https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 05:09:39 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2779388 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 08:06:05 +0000 bubblegum 2779388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skipra: That's one of the main reasons why this has been such a struggle for me because even though I know DH will go with it, I don't want him to hate me later on. Thanks! I'm hoping it gets easier with time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2779356 Thu, 12 Oct 2017 20:22:35 +0000 skipra 2779356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I both have MIL issues and we talk about it often. She says that the only reason she doesn't just cut her off is that she doesn't want her husband to resent her one day or for it to cause problems with her marriage. So she regretfully puts on a happy face and deals with the crazy.<br /> I have also told my husband that it's up to him how he wants to handle her. I will support his decision but that he needs to stick up for me so that I don't resent him.<br /> I don't think you need to put up with it unless it might one day affect the relationship with you and your DH. I wish you the best! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2779334 Thu, 12 Oct 2017 19:06:44 +0000 bubblegum 2779334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkb: you’re awesome for thinking that way. Maybe one day I’ll be the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2779195 Thu, 12 Oct 2017 09:51:09 +0000 pinkb 2779195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: I don't mind DH taking them over there for an hour. I am at work during this time so I don't have time to think about it while it's happening. I don't want to be the reason they don't know her. Even though she does a very good job of never showing up and disappointing them all on her own. I feel as they grow up they can and will make their own decision about her. After all the crap she has done to me and what not, at the end of the day she is DHs mom. He accepts that she is crazy, deep down he does love her and he doesn't stand for any bad talk or crap in front of our kids. So I deal with it for now. Who knows what the future will hold. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2779001 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 13:03:21 +0000 bubblegum 2779001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: We were but after her miscarriage, I don't know what happened. I reached out to her and she kinda brushed it off. I know that she does think DH needs to stick up for his mom more but maybe MIL got a hold her and told her she needs to side with her? I'm not sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778995 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:57:15 +0000 snowjewelz 2778995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: Ugh, that's horrible because I thought you and her were on good terms too. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: Love this!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778985 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:47:47 +0000 bubblegum 2778985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: THAT was the best thing I ever read about this situation. I always love your responses! You really gave me a new way of looking at it all. I have to do what's best for me just like she does what's best for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778972 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:35:57 +0000 gingerbebe 2778972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Think of it this way: You are not cutting anyone out. You are giving everyone space to live the life they want to live. In essence, you are giving your MIL respect by letting her be herself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778970 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:33:49 +0000 gingerbebe 2778970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've said this before but #GIRLBYE </p> <p>Take blame or whatever off the table completely and think of it this way (it helped me a lot with my family):</p> <p>Whatever weird crazy twisted way that the other person is living, you just have to assume is the best way of living/functioning that they have discovered for themselves. That doesn't mean OBJECTIVELY its the best way or the right way to live, but humans adapt and do what works for them. So for your MIL, however she lives her life and whatever she does, that is what's working for her. She gon' stick to what works for her.</p> <p>So let her. Let her live her "best life." If her "best life" includes bashing you, fine girl. Don't judge her or be angry or whatever - because that just drains your energy and steals your joy. You just give her the grace to live the life that works for her, because its her life. </p> <p>And you go live your's. You think about the best way for YOU to live your life and what the best circumstances you can put YOUR kids in to be happy and do that. </p> <p>In the same way, everyone else in the family is an adult and they can make their own decisions about what is best for them. They want to appease crazy mama and not have that drama in their life, so as a trade off they cut you out? Fine. Do you boo boo. Be happy.</p> <p>Its PERFECTLY valid to say my best life and your best life don't mesh well together and that's OKAY. Just release your MIL and let her be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778969 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:30:51 +0000 bubblegum 2778969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: That's how I see it. She once was complaining that DS would not sit still for ac picture with her (because how else will she show the world she's a "good" grandmom) and said "fine I'll just take a picture with your sister" I shut it down while DH sat there. I think he's just so usual to her craziness and it's somewhat normal to him. I'm not okay with her guilt trips and don't want that around my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778965 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:23:31 +0000 Mama Bird 2778965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: I don't think you're horrible for not wanting the kids around her without you. If she can treat you and her daughter this way, who is to say she won't decide at some point that one of the kids is also an appropriate target? </p> <p>Unless, I guess, the kids are with your husband and you're positive he'd shut down anything inappropriate on the spot. But it doesn't sound like she has much of a relationship with him, either... