https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 08:54:01 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177952 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:24:41 +0000 travellingbee 2177952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: I agree with you and I am also OK with uniforms but not dress codes that focus on modesty. I do understand the other side too (I don't love looking at 5th grade girl's booties either-- I'm a teacher) but I always lean towards less censorship than more. My thinking is: What determines who's modesty level is the right one? I have a problem with laws in countries that dictate a woman's head, body, face etc. be covered for the sake of modesty and I think it is a slippery slope to say, "well, that's taking it too far, but you *should* have to have your shoulders covered." or your legs or whatever... I am fine with saying "keep your genitalia covered please and dress safely for activies" but beyond that I get nervous about the message we are sending. That doesn't mean that you can't teach your own daughter how to dress according to your own code of modesty. It just means that yours isn't someone else's. Live and let live. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177943 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:20:00 +0000 littlebug 2177943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: Exactly. I understand self-expression and am supportive of that. But what is that you think you're expressing about yourself in cut-off shorts and a midriff-bearing shirt? </p> <p>@.twist.: Yeah, calling it a failure of parenting is a stretch. My parents weren't strict, but they had their rules and limits (I wasn't allowed to watch Three's Company or The Simpsons or wear makeup), and I don't ever recall us having a discussion about my clothing. And they did see me go out, to the under-21 clubs, in my belly shirt. I guess they chose to pick their battles. As I said in a previous post, I wore belly shirts...when it was appropriate. When I was going to an under-21 dance club with my girlfriends. Not to the movies or a coffee shop or whatever else we did on weekends, and CERTAINLY not to school. I think it was MY choice based on how I felt about wearing those shirts. Much as I don't feel like it's appropriate for me as an adult to wear a halter-style dress to work, even with a cardigan over it, I guess I didn't feel like it was appropriate as a teenager to wear belly shirts to school. I can't say for certain, but I really don't think it was a direct result of a conversation with my parents about clothing choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177931 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:14:32 +0000 looch 2177931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: but in fairness, class lines don't really disappear with a uniform, as kids will then have different shoes, bags, etc. I've heard this a lot from kids in private school with uniforms. You can still tell the haves from the have nots, even with a uniform. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177925 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:13:00 +0000 hilsy85 2177925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: @jedeve: I think that is really the root of it, that bra straps (under garments) should not be showing and thy often are with tank tops. @.twist.: I think it's more of a girl thinks that's the only way to express herself, or an appropriate way to express herself in a school environment (learning environment, not a social outing), then I would worry about what she was learning, whether from me or society in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177899 Thu, 14 May 2015 09:58:48 +0000 littlebug 2177899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: @Foodnerd81: And her bra straps were showing. So not only did she violate the clearly stated dress code, but her bra straps were showing. In my book, even if the dress code allowed her to bare most of her back and her shoulders, you shouldn't have your bra straps exposed like that. You're displaying underwear. THAT is a distraction! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177898 Thu, 14 May 2015 09:57:57 +0000 .twist. 2177898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: What would you have possibly done to fail as a parent because of your daughters clothing choices? My parents were awesome. They were conservative and moral. I didn't get away with a lot of shit my friends did. As an adult, I can't see anything my parents did wrong to make me dress like a skank. And I did! I did it behind their backs. It had absolutely nothing to do with them or the way they raised me. I <i>knew</i> dressing like that was inappropriate, but I wanted to do it anyway. </p> <p>I find comments like yours very curious. I guess because I know kids push boundaries of all sorts and it has nothing to do with how well parented they are/were.</p> <p>__ </p> <p>While I am in favour of uniforms, I also can't say I will be really involved in what my kid wears on a day to day basis (in the event he doesn't have a uniform). However, he is a boy and I know boys are less likely to dress like skanks. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177880 Thu, 14 May 2015 09:48:25 +0000 jedeve 2177880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I do think the girls not participating in physical activity is a huge problem! Have they tried gym uniforms? Or separate gym classes? Maybe they don't want to play in front of boys? (I was so awkward at that age!) Or they could do what my principal did, and just blast tbe AC!