https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 14:56:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373699 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 13:14:23 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 1373699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: while D was in the NiCU we regularly went out to dinner on Saturday nights. Since then it's been closer to once a month, but the longer it goes, the worse things feel between us. I think it's critical to try to have some "normal" time in the midst of the stress. Our relationship isn't in the best place either for whatever reason but like you I love him and want to be with him, but sometimes I just don't want to be around him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373491 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 11:59:54 +0000 lizzywiz 1373491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I don't know, but I think this helped me figure out that I am definitely angry.<br /> Anybody see JohnQ? with Denzel Washington? There is this scene where the hospital isn't going to give the son a heart transplant and the mom/wife calls the dad/husband and says, "YOU FIX THIS!" and I always thought it was mean and unfair because it wasn't his fault or within his power to change what was happening.<br /> But now I wonder if that is similar to what I am feeling......<br /> something for me to chew on for a while. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373449 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 11:46:53 +0000 looch 1373449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: You know I thought of something else, are you possibly angry at yourself, or feel like you don't have time for yourself? It could be part of the problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373426 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 11:39:17 +0000 lizzywiz 1373426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: MamaMoose gets it for the win! lol.<br /> No, I don't know why I feel this way, I just assumed pushing away was my way of coping, but maybe I DO have some underlying anger about something (I don't know what, yet), because I am realizing as I write this that I should add 'anger' to my feeling of 'apathy'.</p> <p>Maybe I am just misdirecting my anger about LO's illness to him? I am going to do some journaling because sometime that helps me figure things out.</p> <p>Thanks, ladies! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373376 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 11:19:59 +0000 Alivoo01 1373376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand what you're feeling. DH doesn't really help out with the baby at all so it's me 24/7, and like you, I work full time also! If I ask DH to help bc I'm going to take a shower, that means he'll either put DS in the jumperoo or sit DS next to him while he watches TV or plays candy crush. If I ask DH to watch DS for a few hours at night so that I can sleep, he'll keep an ear out, but if DS cries for more than a minute, he wakes me up and hands him to me while he goes back to bed to sleep. Arg!! I could go on and on and on so that's where my resentment comes from. I start giving DH the cold shoulder and after a few days, he'll sense something is wrong and do something nice for me. But after a couple days, he'll resume old ways.</p> <p>For me, when DH is away from home, I feel better about solo parenting bc I know it's just me and I juggle to make it work. I'm relaxed about it all. But when he's home and not helping out, I get frustrated and upset. Like hello!! We have a baby here and I've done abc and xyz. It'd be nice for you to jump in at any time and help out!!!!</p> <p>Like you, I wouldn't want to have babies with anyone else and I love DH, but man..... his lack of help around the house sucks major. Even after talking to him, he doesn't truly get it. Ugh!</p> <p>Sorry you're having to go through this. As others have said, have you found the underlying reason why you feel that way towards your husband? Have you talked to him about it? It might not resolve the issue immediately, but at least you brought it to his attention. And when incidents come up, you can be like HEY! blah blah blah. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373331 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 11:00:01 +0000 looch 1373331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: very well written, I agree with what you've expressed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373173 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 10:14:16 +0000 MamaMoose 1373173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you been able to identify WHY you feel this way towards him? Do you resent him in some way because you either blame him for the baby being sick, or you feel like he's not helping to carry the burden? I think it's best to get the root of the issue before you and figure out how to fix it. I'm so sorry you have so much on your plate right now. Can you call in some family to babysit so you can your husband can have some time to reconnect? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373122 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 10:01:52 +0000 snowjewelz 1373122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry to hear your struggles! I have no experiences to share, but know that you are supported in this community and you can always vent.</p> <p>Is it because of the stress of dealing with work &amp; caring for your baby that you are so distant from, your husband? Or did he do something to make you recoil like that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373096 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 09:56:09 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1373096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been there and will be there again I'm sure. There were times when I felt like it was wrong to be happy, let alone be affectionate with DH. My only advice is to try to keep open lines of communication. Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1373082 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 09:51:06 +0000 Aimed 1373082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: you are doing your best of that I am sure. However maybe you need a little outside help. Perhaps you could seek some marriage counseling to learn how to reconnect and support each other in this new place in your lives.<br /> I'm so sorry that you are going through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1372957 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 09:11:55 +0000 78h2o 1372957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sweetie, that sounds awful. Are you being treated for depression? That "apathy" sounds a lot like depression to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1372946 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 09:08:09 +0000 Cole 1372946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. We don't have a little one so my experience is different but I thought I would share anyway. When my father was in hospice on the other side of the country it was really hard to balance work, traveling and being with my family and my marriage. It took some time but we got through it, marriages always have peaks and valleys and the valleys suck but you will come out the other side. Sometimes for me being with my husband was almost too much of a safe place, like I would find myself just crumbling into an emotional wreck when I let my guard down. If I didn't want that to happen I would avoid him. But, at some point the crumbling is part of how I processed what was happening and it was important and I am glad I had him for that. </p> <p>It also helped to do really normal things with him like go to the grocery store or out to dinner. I felt like I was faking it to be doing something so normal but it helped. Don't hesitate to try counseling either. Life changes can really turn your world upside down and having a strong marriage, even if it is hard now, will make the long run far easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-ignored-spouse#post-1372902 Fri, 24 Jan 2014 08:52:28 +0000 lizzywiz 1372902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Adding a baby to a marriage is challenging. Adding a sick baby to a marriage is a black hole of suck.<br /> Ladies, there is no one I would rather have a sick baby with. So, that makes it extra difficult to explain how I can hardly stand for him to even give me a hug and sometimes I just can't stand him at all. I know I am giving all my energy to work and the baby, but knowing that hasn't made it easier to be nice to him. Polite is where I am at. Sometimes a little friendly, but nothing that resembles a woman who loves her spouse, which I do. He is definitely feeling my apathy but it is like I am frozen in it.<br /> Similar stories or advice? </p>