https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 23:43:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person/page/2#post-2750506 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 18:12:06 +0000 Tanjowen 2750506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I'm so sorry you are going through this. And people say the stupidest things sometimes. </p> <p>I had several losses the past 2 years, and if I had one more damn person tell me to take essential oils to "get pregnant " I was going to lose it. I can obviously get pregnant thanks, just couldn't manage to stay pregnant. And in the middle of a loss, bleeding and hormonal, I really don't want your advice period. Or to hear how I HAVE to try again (that would be my mom). I have an unfair hatred of essential oils now over it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person/page/2#post-2750498 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 17:39:44 +0000 Miss Ariel 2750498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: by any chance, have you doctors mentioned dermatomyositis to you? (According to google it's often found in combination with sjogren's.) it's what my mom had and your symptoms sound eerily similar.</p> <p>Basically she had a full body rash that didn't respond to steroids. She tried to see a specialist but because it was "just a rash" had a several month wait. It was only when my dad was talking to a family friend who was a doctor someone was able to diagnose her. And only then would a specialist see her now realizing how serious it actually was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person/page/2#post-2750487 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 17:14:10 +0000 travelgirl1 2750487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: A few ENTs who were all great and stuck with him but finally discharged him saying it was a neurology issue. A neurologist who was terrible. A physio who admitted she had no clue what to do with him (he's a physio too so he was able to rehab himself a bit initially) and some ophthalmologists now his eye is affected. His neurologist was awful though and so we paid privately to find a new one a few hours away. This new neurologist seems much better and wrote to DH's GP asking for him to refer him back to himself, but in an NHS capacity so he could order another MRI. We also paid for an appointment with a physio who specialized in facial paralysis and had neurological training. She was very good. It started early October and we literally have no clue what is wrong with him. But he can't work so has been at home since then.<br /> I really hope you get to the bottom of your illness too, it must be awful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person/page/2#post-2750470 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 16:30:34 +0000 Anagram 2750470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: gluten and dairy for vaginal pain, FTW!!! That's even better than paleo for dry eyes. Totally ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person/page/2#post-2750469 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 16:28:56 +0000 Anagram 2750469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travelgirl1: Oh, that's really terrible that your husband is having partial paralysis and no one has figured it out yet! That's crazy. What kinds of specialists has he been referred to? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person/page/2#post-2750339 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:58:42 +0000 avivoca 2750339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travelgirl1: Yes, he has fully recovered. He has a host of other health complications not related to that, but he is glad to be able to move his face again!</p> <p>I sincerely hope that they are able to figure out what is going on with the next MRI. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person/page/2#post-2750335 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:55:00 +0000 travelgirl1 2750335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: Thanks ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person/page/2#post-2750333 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:50:49 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2750333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travelgirl1: thoughts and prayers to your DH. Sorry to hear that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750329 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:47:34 +0000 travelgirl1 2750329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: ❤️ Thank you! It's not Bells Palsy, but initially they thought it might be. It presents differently though, and has been called a "complicated" facial palsy that started with a virus but they haven't been able to figure out what is causing it and many nerves are affected. Now his eye on the affected side hardly opens either. Hopefully the next MRI will shed some light on it. Is your FIL fully recovered now? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750314 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:31:20 +0000 avivoca 2750314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travelgirl1: Wow, I am so sorry this is happening to your husband! People would say similar things to my FIL when he was dealing with Bell's Palsey and it would enrage him and my MIL. I hope that the doctors can figure out what is going on with your husband. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750309 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:26:31 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2750309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: omg that is horrible. I would definitely have some words for him!! My regular doctor always says there isn't anything really wrong until you get really sick, too. im about to switch but that drives me nuts since I usually wait a couple weeks into the symptoms to see them and then that office wants to always wait it out another few weeks. "Try Paleo" for dry eyes.. that's a new level though! 