https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 15:04:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745894 Sat, 10 Jun 2017 05:38:38 +0000 msmilkshake 2745894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTurtle I've been seeing a therapist for about 2 years and it has been so so helpful to me. Like several other people said, I don't think it's ever really possible to talk someone into therapy if they aren't already interested, but I do think the things I've learned have improved my relationships, and maybe seeing that positive change would be enough to get your wife's foot in the door. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745715 Fri, 09 Jun 2017 13:17:09 +0000 youboots 2745715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would absolutely go alone. I've been going for 3 years it helps me be a better wife, Mother, child, small business owner and friend. And it helps me care for myself and set up good boundaries DH and I have a good relationship but so far he has not felt the need to come in to get some guidance on 3rd party issues that have an impact on our family life (we have had ongoing issues with my MIL and Dad). But I think if I insisted he would come. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745681 Fri, 09 Jun 2017 12:10:21 +0000 LCTBQE 2745681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I didn't read every comment so far, but wondering if she'd be more receptive if you set up a joint session with a couples therapist. People often have a jerk negative reaction to that suggestion ("but the relationship is fine!") but if her coping mechanism is an emotional burden you can't carry, it is affecting the relationship. But, you could think of it and present it more as therapy to deal with a problem affecting everyone than marriage counseling. And you could say to her, "I need your help with this." It's hard even for an anti-therapy partner to reject that request. Hang in there, I hope everything turns out okay :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745668 Fri, 09 Jun 2017 11:50:28 +0000 sauerkraut 2745668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I strongly suggest going to a therapist yourself. There's no way you can make another person participate in therapy, and even if you somehow convince your wife to sit through therapy sessions, it's hard to develop a helpful therapeutic relationship with an unwilling participant. </p> <p>BUT, a therapist can help you 1) be supportive of your wife to the best of your ability; 2) set appropriate boundaries when you can't take on all of your wife's stress; and 3) communicate lovingly with your wife about your boundaries and what you can and can't do for her. That's the best you can do for yourself and her. Ultimately, she's an adult who needs to develop effective ways of taking care of herself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745641 Fri, 09 Jun 2017 10:44:53 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2745641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snarkybiochemist: interesting idea. I'm not sure how she'd feel about this. I'll keep it mind as something to suggest for sure. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745500 Fri, 09 Jun 2017 07:29:37 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2745500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I saw a therapist all through college and found it really beneficial, so obviously I support seeing a therapist. I would suggest finding one for yourself first, and making sure that you click with them (don't be afraid to try a few to find the right person). From there you can learn coping mechanisms that are healthy for you and how to best support your wife and yourself. Would your wife be open to a more online based therapist or even text message? I have friends who use talkspace and seem to get a decent amount out of it <a href="https://www.talkspace.com/" rel="nofollow">https://www.talkspace.com/</a> and in this situation it would be similar to what she does now, texting when things are falling apart, it would just be a professional who is replying instead of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745481 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 23:33:51 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2745481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: I have definitely said those exact words a couple of times. It's hard because I want to be supportive and let her vent to me, but it is also a lot of pressure when I feel like I'm the only one that is supposed to make things better. Especially if things are hard for me too.</p> <p>@gingerbebe: I totally understand her POV too. Honestly I'm not that excited about pouring my heart out to a relative stranger either, and probably wouldn't go to a group session by choice either. But I do think that professionals have something to offer and if I am in a situation where I get overwhelmed (which I'm anticipating happening this summer) I'd like to be able to rely partially on someone else who knows what they're doing for some help. I wish she felt the same way, but I do understand where she is coming from. </p> <p>If nothing else, maybe I can get some help and then be better able to help her if she won't go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745469 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:44:13 +0000 gingerbebe 2745469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I understand your wife's POV. I had a bad experience with a therapist in college and never went back. But I did have a very kind psychiatrist who got me on the right meds and really encouraged me to find a way to get the coping skills somehow without a therapist if I wasn't willing to use one. He was like this isn't an all or nothing thing. It was such a great thing to hear. I worked really hard to work on my own personal coping mechanisms through books, listening to audio lectures or watching videos, and paying attention to my nutrition and exercise. I also talked regularly to friends. I used to have crippling depression in college and while I've had PPA/PPD twice with the kids and bouts of anxiety and depression, I can see it happening and turn to my toolbox. Obviously my husband helps me a ton, but I have those key lifeline friends I can send an SOS text or email to and be like "I'm freaking out, all hands on deck." That's why I mentioned the group thing because if she has a friend outside of you who can encourage and coach her (ie remind her of her coping techniques) it will help tremendously.