https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 04:49:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930743 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 11:28:29 +0000 youboots 1930743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you are dealing with this. The 'culture' of gift giving and the pressure and expectations that come with it take the fun out of it. I think you are doing the right thing for your family, your thoughts and priorities are clear. I don't deal with the exact same thing, but we will often have 15-20 gifts to open each at my MIL's. It's normally just junk we can't use or return and often donate it to the local thrift shop. I let her know to please only buy for the baby now since we actually have some needs to meet. She likes having a full tree and lots of gifts to open. In my family I received 1-2 gifts from my parents most of the time it was small needed gifts, but when I really needed something like a laptop for college that baby was under the tree :) they also did not 'do Santa' with me, but that's a whole other conversation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930737 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 11:27:21 +0000 swurlygurl 1930737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've realized with my ILs that's it's kind of silly to buy presents for the adults since we all buy what we want anyway. We all want to keep buying for the kids, and threw around the idea of just not buying for the adults. It sounds nice in theory, but then SIL and I worry that it won't feel like Christmas. We don't need the gifts, but it's fun to give and open presents. We've tried thinking of alternatives (everyone gifting board games? Different liquors? Winter attire? Sports team apparel?), but we can't figure anything out. So then we just always default to drawing names and wishing we had a better system in place.</p> <p>@jetsa: That's what I'm kind of worried about. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930717 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 11:21:19 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1930717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do swap names for my immediate family and gifts for kids still in school. I buy a present for my aunt on my mom's side, but nothing for extended family. On my dad's side, each of his brothers (really their wives) sends a family gift to the other brother like food or a board game.</p> <p> We send presents to DH's parents and young nephew for Christmas, unless we are going there and then we *might* take gifts to all the siblings (there are 7 plus significant others and an adult niece, so about 12 total!) depending on the year and how much other stuff they have asked us to bring from the States. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930701 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 11:17:12 +0000 jetsa 1930701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We cut back to zero gifts with my extended family and I hate it! I'm hoping we can go back to a secret Santa type thing this year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930671 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 11:00:19 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1930671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had this problem, and my parents have it worse. It's getting out of hand &amp; no one can seem to get it under control!</p> <p>My whole family gets together for Christmas. There's about 30 of us, and everyone buys for everyone. There are 10 grandchildren m&amp;d 2 great grand kids (mine!), and the gifts are excessive. Even for my husband and I, who are in our 30s, it's excessive. And expensive. And unnecessary.</p> <p>My mom has been suggesting we stop buying for anyone under 18. She suggested they do a secret Santa for the adults but no one wants to.</p> <p>My aunt &amp; uncle actually send out a wish list for themselves!</p> <p>It's nuts. I think the focus ought to be on the kids. Mine &amp; three cousins still believe in Santa and the magic should be about them, not all the adults. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930580 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:23:04 +0000 pui 1930580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a problem in our family now... we used to buy everyone gifts which wasn't a problem but now that everyone is married off and having children, the list of people we "need" to buy gifts for has exploded.</p> <p>I would like to just stop buying gifts for anyone but the babies. People always get me useless stuff I don't like and it costs everyone entirely too much money. It's kids who really enjoy the gift opening at Christmas time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930558 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:12:03 +0000 ElbieKay 1930558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I hate exchanging gifts. My parents always buy me useless crap, and while I don't mind spending money on my parents I really cannot stand shopping. So, looking for a gift or trying to think of a good one year after year is very tiring. Everyone has what they need. I guess I wouldn't mind a gift certificate for a massage, but honestly I would rather they just put the money into my son's 529 plan. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930547 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:06:52 +0000 MaryM 1930547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've done grabs off an on in my families, and usually the matriarchs are exempt from the swap because of their status (grandmothers, great aunts, etc). Because they're so special to everyone, people usually still give them something, even if it's homemade or simple. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930543 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:04:37 +0000 alohaorchid 1930543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: My mom does the shopping trip thing too! She always tries to get me to go along but December is expensive/busy enough as it is </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930538 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:01:32 +0000 sunny 1930538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes! I only do gifts for people we see in person over the holidays. We don't see my family every year so we skip buying those years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930535 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:59:26 +0000 alohaorchid 1930535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like our families are similar. For my family, Christmas is all about gifts and who got the biggest, best, most expensive gift and my mom even asks everyone what their favourite present is. My SIL (married to my brother) is still completely overwhelmed with the "present culture" in my family. I personally don't like it and have been trying to implement something different for years, but I get treated like some kind of monster for even suggesting it.