😡 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750301 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:21:44 +0000 travelgirl1 2750301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I'm so sorry you're ill. DH has been ill since October and we have no idea what is wrong with him but the longer it goes on the more likely it is it's something serious. People haven't been too bad - mainly because he really avoids people so it's me dealing with the questions and advice. At the start there was so much trying to guess what it could be, all kinds of weird and wonderful stuff. But the doctors haven't been able to figure it out either so those comments have mostly stopped. These days there are a lot of "tell him to relax, it could just he stress" comments. He IS relaxing, thanks. Stress does not paralyze your face and make you this sick!!!! Lots of "tell him to keep exercising" (he can't) and bits of advice. The thing that gets to me the most is people trivialising it: "everything happens for a reason" "it will all work out in the end" etc etc. It makes me so cross, none of us know what this thing is, so don't tell me it is happening for a reason and that it will all be okay. Anyway, in general, people are doing really well, it isn't easy to react to our situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750290 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:10:19 +0000 nana87 2750290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gaaaah I'm so sorry it's taking so long for you to get answers!</p> <p>My mil and sil are the kind of people that are always suggesting answers when you complain about the slightest thing to them. Even if they have no idea or no experience, they are all know it all-y and it's like a compulsion to provide a solution. Like, I once said something about weird postpartum hair issues to my sil who has never had kids and probably never even heard about postpartum hair loss or growth and she started suggesting hair products (also ridic bc we have totally different types of hair). It's never been about anything big; I realized that I would just complain to make small talk sometimes and I just can't do that with them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750277 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:57:37 +0000 Jess1483 2750277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I went to an OB (not my regular, she was on maternity leave) for recurrent yeast infections (or so I thought...eventually I saw another OB who prescribed estrogen, which was the game-changer). She was like "don't eat gluten and dairy" before she even examined me. Um, thanks, but no...I'm pretty sure eating dairy isn't causing my vaginal pain, but thanks for your insight...</p> <p>I'm sorry you're having such a rough go with this sickness. I hope you find answers soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750263 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:40:00 +0000 littlejoy 2750263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Ugh! I'm sorry you're going through this, AND having to navigate stupid comments. </p> <p>For the record, I think it's entirely appropriate just to say, "I'm really sorry you're going through this. Is there any way I can help you?" ... people often want to give advice, but like you said, when it's unsolicited, it just comes off as annoying.</p> <p>Not illness related, but I had breastfeeding "failure" due to genetic factors. I had to order an off-label medication (Domperidone) to see it it would help boost my supply. Friends who meant well would say things like, "Drink a beer!" or "Just eat some oatmeal!". I wanted to be like, "Dude!! I am ordering illegal medication, from a little island off the coast of Australia to make this work, but yeahhhh, I didn't try beer first!" ... ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750251 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:24:58 +0000 autumnleaves 2750251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry you are going through this! I don't like being told you look terrible but I also don't like the you look great comments - no I don't and I know it so quit with the bs is what I think but don't say.<br /> I cannot believe that eye doctor - wtf seriously. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750245 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:15:15 +0000 LCTBQE 2750245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I have a new dermatologist, a baby, and no cat 👌🏻 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750240 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:09:33 +0000 Anagram 2750240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: OMG, the kitten thing..WTF?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750239 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:08:14 +0000 hummusgirl 2750239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry! I hope it resolves soon. I had an unexplained itch about a year ago and it was awful. I remember counting down the hours until I could go to sleep just for a few hours of relief. &lt;3 &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750238 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:07:43 +0000 LCTBQE 2750238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I haven't been very active here lately, but so sorry you've been having such a hard time and that it's dragging out so long :heart: the holistic crowd is so completely useless, the diet/paleo holy rollers are fucking useless, and the mind over matter crowd can go fuck themselves. </p> <p>The "just relax" advice is what people told me when I had two miscarriages in a row and it still makes me livid to think of it. Also your optometrist story reminded me--I had my dermatologist tell me to get a kitten (!!!!!) to help me foster maternal instincts that would help me carry a pregnancy. Because I was miscarrying because I'm not cuddly and sweet enough, duh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750236 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:05:59 +0000 MrsSCB 2750236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Oh, wow, I remember reading one of your posts and thinking it reminded me of what my mom went through. