https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 16:03:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556520 Wed, 25 May 2016 16:44:31 +0000 BSB 2556520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556498 Wed, 25 May 2016 16:27:24 +0000 honeybear 2556498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I think you're making the right choice to wait and see. :) Honestly, there isn't anything "bad" to come of not doing it right away from a spiritual standpoint, and I think the family dynamics here make it prudent to wait. Although I'm a fan of infant baptism, and I generally think babies should be baptized sooner rather than later, I think this is one situation where it's worth it for the family to figure it out together. And I think it's an EXCELLENT idea to all go to Mass together! Prayers for you and your babes. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556486 Wed, 25 May 2016 16:14:48 +0000 BSB 2556486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So DH is having some reservations about the Lutheran church now. I think a part of it is his dad, who divorced his mom, is now highly religious and has been saying some stuff to DH. FIL is disappointed that DH isn't closer to God. DH is turned off by it now. </p> <p>If he goes to church, he will be faking it and he doesn't want that. </p> <p>He said he'll be okay with having the twins baptized Catholic as long as they see me going to church (since I am willing and want to go.) He said he'll come with us to mass, too. </p> <p>I do think we have some time to see if this is just a phase but we'll definitely continue talking about what we both want for our kids. </p> <p>I definitely don't consider this a win in my book. I never wanted the Catholic baptism to be a default. Maybe in a few months, he'll reconsider. Maybe find a new church. Or become familiar with the catholic church. (I'm not asking him to convert. If it happens, it will be up to him.) I'm disappointed that his father has done this to him. I really wanted to show our kids both of our religions. I know there are other ways to expose our kids to other religions. </p> <p>We have a good year to see how this pans out. </p> <p>Thanks for all of your questions and insight.</p> <p>I'll be closing this topic soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556442 Wed, 25 May 2016 15:20:48 +0000 gingerbebe 2556442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Infant baptism isn't binding anyway - it has to be confirmed by the individual as a teen or later on. Most Protestant denominations as a result have shifted to infant blessings or dedications where they welcome the baby into the family of God and charge the parents and family and community to raise the child as a Christian.</p> <p>I imagine since the Catholics are more rigid, to go with a Catholic "baptism" and then go with an infant dedication and blessing with the Lutherans who will probably understand if you explain the mixed denomination issue in your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556436 Wed, 25 May 2016 15:12:53 +0000 BSB 2556436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@petunia354: Hmmm, yeah, I don't think we would split the kids and ourselves each Sunday. I think we'll just go together as a family one week and maybe the next week go to the other. Maybe stay at one church for one month and switch. We usually don't go to church on holidays.... at least for now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556425 Wed, 25 May 2016 15:04:15 +0000 petunia354 2556425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I were baptized as Presbyterian and our brother was baptized as catholic. Honestly that's not what I would want for my kids. It always caused a separation on religious holidays because we were at different churches. I always felt like I was choosing my mom over my dad (who was catholic) even though it wasn't my choice. It was really disruptive to our family dynamic. I wish that since they couldn't come to an agreement on what denomination they wanted us all to be, that they had let us choose for ourselves as we got older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556374 Wed, 25 May 2016 14:23:32 +0000 avivoca 2556374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our situation is a bit different as my husband is not religious and I am Christian (Baptist, but attend a non-denominational church). So he has agreed that I can raise them in the church as long as they are wanting to go (I'm not allowed to force them). In my faith, there are baby dedications at some churches (not mine) and he has agreed to stand up with me if that's what I choose, but baptism is something that you choose for yourself when you accept Christ as your savior and it is an outward showing of the inner change. I was baptized when I was an adult even though I accepted Christ as a child, mainly because of my painful shyness and not wanting to be in front of the church on a pedestal with everyone looking at me (at that church, you had to come forward in front of the church before you could be baptized). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556363 Wed, 25 May 2016 14:15:10 +0000 BSB 2556363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I think in that case, we could help them convert. I don't think there is anything wrong with converting and they'll know that since we are open to them choosing what they want when they are older. </p> <p>For our case, we want to bring them up understanding and being exposed to both. Since they can't be baptized both Catholic and Lutheran, we have to choose. Both religions do infant baptisms, so anyone who chooses to do infant baptisms (aside from my twin issue) will always have worry about the what ifs. What if they don't want to be that religion?</p> <p>There families all over the country that might even have a harder situation of two religions that are polar opposites. I think they have somehow made it work. I think as parents we will educate and show them both. Luckily, being baptized does not mean you can't practice or believe in something else. </p> <p>So in the grand scheme of things, I don't think this situation is all the difficult. Yeah, it's weird and yeah, it's not popular. Yeah, we'll have to come up with a solution when they ask us a question we can't answer. Will I regret this? Maybe. Will we regret not baptizing them? Maybe even more. The one thing I do know is we do want to baptize them in the next 1-2 years. </p> <p>I don't think there is a perfect solution so we are compromising as parents. Let's say DH and I both start practicing our religions and we baptize them both Catholic. There's is probably going to be questions why we didn't chose DH's religion. I think there might even be other questions, like why we didn't chose [insert another religion]. I think explaining to our kids why we made the decision when we did and giving them the ability to convert or switch is the best we can do. I think it's better than my parents who told me any other religion other than Catholic is wrong. Yes, the Catholic church has strict views on certain things. Some parishes/priests are stricter than others. Do I, as a Catholic, believe every single thing the Catholic church teaches? No. There's definitely some blurry lines already because DH and I aren't strict Catholic or Lutherans. We know that we aren't perfect and we will let our kids know that. Our views change and so will theirs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556330 Wed, 25 May 2016 13:50:34 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2556330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: It was a real shock to me as well. Some of the people I know that got turned down (for a baptism) had strong roots with the church: long-time parishioners with family that's volunteered many hours to the church. It lessened the sting with LO's baptism denial, but it's so not right. I know a few of the people found alternate churches (in another state) that allowed it. But I'm sure they probably didn't have to travel that far. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556321 Wed, 25 May 2016 13:43:47 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2556321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: No, the Lutheran church that I love is local (a long flight away from my hometown). My grandma couldn't make the trip out, so we ended up flying to her and had DD blessed in hometown so grandma could witness it. The plan was to continue with having DD baptized at the Lutheran church, but DH's side of the family isn't religious and so we never got around to it. I really wish I had though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556313 Wed, 25 May 2016 13:37:16 +0000 agold 2556313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>But will the kids feel differently about being baptized different religions when they are old enough to know they are different from each other? </p> <p>I'm really planning to baptize my child catholic first followed by a dedication at a non-denom christian church. I hadn't thought that would be a problem at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths/page/2#post-2556288 Wed, 25 May 2016 13:19:46 +0000 shabang 2556288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think part of being baptized into a church is joining that community, so it seems if you are going to start attending one or the other or both, maybe you can pick the church where your family feels most comfortable?</p> <p>Also, Catholic churches are so different church to church. We were able to find one that allowed two females to participate in the baptism (one as godparent, other as Christian witness), but I had to call around to 4-5 different churches to find that. Many don't require the parents to be Catholic to do the baptism though because they consider the infant a separate party - as long as there is at least one Catholic godparent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556280 Wed, 25 May 2016 13:15:28 +0000 josina 2556280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: Wow, I'm really sorry those churches were like that! The Catholic church should definitely not be turning people away that want to be a part of it!</p> <p>Luckily for me, our catholic church has been very welcoming. My husband is not religious, not baptized, and we were not married in the church, but they had no issues baptizing our son. His 1st daughter was also baptized catholic when DH and her mom weren't even together.<br /> So, not all catholic churches are that way. I wish that none were! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556270 Wed, 25 May 2016 13:02:14 +0000 BSB 2556270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: Ah, gotcha. We were married in a Catholic church I don't think we'll have issues having one or both of the babies baptized Catholic. </p> <p>So your LO was baptized Lutheran and blessed Catholic? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556260 Wed, 25 May 2016 12:56:58 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2556260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just to elaborate on my answer a bit ... I wanted to baptize LO in the Catholic church, but I wasn't allowed to because DH and I weren't married in church. He also isn't Catholic, he's not religious, but grew up Lutheran. I know of many people that's had the same problem getting their infant baptized Catholic - even if both parents are Catholic, they need to be married in church. I also know of a few people that had a difficult time getting their child into bible studies because both parents had to present that they were baptized Catholic. My good friend spent a ton of money on Sunday school just to have the church not allow her daughter to continue onto the sacraments (with her classmates) all because her husband's baptism certificate from Canada got lost. Some Catholic churches are very strict!</p> <p>However, when I called a Lutheran church, they welcomed LO with open arms. They explained to me that in their belief, it's an infants right to be baptized - which is independent of the parents' beliefs. I looooved this. But in the end, I wanted to have my grandma witness it, so I ended up having LO blessed by a Catholic priest. We had a blessing ceremony during a mass held in a small parish.</p> <p>If you're doing it more for tradition or for family, a blessing can be option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556174 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:48:49 +0000 BSB 2556174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: Yeah, I agree with you on not picking one religion because of the prospect of possible difficulties later in life (like converting, getting married). I think we'll have to agree to start and continue practicing. We definitely need to see what happens in a 6 months from now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556171 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:45:40 +0000 honeybear 2556171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As to becoming Catholic after having been affiliated with another denomination--I did it. It's not that hard. Conversion should be a meaningful event and that probably means there is some work to be done in advance. </p> <p>Anyhow, I wouldn't choose based on procedural rules. I'd choose based on family unity. I don't think dividing up a family is a good idea and this plan feels really divisive. If one of you plans on practicing, and the other doesn't have plans to and isn't opposed, I'd just go all-in on the denomination of the one who is practicing. But in the situation where the non-practicing parent is opposed, I'd probably just hold off on the baptism altogether, keep on sending the kids with the practicing parent, and let the chips fall where they will. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556170 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:45:36 +0000 BSB 2556170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: @Hoots: Yeah, I'm not sure if DH will go for Catholic being the default because it's easier to convert to Lutheran. </p> <p>@Hoots: Thanks for your comment and experience. That's good to know though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556162 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:35:42 +0000 josina 2556162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it would just be easier to choose one or the other, especially since pp's mentioned that the baptism would be recognized in either religion.<br /> I know we had to take a baptism class to baptize our son catholic, not sure if Lutheran's do this also, but It'd be easier to only have to take one class vs. 2.