https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 11:59:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872327 Fri, 15 Feb 2019 20:33:15 +0000 irene 2872327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: Thank you so much -- I will look that up! </p> <p>@muffinsmuffins: Ahhh! The process of them assigning you to a therapist that is just right for you is sooooo perfect! I'd love it if someone professional assigns me to the correct shrink. You inspired me to really go through the whole process to look again (when I get to it again, sigh). Maybe I should look at a large "clinic" rather than individual therapists.... not sure if that's an option in the US / with our insurance plan.</p> <p>I will try to do the homework you listed too. That may help. I was looking into parenting help more, and it freaked me out when I realize, if I keep getting irritated and response with nagging and yelling, I would end up being that toxic parent that screws DS up. I definitely do not want that. :crying: Maybe if I write it out in a note book I can visually see it when I am about to lose my temper, and it may help..... Thank you....</p> <p>I wish I could try the meds too, but DH and my relationship is already pretty strained (big part of it is because I am not patient with DS). I am scared to add in yet another curve ball at this point.</p> <p>@DesertDreams88: That is wonderful!</p> <p>@Mama Bird: Hugs xoxoxo :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872185 Fri, 15 Feb 2019 08:47:23 +0000 Mama Bird 2872185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very interesting. I posted about something similar months ago, and was also recommended CBT. It's definitely on my list of things to do when life gets less crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872183 Fri, 15 Feb 2019 08:43:24 +0000 DesertDreams88 2872183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I have similar beliefs. It was straining my marriage, my friendships, and my childcare situation. So I had to get help for the healthiness of those relationships. I still have the same beliefs for myself but I am better ahout holding others to impossibly high standards and giving them grace. I am also better about giving myself grace when outside circumstances interrupt my ability to accomplish tasks, do things the way they need to be done, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872147 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 22:17:10 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2872147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I just looked back at my notes from months ago when I first started CBT. Truthfully I haven’t seen my therapist for about 6 months because I’ve been managing well but I still do have my moments and I do have to work at it, and probably always will. Here are some things I worked on to start:</p> <p>-making a list of triggers, how they made me feel emotionally and physically. We then talked about these triggers extensively and why they made me feel that way.<br /> -working on a step by step acknowledgment of my thoughts and feelings and asking questions of myself ie: I feel anxiety because this is happening, and I’ve had a past experience that negatively affects this situation. But, can I actually control this thing? What would I rather be doing at this moment instead of worrying/being angry, etc. What is the cost of thinking this way vs. the benefit? What can I do in this moment to manage it?<br /> -creating mantras to repeat when I feel anxious </p> <p>Our insurance works differently in Canada I think, so basically I just researched clinics online and made an appointment. I didn’t have a referral but this clinic has every new client meet the head psychologist/director for an intake meeting and they assign you a therapist based on their personalities and treatment styles. It took a little to get a relationship going but it worked out well. I did have to wait a few months to get in but just knowing I had something upcoming was helpful. </p> <p>As for your DH being against meds...I think that’s actually a huge problem and totally unfair to you. You need to do what’s best for you regardless of his personal opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872145 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 22:12:03 +0000 lamariniere 2872145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: prefacing this by stating I am not a therapist. But your most recent post totally made me think of some info my therapist gave me. Look up cognitive distortions, specifically: control fallacies, shoulds, and fallacy of change. You don’t necessarily have to give up what you believe, but CBT can help you figure out why you believe those things and how you can manage those beliefs in a healthier way. </p> <p>I’ll give a personal example. I have a catastrophizing fallacy around illness. So I “believe” that every little illness or headache or whatever is something even worse, like cancer or imminent death. It sounds crazy and I know it sounds crazy, but it gives me an enormous amount of anxiety. My therapist helped me understand why I do this and how to change my belief around this. I still do it a little, but I don’t get the crippling anxiety that I had before.</p> <p>ETA <a href="https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/" rel="nofollow">https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872138 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 21:31:38 +0000 irene 2872138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you so much all for the input!