https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 10:37:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-974805 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 09:15:51 +0000 LuLu Mom 974805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: It really has been a lifesaver for us, because it is written out and posted, it's quick reference on what needs to be done. And once you get in the routine it goes really quick. I"ll make dinner and he picks up the living room/dining room while playing with LO. I give LO a bath and he's picking up the bathroom/kitchen/ect. So it really does only take us a few minutes to have a presentable house. Weekends is when we "deep clean" and scrub floors and bathrooms, but beause everythign else is maintained it goes sooo fast! If you want I can post to your wall what our list looks like if you need ideas! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-974717 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 08:47:34 +0000 T.H.O.U. 974717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: We need to go through and write out a weekly chore chart (I was going to start a post on this today). DH is great about cooking and usually even cleaning up, but then he crashes. I don't think he even thinks or realizes that other chores like laundry, diapers, toy pick up, needs to be done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-974687 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 08:41:57 +0000 LuLu Mom 974687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: ahh thank you. I'm sure it sounds btter writte out then when I said it but it was really worked for us the last few months. I keep the list posted on the side of the fridge (I have a nightly list, and a weekly/monthly list we do too.) Splitting the housework has made life smoother and more enjoyable for me, and he doesn't complain since it's all written out. And it makes weekly cleaning so much easier because we are keeping the house in order throughout the week! I would say we are clos to 50/50 (I still handle a little more of LO, she's a momma's girl right now) but I think it has honestly worked for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-973622 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 17:29:56 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 973622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I disagree with the two people drowning analogy. I mean,yes, that's how it is right now... but expressing what you need to express is being honest and should help get you guys a life preserver or two, not dragging him down. It was too heartfelt to be hurtful, honestly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-973600 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 17:19:56 +0000 lizzywiz 973600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: well done! Really. I am going to borrow this. Thanks! I wish our world leaders had some of your diplomacy skills. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-973479 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 16:18:16 +0000 LuLu Mom 973479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: The way I put it to him was by first praising him as a father, because he is a great dad and our daughter adores him. I said something along these lines "honey I know you have had a stressful day at work &amp; you want to relax, but I worked all day too, plus I've made dinner and got LO ready for bed. Right now I'm feeling overwelmed with all my duties that it would be amazing if you could help pick up some of the slack before unwinding for the night. I made this checklist of stuff that I would really like done nightly before we go to the couch, lets get these done and then we can relax together." </p> <p>By having a list (it's like 6 things: kitchen cleaned up, laundry put away/done, bathrooms cleaned, dishwasher unloaded, ect.) that we complete after LO is in bed, our house is in order, I can relax and enjoy the rest of the night with my DH. My biggest thing is I"m the one that is always donig the housework &amp; by thte time I sit down it's 9 pm and I want to crash. If DH helps we can be done by 8 and have that extra hour of together time. Not saying it's perfect, but it has cut about 99% of our bickering at nights about housework! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-973428 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 15:55:10 +0000 lizzywiz 973428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: how were able to put "I need a partner not another child," into non-hurtful language? That isn't exactly what I want to say but I figure if you managed to communicate that respectfully you could communicate anything! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972955 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 13:45:45 +0000 LuLu Mom 972955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that was extremely well written and well thought out. Right now our marriage is on a great track, but we were in a rut a few months ago. I felt like I was doing it all and it was draining me, I need a partner not another child and that is what I had to express to him. We both WOFT and are tired when we get home, but we have a precious child to interact and engage beacue she only gets a couple hours with us, I need to make those count, and I feel like DH should too, instead of plopping down on couch with his phone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972930 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 13:40:02 +0000 purrpletulips 972930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written all of that. </p> <p>Along with: it really isn't "helping" when all you do in the morning is change DS' diaper and get him dressed then hand him off to me to nurse along with getting DD up and dressed, supervise her bed making, fix her hair, feed and let the dog out, then get everyone (and everything) packed in the car and out the door; all while you get yourself ready then sit and watch TV (since you no longer feel motivated to goto to work early). If you hear me doing something, ask if you can help when you first notice not after 10 minutes when I'm likely to be done. If it is my night off from dinner, then it isn't appropriate to ask me to help you or come up with the side dishes; do not get angry when I get grumpy because you need help cooking dinner the ONE night a week that you do it when I don't get any help the other six nights. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972888 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 13:25:05 +0000 cheert16 972888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: this is beautifully written and I can totally agree with everything you are saying!! Hugs to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972784 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 13:00:02 +0000 lolabee 972784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Beautifully written, your emotions are alive on the page. Give it to him when you're ready! I definitely relate....thanks for sharing with us! Hugs </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972622 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 12:23:11 +0000 hellobeeboston 972622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh man - this is poignant for me right now.... I just wrote in my october mama's board about how everyone was managing to keep their marriage up with their new babies.... LO is 9 months old and I fully admit to putting DH to the side - all of my love and energy has been going into my son - and he does the same. It's so sad. We had a very frank conversation about how we were not happy and we're going to get counseling or start to do something to change it. It's so hard. I feel so weird &amp; indifferent in some ways. I'm just so tired. so so tired. I work all day, come home and love my few hours with my son, and then I'm done... but that can't be our future. I know I need to make a change --- i'm thinking of writing out something like this and sharing it with him to get some conversation started.... I do think you should share this, or something similar with him. It will help in the long run, even though it will likely sting now. </p> <p>thanks for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972527 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 11:54:47 +0000 Bartilbe 972527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This post made me wanna hug and thank my wife. Thank you for sharing. It is easy to forget what others do for me while I am focused on what I do for others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972283 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 11:08:03 +0000 looch 972283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've written letters to my husband when we've hit rough spots, it's worked to open up our lines of communication.