</p> <p>Also, unrelated since you were married in the church, but since pp mentioned it, the rules at different churches may vary... DH and I were not married in the catholic church, but we had no issues baptizing our son. </p> <p>I would just think about the future and what church you will most likely attend, what about first communion? CCD classes? </p> <p>DH is not religious at all, and is perfectly okay with me raising our kids up in the Catholic faith; I guess I had it easy that we didn't have to debate about one or the other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556160 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:32:52 +0000 Hoots 2556160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm Catholic, baptized Catholic. My brother was baptized Lutheran (to appease my Paternal Lutheran grandmother; my father while also Lutheran, didn't care what faith we were baptized into). We both attended Catholic school and were essentially raised Catholic. When it came to first communion, my mom had to jump through a good deal of hoops to have my brother go through with his class at school because of his baptism. And if your child gets married in the Catholic Church, you'll have to explain the baptism thing as the parish told me they had to directly request baptism records from the originating church. If you're unsure about which faith down the line, you might want to have them baptized Catholic to avoid future headaches. Lutherans are much more accepting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556152 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:26:03 +0000 mediagirl 2556152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As someone who has been involved in both churches, I would suggest baptizing them both Catholic and choosing what faith you want them to be brought up in later. I think someone else mentioned it, too but it's a lot easier to go from Catholic to anything else than it is to go from something else to Catholic. If you are doing one Catholic, I would do them both that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556149 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:23:56 +0000 BSB 2556149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Yeah, I agree. I think I need to remind DH that we agreed that our kids will learn from exposure so he needs to get back into practicing it. Might not be the best time to bring this up because his mom is temporary living with us (grandma care). She is Lutheran and not practicing. Bringing up that they don't practice is not the best idea. Although, I'm the hypocrite, too, since I'm not going regularly, either. </p> <p>Like I said our plan to baptize will be most likely a year or more from now. Maybe we'll see how we do at practicing our religion and decide in 6+ months. Good points and thanks for helping me think this through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556148 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:23:47 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2556148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Thats what I was thinking, if @bluestripedbee plan to start going to catholic church again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556144 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:19:21 +0000 ShootingStar 2556144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If your DH isn't that into religion, why bother with doing both? I honestly think it's pretty weird and confusing if you pick one twin and start going to church and being more into it, but DH doesn't do the same with the other one. </p> <p>If it means more to you, why not raise both Catholic? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556140 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:18:34 +0000 BSB 2556140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: It might sound random to you how we are picking it, but we do sorta gravitate to one or the other. I don't want to say favorite because there are days the other baby is more needy and we feel bad for not spending time with the other. Also, we are only seeing a minuscule part of their personality now at 8 months. We have no idea how their personalities will change and if we will favor one or the other. I would hope to think we don't show favoritism. I don't think we are picking favorites at this point at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556137 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:15:14 +0000 jedeve 2556137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: it actually shouldn't matter!</p> <p>Both Lutherans and Catholics fully recognize the sacrament of baptism as valid in each other's faiths. People may say "baptized Catholic," but there is really no such thing. If the baptism has the trinitarian formula (in the name kid the Father, the son, and the Holy Spirit), the baptism is considered valid. You actually CAN'T get re-baptized. (So if one decides to practice Catholicsm later, they would not need to repeat the sacrament). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556135 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:14:46 +0000 dagret 2556135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: it worked out that they had 2 of each, too... haha. </p> <p>My parents got married in the late 70's by a Methodist preacher and a Catholic priest, in a Methodist church. My mom was supposed to raise us Catholic and she tried at first, but it didn't resonate with her and my dad never went to church so she just said screw it and we all ended up Methodist. (my dad eventually converted). </p> <p>in the methodist church, at least, you have to be baptized (of some faith) in order to become a member. It doesn't necessarily have to be Methodist. </p> <p>Side note, we got my husband baptized when my son got baptized b/c even though his mom said he was baptized, she couldn't remember how/where/when... so we couldn't get him a baptism certificate to prove it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556134 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:13:33 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2556134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I go to a non-denominational church that doesn't believe in infant baptism and we do baptism as adults. For babies we do Baby Dedications but those are for the parents to commit to leading our children to develop their own faith. Do you and your husband (not your respective churches, but you individually) believe that babies need to be baptized as babies? If not, maybe you could do something like that at a different church or a park or somewhere else pretty, and then let the kids decide what religion they would like to pursue when they are old enough to do so? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556133 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:13:31 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2556133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's possible to do both only if you do the Catholic ceremony first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thinking-we-will-baptize-the-babies-different-faiths#post-2556132 Wed, 25 May 2016 11:12:23 +0000 catlady 2556132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: One thing to consider is how easy it would be to convert from one religion to the other, if one or both kids decided to do it later. I think it may be easier to go from Catholic to Lutheran than the other way around, but I might be wrong. </p>