</p> <p>ETA: Last year my SIL counted how many gifts she got from my family. It was close to 50. 50! Who needs that much stuff?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930534 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:59:16 +0000 cmomma17 1930534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: ugh. Yeah, my mom Christmas shops year round I'm pretty sure. And my sister goes nuts on Black Friday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930530 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:58:18 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1930530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: the first year I scaled back without prepping my mom (didn't know I had to) she called me out on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930519 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:53:39 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1930519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cmomma17: yep. My mother and her best girlfriend take a four-day trip every year for Christmas shopping. Not kidding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930514 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:52:40 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1930514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: totally agree. As adults, we usually just buy things we want/need. It's so crazy to just keep exchanging wine and scarves!</p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: we've definitely gone all out for immediate family in the past and we're scaling back on that as well.</p> <p>@blackbird: the secret Santa is so fun! And I'm fine with giving to immediate family...that we plan to continue. It's just grandmas, aunts, cousins that's getting to be overwhelming/unnecessary.</p> <p>@mrstrain: that's what we're doing for grandparents since we're being pressured into giving a physical gift!</p> <p>I'm glad I'm not the only one in this situation! I felt like I was losing it... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930507 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:50:55 +0000 cmomma17 1930507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I feel your pain. I have tried to cut back on Christmas with my family but they are extremely resistant. I don't want 12 random, useless gifts! I don't think I should have to buy my 15 year old nephew as many presents now as I did when he was 5! I think my almost 35 year old sister can start buying her own expensive perfume! Aargh!<br /> I feel like part of the problem in my case is shopping addiction (my mom particularly). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930497 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:47:33 +0000 Anagram 1930497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I love Mrs. Trains idea of the family photo. But a bunch of Ikea $1 frames, slap in a family pic, and voila! Presents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930495 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:47:04 +0000 Anagram 1930495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: baked good or family photo is a great idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930491 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:46:40 +0000 Anagram 1930491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I find this varies so much by family. I have 5 siblings and several nieces and nephews....forget about my extended family of aunts/uncles/cousins and their kids--if I add both sides of my family together, it's over 50 people. And then there's DH's family.</p> <p>For many years, we (my siblings/their spouses and kids) have decided to just to a gift exchange where we each draw 1 name. And then we each buy our mom a gift. </p> <p>So even though I have a HUGE family, I will only be buying my mom a gift, plus 1 other gift for the gift exchange.</p> <p>For DH's side, we also do not gift extended family.....but we usually get his parents something, his sister/her husband a shared gift, and we get the kiddos something small.</p> <p>I think total (our extended families, ourselves, and our LO) we spend about $600 each year. All of us do alright financially so if we really want something, we tend to buy it ourselves, so gift giving is just.....for fun I guess. I mean, we aren't gifting big ticket items someone really needs if that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930479 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:43:23 +0000 blackbird 1930479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We switched to secret santa a few years ago and it's been great! Really cuts down on the gifts we have to buy. </p> <p>That being said, we still have to buy for immediate family (niece and nephew, DH's mom, my parents.....) but we exchange an "experience" with SIL and BIL (usually we go to a show or something as a couple date)</p> <p>I think a heartfelt card is wonderful :) I also liked baked goods, personally. Personalized touch, not expensive...still a "gift". But if you're not going to see them....then no biggie! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930452 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:34:58 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1930452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and brother were the same way when I told them gifting wasn't something I wanted to do. My shopping list was much, much smaller, but I would go all out. Although, you aren't supposed to gift to reciprocate I was bummed by the quality of gifts I received. I also did not like receiving Christmas lists. </p> <p>I'm not sure what I will do going forward, but I find adult holiday gift exchange so unnecessary. If you want something go buy it yourself. My husband is the same way as me and while he calls me a bad gifted he's so practical about "stuff" that there isn't anything left to give on Christmas morning.