https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 04:04:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915245 Mon, 11 May 2020 17:28:44 +0000 LKsmom 2915245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: A safe place to say the words is a good idea! Keeping this in my back pocket! Thank you!</p> <p>@Jess1483: Yes, I wondered about this, too. I try not to tell her that they are “bad” words, but that they hurt feelings or make others sad. I talked to her about how she would feel if someone said those words to her, and she said she wouldn’t feel good. But I think the fact that they get a reaction out of us is what makes her like to say them. She told me twice this afternoon that she was going to say a bad word but didn’t, and I praised her and told her I was proud that she made the right choice. She responded really well to that, so I am going to keep that up! Thank you!</p> <p>@winter_wonder: She definitely gets a lot of one on one time (she’s an only child and we have been home together for 2 months!) but I think since I have to focus on work for 8 hours a day, some of it probably is stemming from seeking attention!</p> <p>@bees_knees: Thank you for sharing! I will listen!</p> <p>@Becky: I agree, I do appreciate that she recognizes she isn’t supposed to say them and stops herself. But, she also says the word when she says she didn’t say it. “Mommy, I was going to say stupid but I didn’t.” And to me, that feels like she still wants to say the word for a reaction... she’s a smart cookie. She does this many times a day. Hopefully by removing the negative feeling of the words and replacing it with positive reinforcement... “I’m proud that you didn’t use the word...” the fun of saying it will wear off. </p> <p>The other behaviors aren’t bad. Example—she put her fingers in the door a while back and got hurt. She knows not to do it now and why, but she will still stick her fingers in the door and then tell us after. I think she does those things for the same reasons she says the words we ask her not to say... for a reaction or attention. So I hopefully using the positive reinforcement will help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915238 Mon, 11 May 2020 15:23:59 +0000 Becky 2915238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say that she is doing a good job if she is recognizing that she isn't supposed to be saying or doing these things, and then she is stopping herself. She probably is obsessed with saying the words--they're "bad words" after all. That she's telling you seems to me like a good thing: she wants you to know that she thought of using the bad word, but that she stopped herself. She's moved on from saying them all the time, and possibly saying them to get a reaction from you, to understanding that even though she wants to say them she needs to think of a different way to express her feelings--just like us! I'm guessing this probably has to do at least somewhat with being shut in for weeks on end. My 6.5 year has absolutely said that she hates Coronavirus and that it's stupid and dumb, and I've basically said, "Yeah, me too" and then we talk about why it sucks, how things will start looking better eventually, and what we can do in the meanwhile. She knows the words are bad and like your daughter she catches herself when she's about to say them usually. One thing to consider is if she is apt to use the words outside your home. I know my daughter won't use them in public, school, or at a family member's house so I'm not that concerned (still doesn't mean she gets free reign to use them at home).</p> <p>As for the behaviors she has been asked not to do, but that she does anyway, what types of behaviors are they? Are they really bad, or indicative of another need? Does she have an alternative to those behaviors (for the ones an alternative might make sense for)? Again, I think it's impressive she tells you she thought about doing it and then didn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915237 Mon, 11 May 2020 15:22:39 +0000 bees_knees 2915237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Full disclaimer, I haven’t listen to this yet—but Ralphie from Simply On Purpose just made one coaching call available for download for free and it is on Boundaries. Maybe it will be applicable? Here’s the link<br /> <a href="https://courses.simplyonpurpose.org/parenting-in-real-life-simply-on-purpose-coaching-calls?coupon=100OFFCALLS" rel="nofollow">https://courses.simplyonpurpose.org/parenting-in-real-life-simply-on-purpose-coaching-calls?coupon=100OFFCALLS</a></p> <p>I love her. She’s on IG if you want more free content! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915236 Mon, 11 May 2020 15:14:35 +0000 winter_wonder 2915236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wonder if this is coming from a place of attention seeking. I've noticed my daughter really tests limits when I'm not giving her enough solo attention. This is crazy hard right now with the pandemic, but is it possible to spend some 1:1 time without any work or other distraction to see if it helps? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915233 Mon, 11 May 2020 14:08:38 +0000 Jess1483 2915233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LKsmom: I wonder if you need to take the “power” of the words away. Either by ignoring or by saying “you’re right, that would have been a bad choice. I’m glad you chose not to.” I’m not entirely sure how I’d feel about that, since you know she is doing it on purpose, but if you do it in a nonchalant way, I’m guessing it will lose the “fun” factor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915232 Mon, 11 May 2020 13:25:02 +0000 MrsSRS 2915232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How about a safe space to say the words? "If you need to use those words you may do so outside by the swing. When you have finished, taken a deep breath, and are ready to be kind to yourself and other people, you may come back." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915221 Mon, 11 May 2020 12:07:38 +0000 LKsmom 2915221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bluemasonjar: I hate that you are going through this phase too... but it does make me feel better that I am not alone! We have tried time out for using unacceptable words, but it doesn't seem to help. </p> <p>I was hoping explaining the "why" behind our rules would help, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Hoping someone out there has some fresh ideas! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915199 Mon, 11 May 2020 09:10:36 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2915199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following along as my almost 5 year old DS is testing limits big time lately. It has gotten worse in the last 2 weeks so I'm sure the current home situation is not helping. My DS will attempt to do something he knows is wrong right in front of us and it is clear he is watching for our reaction. I am tired of all the time outs and taking things away from him. We keep trying to praise his good behavior and focus on the positive to encourage him but I don't know if it is enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/testing-limits#post-2915189 Mon, 11 May 2020 06:55:52 +0000 LKsmom 2915189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Looking for some advice on our 5 year old's most recent behavior...</p> <p>We have taught her words like stupid, hate, dumb, etc. are not acceptable to use or say to someone because they are hurtful. For the longest time, she would say them regardless, and I think that was the start of her testing limits. We told her we didn't want to hear those words and she needed to think about what she was saying before she said it. Now, instead of using the word in context, she says "I was about to say 'stupid' but I stopped myself." She does this multiple times a day. It is like she is obsessed with saying the words in any way she can.</p> <p>She does this with things she knows she is not supposed to do, too. She will either do them and then tell us she did it, or she will tell us she thought about doing it but she didn't.</p> <p>I feel like she is so "negative" lately... meaning, she wants to say and do the things she is not supposed to. I have tried explaining why we tell her not to do those certain things (it hurts others feelings, it keeps you safe, etc.) so there is meaning behind our rules, but it really doesn't seem to help. Anyone have any advice? </p>