https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 14:45:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775791 Wed, 27 Sep 2017 06:54:10 +0000 Adira 2775791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's weird that the host only paid for the appetizers, and I would have definitely assumed I would be paying for my own meal and drinks, but it definitely should have been more clear. I'm surprised no one mentioned it prior to you leaving. As soon as the waiter came to take our order, someone at my table would've been all "Can we do separate checks?" and then the answer would've made it perfectly clear who was paying! "Oh no, the host is cover everything!" or "Sure! Who's with who?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775790 Wed, 27 Sep 2017 06:45:08 +0000 azjax 2775790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we go out with friends, everyone pays their own way, except if it is someone's birthday. Then the group splits the cost of the meal/drinks of the birthday guest between us all and the birthday guest pays nothing. So basically the opposite of what you were expecting! However, restaurants that I've been to won't seat a party of 30 without some sort of catering contract, so our "large" groups are generally restricted to about 15 people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775757 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 21:08:23 +0000 lawbee11 2775757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it had just been a text saying hey come meet us for dinner to celebrate x's birthday I would expect to pay for my own meal. But an evite with no mention of only paying for appetizers? Yeah, that's awkward and tacky. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775756 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 21:01:01 +0000 Foodnerd81 2775756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am surprised a restaurant would do a dinner for 30 people without offering a set menu or pre fixe deal or something. </p> <p>I'm in agreement that it was handled really awkwardly but the general idea of each paying your own way isn't that out of line. This is why I kind of hate group dinners like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775754 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 20:55:38 +0000 maddyz 2775754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have expected to pay, but I also would have expected some info on what the deal was ahead of time. The last two times I went to something like this the food was "family style" or a set menu so it was easy to know what you were getting into. I also wasn't drinking so there was some figuring so I wasn't paying for a lot of wine I didn't drink. It's always so much better to be clear about these things ahead of time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775744 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 20:16:06 +0000 ChitownRo 2775744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This thread is interesting. Our friend group fits a similar socioeconomic demographic and would not have covered the full meal. I agree that the invite should have said something like "join us for appetizers on the patio" just so it was clear. When we do group dinners for a birthday, we always divide the check. Granted, it's normally 10 people, not 30, but still think that's the norm here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775723 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 18:40:17 +0000 hellobeeboston 2775723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>agree they should've made it clear.... but I also would NOT have expected the hosts to pay for such a large group. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775719 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 18:25:45 +0000 babypugs 2775719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mauxie: Interesting! Where I live it's definitely assumed that each person will pay their own way if eating out, unless otherwise stated. A waiter would either ask in advance or automatically input each person individually into the system. I worked as a server for years; it's not at all complicated to split checks if you're prepared. In your case, it sounds like this is not the norm so they should have prepared you in advance. Are they from your area? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775713 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 17:56:01 +0000 pinkcupcake 2775713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't expect my dinner to be covered. In my circle we would all expect to pay for our own meals (but I can see the birthday person paying for shared apps or something) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775705 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 16:58:00 +0000 Raspberry 2775705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This thread is interesting to me because in all my various social circles, no one would expect to not pay their own way. It would not even be necessary to mention so on the invite. If anyone has to leave early, they would ask for their bill early and pay it before leaving.</p> <p>I would only expect to have dinner covered if someone was hosting in their home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775699 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 16:49:32 +0000 birdofafeather 2775699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i wouldn't expect any dinner invite to come with a totally free meal, but it would be VERY awkward to assume so (as i might if it weren't spelled out and nothing said while ordering) and then have that happen. i don't know many people that could cover a full meal for 30+ people, but i would still think that they would say on the invite that they have apps covered. i would also expect that servers would know and would say something as people were ordering so it would have been easier to split the bills as they put in the orders. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775696 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 16:37:38 +0000 kiddosc 2775696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think inviting people to dinner and only paying for apps is tacky. At least not in my circle of friends, but none of us is that wealthy. </p> <p>The fact that it wasn't clearly spelled out in the invite, nor apparently communicated to the wait staff is where it goes wonky. This is something I would know though, and I wouldn't expect DH to know to spell that out in the invite. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775686 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:57:32 +0000 sillymilly 2775686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, that's tacky. If they booked a private space for a party and invited everyone to join them for dinner, it would be my expectation that they were covering the full cost. At the very least it should have been made clear in the invite that only appetizers were provided and you were expected to pay for your dinner and drinks. Like "please join us for some light bites and to mingle to celebrate x's birthday. We've booked a room and dinner and drink menus will be available if anyone would like to eat dinner". But even so, I think it would be more appropriate to just casually invite friends to join you for happy hour if you don't want to pay for everyone's dinner/drinks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775685 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:56:22 +0000 nana87 2775685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i don’t necessarily think this is totally a bad tactic outright but i think the hosts absolutely needed to have communicated that they were paying for apps/drinks only at the start of the night/on the invite </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775684 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:52:13 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2775684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The invite should have clearly stated dinner and drinks were on you and since that opportunity was missed the waitstaff, if they knew, should have said something as they took your order. Also the waitstaff should have given out bills by diner/ couple and done so much sooner. </p> <p>When DH and I first started dating I "hosted" a bday dinner for his fam and friends. During the invite process I told everyone the costs associated with the dinner (in writing via FB with all the other dinner details). I couldn't afford to pick up the tab for everyone, but certainly didn't want people blindsided come check time.</p> <p>ETA: I think if you are in the position and inclination you pay, but otherwise your obligation as the host is to clearly lay out what your guests should expect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775683 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:51:02 +0000 snowjewelz 2775683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, very tacky to me. I would have expected on the invitation to at least say appetizers are provided so that you can either assume that you have to pay for drinks/dinner, or at least ask to clarify. I would have 100% assumed the whole thing is paid for! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775682 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:50:24 +0000 jhd 2775682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this should have been clearly addressed in the invitation for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775681 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:49:10 +0000 catlady 2775681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This seems really awkward, like a cross between a catered event (which obviously you wouldn't pay for) and a normal dinner out with friends (which you would pay for). I wouldn't necessarily mind paying in this situation, but I'd be annoyed that it wasn't more clear from the invitation what the expectations would be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775679 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:36:07 +0000 Mama Bird 2775679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very tacky. At least where I live, there is an expectation that either the person inviting or the person organizing pays for the whole thing. The guests normally include some money with the card to cover the cost, but that's totally optional. If for some reason the plan is different, I feel like that would have to be spelled out with the invite so no one is blindsided. </p> <p>What would they have done if someone left early, before appetizers? Chase them down later and demand reimbursement? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775676 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:27:02 +0000 Littlebit7 2775676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah that's lame Splitting the bill is never fun, splitting the bill with strangers is less fun, and splitting the bill when you weren't aware you were paying for the meal just dooms the event, no matter how enjoyable it was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thoughts-on-this-birthday-dinnerparty#post-2775672 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 15:18:00 +0000 mauxie 2775672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Recently a friend of mine had a birthday dinner of about 30 guests, including personal, church, and work friends at an upscale restaurant patio area (private).</p> <p>The evite was from her husband and basically said she wanted to have dinner with her closest friends to celebrate. </p> <p>My husband and I both got the evite so we both attended, mind you kids were not allowed so I had to get a sitter for my 3 kids. That was fine with me, it was nice to have a night out without kids. We knew over half the guests so it was an overall fun night reconnecting with everyone. </p> <p>Anyway, we get there and it's open seating so we sit with some mutual friends and appetizers are provided. Then, we order our drinks and meals.</p> <p>Dinner/party is over and we are about to give hugs and say our goodbyes, and we're told by my friend's husband "So we got the appetizers and the server is going to come around and give bills for the rest of the drinks and meals, per table." We all just kind of looked at each other and waited around for our bill. Seriously it was awkward because some of the guests who arrived a bit late ended up seated with people they didn't know and then had to go over a receipt trying to figure out which couples owed what. Ugh. Also some people ordered salads/water and others ordered more substantial stuff so it wasn't an easy "lets just split 3 ways" sort of thing. Isn't this tacky?! The servers seemed annoyed by then too haha. </p> <p>Also, some people, including me, brought gifts/cards. Knowing in advance the price point of the restaurant, I got her a gift card to cover our food cost and more. </p> <p>Our friends are working professionals, well established in their careers, and both her and her husband each make over 6 figures so it's not like this was wayyyy out of budget if they had wanted to plan for a party..... I just wish it would've been said in some way in advance that we are all chipping in. Or, if she wanted a party with friends without the big price tag then she could've just had a BBQ/potluck..?? </p> <p>Anyway, just wanted to hear your thoughts. It's even more awkward because this friend/husband and most of our mutual friends went to another friend's 33rd birthday this summer at a pretty nice restaurant and they had covered everything, including drinks.. So I thought that was more of the norm? You invite guests, you host and pay? I guess I'm just a little baffled by it. </p>