</p> <p>Also those shorts ARE hideous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177874 Thu, 14 May 2015 09:44:43 +0000 jedeve 2177874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, for the record, I'm fine with uniforms because they can help minimize class differences. I just don't like dress codes that focus on what girls can't show (and yes, they technically apply to both sexes, but we all know they are really just for girls because they don't apply to current men's fashion.) Although there is a bit of a problem to say they can just express themselves after school, because the government doesn't have the right to infringe on free speech. If I remember right, public schools only have the ability to act in loco parentis in that regard. But again, the issue I have isn't with self expression, it's with our treatment of girls bodies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177850 Thu, 14 May 2015 09:37:21 +0000 MsMini 2177850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think of school as preparing kids for work/jobs down the road. I know if I showed up to my job in a halter top, bra straps showing, or short shorts I would be sent home. I think in school, the same should happen. Self expression and wearing whatever you want is what you do outside of work (school) hours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177816 Thu, 14 May 2015 09:26:58 +0000 jedeve 2177816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ree723: @Foodnerd81: I agree, I think that it has a lot to do with girls' self esteem, and was going to suggest that schools focus more on empowering girls than policing their bodies. But I didn't want to suggest that the OP was doing anything wrong, since I know teachers get that a lot. </p> <p>My feelings on this have changed a lot since having a baby. I wear low necklines because they are easier for nursing, not to show my boobs. I wear tank tops because it's hot, not to entice male gaze. I certainly wear shorts shorter than they had to be in high school (practically knee length) because I just don't want to wear knee length shorts. I used to feel like that would be immodest or "slutty," but now I define myself more by my actions than how I dress. I think it can be a bad cycle. The hypefocus on girls' bodies and sexuality can teach boys "well it's normal to leer at them, and it's their job to cover up, I can't help myself" and girls that the most important thing about them is how they dress. I would like to teach my girls, "yes you can be smart and wear a sundress, but it's cold out so grab a sweater." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/3#post-2177663 Thu, 14 May 2015 07:14:39 +0000 Foodnerd81 2177663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ree723: agree with everything you wrote. </p> <p>@jedeve: I also think a lot of peer pressure for the girls to dress skimpier. If the "cool girls" are doing it, probably a lot of other girls will want to just to fit in, not to express themselves. Of course I want to raise my daughter to not bow to peer pressure and all that, but I don't see how having a dress code could do anything but help with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2177630 Thu, 14 May 2015 05:59:48 +0000 Ree723 2177630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: I guess I see it from the opposite point of view. I'd be more concerned about why my daughter feels she needs to dress in skimpy clothing to go to school. For me, it's not about being distracting to boys, it's that when girls dress in skimpy clothing, it is generally because they want the attention of men and they think that is the way to get it. To me, that is a huge issue and I want my daughters to feel valued for who they are, not on how slutty they can dress.</p> <p>From what I've seen of dress in codes in working in the public schools of Chicago, there are rules that apply equally to males and females - all students had to wear navy, black or khaki pants or shorts/skirts that were knee length, and they had to wear plain white polo shirts. If it was cold, they could wear a plain black or navy sweater over their polo shirt. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.</p> <p>Kids need boundaries and one of those boundaries that is totally appropriate is to enforce a dress code when attending school. You want to express yourself differently? Fine, do it outside of school hours. To say that kids should have the freedom to express themselves however they see fit seems to be playing into this crazy notion that we must not do anything that could possible infringe upon our precious snowflakes' freedom. Kids need boundaries, full stop; the seven or so hours per day they are in school, having to adhere to a dress code, is not going to stifle their creativity/individualism and make them lemmings for life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2177619 Thu, 14 May 2015 04:54:21 +0000 jedeve 2177619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>More and more, I'm not a fan of dress codes. I don't like the idea that we are teaching young girls their bodies must be hidden so that boys can learn, and that they are responsible for distracting them if they don't. If a son of mine told me he flunked a science test because Suzy was wearing spaghetti straps, well he's got another thing coming. There's a lot of talk about preparing for the real world, but guess what? The real world is distracting. </p> <p>If the goal is to teach children professionalism, fine. But then boys shouldn't be allowed to wear sweatshirts, athletic shorts or jerseys. IMO those are far more inappropriate for work than a sleeveless blouse would be. </p> <p>If I have a girl, I hope to talk to her more about how clothes are a form of expression and some times are better for some messages than others, but ultimately let her make her own choices. Is she is harassed for what she wears, I hope the school would deal with that much more harshly than a dress code violation. </p> <p>Grantes, it doesn't really matter for me since it's pretty cold where I live so I don't see many high schoolers scantily clad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2177591 Wed, 13 May 2015 22:35:58 +0000 Torchwood 2177591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: Some do. You're just not going to see articles or threads about them, because it's not controversial. Also, there's got to be an element of rebellion there. Athletic clothes aren't rebellious (unless maybe you're fighting against gender norms and trying to be deliberately non-girly). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2177511 Wed, 13 May 2015 20:18:29 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2177511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought about this thread today too. GMA had a piece about a mom that let her six year old shave her head to express herself. Why don't high school girls express themselves like that? Or by wearing running shorts and sneakers (aka athletic) or whatever. What are you "expressing" about yourself when dressing in revealing clothes (talking more about low cut, short shorts etc, not shoulders). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2177510 Wed, 13 May 2015 20:13:38 +0000 avivoca 2177510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: @Foodnerd81: Agreed. Her reasoning is not sound. