https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 19:26:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2275861 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 10:25:30 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2275861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: yeah like I said, I wouldn't consider myself 100% on board with it- but I love the ideas, no yelling, spanking, threats, shaming, etc. some really good elements there. The fb page I follow is very open about the fact that they're not discipline free parenting at all, though I'm sure some people take it that way.<br /> The page is positive parenting: toddlers and beyond, and she has some great book recommendations.<br /> I still need to do my fair share of reading but some good titles I've come across are on the list below. For lack of time, I tend to read a lot of the articles that the fb page posts because they're more concise and typically really helpful. </p> <p>PET : parent effectiveness training<br /> Positive discipline for preschoolers by Jane nelsen<br /> Connection parenting </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2275840 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 10:10:40 +0000 jedeve 2275840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: not to hijack, but any reading recommendations you care to share? I am a bit skeptical of gentle parenting. Not because I don't think it works, but because everyone I know who implements it will be talking about how great it is and ignoring that there kid is jumping off a couch onto a baby or flipping the light switches like a mad man. But the methods tend to be in line with my goals and seem to work a lot better than getting into a power struggle with my kid. But I don't like signing up for any "method" wholesale. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2275739 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 09:01:11 +0000 daniellemybelle 2275739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rockies11: That makes sense! I really appreciate that explanation! I definitely need to do a lot more intentional positive reinforcement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274967 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 16:03:52 +0000 Rockies11 2274967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: for us, the most relevant time that we're teaching empathy is our 2 year old's conduct towards the baby. So when she's rough, deliberately or otherwise, I hold up the baby crying and I talk about how being a good friend means that we have to be gentle to the baby or else it makes the baby cry. Then we practice giving the baby "nice pats". When she is gentle, I compliment her on what a nice big sister she is and how lucky baby is to have her. We started doing this at 22 months, since that's when the baby was born. While she still misbehaves from time to time with the baby, she worries when the baby is sad and gives the baby "nice pats", and is proud of herself when she's nice to the baby - she calls herself "nice (firstname)" and smiles and struts around all pleased. We do the same type of thing with prosocial behaviour at the playground or on playdates, etc. - "see how when you took the ball away from that little boy, he cried? A good friend takes turns with the ball and waits until it's their turn. Can we be a good friend and give the ball back? Look, now he's smiling. That's what happens when we're a good friend". </p> <p>I think, in terms of teaching or enforcing boundaries, it works to the same extent that anything else does. Saying "no hitting" and putting into time out doesn't cure hitting after the first go round, nor does any positive parenting way of dealing with the hitting problem. All any of us are trying to do is decrease problematic behaviour. For me, I prefer the messaging and social focus of the positive parenting approach, to the extent that they're developmentally capable of learning at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274892 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 15:12:52 +0000 daniellemybelle 2274892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: Genuine question - how do you foster empathy and teach your LO why their behavior is wrong, when they are a young toddler and the world revolves around them? And if they are too young to really understand or care about how their behavior affects others - how do you still teach and enforce boundaries? </p> <p>That's what I struggle with and why I feel like time out has been a good option for us. We can still talk about her feelings and her choices and how they effect others but I feel like without any kind of actual consequence it just doesn't matter to her at all... and ultimately sends the message that she can do what she wants and all that is going to happen when she acts up is that I am going to talk to her (which in some cases rewards the behavior because it is attention-seeking). At this age (22 months) I don't feel like it is fair to expect her to use self control because she wants to "be nice" or "do the right thing." So, without a consequence... why would she ever want to do anything other than exactly what she wants to do, which may involve destructive and dangerous behavior? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274724 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 13:46:08 +0000 catomd00 2274724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rockies11: we do not believe in time outs for all the reasons stated here. Also, I personally feel that it tends to make the child focus on how their behavior affected them self (eg I hit so I got timeout and I'm mad) instead of others (eg., hitting hurt my friend). A little kid isn't doing the second type of thinking in timeout and that's the kind of thinking we want to foster. We do time-ins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274577 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 12:18:14 +0000 Raindrop 2274577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bubbles: Thank you for this reply. I hope I'm not trying to stir up something but from the other thread I was a little scared that time outs would stop working some day and I kind of wanted to have something in my back pocket just in case. Also I was just really curious and it was possible that maybe this *might* be a better fit for my family.