</p> <p>FWIW, my boss' wife was a complete refuser of all therapy and drugs and after my boss FINALLY got her to see a doctor after years of struggle she had a similar experience as me - she and her doctor clicked and the doctor really encouraged her to try one group session to get over the mental block. She did it once for her husband who begged and for her doctor to say she tried and found it actually great. She goes like a few times a week now and my boss says it's been tremendous because she has these tools now and isn't calling him at work flipping out multiple times a day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745467 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:34:15 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2745467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I think seeing the therapist has allowed me to calm myself down before having a big explosion when we are talking about things that stress us out, so it allows me to put more effort into action and meaningful conversation rather that getting into a big worry spiral. Plus I feel like now if she's having trouble being stressed, I can maybe help her instead of her having no one. One day I just thought, man that must suck for her because I always dump on her. I think she even said a couple times 'I'm not sure how to help' and then it somehow clicked. She will always be my support but I need to also be my own support too. This has been 2+ years of me coming around to it and I wish I did it like 10 years ago! I really hope your wife can open up to the idea for everyone's sake or at least research some coping methods on her own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745465 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:29:44 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2745465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: This is a great idea in theory. She would be FAR less likely to go to a group session than a therapist though, so I think I will pick my battles. But I appreciate the suggestion, and it reminded me that there is a foster/adoptive parent support group locally that I could try even if she isn't into it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745463 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:26:31 +0000 gingerbebe 2745463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also look into groups she can go to and talk. Our HMO does a lot of group sessions and people encourage each other as well as learn coping mechanisms from the group leader. Also our church has a foster parent ministry where we actually serve foster families in the county because of the stress they are under - I might look to see if such a resource exists near you. Hugs lady! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745462 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:23:01 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2745462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jhd: Thanks. :heart: Hmm, good point. Maybe an actual "therapist" isn't the best approach with her, since she responds to my suggestions with, "No. I don't like therapists." :) I might see if one of the social workers at our agency could talk to her one on one occasionally. It would be free, informal, and we already know and are comfortable with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745461 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:20:42 +0000 jhd 2745461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: sending lots of love and hugs :heart: I have no advice on getting a spouse to go, but I did see someone to help me process some difficult stuff. My DH also struggled but in a different way and didn't feel the need to see a therapist. I actually ended up meeting with someone from our church who is a retired social worker and volunteers in a program there. All this to say I hope you find something that works for you and potentially your wife as well. There might be various options in the community if you ask around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745460 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:18:44 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2745460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: This is so helpful, thank you. I need to hear it from the perspective of someone in her position. I am going to get started as soon as possible so hopefully if I can share some of what I'm getting out of it that will help. And yes, I was afraid I might have to tell her that I need her to at least consider or try it once for us/me if not for her personally (although I really think it would help her). Do you find that you get more out of a real therapist than you did relying on your DW to help you through things? To me it seems like a professional would be far more helpful than I am, especially because I have my own emotions and stress around the same situations.</p> <p>ETA: Our social worker is bringing out a list of recommended therapists with experience in foster care grief/loss so I'll be sure to make that list available! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745459 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:14:40 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2745459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was your wife in this situation. I relied a lot on DW to talk me down when I was upset and anxious. After our son was born, I had a lot of stress and anxiety but I didn't follow through. This year DS spent 8 days in hospital and I had crazy anxiety afterwards...I swear like PTSD type symptoms. She had dropped hints about a free service through work to see a therapist but I brushed it off. I came to the realization that I couldn't put my stress on her, that I needed to find strategies to help myself so I called.</p> <p>I thought a lot of it would be hokey and not apply to me, but I feel so much more confident that I have tools to manage something I've dealt with my whole life. It's empowering. </p> <p>I think you seeing someone and mentioning the benefits, speaking with her about how you both are struggling, etc. She may need to realize that you need help too and can't be the only source of support. Keep talking about it. Tell her you need her to consider it for the good of your relationship. I had to come to the decision on my own, but I think my wife encouraging it and having a number to call made it easier.</p> <p>ETA: if she is still reluctant, encourage strategies like journaling, meditation, etc. She can do those on her own at least. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/therapy-1#post-2745458 Thu, 08 Jun 2017 21:02:02 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2745458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've never been to therapy before but have never been opposed to it either, just haven't felt the need. Well, this summer is looking like it's going to be really rough, and I've been considering finding a therapist in an effort to make sure things don't get bad enough that I feel like I can't handle them. Realistically I think this should be a requirement for all new foster parents. </p> <p>My wife is similarly stressed, if not more so, but refuses to try a therapist. She's always been anti-therapy, so I understand that it isn't just about this situation. She says she doesn't like therapists. I'm worried that her usual coping mechanisms won't be enough this summer.</p> <p>My biggest concern, beyond her own mental health, is that she tends to use me when things get really hard and I'm not sure I'm going to be up to the task of being the strong one. She texts me when she's really stressed and feels like things are falling apart. Normally, things aren't falling apart and I can logically work through it with her and be the calm one. This summer, things might fall apart in a way they haven't for us before. And if that happens, I'm worried I won't be able to shoulder that burden. </p> <p>Any suggestions? Has anyone ever talked their spouse into therapy when they didn't want to go? Did it do any good if they started out skeptical? Is there a way I can help her through it without trying to force her into therapy? </p>