</p> <p>I bought my mom some jewelry and maybe will get her something else. I would love to do a Secret Santa or Toys for Tots exchange, eat food and call Christmas celebrated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930451 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:34:34 +0000 artsyfartsy 1930451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's the same for my family. Only my sister agrees with me. I stopped buying for my cousins kids and my mom freaks out about it. I can't afford gifts for 5 extra kids! I've linited it but I still buy for my parents, grandparents, ILs, etc. Christmas would be much more enjoyable if you just bought for your household. I would have so much more to spend on DH and LO and we could buy presents for charity and sponsor a couple of animals at the shelter like we've alwuas wanted to instead of getting nieces and nephews even MORE toys when their parents are already buying them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930445 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:31:23 +0000 Mrs. Train 1930445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our first Christmas when. We're paying off our adoption we gave everyone a family picture. It kept our cost down which was nice and everyone loved having a picture with the newest little member of the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930429 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:22:18 +0000 Cherrybee 1930429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I see!! So she is projecting her own need for gifts (in order to feel loved) onto older family members and getting herself in a tizz that they will feel unloved if your don't send one. Aaw, bless her. Umm, you could make some truffles? They're really easy to make and are such a thoughtful gift! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930412 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:16:16 +0000 looch 1930412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel your pain, I tried to do a secret santa exchange with my extended family and it didn't really go over well, so now we've pretty much cut out all gift giving except to children in the family. It took a long time to get there, but I do agree, when we're passing each other gift cards, what is the point?</p> <p>The really hard sell is my MIL. We normally only participate during years when we are visiting, but this year,we were included. Which means people have to send each other stuff, or have it organized locally. I mean really, is this necessary? I can't wait to see what they do for us, because they can't get their acts together, so I am going along with it so as not to upset my husband. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930410 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:15:27 +0000 Little Misters Mom 1930410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We limit holiday gifts to the kids. So typically we only buy for my niece and nephew and now this year, DS as well. Then for my parents DS will "give" them a photo gift (like a calendar or appointment book). They wouldn't want us to buy them normal gifts, but really like getting grandkid themed stuff for their house or office. My sister does the same to my parents from her kids. It works out because we all have the same expectations.</p> <p>Sometimes we will do a silly/fun family present. One year when we were living in New England, we had live lobsters shipped in for Christmas Eve dinner in California. It wasn't very expensive per person and was a fun gift to everyone. Maybe you can do a similar group gift? If you are all together at some point you could have a photographer come take a nice picture? Matching holiday PJs for everyone? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930406 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:10:52 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1930406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: my mom's love language is definitely gifts!! And I send cards to everyone every year and more regularly "thinking of you" cards to older relatives that don't have email. She specified that it be a gift even if I "made" it. (Not sure what kind of gift to make lol)</p> <p>@Madison43: yep! It's really frustrating! Do people really need another scarf....? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930398 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:04:53 +0000 Madison43 1930398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup. We have this problem every year. Based on my husband's family "traditions" we buy for all the kids, grandparents, great grandparents, and cousins. It's like 15 people. i cannot imagine that anyone enjoys - or can afford - buying this many gifts, but my annual suggestion to limit it is rejected. Very, very frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930394 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:03:30 +0000 Cherrybee 1930394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gifts are very important to my mum. The value doesn't matter to her at all but the "thought" is really important. I guess it's her love language?? She would totally understand if someone was cutting their budget - and a card would be just as special - but if she thought she had been forgotten it would really hurt her. As her daughter, I go out of my way to protect her feelings and will probably remind my grown up kids every year to send Nanna a gift! </p> <p>I wonder if any of your relatives are like this? Or if your parents are and they are just projecting? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-importance-of-presents#post-1930379 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 08:55:15 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1930379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents, and consequently myself, have always had a large amount of people to buy for around christmastime. We buy for aunts, uncles, cousins, even people's pets. I've been thinking this is excessive for a while now, but it's really come to a head this year, as our budget is tight with our adoption expenses.</p> <p>We have scaled way back on our "typical" budget for immediate family and have kicked off a "gramma's house secret Santa" which would encompass over a dozen people. We contacted cousins that we usually just give/receive wine with and suggested we just stop "exchanging wine" (which was kind of silly anyway) and just stick with a card. We've picked out one gift for our son, who clearly isn't even aware of what christmas is.</p> <p>Additionally, we won't be traveling to our family for christmas this year, given that our son will be newly home. So having the least amount of presents to ship is ideal.</p> <p>I've been very shocked at my parents' reaction to this decision. They're really pressing me to buy additional presents for my grandma and aunt, who are encompassed in this large secret Santa. They've suggested i notify people we are cutting our budget/number of gifts. I've been very surprised at how "important" gifts seem to be to my family. </p> <p>Am I crazy? Or does my family just attach too much meaning/significance to Christmas gifts? </p>