https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 22:03:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2743142 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 11:52:14 +0000 Mrsbells 2743142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: it sounds like an attention thing to be honest and I would deflect it by correcting her and then moving on and not letting her dwell on things. at that age their attention can be shifted to something else. I used to tell my 3 year old, we can keep crying about this or we can do this other fun thing instead and she would often quickly forget the cause of her meltdown </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2743123 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 11:33:07 +0000 Chuckles 2743123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My almost 4 year old insists he knows *everything*. Like, he'll ask why something isn't working or broken (like a swing at the park), and if I try to answer him or tell him that we don't know, he'll tell me with absolute surety why it's broken. He went to a museum with my dad the other day, and the dinosaur exhibit was closed. When we tried to think about why it might have been closed, S was totally sure he knew why with some elaborate explanation. I'm like @foodnerd1: and say, "ok fine" or "maybe so" *a lot* even when his explanation makes no sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2743106 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 11:06:01 +0000 snowjewelz 2743106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 2.5 year old does similar things (not to meltdown extent yet)... I usually just kinda gloss over it, or play along with it... But if I feel like I should correct her I will. For example she will say that my phone is hers and I will always say no it's mine but I do share with you sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2743098 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 10:52:07 +0000 gingerbebe 2743098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its totally normal. We found diffusing by absurdity the most fun way to deal with it, but we just tried to enforce the truth when it mattered. Like in the dress scenario, I would have said "What!??! That dress is your's?? Are you sure?" And if she continued to insist, I would say "I don't think so, but let's try it on and see!" And then when she's swimming in the dress, laugh and say "that's silly, that dress is TOO BIG!!" and take her to a mirror and say "See how big that dress is?! SOOOOO BIG." And laugh with her. If I had the time, I'd then try on the smaller dress and tell her how pretty it looked on her and that it fit JUSTTT right. 99% of the time for my son, that would have been the end. If he then insisted on wearing the big dress to school, I woulda been like nope, its not your's take it off and then dealt with the tantrum.</p> <p>The contradicting thing sorta made sense over time. Its almost like they're learning about truth, justice, and property rights through a trial by error process. Like, suddenly they are conscious of all these objects and facts and weaving them together through experience, their emotions, and they budding imagination, so its hard to tell what's real and what's not. </p> <p>I imagine its like some psychadelic trip where its like "I LEARNED THE WORD PAPAYA TODAY, I REALLY WANT TO USE THE WORD PAPAYA ALL DAY LONG, I'M GOING TO INSIST THE SPAGHETTI SQUASH IS A PAPAYA BECAUSE WHO DOESN'T LOVE SAYING THE WORD PAPAYA OVER AND OVER? I WANT MOM TO OPEN THAT PAPAYA SQUASH THING RIGHT NOW SO I CAN LOOK AT THOSE BLACK SEEDS LIKE IN THE PICTURE BOOK ITS NOT FAIR I WANT THE BIG KNIFE TO CUT IT OPEN I REALLY LIKE THE COLOR PURPLE AND I WISH THE SKY WAS PURPLE IM GOING TO TELL MOM THE SKY IS PURPLE BECAUSE I THINK THE SKY WOULD LOOK BETTER PURPLE WHAT IS THAT SMELL WHY WONT THEY EVER LET ME DRINK COFFEE I LIKE THE SMELL TOO GIVE ME SOME I HATE YOU IM SUPER MAD NOW HEYYY I REALLY LIKE THIS DRESS AND SISSY HAS ONE JUST LIKE IT AND I WANT ALL THE DRESSES BECAUSE THEY ARE PRETTY AND I WANT ALL OF THEM GIVE THEM TO ME..."</p> <p>They're really looking for us to set those boundaries and parameters. Around this point, we got into the whole "MINE" and "MY" thing even when it wasn't his. Same thing - wanting something doesn't mean it really IS his, so we had to enforce the rules. At 2.5 he's not perfect, but he's evolved in his processing where he really does understand when something really is his and when it's not, and we can broker taking turns. He's also now saying things like "this is mine, this is your's" so the property rights thing is starting to gel a bit. Learning to share is harder, especially when its like communal family stuff, because I imagine community property is a hard concept, but if he wont share Pirate's Booty with his brother, it gets taken away and no one gets any, so he comes around eventually.