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2177467 Wed, 13 May 2015 19:43:19 +0000 Foodnerd81 2177467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: @Anagram: I feel that that girl was just trying to cause trouble. That dress isn't appropriate for school and doesn't follow the dress code. She can wear it on the weekends, but I certainly couldn't have worn t to any job I've ever had. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2177446 Wed, 13 May 2015 19:26:58 +0000 Anagram 2177446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: yeah I don't buy her line of reasoning. The school dress code is clearly stated and nowhere does it mention sexuality. Just no tube tops, halter tops, or spaghetti straps. Guys also can't wear those things. Neither can teachers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2177343 Wed, 13 May 2015 17:39:59 +0000 ShootingStar 2177343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I saw this article today and thought of this thread. The girl's sentiments are what I was trying to convey: <a href="http://globalnews.ca/news/1996474/moncton-teen-disciplined-for-wearing-full-length-halter-dress-to-school/" rel="nofollow">http://globalnews.ca/news/1996474/moncton-teen-disciplined-for-wearing-full-length-halter-dress-to-school/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2174480 Mon, 11 May 2015 13:33:21 +0000 tofuwad 2174480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My personal stance is that school is supposed to prepare kids for their lives after school, in which case dressing appropriately for certain situation is an important part of life. You don't take off your clothes at work to suntan at lunch and then complain that your boss is sexualizing your body. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2173487 Sun, 10 May 2015 15:15:25 +0000 Applesandbananas 2173487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was in church today and thought about this thread. One of the girls bringing up the gifts was wearing a shirt that had the sides cut out, so you could see her bra and her sides, plus the back had slits all the way down it. I was horrified. </p> <p>I'm not particularly prudish but I feel like there a time and a place. If she had been wearing that while playing basketball or going for a run, I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, but she was standing in front of the entire congregation like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2173069 Sat, 09 May 2015 19:52:34 +0000 hilsy85 2173069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: exactly what I was trying to say! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2173034 Sat, 09 May 2015 19:10:12 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2173034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anya: just being creative in my ways to express my feelings without a "thumbs up" or a "like" button! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2173025 Sat, 09 May 2015 19:01:47 +0000 Anya 2173025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: haha I don't think I've ever seen someone use the :bfp: that way before </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2173016 Sat, 09 May 2015 18:55:50 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2173016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: :bfp: 1 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2173004 Sat, 09 May 2015 18:31:15 +0000 Truth Bombs 2173004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If my daughter ever feels that she needs to "express herself" by having her ass cheeks hanging out at school I would need to do some serious reflecting on the failure of my parenting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2172677 Sat, 09 May 2015 07:27:26 +0000 hilsy85 2172677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also don't get the idea that letting kids dress blatently inappropriately (with bellies showing, bra straps hanging out, short shorts) is the ONLY way for them to express themselves? What about types of shoes, different tops (all at least covering your stomach), dresses, skirts, shorts (there are plenty out there that are mid thigh or longer), makeup, hair, etc etc. So I don't really buy the whole "Self expression" argument either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2172669 Sat, 09 May 2015 07:06:56 +0000 Synchronicity 2172669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Kids can express themselves through clothing outside of school hours. They need to get used to the idea that in some environments, certain looks just aren't appropriate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2172658 Sat, 09 May 2015 06:43:26 +0000 Anagram 2172658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: in my current school, we have 0 issues with male dress right now, save for the occasional t shirt with inappropriate/suggestive lettering on it.</p> <p>But at my old school (super low income inner city school), the boys were much bigger dress code violations--we did have uniforms (basically khaki pants or skirts with no hats, no bandanas, had to wear a belt), but we had a constant problem with sagging pants and yes, in those cases parents who refused to buy their kids pants that fit properly. In that school, we had real issues with security and violence so giving kids huge baggy pants where they can hide weapons was a total no go. </p> <p>We did have the occasional issue with girls dress at that school (same issue--wearing little sisters uniform shirt so it would be more tight and like a half top), but the administration there was willing to fight the battle.</p> <p>My new school, no. I mean, all the teachers complain but there's no follow through. We have middle school girls wearing those slashed tops with just a neon sports bra underneath. I just dont get those parents. </p> <p>Anyway, I try to remind myself there ARE kids dressed appropriately and there is a correlation at my school between better students and more appropriate dress, so at the very least it helps me know which direction I'll go when I'm a parent of a pre teen girl. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-age-old-appropriateness-line-for-dress-code-at-school/page/2#post-2172649 Sat, 09 May 2015 06:19:37 +0000 bpcmarj 2172649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: most of the boys in my school dress conservatively by nature. Clothes that fit...can't think of anyone with intentionally sagging pants, honestly!!</p> <p>With the girls it is butts and boobs on display all day long, especially now that it is warmer out. And it is not the outfit typically, but the attitude behind it. Many of the girls dress that way to try and be sexy :bummed: </p>