</p> <p>@Mrs. Carrot: @muffinsmuffins: @lamariniere: @DesertDreams88: Good for you guys for finding the right therapists / treatment plans for you! I have a therapist too and I used to go to see her for depression / anxiety. I don't think she is CBT and honestly I don't really see real help other than just having someone to talk to once every 2 weeks :crying: Now I don't even dare to go because our insurance plan changed. She didn't want to take my check, and their accounting is super confusing. So I didn't want to go because I am afraid of their accounting lol. Sigh. Anyway.... Not to mention, it is so hard to find a therapist that is in network, in a specific field you are interested in, highly recommended by others, AND would take in new patients! I don't know how you guys do it.</p> <p>@DesertDreams88: @Silva: Medication unfortunately is not an option for me.... DH has a lot of taboo toward it and I am not going to fight with him just to try and see if it works for me.... But good for you that it works!</p> <p>I have been thinking about CBT all day. It talks about how you change your belief system, and when you find out that you *don't* have to stick with the rigid ways you are confined in (kind of like Inception :wink: ), everything that used to irritate you wouldn't irritate you as much anymore. But then I am thinking, I am what I believe in. I believe in being on time, doing things efficiently, and take responsibility and when I take on something I make sure I see it through and I meet my deadline. I can not stand people who is irresponsible and who disrespects deadline, and who is late. Let's say that's my belief system. Then it shed some light on why I get so worked up when I see DS eating super slowly, or coming home and get distracted, playing rather than doing homework. I can not be in the same room seeing that without nagging (and eventually esculate to yelling)! If I attempt to ignore him, I would literally go insane within 30 minutes. But at the same time, I don't want to give up my belief. I like me that way, I don't think being responsible and being on time is wrong. Do I have to give up who I am in order to not get irritated by DS, not having my "buttons pushed"? Any insight? </p> <p>Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872122 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 19:10:28 +0000 lamariniere 2872122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been through 2 short therapy treatments with a therapist to address anxiety and panic disorder. The first time it was about 5 sessions over 2 months. The second time, about 3 years later, was about 9 sessions over maybe 4 months, and that time ended this past December. Both therapists used CBT and it was highly effective for me. Since finishing my most recent round of therapy, I have felt so much better all around and haven’t had a panic attack in nearly 2 months. I’m also much less irritable. I feel so zen in general right now and it’s a huge improvement for me and our family. You do have to work at it on your own to “rewire” your thinking process and belief system. I’ve also been trying to do what I call mindful breathing at least twice a day to find that zen place and it has been very helpful. I’m the type of person who would rather go to a therapist than get started with a self help book, but I’m sure it could be a great tool once you work through the main points of your issue with a therapist. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872092 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 15:39:28 +0000 DesertDreams88 2872092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, there is a definite connection between anxiety and irritability (which is maybe what you're seeing). Once I finally got medicated and did a lot of reflective work, I was able to change a lot of my ways of thinking. I recently weaned off a 6-month course of a low-dose anti-depressants and thankfully my anxiety &amp; irritability haven't come back full-force (yet). </p> <p>The link is there for me because a lot of my anxiety is tied to having things be controlled, safe, predictable. I like to be in charge and have things go exactly as planned. When they don't, I get very irritable easily (much more than others, it seems) and when it gets really bad, I am in near panic-mode for little triggers or laying awake at night with my heart pounding and thoughts spiraling out of control. Now, I can usually mentally "step away" from those (tempting) thought patterns because I recognize them and know they are unnecessary and unhelpful. </p> <p>Irritability is only one symptom of my anxiety, but it was one I didn't notice or realize until my anxiety was treated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872082 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 14:49:18 +0000 Silva 2872082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I like The Anxiety and Worry workbook. The nice thing about CBT is it’s very accessible and once you get the big picture I feel like any of the workbooks can be helpful </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872081 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 14:36:27 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2872081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: do you have any books you recommend in this field? I loved Hardwiring Happiness, which my former therapist recommended, and am always looking to read more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872071 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 14:14:09 +0000 Silva 2872071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm trained in CBT as a therapist, and have used it to help people correct abusive/violent behaviors, criminal behaviors, anxiety, depression, and in substance abuse treatment. It can be highly effective and is evidence based.