</p> <p>@Mrs. Pen: So we have this problem with LO being kind of rowdy while we eat dinner, he does so much to disrupt us that it's hard to pin point what to say is time out worthy. He eats earlier with grandma because DH and I come home so late we eat right before he goes to bed. Last night before we ate I told LO that we expect him to play quietly while we eat. We will play with him a little bit before bedtime when we finish eating. He actually played quietly!! I will try again tonight to see if this can continue being an on going thing in this case. :) Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274383 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 08:38:04 +0000 Rockies11 2274383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't use them for a number of reasons:</p> <p>-they would be horrible to enforce with our extremely clingy 2 year old;<br /> -I don't like what I perceive tantrums to be "saying";<br /> -emotional intelligence is one of my number one goals as a parent, and I think misbehaviour is a teaching oppotunity for emotional regulation;<br /> -I don't like how I feel when I am engaging in punishment (anger, frustration);<br /> -I think they conflict with my longer term goals as a parent.</p> <p>I was raised in a very punishment-heavy household. I don't like the lessons that I learned from it - I felt like I was a bad kid and we had poor communication due to fear of punishment. I am actually a naturally obedient type of person, so I doubt that I really was all that bad. I don't want to create this type of dynamic in the household, so we are into positive parenting. </p> <p>Coming from a punishment oriented upbringing, I also didn't understand positive parenting at first, so I have read lots of books and articles, listened to lots of podcasts, and will be starting a 10 week course on it in a couple of weeks! I still fear that my kids will turn out to be monsters from my lack of heavy handedness, but I suppose people worry about something with any parenting style. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274352 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 08:11:57 +0000 Alivoo01 2274352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is 2 and timeouts are currently effective for us. I think he's getting less afraid of them though. Before, he'd cry the entire time he's there, but now, he'll just sit there and heave heavily until we tell him he can get up and come give us a hug. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274330 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 07:59:28 +0000 LuLu Mom 2274330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Timeouts are honestly one of our only forms of effective punishment. She gets sad and actually calms down/thinks about what she did when she's removed from the situation and separated out from the rest of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274278 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 07:00:58 +0000 Bubbles 2274278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OP, I think if something works for you and you are comfortable with it, then you should carry on doing it and not worry about what others do :happy: Personally I don't and will not use time outs with my son. I don't think they are bad or damaging, but I think natural consequences are far more effective in the long term, and help the child to understand the reasons why they shouldn't do something. If my son is kicking off and throwing a wobbler in an inappropriate place/situation I will absolutely carry him off to a quieter and more appropriate place to finish his tantrum. But I won't make him sit on his own unless he wants to, as I don't want him to think his strong emotions are unacceptable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2274260 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 06:21:59 +0000 lamariniere 2274260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dolphin: I would use a time out for that, in the same way that @Raindrop: explained. </p> <p>As I mentioned in the other thread, we use time outs and they are very effective for our family. Most of the time we can threaten a time out and the child will change behaviors. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273980 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 16:30:40 +0000 delight 2273980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs D: we do the exact same thing. </p> <p>It works sometimes for us. But sometimes she does something by accident like drop her cup and runs to the stairs yelling "time out!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273963 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 16:14:33 +0000 Raindrop 2273963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: Very interesting. Thank you for sharing this information. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273943 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 16:00:20 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2273943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I actually started reading more into positive parenting methods and while I'm not 100% positive parenting discipline (I don't quite fully "get it" yet), I found that trying to discipline an already upset toddler/preschooler led to more problems. He responded so much better when he was allowed some alone time to work out his feelings and then come back to me for hugs/comfort. Then it's a lot easier and not stressful to talk to him once he's calmed down! </p> <p>Another method we started using that has dramatically cut down on tantrums and misbehavior is setting up expectations prior to X. for example, he had an issue this week of being loud/rambunctious during nap/quiet time at daycare and kept all the other kids up. So the following day before we dropped him off we told him that we expected him to take a quiet time, even if he didn't fall asleep, and that he had to listen to his teacher. He did great that day and the following day.<br /> This has worked so well for us the last year.