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but I hope putting a name and condition to it will help them figure out how to manage things! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750231 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:04:22 +0000 Anagram 2750231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: oh yeah, I agree. I've read so many articles about how women are more likely to have symptoms overlooked by doctors, and overweight/obese patients of both genders are often just "diagnosed fat", where they tell patients that every ailment under the sun is because they are overweight.</p> <p>And, I agree that many things can be caused my obesity--there is plenty of research showing that...but that doesn't mean that EVERY problem is caused by weight.</p> <p>Like, when an eye doctor starts telling you that your dry eyes are caused by a non paleo diet, there's a problem.</p> <p>Earlier in the year, I was having a lot of foot pain. I have flat feet, which causes issues as you get older, so it's not that surprising that I started having the issues. But my podiatrist DID say in a gentle way that extra weight wouldn't help my feet/ankles/knees, but he also said that even the most fit people with flat feet will eventually have problems and need orthopedic inserts or surgery eventually. And he had flat feet and said he has had issues (he's also very fit). And sure enough, I started wearing inserts and now I have no foot pain. And I haven't really lost weight. Problem solved.</p> <p>I'm a size 12, by the way, so I'm not huge. But I have gained weight since having kids and getting older, etc. I guess it's interesting to see how different doctors treat you, when you compare my pre-kids (not overweight at all) to me post-kids (about 20 lbs to lose). It's a pretty huge difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750223 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:53:24 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2750223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: No I didn't mean for you, I meant its just frustrating when doctors in general (like your eye doctor) dont do a thorough look at the root cause and instead want to just push you away with a BS answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750221 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:51:46 +0000 Anagram 2750221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: yeah, but my doctors have run so many blood tests, looking at my blood count, platelets, uric acid levels. I assume they have done all that to eliminate the possibility of any cancers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750220 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:48:58 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2750220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Wow, I would DEFINITELY write that letter.</p> <p>Unfortunately one of the biggest symptoms of Lymphoma is a rash that poor people have to deal with multiple doctors telling them for years that its eczema. When some blood tests and scans would show its something much more serious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750200 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:24:23 +0000 Anagram 2750200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: What's funny to me is that I posted here about....oh, 2-3 months ago? Because I went to an eye doctor about my constantly red, dry eyes. And spoiler alert: I have Sjogren's, which causes red, dry eyes! But that eye doctor--an eye doctor!! Not a nutritionist, or even an internist, or a functional medicine doctor, or anything else--an eye doctor!-- told me that my eyes weren't even that red or dry, but that if *I felt they were *, then it was probably because of my "standard american diet" (btw--he didn't ask me about my diet) and that I needed to go Paleo.<br /> He actually got out a prescription pad and wrote down "Paleo diet". An EYE DOCTOR!</p> <p>I'm not typically a vengeful person, but I am 100% going to write that eye doctor a letter, and tell him I did a Whole30 for 60 days, and it didn't help my eyes--BECAUSE I HAVE SJOGREN's, which he missed, didn't bring up, didn't even consider. Asshole. I'm pretty sure he looked at me, decided I had some pounds to lose, and then stopped thinking about anything beyond that.</p> <p>Infuriating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750184 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:07:23 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2750184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: ah just read your comment. So it wasn't "just" mono. Ugh I'm sorry. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750183 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:06:43 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2750183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: sorry you've been so sick. It was mono right? </p> <p>When my dd had weeks of multiple times a day diarrhea the director of her preschool told me to read a book on gluten free diets.. as though she developed celiac overnight. (And don't even get me started on people's overuse of "needing" to be gluten free.)</p> <p>I have some pretty uncomfortable/painful GI flares and my MIL loves to tell me I should follow the BRAT diet as though it'll magically go away if I eat a piece of toast... like thanks my GI doc didn't think of that! She means well. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750180 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:05:01 +0000 looch 2750180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Awww, hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/things-not-to-say-to-a-sick-person#post-2750179 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:04:03 +0000 Anagram 2750179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: I have sjogren's! And they think the Mono that I had about 7 weeks ago made me have a huge flare up, I guess. That's the basic answer.</p> <p>But no one really has an answer for why the rash didn't respond to steroids the first go-around. So we're going to try steroids again + plaquinil and see if there's some improvement. </p>