</p> <p>DS1 also started becoming the NARC/snitch at school soon after this phase too. He was taking all the rules and boundaries we were teaching at home and trying to enforce them everywhere. Luckily the teachers assured us its a phase they grow out of, but there was a lot of "Look at baby! GASP BABY NO MESS! NO NO NO!" But at least we knew he was learning that mess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2743033 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 09:28:55 +0000 littlejoy 2743033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not dismissive, but I don't give much attention or care to these situations. If LO was insisting she wrote the book on our table, I'd just say, "Cool! Was it fun to write?" - if it was something that I thought would cause a breakdown (like her thinking her sister'a clothes were hers), I would just say "This one is yours. Sister is wearing hers. Would you like to put this one on?" ... if she freaks, I'd just say, "You're upset because you think Sister is wearing your dress." and leave it at that. Comfort the feelings but not feel like it's my job to fix them. Kids aren't always rational, so I like being supportive vs. directive at certain times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2743005 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 08:46:02 +0000 PinkElephant 2743005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I'll have to pay closer attention. That's what it was this AM, but sometimes I think you are right… She just wants to be contradictory. She'll tell me I didn't do something, like make lunch or pack an item of clothing, but I obviously did. I'm with you on saying "whatever!" whenever I can - maybe I should do it MORE when she wants to fight with me, bc when it is with her sister, I feel like I have to step in. Glad to know I'm not alone (but was hoping to hear this was an early threes thing, not one to expect all year, haha)!</p> <p>@lamariniere: good idea! I use absurdity to diffuse other tantrums or bad behaviors (potty talk...), that could definitely work at least some of the time.</p> <p>I so see my pre-teen self in her, and it terrifies me!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2742985 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 08:08:36 +0000 lamariniere 2742985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What if you counter her with the absurd? Like "no, it's mama's dress" or, "oh, the baby drew the pictures". I think inserting humor/absurdity would work with my 3 yo, but it might not work with all of them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2742981 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 08:01:18 +0000 Foodnerd81 2742981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: curious, is it usually about a MINE thing or those are just the two examples you thought of? </p> <p>Sometimes I think my 3 (almost4) year old is just looking for something to fight with me about. So she will just take anything I say and argue it. It's so exhausting. I say "fine, whatever" a lot more than the parenting books would probably recommend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2742977 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 07:56:29 +0000 MrsBucky 2742977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My two year old does this too. I correct once and then if he subsequently insists I respond with "you think it's a _____" or "you really want (sister's dress)" if he is insisting something is his. If it's just a factual error, stating what he thinks after the single correction usually avoids a meltdown. If he wants something he can't have, I hold that boundary and let him express his feelings, even if it results in a meltdown. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2742965 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 07:33:29 +0000 Dahlia 2742965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice, just following. My almost 2 has been doing something similar: "Me: it's a tomato. Her: it's an apple!" Me; tomato! Her: apple!" I've been going the "mmm hmmm" route but not sure if I should be doing something else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/three-year-old-insists-things-are-truethat-arent#post-2742954 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 06:59:21 +0000 PinkElephant 2742954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My newly three year old has been insisting things are true (that clearly aren't)....and losing her stuff when people try to tell her otherwise. To some extent, I've been trying to just ignore it and give her an "mmm-hmmm" when it doesn't matter....but in a lot of cases, it needs to be corrected. </p> <p>For example, already this morning, she came yelling to me that her (older) sister had her (the three year old's) dress. The dresses look the same, so I showed the three year old that this dress was actually a size 4 (her sister's) and on a pink hanger (her sister's), and took her to her closet to show her that her dress was there, in a size 2, on a white hanger. Full on fit ensued, with her insisting that that it was not her dress, and the one her sister was now putting on was hers. Similar scenario when my five year old went to finish cards for her teachers. In spite of them being drawings beyond my three year old's current capability, and having my five year old's name printed on them, the three year old near lost it insisting that they were HERS.</p> <p>Any tips on how to handle this better?! I struggle enough to deal with daily meltdowns over "actual" preschooler problems; it's really getting to me to try to deal with these manufactured problems as well! I'm guessing that to her, these are very real problems - so I do want to brush her off, but I also feel like she needs to realize that sometimes, what she wants to be true is not necessarily so! </p>