https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 16 May 2026 07:55:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1549925 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 07:04:55 +0000 littlek 1549925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: I'm a tax manager and I did not let tax season affect our TTC schedule. My husband is in finance and works long hours year round, but he just committed to having sex during our fertile week despite work schedule. So, he would get home, we'd have sex and then he'd work again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1549882 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 06:15:51 +0000 Adira 1549882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When Hubs and I got married, we briefly agreed that we wanted to start having kids when we turned 28. Then we didn't discuss it for a LONG time. As it got closer to the date of when we wanted to start trying, I had SERIOUS baby fever, but whenever I brought it up, Hubs would just shrug me off or ignore me.</p> <p>So... I just started saying stuff like "I can't wait to go off birth control in January!" and "Woohoo, only one more month of pills and then I can get knocked up!" He pretty much ignored me, but when I went off the pill and started charted, he was totally on board with all the unprotected sex. :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1549835 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 03:24:01 +0000 Pumuckl 1549835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: Sorry, I only saw your question now: No, we just went with it. I actually had a end of march due date ;-) LO showed up 04/04. We just didn't want LO to be here any sooner than that. It worked out wonderfully. I got pregnant end of June/beginning of July. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1546236 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 11:26:08 +0000 MrsD2442 1546236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pumuckl: Here's a question, since your DH is a tax accountant - what month was your LO born? Did tax season impact your TTC schedule at all? We'd like to try to get pregnant by the end of the summer, so I'd have the baby around the end of April next year. Sounds kind of crazy to plan around tax season, and I know it's not at all up to us when I get pregnant, but we'd like to hope it could work out in our favor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1545144 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 02:52:48 +0000 Pumuckl 1545144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: glad to hear my advice was helpful :happy:<br /> Our LO slept for all of our flights. An airplane is like a giant white noise machine :silly: on international flights you can prebook bassinets in the infant row. This way LO is kinda flying first class, as in they get to lie down flat :wink: you get to take additional luggage with a LO with some airlines too and all of them check strollers and/or carseats (def. check airline policies for that). If it's your lucky day you might even be able to bring the carseat onboard although you don't have a seat for LO cause the plane isn't fully booked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1541497 Thu, 03 Apr 2014 07:25:26 +0000 MrsD2442 1541497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pumuckl: That's great! I just assumed that traveling long distances would be impossible with a LO. I don't have any close friends who have children, so this is great advice and great to hear that traveling would still be possible. I guess the more I think about it, the more I realize that anything is possible with a little more planning. I need to make sure he knows that life doesn't end when we start a family. Thank you! Also it's great to know more people who understand busy season and tax accountants. I will take your advice to give him some time after it ends to let him recuperate before diving into all of this with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1541417 Thu, 03 Apr 2014 05:40:54 +0000 Pumuckl 1541417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: I know what it is like to be married to a tax accountant (my DH is a tax acc. &amp; auditor). I'd suggest you let busy season and a couple more days pass until you talk to him. Simply because it takes some time to recuperate from those stressful times.</p> <p>The main advice I'd give you though is to not stop travelling because of a LO. We took our 5m old on a 7.5 week long international travel. It worked beautifully and it created memories we will never forget. Kids under 2 fly practically free (as long as you're comfortable with them being a lap child). We will again travel overseas this year and are already really looking forward to it. Sure logistics are a little more complicated but nothing that's not manageable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1541408 Thu, 03 Apr 2014 05:13:25 +0000 MrsD2442 1541408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All of this advice and your personal stories are SO unbelievably helpful. I assumed that many people had experienced something similar than what I'm going through, although it definitely is comforting to read all of your stories. </p> <p>I'm definitely going to wait until after tax season to talk to him, which is going to be difficult mainly because when I have something on my mind I like to talk it out with him as soon as we can. In the meantime, I'll look over our budget and see what it looks like now vs. what it will look like after there's a LO in the picture. He's a numbers guy, so maybe seeing it all worked out will be a huge help for him. We've discussed a baby bucket list before, but never actually wrote anything down. We were fortunate to travel to Italy in fall of 2012 and are going to Spain in May of this year (!!!) and I know that traveling as much as possible before starting to TTC was one thing we discussed when talking about the bucket list. We are also planning some smaller trips this year. I'll ask him if there is anything else he'd like to do before we TTC. </p> <p>I guess from my perspective we have so many of the things you want to have before TTC, so it seems like it's the next natural thing. We have been together for 8 and a half years, so even though we've been married for just about 6 months, we've lived together for 6 years and have had plenty of "us" time, so I feel like it's just time. I know that there's no perfect time, and sure, our savings could probably be a lot more padded, but we're financially stable with no debt. Again, it just feels like the right time to