https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 01:59:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me/page/2#post-1004089 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 12:27:19 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1004089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: This is a very good point. You don't want your LO to continue to see this behavior and think it's ok to tell "white lies"</p> <p>I feel as if he got defensive b/c he wasn't where he said he was. And to me, that's not something I would turn a blind eye to in order to keep the peace. Marriage is hard, and there are battles to be chosen (getting upset over DH missing the hamper) and things that you shouldn't let go. </p> <p>Are you still seeking counseling together? Is it something you can bring up during your time together? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me/page/2#post-1004040 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 12:16:27 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1004040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it just him going to the movies by himself you are worried about? Or could knowing his real whereabouts and what he was up to do irreparable harm to your marriage?</p> <p>Ignorance is bliss and keeps folks happily married. If your gut is telling you something is up your husband is being sloppy with his sneakiness. Whatever he is doing and not telling you, but you are sensing is causing you stress. Stress ais bad for your health.</p> <p>Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me/page/2#post-1004010 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 12:07:20 +0000 MrsH 1004010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@secondtimearound: while you may not be arguing about it that isn't necessarily the same thing as peaceful if you are always worrying about what are the truth/lies. In a previous relationship I also had a SO who just couldn't seem to tell the truth about the most mundane issues. Then he started lying about bigger things.</p> <p>I would really try and have open and honest communications with each other to be happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me/page/2#post-1003824 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 11:15:04 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1003824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@secondtimearound: wow, that is a tough situation. I really don't think you should "keep the peace". Do you want to feel this way through the rest of your marriage? Have your child sense the distrust you have towards your husband? Technology mishap or not, his reaction was not healthy. I think you should explore and work through this issue with him and probably should involve a 3rd party counselor (maybe let him choose someone?). </p> <p>I hope you can resolve this with him. Lies and distrust are really icky feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me/page/2#post-1003804 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 11:03:52 +0000 looch 1003804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you also have to consider your child...do you want him or her to grow up with this kind of behaviour, from both sides? </p> <p>Marriage is not easy, I agree, but there has to be some baseline for appropriate behaviour from each partner. </p> <p>I hope you find a workable solution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me/page/2#post-1003790 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 11:00:19 +0000 littlek 1003790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@secondtimearound: Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand why he would be defensive if he was where he said he was. I'm not sure what your past is, but it seems like you have trust issues, maybe something has happened in the past? If so, you really need to go to counseling together. I don't think turning a blind eye is going to help either on of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003789 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 11:00:17 +0000 Dandelion 1003789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@secondtimearound: There are some people who lie so much that it's such a habit that they lie before they even think about what they're lying about. My ex was one of them. the crazy thing is that they're the ones who are easy to tell if they've been lying, cause you're so used to the lies.</p> <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this. You can wall me or anything if you want to vent or anything. It sucks, I know. Being lied to just really really sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003786 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 10:59:41 +0000 pui 1003786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@secondtimearound: I would try and sit him down and be reason with him... explain to him why you feel that he may be hiding something and repeat that you don't WANT to distrust him. Try to come to a compromise that you both can work with. If he remains defensive and won't talk about it calmly, I'd look in to a few couple's counselling sessions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003778 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 10:57:31 +0000 secondtimearound 1003778@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi all. We did talk when he got home last night, but it didn't go very well. He was extremely defensive and made it seem as if I was causing him a tremendous amount of stress. He kept saying that "I guess I'll just start calling you from everywhere I go..." in a very sarcastic manner. I don't know why, even if I was wrongly accusing him of being dishonest, he pressed his defense of much. In my book, that's a cover-up tactic and a way to make himself feel better.</p> <p>I met with my therapist this morning (who knows him as well) and she thinks that he's spending a lot of his energy making up mistruths. She doesn't think that he is as transparent as he claims to be and that this may be a deeper issue, which I have believed all along.</p> <p>I am trying to decide if I am more comfortable sticking to my guns and letting him know that I don't buy it (with this and other similar situations) or if I should just turn a blind eye to keep the peace. I play this game with myself a lot, trying to figure out if it's worth it to press my issues with him or just live a "happy" existence (happy=peaceful in this sense). My therapist urged me to think about when this behavior started and I think I have pinned that down, so that's at least a starting point.</p> <p>Part of me feels like this was just an honest technology snafu and I am completely overreacting. But then my mood changes and I get upset all over again.</p> <p>Marriage is hard somedays...</p> <p>Thank you all for your amazing support and perspectives... you have no idea how much it helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003421 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 09:21:33 +0000 Mrsbells 1003421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@secondtimearound: Sorry you are dealing with this. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003416 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 09:20:25 +0000 Crisark 1003416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My exhusband did this a lot. He was in the service and I was so convinced he was cheating that one time he told me that his ship was going out for 2 weeks and I didn't believe him enough that I drove to the base and checked to make sure his ship was still there......my suspicions were correct as he was cheating/lying and has now been married to his then mistress for 6 years.</p> <p>Not by any means saying anything that serious is going on in your relationship but sometimes when we think we are being crazy it's really our body's way of telling us something isn't right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003398 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 09:15:34 +0000 Adira 1003398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really have any advice. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I hope things work out. *hug* &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003382 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 09:08:04 +0000 blackbird 1003382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be worried, too...but i will say that I once responded to one of DH's texts at the gym (right before we went for a run--i was taking my phone to listen to music) and he wrote back, "aren't you at the gym?!?!" very confused until I explained myself. </p> <p>I do agree that is a very long time to be working out. Does he shower at the gym? Or does he come home all sweaty? I know it's insanely obvious when i've just worked out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003359 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 08:57:44 +0000 Jellyfish 1003359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you are going through this, there's no feeling worse than lack of trust. Maybe you should talk to him about it before it festers into something bigger and worse?? Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003347 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 08:54:44 +0000 littlek 1003347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: hahahaha.. i totally would too.. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003340 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 08:53:15 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1003340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a bf in Jr. HS that lied about everything. That was so long ago, yet I can still remember how crazy it made me. I have no advice, I just want you to know you're not crazy, it's his actions that's making you crazy :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003293 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 08:37:30 +0000 pui 1003293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems so odd... why would he feel he needs to hide going to the movies? Is he one of those people who makes a habit of lying for no reason? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003288 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 08:36:16 +0000 Sunshine1810 1003288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: Haha I am that crazy too. I would have gone on the wtich hunt as well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003283 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 08:34:28 +0000 MrsTiz 1003283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I agree..I don't think lying about where you are is a "white lie" by any stretch of the imagination. Saying you got ALL your quotes done at work when you really still have a couple to do, that's a white lie..lying about where you are for hours at a time is hiding something.</p> <p>How long was he gone OP? Lke PP said, 2.5 hours at the gym is a LOOONNNG time.</p> <p>I'm a little more crazy than you, so I would have taken sleeping LO on a witch hunt baha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003278 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 08:31:14 +0000 littlek 1003278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@secondtimearound: Did you talk to him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003220 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 08:03:32 +0000 Sunshine1810 1003220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry you are going through this! My guess is that your gut instinct is right, and while FB can be wrong when it lists your location, I find it a little too coincidential that it listed him in the same town that the movie theater is (which isn't exactly right near your house).</p> <p>I don't blame you for checking at the gym and I don't think you sound crazy at all. I used to get that way with my ex when I knew he was lying to me. I could always tell, and would get this awful feeling in my stomach.</p> <p>I hope you talked to him when he got home. I always found that it was harder for my ex to lie to me when he was looking right at me. I wouldn't let it go though, honesty is important in a relationship.</p> <p>Good luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003197 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 07:55:15 +0000 looch 1003197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it comes down to whether or not you can live with this behaviour or not. White lies mean different things to different people, but honestly, to me, it's one thing to say that someone's outfit is flattering when you don't really mean it as opposed to saying you are at the gym when you are really not. One has intent to conceal, and for me, that's unacceptable.</p> <p>I ended my last relationship because I couldn't stand being played as the fool. I am not saying you should end yours, but decide what your tolerance level is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003186 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 07:51:44 +0000 Bao 1003186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really sorry, have you brought up this issue with him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003179 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 07:49:42 +0000 Dandelion 1003179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know exactly how you feel. My ex husband lied to me all the time. All the time. even when I would catch him he would continue lying. It's the biggest reason for our split cause I couldn't take it. He's even been fired from jobs for dishonesty. He'd say he did something, when he actually hadn't, and then try to cover it up. He continued to lie after we split, saying he had paid child support, when he hadn't (thankfully, the courts caught up to him)</p> <p> He still does it to this day, when dealing with stuff with DS. It's bad when I can trust my 6 year old over a 30 year old man.</p> <p>Hugs for you. I know how frustrating it is. I know you just want to shake him and tell him to stop. It's really bad. Lying is the worst. Makes you wonder what else has been lied about.</p> <p>I always stress with DS and my new DH that honesty is number one with me and I can sniff out a lie in no time, so might as well be honest with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003156 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 07:41:17 +0000 MrsH 1003156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you feel like there is (and that there may be) an underlying dishonesty in the relationship. I would really explain to him that you need him to tell you the truth no matter how unimportant it may seem to him because you think it is creating a bigger issue in your relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1003056 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 07:06:56 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1003056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're dealing with this - trust issues are so hard! I think if your gut instinct is telling you something's been off with DH and things aren't lining up, you're probably right.... :( </p> <p>That said, sometimes FB does say that I'm in the next city over from where I'm actually at... it can be screwy sometimes. Hopefully in this instance, he really was at the gym like he claimed. I agree with what @coacheswife123: said! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1002889 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 04:05:51 +0000 wheres_c 1002889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>did you talk to him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1002850 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 03:18:59 +0000 illumina 1002850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're going through this! Part of me wants to tell you to trust your Dh and talk to him, but I'm sure you have probably tried this and besides it's not what I would do, so I won't say that ;)</p> <p>What I would do is stop mentioning anything to him which shows you doubt his actions or whereabouts. Then I would have done what you suggested and followed him to the gym, without him knowing. I would definitely try and verify what he is saying, but just don't let him know... that way if he *is* telling the complete truth, he won't know you don't completely trust him!</p> <p>I hope you have a positive outcome :hug: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1002288 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 21:32:55 +0000 Lindsay05 1002288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry you feel this way. FWIW, FB will detect me about 15 minutes away from where I actually live. Granted I live in the country and it may just pick up the closest center but still. When things like this happen its so hard for your mind to just assume the worse. I have no real advice and it sounds like you have discussed this already with him. I hope you can confront him on how you are feeling so that you can stop worrying about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/think-my-dh-is-not-being-honest-with-me#post-1002281 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 21:31:38 +0000 pl0508 1002281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does he normally work out for hours at a time ?? That would be the tip off for me. If he movies are 30 min away and he sees a movie that is 1.5 he long then drives back he's gone 2.5 hrs. That's a lengthy workout ! </p>