<br /> There are many self-help books that could be a place to start. CBT is basically the idea that every behavior has a thought that proceeds it, and that thought comes from the way we experience the world (our beliefs about the world). By paying closer attention to our behaviors, and the thoughts connected to them, we can begin to notice patterns that will help us examine our beliefs about the world. </p> <p>And honestly, to answer your question about how do I manage my own buttons- I take medication for anxiety. Another very helpful option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872069 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 13:54:40 +0000 foodiebee 2872069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Great to know! I'm glad someone more familiar weighed in. Someone else described CC this way and I wasn't educated enough to say yes or no either way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2872068 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 13:51:46 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2872068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@foodiebee: I work in leadership development and Crucial Conversations is one of our textbooks. While I do love this book and highly recommend it, it focuses more on effective conversations and conflict management, so it's not quite the same as CBT, which is more focused on retraining your brain on how you react and identifying triggers based on historical experiences/conditioning. Both are great tools! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2871987 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 09:09:53 +0000 foodiebee 2871987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I studied a book called Crucial Conversations, which I don't think pitches itself as CBT but could be seen as a form of it. It's designed for business environments but has greatly changed how we communicate in our daily lives and approach important conversations. I highly recommend it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2871984 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 09:04:59 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2871984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: @irene: me too! Same as what you wrote. I had a lot of anxiety and depression issues when our first was born and after a hospital stay, etc. My therapist specialized in CBT and it’s evidence based. It’s not a quick fix but it helped me understand why my brain processes things like it does and create ways to reframe my thinking. Very very helpful for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2871982 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 08:59:05 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't speak to the books/self-study tools, but I spent 2 years in CBT-based therapy and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I specifically sought it out because I wanted something that would give me tools and ways to think differently, and the therapist I worked with was amazing. It helped me identify a lot of reasons for my behaviors, identify things that trigger me, and really helped me reverse a lot of negative patterns in my thinking and behavior. I definitely recommend it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-cognitive-behavioral-tools-techniques-cbt-anyone-have-experience-with-that#post-2871969 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 08:40:38 +0000 irene 2871969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I started the "what pushes your buttons" discussion thread yesterday and I posted the same question on a different parenting board. Someone from another group posted about an audio book: "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Techniques for retraining your brain". They said the reason why I get ticked off on certain aspects (eg. DS stalling, running late, not listening, making bad choices) has to do with something that's unresolved in me, a very strong belief system that can be "corrected". If I don't "believe" in it anymore, I will no longer get so worked up for little things that DS does.</p> <p><a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Audiobook/B00ZB7Q1RS?source_code=GPAGBSH0508140001&#038;gclid=Cj0KCQiAnY_jBRDdARIsAIEqpJ0lKX-WtrYrT5wwn7EXIAS002u_sOS8QgoA_TfAud06MK_x8dtZaygaAgrEEALw_wcB&#038;gclsrc=aw.ds&#038;fbclid=IwAR3JGzGGL18S0Oa1nWsxA0eVJs56qVPlgRwrIGGCkzvv4Q-_uw4RwvYEUlA" rel="nofollow">https://www.audible.com/pd/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Audiobook/B00ZB7Q1RS?source_code=GPAGBSH0508140001&#038;gclid=Cj0KCQiAnY_jBRDdARIsAIEqpJ0lKX-WtrYrT5wwn7EXIAS002u_sOS8QgoA_TfAud06MK_x8dtZaygaAgrEEALw_wcB&#038;gclsrc=aw.ds&#038;fbclid=IwAR3JGzGGL18S0Oa1nWsxA0eVJs56qVPlgRwrIGGCkzvv4Q-_uw4RwvYEUlA</a></p> <p>I didn't have an audible account, it is not available in the library, so I looked for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on google and youtube and watched a few things to see what it is about. It is quite interesting. One of the techniques asks you to keep a daily journal about how you rate your day and what are your thoughts about it. If I understand it correctly, it says that as a day passes by we only remember the things that we want to remember, which strengthens our belief system, and we disregard and ignore the rest. Sometimes our belief system is skewed and by writing it down we get to objectively observe and realize that the things we believed in, or fear that it will come true, may not be true. This is one of the many techniques. CBT helps with and corrects anxiety, depression...etc.</p> <p>Thought I'd throw it out to see if we have anyone here that is familiar with this and can share? </p>