me. </p> <p>I can't thank you enough for your help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1541163 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 20:55:46 +0000 Circusbee 1541163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in the same boat, too. I've also contracted the disease (baby fever, that is), and have been trying to "plan" our "timeline" for about 9 months now. DH gets stressed when I talk about it, and I know his main concern is finances. We own our home, have no debt except the mortgage, and we are working on building our savings. Sure, things could be better, and he knows I intend to eventually be a SAHM, so he feels pressured to support our family by himself. I've said I'm flexible about waiting a few years for the quitting work thing, and also that I don't plan to ever stop working completely, and that there are many families that get by successfully and are happy with much less than what we have. I also feel pretty strongly that a child doesn't need every THING that the commercials say, and that the American cost for raising a child is grossly exaggerated... The other problem is that he is the type of person who never ever gets excited about anything until it's on the doorstep. He wasn't excited about our wedding until people started traveling in from out of town (we were engaged 2.5 years!) and wasn't excited about our trip to Europe until a few days before (planned for over a year!)</p> <p>But anyways, I find the best time to talk is when we are in the car together, because we are both usually relaxed and there aren't many distractions. He knows what I want, and although we don't have a timeline per say, I find the best way to keep the thought around is to joke around about it occasionally, or say "wouldn't this be fun with kids?" Or just talk through different scenarios as I think of them, like moving closer to our parents where the cost of living would be cheaper and renting out our house until the housing market gets better for sellers... And every now and then he'll have some comment that makes me think... Soon?</p> <p>Most of all, though it can be hard to swallow, is that this experience has been a good lesson of patience for me. I need him to be on board in order to do this, he needs to be exactly half of the decision to throw away the wrappers ; ) My newest strategy is plugging the NPNT (or NTNP?). At this point I would be happy just not controlling it and letting God decide when the right time is for us.... But that would mean allowing it to happen, and he's not there yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1541058 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 20:04:35 +0000 As Time Goes By 1541058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know everyone's situation is different, but I found we had the best talks about our plans when we are both relaxed and the topic comes up some what naturally. For example we discussed long term goals so our conversation evolved to some shorter term goals including when we thought we would start having kids. I know if I tried leading with "when will we have kids?" We wouldn't have had the same conversation. A little alcohol may help too! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540798 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 17:59:36 +0000 Rocker2014 1540798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A thought from the other side: I was the one who never felt "ready," while my husband was ready a few years ago. I just felt like there were so many things I wanted to do and I was scared about changing our life together. What finally worked for me was actually a conversation that I had with a friend who (while pregnant with her second) confided that she'd NEVER felt "ready" to have kids. Before her first, she was able to realize that she'd probably never actually feel "ready", and that for her the best way was just to go and do it - and she did and was so happy being a parent! This really resounded with me, and after a few months of thinking about this conversation, I came to the conclusion that I am the same way - I'd never ever feel ready, no matter how many bucket list items I completed. That's just how I am. And you know what - I'm pregnant now and wonderfully excited and terrified - which is OK! Knowing that I don't have to feel completely in control of everyting in my future is extremely freeing! I know this isn't everyone's experience, but I just wanted to share my two cents. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540761 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 17:44:42 +0000 MrsKRB 1540761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pretty much what everyone said! My husband was mostly nervous that his life would be over, he had a lot of misconceptions as well - it helped to talk it over. We had our discussion in August, dh wanted to go on 1 last vacation just the 2 of us, so we went a few weeks ago and started ttc a few weeks before that. I really think it will help to just talk it out :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540619 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 16:37:29 +0000 raspberries 1540619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ditto to @mrsrain:! We had a discussion about what his feelings were, and he had a few fears (some of which were just him needing reassurance.) After our discussion, we created a bucket list of fun things for the two of us to do (he was worried that he wouldn't get to experience certain activities after we have kids, so it was mostly excursion type things - going to Europe, rock climbing, road tripping, etc.)</p> <p>We also sat down and figured out our finances, since that was a big worry for him as well - comparing our current budget and our projected budget on parental leave/after kids. I think just seeing the numbers and realizing that we'd be a-okay financially was a big relief to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540476 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:52:16 +0000 mrsrain 1540476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written this exact post a few years ago! DH was different than me in that he was willing to set a timeline/date, but until we actually got to the point of starting to TTC he didn't want to think about it or talk about it. </p> <p>What worked really well for us was this: we sat down and talked about how we were both feeling. He told me his fears, mostly of giving up certain activities. We came up with a kind of bucket list of things we wanted to do/enjoy before TTC. We also agreed to check in periodically (every few months) to stay on the same page.