</p> <p>I am not on the other side myself yet and my son is 2.5 years old...but I like how @MsLipGloss put it. I am now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972270 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 11:04:13 +0000 googly-eyes 972270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs. I think we have felt like the two people drowning too. But you're right.. It's a stage like all the others. And when LO sttn that will really help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972161 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 10:37:00 +0000 MsLipGloss 972161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: We haven't exactly made it to the other side, but at least at this point I know that one exists! ((hugs)) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-972142 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 10:32:48 +0000 lizzywiz 972142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: @MamaMoose: @Maysprout: @Mrs. Champagne: @dc yoga bee: @Lindsay05: @plantains: @luckypenny: @mfa_lady:<br /> I know I need to find a way to share this with him but I just can't imagine how to do it without hurting him. Underlying everything between us is a feeling of disappointment that we didn't rock this new parenthood thing. There has never been anything that could shake our foundation and we never thought that M would be the game changer (naive, I know). I guess it reminds me of the two people drowning analogy- I feel like any help I ask for or any discontent I express puts him further underwater and vice versa.</p> <p>@babyjmama: @Crumbs: @luckypenny: @hilsy85: @MsLipGloss: @yoursilverlining: It is beyound inspiring to me when other women share that they have been through the same thing, especially when they have made it to the other side. {{{thanks}}}</p> <p>@yoursilverlining: "I always knew marriage was a partnership and why it was important to pick someone to marry who I knew would be an excellent partner, but I never really knew what that meant until we had kids."<br /> That is how I am feeling. We have been through tragedy and family loss and military deployments and unemployment, not to mention surviving our twit-brained 20's together. Nothing has challenged our partnership like having M. Parenthood is forging our relationship in ways I didn't foresee and ,damn, this fire is HOT! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-971028 Sun, 28 Jul 2013 19:55:39 +0000 mfa_lady 971028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: well-said, respectful, and honest. hope you're able to communicate this to your DH - he's lucky to have such a thoughtful lady to go through life with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-970950 Sun, 28 Jul 2013 19:07:43 +0000 lizzywiz 970950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are currently in the midst of a power outage (day three, blerg), so I am logging on for a moment to seize these words of encouragement, but I will have to respond in length the next time I can get to a power source, probably tomorrow morning.</p> <p>Thank you, so much, ladies. This post and your replies helped me get through the weekend without doing permanent damage to anyone :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969642 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 21:31:21 +0000 yoursilverlining 969642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written this word for word in the beginning. For a bit I slogged on, keeping it all inside (although he knew I wasn't happy and things were not right); the day we sat down and I told him exactly how I felt, all my fears and all the things I didn't want to say because I thought like they made me sound like an ungrateful, shitty mom....that was the day our relationship became the strongest it has been. I think you guys should "schedule" some time; either get a babysitter or wait until you know you'll have an hour or two to yourselves, sit together, write everything down so you don't leave anything out and tell him.</p> <p>I always knew marriage was a partnership and why it was important to pick someone to marry who I knew would be an excellent partner, but I never really knew what that meant until we had kids. You are partners, you should be able to share with each other! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969590 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 21:12:57 +0000 MsLipGloss 969590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Ditto. The sleep deprivation mothers come to know has no equal . . . of this I am sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969538 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 20:56:47 +0000 hilsy85 969538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I so relate to the sleep issue...I love how you put that aspect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969473 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 20:39:30 +0000 luckypenny 969473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were there a while ago. Hang in there! Tell him EXCACTLY this! Communication got us through it. Thinking of you :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969393 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 19:42:54 +0000 plantains 969393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: beautifully written, definitely show it to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969380 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 19:25:36 +0000 yerpie110 969380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is achingly beautiful. You should definitely show your husband!! And think about being a blogger ;) hope things get better!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969365 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 19:08:47 +0000 SugarplumsMom 969365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love your writing style and it really speaks to me because I've amassed a growing resentment for my DH, for most of the same things you've written about. I suck at keeping things in though. Maybe I should have just written a letter ... But that bit in the end, it's true. It'll pass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969311 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 18:04:02 +0000 Lindsay05 969311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww sorry its a rough time. From the sounds of it you still love him and I agree you should give him the letter. I hope it gets better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969252 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 17:16:06 +0000 dc yoga bee 969252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>((Hugs)), I agree, show it to him in writing. This is very well-written, and conveys so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969251 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 17:15:00 +0000 Maysprout 969251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww, I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch, I agree with the others, you expressed what you were feeling well.</p> <p>Or just say 'if you want sex, I need sleep.....balls in your court to figure out how to make it happen' :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-i-wish-i-could-say-to-my-husband#post-969241 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 17:08:06 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 969241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree you should show this to him. Hugs! </p>