https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 14:18:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-923589 Thu, 11 Jul 2013 15:57:36 +0000 BabyMats 923589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FarmWifeGina: haha..good interpretation..I love it and agree </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-920095 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 15:02:13 +0000 Weagle 920095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FarmWifeGina: ok. Should you change your mind, I truly am interested to hear your thoughts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-920081 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:58:34 +0000 FarmWifeGina 920081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: Nah, that's ok. I need to be working and not on the internet, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-920030 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:43:15 +0000 Weagle 920030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FarmWifeGina: In what ways? We can continue this not on this thread if you'd rather ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-920009 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:39:56 +0000 FarmWifeGina 920009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: Ok. I would see those guys as just a little left of Gothard, but, again, that may just be my perspective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-919947 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:18:06 +0000 deactivated_account 919947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I act like the submissive wife, but really I get DH to do most everything I want him to do without him knowing its me directing the show. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-919942 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:17:16 +0000 Weagle 919942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: Gotcha ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-919933 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:15:34 +0000 honeybear 919933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: I think we're basically on the same page on this one. The love in a marriage is supposed to mirror Christ's love for the Church. My point was that promoting happiness isn't the chief reason we have the institution of marriage (from my perspective as a Catholic). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-919930 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:15:19 +0000 Weagle 919930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FarmWifeGina: I think that the responsibilities and dynamic like you mention are how I've seen it work in most of the Christian households I'm around, and I tend to know/be in regular contact with various people in the same circle with the pastors you mention. I don't think the majority of Christian homes outside of the fundy/Gothard/etc world function in a "one decision maker" type house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-919904 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:10:20 +0000 IRunForFun 919904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: That does make sense. Since I'm not ultimately seeking salvation, I approach things in a different way. From my perspective, neither approach is better/worse or wrong/right...just different, but equally fulfilling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/3#post-919896 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:08:28 +0000 FarmWifeGina 919896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And I, for one, have seen more than one Christian couple, including us, who have found much more freedom and happiness and blessing in stepping out of the "roles" we were trying to fit into and just love each other for who we are. Maybe we were all doing it wrong (these are couples who don't necessarily share my fundy background). Personally, I respect my husband, I strive to be his "recreational companion" (term from the Love &amp; Respect book), but I am much more of a leader than he is. That doesn't mean I'm the boss- we brainstorm together A LOT. But I do the manage the household finances, I do the spiritual teaching of our children (because he's out breaking his back for us), the two of us discuss Scripture and doctrine together quite often, as equals, etc. In many ways, we do fulfill traditional gender roles, he goes to work, maintains the vehicles, chops the firewood, I stay at home, keep us fed, keep the house clean, but that has nothing to do with anything, IMO.<br /> But I guess I would say that I disagree with John Piper and Mark Driscoll and those big guys. I think the interpretations that evangelical Christianity has had of certain scriptures for so long is a little off-base. Or maybe that's my own experience coloring my perspective.<br /> I do know that my husband will not sell a crop without consulting me first (and this is a pretty major decision). Not that I ever asked him to, but so far I've been better selling at or near the top of the market and he knows that. So basically, yeah, when it comes to some things, I'm the boss- when I say, "Sell!", we sell. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919882 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:04:53 +0000 Weagle 919882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: I don't agree with your point of marriage, though I'm an evangelical Protestant and have no clue what is taught in the Catholic Church. I would say the point of marriage is to mirror Christ's love to the church with the goal of God being glorified and the Gospel being sent forth.</p> <p>ETA: Yes, we are definitely off-topic here :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919863 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:01:30 +0000 Weagle 919863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Could I just introduce things a different way? I'm not of the opinion that we will get "more" or "better" if we follow a plan. The point of Christianity is salvation. So, as a Christian, my outlook on life is through the lens of Christ's saving work in my life. I think salvation is IT. That in turn informs how I view all things (or should inform, I should say). So, my outlook on many issues is totally different than yours because we have a different core belief system. In that sense, I do think that as a Christian I do have it "better," but that's because I'm thinking about it with following Christ as my goal, not because I'm following a formula. </p> <p>*I don't say that to imply that you're sucking at life because you're not a Christian. I'm just saying that, because what would be the point of me being a Christian if I didn't think it was the best way? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919858 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:00:56 +0000 MrsH 919858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure it can work as some of you already admitted it works for you but it wouldn't work for me. My relationship is a partnership and both of us make decisions. If anything, my stance in some issues holds more weight because my job is the driving factor in where we live and where he has the option to work.</p> <p>I also do not think I need to give deference just because he has a penis and I don't :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919852 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:00:23 +0000 honeybear 919852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this thread has gotten a little off-topic. The original question asked if a marriage based on principles of submission worked anymore. I think it does, but I think people ought to be careful about not cherry-picking Paul's language in Ephesians. I completely understand why lots of people think it doesn't, though. </p> <p>@MrsCB: I think you have mischaracterized the point of a Christian marriage. The objective isn't to have a happy, fulfilled life. It's to have a Christ-like life that gets you into heaven. (Marriage is one of a handful of options for leading such a life, but once you take the vows, it's your only option, at least if you're Catholic.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919850 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:59:57 +0000 runsyellowlites 919850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: Oh that's not biased at all! tehe! I'll have to check it out! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919849 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:59:47 +0000 MrsRoo 919849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: exactly. But if it were 100% up to me to make the decision, I'd be content staying in my safe bubble and being miserable working a PT job that I despise, because its guaranteed income and job security. But I know that he would never try to push me into something that wasn't right for me and my family, so I have no problem following his lead here, even if in my mind, it's the harder, riskier path to take. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919821 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:55:12 +0000 mrsbookworm 919821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this thread is a good example of how we can't really generalize about what makes a good marriage, whether you describe it as blessed, fortunate, over abundant or something else. My DH and I have a great marriage where we share leadership roles and support, love, and respect each other as equal partners. That "plan" works very well for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919804 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:52:36 +0000 Weagle 919804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: I really like the book recommendation list from Capitol Hill Baptist in DC (because it's my church), and books from Desiring God and Sovereign Grace ministries. Just as another resource for you :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919797 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:50:14 +0000 IRunForFun 919797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Interesting thought! I guess I'm just getting caught up on the idea that God says you can have it if you follow his formula....but there's no definition of what IT is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919784 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:47:57 +0000 looch 919784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: maybe if we knew what an over-abundance of happiness was, we wouldn't want it, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919779 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:46:55 +0000 ShootingStar 919779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: I think it's close. I do think that finding that person who will love you your entire life is an amazing gift that people all over the world, regardless of religious philosophy, find. But I'm mainly trying to say there are many ways to a happy life and happy marriage, and following "God's Plan" is just one of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919771 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:44:37 +0000 runsyellowlites 919771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: Ooh I'll have to add that to my reading! Captivating &amp; Wild at Heart are the only books I really know that speak about how we were created men vs women! (Not in the marital sense, just in general)</p> <p>@MrsCB: Gotcha, since I prefaced that there are alot of people who have good fulfilling marriages despite prescribing to Gods formula I just wanted to also point out what God says about what is received by following His instruction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919770 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:44:02 +0000 IRunForFun 919770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: Yes, we definitely see the world differently, and that's perfectly OK! At the same time, I just don't really agree with someone saying, basically, "I understand that you have a different perspective, but I know that MY way is the only right way." </p> <p>@MrsCB: I completely agree, I don't really understand that either! Why can't I be blessed and have an over-abundance of happiness without believing in God's formula? Is there a different kind of blessing/happiness that I don't know about? </p> <p>@MrsRoo: Ohhh, OK, see...I can completely understand that scenario. To me, that sounds more like something you do actually want, but you're a bit afraid, and your husband is encouraging you. That doesn't sound like he's pushing you to do something you have never wanted/considered doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919764 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:42:53 +0000 Weagle 919764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCB: I am of the opinion that marriage in and of itself is a common grace from God to all of us. It is a blessing to be able to find a person we can love and be loved by for the rest of our lives. Is that kind of why you're getting at? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919748 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:40:27 +0000 Weagle 919748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to throw out another book suggestion for those who may be unfamiliar with a Biblical view of marriage/gender roles. It's called Recovering Biblical Manhood &amp; Womanhood by John Piper and Wayne Grudem (mainly). @runsyellowlites: I tend to find those books a bit unhelpful when thinking through these issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919744 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:39:48 +0000 ShootingStar 919744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: I didn't say I have his plan, I said I have a happy life with many blessings in it. Your statement sounded equivalent to saying no one can have the most wonderful and happy marriage without following God's plan - which I disagree with. There are many ways to live a happy, fulfilled life. A Christian marriage is just one of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919742 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:39:00 +0000 MrsRoo 919742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: in the current situation I'm referring to, its work and motherhood related. I've expressed interest in the past in starting my own business, as a sort of dream-never going to really happen-scenario. Hubs feels the time is right for us to jump on it, and I'm scared of failing. My trust in him is allowing me to put aside those negative feelings and move forward. </p> <p>And just like a lot of the ladies here have a hard time *not* thinking of being a submissive wife as a negative thing, I have a hard time thinking that it is anything but good. I grew up with parents in that type of marriage (for 20 years before an untimely death) and my in laws have the same dynamic married for 38 years. I've seen it work my whole life, I don't really have a reason to doubt it, you know?</p> <p>Ugh, I'm so bad at articulating what I'm thinking through the Internet, especially attached to a fussy baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919737 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:37:01 +0000 runsyellowlites 919737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCB: Okay, well if you don't follow God's design how could you have "His" plan (scripturally it's over abundant &amp; exceedingly blessed)?...</p> <p>I guess I don't see how that would be narrow-minded.... Since I'm talking specifically about something only given by God? Kind of like I can't receive a diploma from Harvard if I don't attend &amp; prescribe to Harvards curriculum. That's what that meant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-submissive-wife/page/2#post-919730 Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:35:46 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 919730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: thanks for clarifying the "respect vs. love" comment; I was curious about that too. But, for me, making me feel like my feelings matter IS respect. I know my husband loves me 100%, but if he doesn't acknowledge my feelings what I'm mad about is lack of respect for me as a person, not a lack of loving me. I tend to shy away from any philosophy or idea that works in absolutes, as in men/women are *always* like this and *never* like that. It just doesn't ring true to me. And the gender assigning makes me uncomfortable too (@luckypenny: said it for me).</p> <p>I also don't like the word "submissive" because it's got a negative vibe to it. If I'm "submitting" it's because I have to, not because I want to. What some women are describing as submissive behaviors I would call "compromise" or "partnership". </p>