https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 03 Jul 2026 16:38:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879795 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 12:55:20 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1879795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Snowdrop: most definitely! If you cant play nicely, you can sit by yourself. Totally a natural consequence in that circumstance.</p> <p>I think the key to any consequence is that it is actually a consequence. If your child doesnt seem phased by time out, then there is no point. You have to know your child, and know what will help them learn the lesson that needs to be learned. For some kids, time out works. For some, it is a waste of time, especially if it isnt followed up with a teaching moment at the end.</p> <p>The reason i think that time out works better with older kids is that they have the ability for thinking more abstractly. For my son, who is 18 months, he is not capable yet of understanding that he is sitting by himself because he tried to touch the stove. For him, firm direction (NO, Thats HOT!) and then redirecting him to something else is what works best. By the time he is 2.5, and i have spent a year redirecting, he has the memory to know it is wrong, and should he try to touch it anyway he is choosing to do something that is against the rules and is unsafe. That warrants a more serious consequence, like time out. (If you cant play safely, you need to take time away from playing at all). </p> <p>I think the key to any discipline is to remember it is about teaching, not just punishing. You have to know your kid, and it is helpful to understand why they are doing what they are doing. You also have to tie the consequence directly to the behavior in some way, so that they see cause and effect and not just "mommy is mean", which is what happens when time out isnt done correctly. He can think i am mean, but i dont want him to think the cause of him being in time out is that i am mean...the cause was the misbehavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879770 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 12:36:14 +0000 Snowdrop 1879770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems more and more that every method of teaching good behaviour to a child is being criticised unless it is super positive and nice. Yeah being put in time out hurts, it is meant to! My time out was a corner of the living room, I used to play there sometimes but when I was sent there as punishment it was the end of the world! It represented social occlusion, surely a natural consequence doing something socially unacceptable like hitting my brother? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879718 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 10:19:14 +0000 wonderstruck 1879718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rocker2014: While no system is perfect, time-outs are in fact proven to allow most children the time they need to cool off, recharge and restart their responses to a situation. </p> <p>Yep, that pretty much perfectly sums up how I feel about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879716 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 10:12:30 +0000 mamimami 1879716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This thread is getting off track! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879694 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 09:16:18 +0000 Maysprout 1879694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: but what's the point of calmly hitting someone? I was spanked and it doesn't hurt enough to deter, well at least for me it didn't, so it was just like whatever suckers and I hate you a little for hitting me. They didn't use it much thankfully because it took my anger from 10 to 10000. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879692 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 09:13:41 +0000 Boheme 1879692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879686 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 08:59:35 +0000 Skadi 1879686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Boheme: Ha. Okay then. I could talk about how most of those so-called studies were deeply flawed, but let's just agree to disagree. Surely you can at least admit that just as there is a difference between a parent who yells, "GO TO YOUR ROOM!" when they've reached the end of their rope (making time-outs a kind of segregation born of frustration on the part of the parent) there is also a big difference between a parent who spanks their kid out of anger vs. as a logical, calm consequence to misbehavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879671 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 08:45:14 +0000 Boheme 1879671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: I equate spanking with yelling because there is so much research about how damaging and harmful it is to children. Even more so than just yelling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879668 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 08:42:10 +0000 Skadi 1879668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No time outs here. We plan to spank. I would like to point out to those equating spanking with yelling that spanking should not be done in anger. We do not want to yell at our kids--in fact, we believe in actually lowering ones voice when giving a direction--and spanking should never be done as a last resort because the parent has lost their temper. If you do believe in spanking as a discipline, you do it in a calm and matter of fact way.</p> <p>Kind of off topic but I just wanted to address the assumption that time out is inherently superior because spanking involves yelling, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879550 Sat, 27 Sep 2014 01:00:38 +0000 lamariniere 1879550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Time outs have been very useful for us. </p> <p>I do not agree with the article that a time out does not teach anything. The way I see it, if my son goes to a time out, he is having a privilege taken away for a finite amount of time. In our method, at the end of the time out we always explain gently why he went to time out and talk about future behavior. If my son is starting to misbehave and I threaten a time out, he almost always stops the behavior because he knows what the consequence is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879530 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 23:18:47 +0000 skibobrown 1879530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Time outs are a very effective form of discipline for my daughter. We have a location in