https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 00:05:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740312 Thu, 25 May 2017 16:24:56 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2740312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: So glad it went well. It sounds like everyone has the best of intentions. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740305 Thu, 25 May 2017 16:20:06 +0000 FancyGem 2740305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: I'm glad the text went well. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740283 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:55:49 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2740283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks guys! I sent her a text that focused on LO's feelings and did my best not to put any blame on MIL. She seemed understanding and said she would try not to say it anymore. I guess I just needed a little crowd support in case I was being crazy or it didn't go as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740238 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:03:33 +0000 caterw 2740238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be VERY upset. It's so hard for little girls to come out of their childhood with good self esteem and a positive self image. If she understood that it was just an expression, I would let it slide but she is obviously internalizing it. You or your DH should definitely bring it up with your MIL and enforce a consequence if she keeps doing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740234 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:01:24 +0000 JerricaBenton 2740234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just keep it simple and say something like, 'obviously I understand the phrase but lo doesn't and it's hurting her feelings because she thinks you're literally calling her ugly.' For what it's worth, my lo heard that phrase once (it's not common in our area) and she couldn't get over an adult calling a child ugly. I think it's a tough concept for any little one to get before 7 or 8ish. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740223 Thu, 25 May 2017 14:52:08 +0000 maddyz 2740223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this is a really big deal. Those kinds of labels stick to children at young ages and that is not something you want your child to carry around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740161 Thu, 25 May 2017 13:51:16 +0000 FancyGem 2740161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have your husband talk to her about it. If she knew that it bothered your daughter so much, she might stop. I know most grandparents would. I heard the phrase when I was going up, and I can see how a child can misunderstand the meaning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740155 Thu, 25 May 2017 13:45:04 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2740155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: it's a extremely common phrase here and I grew up in this area so while it wasn't said in my home it was said to me by others often. I agree that the joke was WAY out of line but she doesn't have a great filter and it's not the first time she's said something like that to one of us. She is our neighbor so I try to see her intentions versus her words and let it go but I do t think that's what's best for LO in this particular situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740145 Thu, 25 May 2017 13:38:27 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2740145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are certain things that I would just let pass, but this isn't one of them. It's totally unacceptable to be using that word around small children. I would even say it's appalling for her to refer to any child as ugly - even if it's just a joke. I would be beyond pissed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740141 Thu, 25 May 2017 13:35:52 +0000 alphagam84 2740141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just approach it head on and tell MIL when she says that phrase it makes DD think she's ugly and hurts her feelings and she needs to stop saying the phrase. Say she's acting naughty or something. If it continues, she doesn't see your daughter. No need for drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740129 Thu, 25 May 2017 13:21:19 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2740129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: I think I do but she is very very unemotional and I feel like she won't understand/make excuses for herself no matter how I phrase it and then try to go back and explain it to LO herself despite the fact that I've had many conversations with LO about it. I don't want to come off like I'm being over sensitive or blaming her but I also don't want her to think she can try to explain it to DD and keep saying what she wants. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740123 Thu, 25 May 2017 13:17:25 +0000 smuckers 2740123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Goose: I totally understand where you're coming from, and the logic behind it (though admittedly, my experience is a bit different). This is probably due to how it was/is used around me, though. As a young kid I didn't even know ugly meant something aesthetic-based, I thought it just meant naughty! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740117 Thu, 25 May 2017 13:14:58 +0000 Chuckles 2740117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interesting that @nutmeg36: hears it frequently in New England. I know lots of adults in the South who use that term. I could see the confusion for a LO. Do you have the kind of relationship with your MIL where you could just explain your DD's misunderstanding? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740110 Thu, 25 May 2017 13:10:55 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2740110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nutmeg36: How interesting! I hadn't heard this before. I still think having the words acting or being in there won't make much of a difference to a small child especially because they tend to cut words out in their head sometimes. </p> <p>As a description of behaviour for an older child-maybe 7/8 it does make sense though and I understand how that phrase could have a positive impact in making them understand the impact of their actions. It seems like a pretty strong phrase. It's evoking the use of the word hate discussion that people have, ie. the fact that using the word hate is a pretty strong word. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740094 Thu, 25 May 2017 12:50:20 +0000 smuckers 2740094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a REALLY common phrase in my area (New England). However, we (at least my family) tend to phrase it as "You're acting ugly" instead of "You're being ugly". Perhaps that modification/explanation might help her understand? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740093 Thu, 25 May 2017 12:50:10 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2740093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see how that would easily be misinterpreted by a kid and it seems like an old term/way of saying you're not being nice. You need to say to MIL what your daughter has said and how she is clearly misinterpreting her words. Obviously it doesn't come out of malice on her part, but just tell her she can't say that to her anymore. Simple. It's too hard to try and explain the nuances of her phrase to a child that young. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-kids-theyre-being-ugly#post-2740086 Thu, 25 May 2017 12:43:41 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2740086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a phrase my MIL uses a lot when DD isn't acting nice. We see her often so the girls hear this phrase almost daily. Lately, DD1 (3.5) has been telling me "Nana just says I'm ugly". I've tried to explain it to her by telling her she isn't ugly, it means she just was acting very nice, Nana thinks she's beautiful, etc. but it keeps coming up and it's really bothering me. The other day MIL told DD that she was cute and when DD said "no im not" MIL (teasingly, but still) said "okay then you're ugly" and DD dejectedly said "yeah". It's breaking my heart. I know MIL doesn't mean it that way but DD clearly isn't understanding. I want to say something but I don't really know how to broach the topic. WWYD? </p>