an album that my grandmother brought and came across pictures from his first wedding. They were so confused and upset. My aunt said that it just never came up, but they felt lied to. And it was the worst possible timing. They have, since, gotten over it and I don't think it's a problem now. But it would have been so much easier if they've been told when they were younger. I think hiding it makes it a bigger deal. dc yoga bee on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517406 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 14:03:12 +0000 dc yoga bee 2517406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My SIL found out her parents were both each other's second while looking at her college yearbook. They are holier than thou, and super Christian and always lectured us about not getting divorced. They had a pretty big family rift. Mil also lied about DH's grandpa, saying he died in war when really he had an affair with MiL mom and didn't want anything to do with mil. I don't think you need to overly share details, but I wouldn't lie! Both kids feel differently about MiL. thepicklemonster on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517264 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 12:45:06 +0000 thepicklemonster 2517264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I feel like it will come up naturally? My parents were not married before, but I remember knowing about each of their major past girlfriend/boyfriends at a pretty early age, maybe around 9-10. For example, I was going away to sleepaway camp near my mom's hometown and her ex had kids who went there, so I remember that coming up and it was NBD. MY DH was married before and his wife passed away, no kids. We haven't discussed it (pregnant with first now) but I assume we will tell our kid(s) that daddy was married before he met mommy, and will answer any questions they have. I don't believe in keeping secrets like that. SugarplumsMom on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517247 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 12:32:49 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2517247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've never thought about this. I've also been married before, we were young, he cheated, no kids. I don't see myself telling DD about it anytime soon. I remember a time when I thought it was a big deal that I was divorced, but I no longer think it's signifant enough to mention. I won't keep it from her, but I honestly don't see it coming up anytime soon. The odd thing: the ex's mom is my mom's friend. She knitted DD a blanket and still picks up goodies for us whenever my mom sends a care package. She's has no communication with her son, so in a way it's not so odd. In fact, I make it a point to treat my mom and her to Mother's Day brunch each year. Maysprout on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517216 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 12:14:43 +0000 Maysprout 2517216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I found out as an adult about one of my parents from someone else. It didn't bother me at all that they were married before, they were young, it was somewhat brief and childless. What was weird was that I found out from someone else and it felt like they didn't want me to get to know them to never have said anything. MoonMoon on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517206 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 12:08:15 +0000 MoonMoon 2517206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This thread just reminded me that my DH has been married before! It's funny that I'd literally forgotten it. I've never thought about broaching the topic with LO, but I assume he'll know when he's an adult. In our case, it never comes up: it was a long time ago, it only lasted a few months, it was annulled (she's Catholic, that was important to her), and they have absolutely no contact. So in our case, it makes sense that it doesn't come up. Every situation is unique, though. I personally wouldn't be super bothered to find something like this out later, unless it was being covered up for a shady reason! Which doesn't sound like you're doing, I think you're ok to wait. RonjaL7 on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517203 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 12:07:09 +0000 RonjaL7 2517203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This is all really great to hear other people's experiences... thank you everyone. Still not sure what I'm going to do, but I like reading all these. bushelandapeck on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517201 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 12:05:12 +0000 bushelandapeck 2517201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I was married once before (no kids, married less than 1 year) and I'm not sure if it will come up, but I'm prepared to talk about it with our kids if it does. I lived in another state for 3+ years and still have many friends from that period in my life. I imagine it will come up in the context of talking about why I moved to that state and I plan to be honest and open about why that relationship didn't work out. Thankfully, it was an amicable situation and, though we are not close friends, neither of us regret that part of our lives. hummusgirl on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517163 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 11:44:43 +0000 hummusgirl 2517163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This reminds me of this really beautiful essay: <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/05/my_husbands_other_wife.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/05/my_husbands_other_wife.html</a> My mom was married before my dad and I think I learned about it in elementary school. It was no big deal to me. She told me they separated because he smoked cigarettes, haha. I later learned he cheated. Miss Ariel on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517123 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 11:23:07 +0000 Miss Ariel 2517123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom had a similar story. I found out in 5th grade or so when I was reading an old book of my mom's and she had written her first married name on the inside cover. I asked my dad first and he basically told me i needed to talk to my mom. My brother found out in middle school or so. We had been eating dinner with a family friend and they had been talking about relationships. My parents had actually met in high school and their question was asked if they were together the whole time to which my mom responded I was actually married before. My brother had no idea and was basically like WHAT!!! But for me it was never really a big deal. I was never upset when finding out or felt betrayed. Interestingly enough when my moms first marriage feel apart she was talking to her dad (my grandfather) and only then found out he had also been married once before. mrs.shinerbock on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517097 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 11:09:42 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2517097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom is my dad's third wife. No kids from the first marriage, 2 kids from the second. I obviously knew about his second wife early on, but I didn't know about his first until I was in high school. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal. He never made an effort to hide it, but it came up in conversation one day about extended families. Mrs. Lemon-Lime on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517095 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 11:08:26 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2517095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Neither or my parents were married prior to marrying each other, but as an alternative to bed time books they sometimes told me stories of their lives prior to meeting each other. Some of these stories involved past relationships and I would ask questions. It was all in the past and was perfectly harmless. Now, my parents both left out that my dad had a son before they were married. When I found out as an adult I was shocked and felt differently about my dad. Being married before and having a half-sibling are totally different. Yet, keeping what is considered a secret can be hurtful. I think you'll have to play this one by ear and if the topic of what did you do before you met dad that's an easy opening. bloved on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517048 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 10:35:48 +0000 bloved 2517048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My best friend is now 35 and her mom has never told her she was married before. However, years ago, when we were in college, she found a wedding invitation from her mom's first wedding when digging through stuff. She definitely thought it was odd her mom never told her, but she also did not confront her mom about it because she figured it was her mom's place to bring it up (or not). I know she still wonders if her mom will ever say something. So with that in mind, I would think I would bring it up when they are older (hs/college) and can understand it better. peachykeen on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517042 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 10:33:39 +0000 peachykeen 2517042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom was married previously (very short, ended due to abuse and other reasons) and it didn't bother me not to find out until I was older. I would say I was maybe 12 when I found out? I've had other trust issues with family members, but this actually never caused issues between us. Interestingly, DH was also previously married and I'm not sure it will ever come up with DD or future children. In both of our minds, that marriage more or less didn't exist - no kids, very short, he's no longer friendly with any of the people who knew her. It will be interesting to see how this plays out - it never occurred to me we would need to tell kids. Mrsbells on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517011 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 10:20:24 +0000 Mrsbells 2517011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Eventually when they are old enough to understand, it would be good to tell them. Its best to do so at an age where it wont confuse them yoursilverlining on "Tell your kids that this is your 2nd marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-your-kids-that-this-is-your-2nd-marriage#post-2517006 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 10:19:38 +0000 yoursilverlining 2517006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don’t think you need to explain how your current husband was an extended friend of your ex. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s pretty immaterial to your actual relationship and how your relationship began/developed. My husband was married before, he and his ex are (now) on friendly enough terms. They work in the same field so we see her when we attend conferences, and he and she email on a regular-ish basis because they both specialize in and teach the same subjects. That said though, we don’t ever get together or anything so it isn’t likely LO will meet her often enough to remember her. We don’t plan on bringing it up proactively with LO, but won’t lie either, and will address it if it comes up. I guess it’s not something we’ve really talked about – that’s something for future us to deal with! :silly: I think it’s fair to tell kids that sometimes you don’t find your “true love” until the second time around and to explain that you don’t have to marry the first person you love. I don’t know, like I said, this isn’t something we’ve really given a lot of thought to - so, good question!