</p> <p>If I were you I would probably give him a heads up... something like, "We originally talked about starting to TTC in a few months. I get the feeling you might be having second thoughts. I'd really like to sit down later and talk about it, and see if we can get on the same page. How about after dinner tonight?"</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540464 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:47:25 +0000 snowjewelz 1540464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: We started this Jan but not full on doing everything. Last month was when I went all in and we actually just got pregnant! There are def other bees here that are waiting to try as well. I was at your stage when I first joined HB and just lurking around seeing what this TTC world is all about too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540454 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:44:41 +0000 MrsD2442 1540454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: how long have you been TTC? I wish you guys the best of luck! Thanks for your help &amp; advice. I'm new to this website and so far it has been amazing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540417 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:37:59 +0000 snowjewelz 1540417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: Don't worry too much! I feel like maybe it's fear or maybe some misconceptions. I hope an open &amp; honest talk with him will get you both to the same page :happy: Def praise him for his hard work, or talk about what a great dad he will be, what a great partner is has been with you... etc :wink: </p> <p>I was actually the one initially nervous about TTC while DH was more than ready... But I know that I will never truly be "ready", and waiting till I'm older would be even worse haha so we just went for it! And since it didn't happen right away, I started really wanting it anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540397 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:33:45 +0000 MrsD2442 1540397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KelLeeLeee: thank you for your help and sharing your story. It's great to hear that I'm not the only person in this kind of situation. How long did you decide to wait for? 6 months? A year? </p> <p>@mrsmate: sure! I am 28, he'll be 27 this summer. We've owned a home for just about 4 years, and there's plenty of room for babies! Our families are close by, my parents are about a 10-15 min drive, his are a little further, about an hour. I work for my family's company, and he's a supervisor at his accounting firm. We know a few people who have kids, but none that we are really close to. His younger sister has a 1yo son. Her situation is less than ideal, and she is really struggling with making ends meet. But we are in a completely different boat than she is. I wonder if he sees how much trouble she is having and somehow thinks we'll be in a similar situation? </p> <p>@snowjewelz: buttering him up is a great idea. I'd really like to hear what his concerns are, he just really hasn't shared them with me at all. All he's really said is that he's nervous about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540308 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:09:04 +0000 snowjewelz 1540308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Def don't talk to him till tax season is over! Maybe butter him up first too. And be patient and listen to his side and try to understand what his concerns are and whether they're valid. And hopefully he can do the same for you and you guys cam come up with a middle ground and a tentative plan! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540307 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:09:01 +0000 mrsmate 1540307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you share some other details about yourselves? How old are you guys? What kind of work do you do? Do you own or rent? Are your families near by? Do you have friends who are in a similar life stage? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540303 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:07:00 +0000 MrsKRB 1540303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was in the same situation last summer, I had total baby fever and dh kept shutting me down, I was a basket case!<br /> Eventually we sat down to have a civil conversation and air out all our feelings, and exactly why he wanted to wait. We decided to wait because he wasn't 100% into it and I didn't feel comfortable pushing something so big onto him, it was hard on me, but time goes fast and now we are ttc.<br /> I think if you take the time to listen to his concerns with no judgement, maybe you guys can figure something out, or maybe he will start to become excited as well :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeline-discussion-advice#post-1540247 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 14:54:52 +0000 MrsD2442 1540247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need some advice! I'd like to have the "timeline talk" with DH, like a real, serious talk. I have terrible baby fever and I feel like he is completely headed in the opposite direction as I am as far as TTC. </p> <p>Some background info on our situation:DH and I have been married just about 6 months now and had originally set a timeline for TTC to begin mid to late summer 2014. I am so excited to start trying! He is a tax accountant, so the past 3 months have been extremely stressful and he had been working 60-70-80 hours/week lately. So yeah, I'd say he's completely stressed. Any time that I have mentioned my excitement to start a family, he pretty much shuts the conversation down, saying things like "we aren't there yet" or something along those lines. I just get the feeling that he wants to postpone our timeline, although he hasn't said those words. </p> <p>I'd like to sit down with him after April 15th (tax deadline) and try and have a serious talk with him about our expectations and our timeline. I'm looking for any advice on what to say and how to conduct this kind of talk! It's really getting mentally difficult for me to think that on the one hand we'll be trying starting in the summer, but on the other hand not knowing exactly if he's on the same page. He seems really nervous about having a baby and all of the responsibility that follows. I am too of course, but I'm really mainly excited! I'm assuming his feelings are completely normal, but any advice/stories of your experiences would be so helpful. How did you decide on your timelines? </p>