</p> <p>The other thing that works great for us is transitions, he loves the timer. So we always let him know, "you have 10 minutes of play time before its time to go." And we set a timer, and he always responds. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273937 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:53:11 +0000 Kemma 2273937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dolphin: "natural consequences" might be quite appropriate in that sort of situation, for example, if you don't come to the table then you don't get dinner. You've avoided the battle by giving your LO a choice and hopefully she'll decide she'd rather eat dinner! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273932 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:46:39 +0000 Raindrop 2273932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: Why did you decide to stop / switch?</p> <p>I have been reading about Janet Lansbury and "No bad kids" that were mentioned in the other thread and I find it really interesting! BUT time out works so well for us.</p> <p>BTW I'm glad to hear that this way is working well for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273925 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:42:51 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2273925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We used to do time outs, and his daycare utilized time outs- which I'm fine with. But I don't really use them anymore (unless it is more like removing him from a situation).<br /> We've switched more to asking him if he needs to take a break, and he responds much better. So if he's throwing a tantrum and cannot calm himself, I will ask him if he'd like to be in his room alone until he feels better and he really finds it helpful. He'll go sit in his bed and cry for a little bit, then play for a little bit, and then come out much happier, typically. But this didn't start until he was 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273923 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:36:29 +0000 Raindrop 2273923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dolphin:<br /> I think I would use time out for that....<br /> like honey please stop playing and come eat with us... when she still continues to play...<br /> then say If you don't come eat with us you will get time out...<br /> again if she continues to play...<br /> then I would start counting 1... 2... 3... and then in the time out area she goes!</p> <p>That is what we would do with our son in that situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273920 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:32:39 +0000 daniellemybelle 2273920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We use time out with our 23 month old. I'm not totally sure if it works as a "threat" but she does understand that there is a not so fun consequence if she doesn't listen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273915 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:29:24 +0000 Mrs. Cheesecake 2273915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've done time outs before with our DS when he just turned 2. He's almost 2.5 now and we rarely get to the point of using time outs. Mostly we tell him if he does it one more time he gets a time out and he listens to that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273914 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:29:19 +0000 dolphin 2273914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a question on when to use time outs. DD doesn't do anything too naughty like throwing, hitting, biting, etc. For sure she would time out if she did any of that. My big issue with her is she doesn't listen. I'll tell her to sit down for dinner but she rather play. If I yell at her she ends up on the floor crying. Or she would just be in a bad mood and start throwing a tantrum for no reason. Do you do time outs for that kind of behavior? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273912 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:27:38 +0000 Mamasig 2273912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've done time outs a couple of times. DS2 is almost 3. With his personality you just have to raise your voice a bit or talk firmly and that's all that's needed. He doesn't really every misbehave. But with DS2, I think he has the personality where something stronger will be needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273905 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:21:47 +0000 blackbird 2273905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Works very well with E. Like i said in the other post, I try to be very neutral/robotic/practical about it when I put her in time out and not be emotional about it. Just like..."you threw your cup. Let's go to your room for a bit" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273902 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:15:31 +0000 Adira 2273902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Time outs work effectively on our 2.5 year old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273899 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:12:42 +0000 Mrs D 2273899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are just starting it, DD is 23 months. Right now we sit her on the bottom step in the foyer for about a minute and explain what she did wrong. We'll see if it clicks... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/time-outs#post-2273892 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 15:04:00 +0000 Raindrop 2273892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>From another thread ... I didn't know time outs could be bad and maybe doesn't even work if you do try it.</p> <p>For us it worked out great, we only did a hard time out once (aka him moving out of the chair and we had to put him back and make sure he did his 3 minutes - I believe the first time took 30 minutes to an hour), it works great for us and we rarely have to put him in time out. We just say "If you do that again you get time out" and he shapes up.</p> <p>I'm just curious if you have tried time out did it work or not work for you? </p>