our house that we call the "thinking spot". That's where DD goes when she is being bad or just when she's freaking out. She uses her time in the thinking spot to calm down and pull herself together. She'll often even ask if she can go to the thinking spot, or just put herself there when she's having a tantrum. After a minute or two in the thinking spot, she is usually ready to talk with me. I'll ask her if she knows why she was sent to the thinking spot, and she'll usually say "yes" and even ask to apologize for her bad behavior. </p> <p>So yes, time outs work great for us. For our daughter, I really think they're a good thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879513 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 22:42:43 +0000 Maysprout 1879513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes my Lo just needs a few to cool her jets. Anyone around her or talking to her is just going to make her angrier. So far I've been happy teaching that temper tantrums mean taking a break. Though I do agree its a tricky balance, my lo is 3 and sometimes she just needs me to sit up there with her stroking her hair while she calms. But other times coddling is really just making things worse and the quickest way to end the yelling is just let her have a bit of alone time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879482 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 22:08:35 +0000 travelgirl1 1879482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO is 22 months and too young for time outs now (we think), but I imagine we will end up doing them. I won't put her in another room for them, and will make sure I talk to her about her actions and provide a teaching moment too. Honestly, I have no idea how she will respond to any of it, as right now getting me riled is pretty hilarious to her. We actually put her stuffed animals in time out now to get her used to the idea, as if I tell her not to do something she will get her toys to do it instead, so her bears etc get a two minute reflection on their actions :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879471 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 21:38:39 +0000 mamimami 1879471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought time-ins sound splendid until I actually tried to do one. That is not a deterrent for my children and often if they're really out of control, having me on top of them is NOT helpful! I fel bad because I want to do what is good for them. I just feel like discipline options are more and more limited!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879430 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 20:57:59 +0000 Jess1483 1879430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read all the comments so someone may have said this, but they say a time out is "punishment' that is essentially isolation. Not only is time out not always a punishment, sometimes knowing that a behavior will get you isolated is appropriate. I think biting or hitting for a child who is old enough to know better should be met with a time out. Now a child who is uncontrollably sobbing or emotionally distraught should be dealt with differently. Also, as a behavior specialist, not every child responds well to being spoken with, sat with, or reassured. Sometimes kids really do need space alone. And sometimes, it's appropriate to ask the child which they prefer or what they need. I think time outs can be improved upon, but I don't think they're a lost cause. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879405 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 20:28:44 +0000 Grace 1879405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The problem with this article, as I see it, is that they assume that the timeout is the punishment, which is not how it's intended to be used. The timeout is meant to remove the child from the situation or the stimulus that is feeding the bad behaviour. It's to teach the child the concept of "counting to ten", so to speak. The discipline comes afterwards with the discussion or the positive parenting or whatever, when the child is in the frame of mind to be receptive to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879389 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 20:12:36 +0000 californiadreams 1879389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>at almost 23 months i have not found the need to use a time out. I can't speak for what i will do as LO grows, but I've never liked the idea of the time outs and feel there are likely other ways to teach and discipline. I also tend to do more of what the article refers to as time ins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879382 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 20:01:45 +0000 hilsy85 1879382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We use them and have found them to be effective. However, I do sit with him during the time out (mainly bc I don't think he would stay) and I just don't interact with him while I sit with him. At 21 months when we started he definitely understood what they were. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879380 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:58:52 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1879380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't use them a whole lot here yet as LO is still pretty little but I'm a fan. As long as there is some kind of discussion after the time out, I don't see the problem. I haven't had a chance with LO to use this yet but with the twins I used to nanny and the single child family I was with, I used a "cool down spot" &amp; whenever a massive fit was about to happen I would say "it's okay to be angry, but not to yell at me, would you like to go cool down?" Then I would take them to the spot with a book or toy &amp; their cup of water &amp; they stayed there until the fit was over. After the first few times they would go there on their own when I would ask &amp; they learned how to separate themselves from their intense emtions. I think a time-out as punishment &amp; as a cool down tool are both good as long as there is always communication after. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879365 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:45:20 +0000 HLK208 1879365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've asked this before on here for a similar reason. A friend of mine said to me, "why would you put your son in a timeout for being a 3 year old" uh, because I wanted to teach him that running away from me in a parking lot was not okay. Hey, I've needed timeouts to cool down too! I walk into another room and count to 10. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879357 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:38:03 +0000 winniebee 1879357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is almost 2.5 and we use them for truly bad behavior like hitting or biting or direct defiance (ie please don't throw your plate of food and then he throws it anyways) and frankly in coming around to the idea that they don't work. We keep using them but I want to explore other options. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879355 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:34:52 +0000 ShootingStar 1879355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the article made some huge assumptions about how timeouts are handled. I can buy their hypothesis that by forcing a child to be alone they feel rejected and that pain can be comparable to physical pain. But I don't think the article made enough of a connection from common timeout practices to what the child perceives as abandonment.</p> <p>How old were the children they studied? How long were they left alone? What was their proximity to the adult? And how does that compare to a typical timeout? I have a feeling in most cases the way a parent handles a timeout for a young child is pretty different from the "abandonment and isolation" they studied. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879340 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:16:42 +0000 Lindsay05 1879340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So far, we have removed LO from the room and talked to her until she calmed down. It has seemed to be fairly effective. I am not sure about sending a kid to their room by themself because I have a hard time believing that they are truly going to understand what they should or should not be doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879252 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 18:04:32 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1879252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rocker2014: Yes! This is exactly what I think about time outs. I think it is a gentle, safe, effective way of teaching our children that there are consequences to actions and poor behavior - something they will encounter in the real world. It is also a great way for them to cool off and calm down. I give myself time outs sometimes! Sometimes I just need to remove myself from the situation and take a breather. </p> <p>Time outs have been very effective in our home. We started doing the minute for every age rule starting at age 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879248 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 18:01:22 +0000 Rocker2014 1879248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The interesting thing about time-outs is this: it teaches what the world really does when someone acts in an unsafe or inappropriate way. What is the consequence as an adult for stealing? Hitting someone? Destroying someone else's property? You go to jail - basically a giant time-out. </p> <p>As a trauma specialist in the world of correctional institutions, I have heard this argument before, and while I understand how important positive regard and attachment are (and daily see the effects of a lack of it!), I also feel strongly that the best thing to teach a child is that there are limits to what is appropriate behavior. If a parent doesn't teach their child those limits, the community will - through both social ostracization and eventually the penal system. While no system is perfect, time-outs are in fact proven to allow most children the time they need to cool off, recharge and restart their responses to a situation. Combined with positive interaction with a caregiver after the event, the brain learns how to self soothe and reconnect appropriately with a loving caregiver and/or authority figure. And that is also something that the brain learns through it's capacity for neuroplasticity. Obviously nothing works for every child, but I just don't agree with all the article's conclusions.</p> <p>Whoa...jumping off my soapbox now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879227 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 17:43:40 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1879227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I follow Positive Parenting on facebook and generally like their parenting style, but they are anti-time-outs as well. We use time outs and I think they're fine, and they've been effective for us. I'm reading one of the positive parenting books and one line I was irked by when discussing time outs is that they shouldn't be used for kids under 4 or 5 anyway and between the ages of 0-4 you should simply use redirection... ummm no, I don't think so. If my child hurts another child, he needs to know that is NOT okay and I have no qualms about being firm and using a time-out. </p> <p>I like positive parenting practices such as setting up expectations prior, respecting your child and their autonomy in the same way they want you to, allowing your child to feel emotions (like anger) without being shamed for them - but I don't wholly agree with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879223 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 17:40:05 +0000 birdofafeather 1879223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we've put LO in time outs for 1 minute (she's 20 months) with hitting/biting or other unsafe behaviors. we always explain why and sit close. it gives her a minute to calm down. i don't think she fully understands yet, but we wanted to start something that we could be consistent with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879220 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 17:38:39 +0000 loveisstrange 1879220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I use them and I think they are very effective. We really haven't had to do it often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879213 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 17:33:09 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1879213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends on the kid and the age. I would say before 2.5/3 they are not effective. </p> <p>The most important piece of discipline is the teaching of correct behavior. I think it can be helpful for a cooling off period, but i am a bigger fan of natural consequences that match the misbehavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timeouts-yay-or-nay#post-1879212 Fri, 26 Sep 2014 17:32:50 +0000 Freckles 1879212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kimberlybee: I agree - between yelling/spanking and timeouts, i would have preferred the latter as a kid! </p>