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778957 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:18:49 +0000 bubblegum 2778957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: This is the heartbreaking part...SIL and I were always so great with one another. Apparently she wants to cut off her brother, my DH. I'm not sure if her reasoning is because her mom is in her head or what (which I can't imagine because she always liked me regardless of her mother) or it's all on her own. His other sister has never bothered to meet our DD nor has the rest of his mother's family. I feel bad in the sense that I don't want to be the one to cut her off but she legit told me that she does reach out and ask about the kids because they wouldn't know she was doing it anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778953 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:10:40 +0000 snowjewelz 2778953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: What about your SIL? Do you think they side with her wholeheartedly? Or just because she is able to manipulate them/they feel bad? That really sucks if cutting her off means cutting the whole family off too (but it seems like they cut you guys off first...). If they're gonna follow your MIL's lead, then it's probably too toxic to mingle with them in any situation :sad: :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778951 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:08:04 +0000 bubblegum 2778951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Thanks love. I really want to ask what you think since you followed the story from the beginning...would I be wrong to cut off all contact and not invite her or her family to any events. (Her family sides with her and have basically disowned DH) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778921 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 11:31:26 +0000 snowjewelz 2778921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: I'm sorry it didn't go well (tho not surprised), I am glad you got the "closure" you need. You've done ALL you can and now it's time to cut it all off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778840 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 08:29:25 +0000 bubblegum 2778840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Yeah I don't know why I thought it would end any differently. I have to wipe my hands clean for my own sanity. :heart: thanks for your support love</p> <p>@pinkb: How do you feel when he takes the kids over there? My kids have three other grandmoms besides crazy MIL and they're fairly close to the other grandmoms. Since MIL never ask about them and doesn't see this as a problem I kinda don't even want her involved with them filling their heads with nonsense. And I'm not doing holiday events either lol. Am I horrible for this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778801 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 06:09:26 +0000 pinkb 2778801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: props to you for even going and trying! I wouldn't give my MIL that kind of chance, ha! I also feel bad for DH but he understands and admits she is crazy. It's sad. I wish I had a MIl that I got along with and that my kids and I could visit and spend time with but that just isn't our situation. DH takes the kids to her house when he has time and I am at work cause I would like the kids to know their grandma. I suffer through a family holiday get together maybe once a year. I just ignor her and keep my distance. Sorry it didn't go better :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778800 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 06:01:27 +0000 Adira 2778800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: Ugh, sorry it went poorly, though I'm not surprised! Good for you for standing up for yourself and walking out on her!!! At least you know you tried and you can wipe your hands of her from now on (hopefully). &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778763 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 20:57:25 +0000 bubblegum 2778763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ina85: @arosebyany: thank you for your support ladies. I know I can always count on my fellow bee mamas!</p> <p>Update: it ended up with me walking out. She kept playing the blame game and I just couldn’t handle the back and forth. I feel bad for DH because I wanted to have peace between her and I for his sake but she can’t take ownership over her faults and I just can’t do this anymore. I have no plans of trying to fix things with her in the future. Things were ugly y’all. No thank you. See ya! I’m done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778758 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 20:33:28 +0000 arosebyany 2778758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778757 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 20:25:52 +0000 Ina85 2778757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good luck, I know she's crazy from reading your posts about her but I hope you guys can get to a place of tolerance, you don't have to like each other but it's better for your health and sanity to be civil and able to tolerate each other! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778679 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 14:41:11 +0000 bubblegum 2778679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: I really really just want to defend myself and wash my hands clean of her. I really don't think she's going to change but I want to speak my peace ya know.</p> <p>@Adira: Thanks love! I'm going to try. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778675 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 14:31:29 +0000 Adira 2778675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes! I doubt you'll really make any progress with her - she sounds like a self-centered bully. Just stand your ground and try not to let her get to you!! Good luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778665 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 14:17:16 +0000 Mama Bird 2778665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>But... why? Why are you meeting her? Please don't hope or try for mutual respect, you will only get burned. Just try to be as tough and unflappable as possible, bullies get scared pretty quick when they see you're not scared of them. Maybe do a lot of uncomfortable staring at her and let her talk herself into a corner. </p> <p>And don't take her personally. Think of her as a crazy neighbor who unfortunately happens to be related to your husband and SIL. Putting emotional distance between yourself and toxic people helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet#post-2778631 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 13:05:42 +0000 bubblegum 2778631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After months of not seeing MIL and months of her bashing me to anyone and everyone who will listen, I'm meeting with her tonight. I'm shaken with so many emotions and just am hoping for a peaceful understanding and respect from both of us towards one another. </p>