https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 17:05:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third/page/2#post-2821707 Thu, 10 May 2018 10:50:52 +0000 Autumnmama79 2821707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Toad: I still haven't got my body back as 2 yo DS is still nursing - maybe pregnancy will finally mean the end of that! You'll be starting to try soon, congrats on pulling the IUD!</p> <p>@Kaohinani: Our kids are very similar ages! Also nearing 40 and wondering if we'll be blessed with a third or not. Hoping you are soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2821618 Thu, 10 May 2018 05:50:38 +0000 Kaohinani 2821618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: We are working on our third now but began almost 2-1/2 years ago when my son was one. Currently - My daughter just turned 10 and my son is 3-1/2. The method for my madness: I had been a special education teacher (before my daughter was born and until she was 6) and am a professor (* I used to teach adult English courses). I now work from home as certified personal trainer (and occasional tutor). I know, a HUGE career change there, but I digress ... My husband and I had waited many years for a second child because "We were too busy" or "The timing wasn't just right" but after my son, we decided to have another who would be close in age to my son in case I decided to return to being an educator while training on the side. We also wanted my son to have someone to grow up with which is something my daughter laments and states she wishes she had someone closer to her age. Of course, having a 3rd blessing hasn't worked for us [YET] and I'm nearing 40, but we are still hopeful and trying. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2821594 Wed, 09 May 2018 20:05:40 +0000 Mrs. Toad 2821594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: I'm pulling my IUD tomorrow, but planning on waiting for a few months. I just got my body back (my 15 month old finally stopped nursing.) We have a 28 month gap and will be hoping for about the same again. I will probably start trying in July/August. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2821484 Wed, 09 May 2018 14:06:22 +0000 Autumnmama79 2821484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mdf106: Yay! First month for both of us then. I too would prefer a bigger gap but am also 38 so it needs to be now. My two are currently 9 and 2 - the big gap has been awesome - slightly terrified about such a small gap. </p> <p>Good luck to you this month :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2821458 Wed, 09 May 2018 13:12:25 +0000 mdf106 2821458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: I am trying for a third. This is my first month off of birth control. After a 2.5 year gap between my first two, we wanted at least a three year gap between numbers two and three. My kids will be 3 and almost 5.5 (and in kindergarten) when I give birth if I am successful in the first month. To be honest we would prefer a bigger gap, I don't really have a handle on the two I have, but at 38 I don't have the luxury of waiting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2821373 Wed, 09 May 2018 10:45:15 +0000 Autumnmama79 2821373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, I guess we officially started trying for a third :shocked:<br /> Seems like all kinds of craziness but I guess we'll see if its meant to be for us...</p> <p>Anyone else pull the trigger or close to doing so? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2818222 Tue, 24 Apr 2018 13:27:16 +0000 ValentineMommy 2818222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first two were 2.5 years apart. #2 and #3 are 21 months apart. They're now 5, almost 3, and 1. It's.....a lot. I also WOH and we have grandma-care. There's no way we would be able to afford daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2818167 Tue, 24 Apr 2018 10:17:06 +0000 MissKriss19 2818167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had our first two 17 months apart and then #3 came along 3 years later. I love the age spread, the boys are very close and a little older and more independent. They can play with each other while I take care of the baby. Baby sister is truly the baby in the family and is spoiled by the boys. She’s 10 Months now. If she ended up being a boy, I would have probably wanted a closer age gap than 3 years so all the boys would be close and the little one wouldn’t feel left out. But bc she’s a girl I feel like it’s not a huge deal bc she will be doing her own thing anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2818063 Mon, 23 Apr 2018 19:17:15 +0000 nwm 2818063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: @looch: @gingerbebe: very good points— it occurred to me after I posted that maybe those moms of three just don’t have time anymore to even do things like post on boards so they fly under the radar! And I’m sure you all are right—doable but expensive (like everything in some ways)!! I’m not even sure the going rate in our city for a nanny to take care of three kids (you hear two discussed much more often) and I’m a little afraid to find out :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817967 Mon, 23 Apr 2018 13:04:30 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2817967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: This is what I was going to say. I know several families with 3 kids with both parents WOH but all of them have full time nannies. </p> <p>I am mostly SAH because with our age spread it is a full time job just taking care of the kids and feeding them, not to mention everything else I do to keep the household running. (Baby at home, one in preschool and one in elementary school).<br /> To answer the original question, our first two are 20 months apart, and then 3 and change years till the third.<br /> Pros: It was a lot easier being pregnant with a two year old than a one year old. It's been much calmer having only one baby at home, and just generally speaking I really like the 3 year difference. Cons: The spread of ages, the different drop off and pick ups, just makes things always crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817962 Mon, 23 Apr 2018 12:44:34 +0000 gingerbebe 2817962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: You can definitely do it, it just would cost a lot. Like, for me to go full-time in my job (I'm a government attorney) and support 3 kids and keep up with our house, I'd need to hire a full-time nanny and we'd probably need to bump up our housecleaner to every week instead of twice a month. We intend to send our kids to private school, so on top of that tuition, we'd have to keep a nanny or sitter on payroll to pick up and drop off the kids to their various activities as they got older and I would imagine our food costs would go up related to eating out or takeout or meal services. </p> <p>Unfortunately, a government attorney salary isn't as generous as a private sector salary, so all that would eat up a huge amount of my salary. Nannies in our area are pretty expensive for a variety of reasons, but mostly because there AREN'T that many to begin with, and we would personally feel like we needed to offer health benefits and everything else a full-time job entails. DH and I are also very strict about hiring licensed professionals and doing everything by the book (we're both attorneys and DH hopes to be a judge some day), so that means higher costs for things. We even have our accountant handle payroll, which we also then have to pay for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817959 Mon, 23 Apr 2018 12:33:09 +0000 looch 2817959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not my situation, but I know a few fellow working moms that have 3 plus children. They have full time help at home, like nannys and au pairs. I think it's not as uncommon as we think, but that they just don't have the time to discuss it/help others strategize. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817815 Sun, 22 Apr 2018 21:29:21 +0000 periwinklebee 2817815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: I'm not really ready to let go yet of the idea of wanting three, but I doubt my husband would ever spring for it - and I don't blame him, he's being sane and realistic :silly: With our jobs/expected commutes from somewhere with good schools and semi-affordable housing, the only way I could imagine doing it is with a good nanny so there wouldn't be drop-offs/pick ups and sick days x3. That and/or family help that I'd fully trust. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817812 Sun, 22 Apr 2018 20:33:58 +0000 MACSUNSHINE 2817812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE haha, the daycare perspective is not a factor for me. To be clear, I am totally with you. If we decide to have more than 2 even with all the family help we have I will pull back my career even further. I never expected to say that but the reality is the mental load is too much and the school years terrify me. Running from activity to activity, my husband is great but certain things always will fall to me. I currently consistently get the side eye for leaving during the weeks where I have daycare pick up and I have already taken a pay cut for my current arrangement.</p> <p>And can I just say I am super impressed with anyone that has 3 and works FT! To your point, hours family career etc make a huge difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817805 Sun, 22 Apr 2018 19:54:16 +0000 LCTBQE 2817805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: wow, exactly! I turned 34 a few days after my first and turn 36 a few days after this one is due--and samesies with the boy-then-girl :) except I am throwing in the towel on city living, we're moving to NJ in a week. in talking about the move everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to keep working, and I keep doing a double take--who the hell can afford to NOT work? </p> <p>I recall you talking about your career here before--feels like in your field you'd have to work for the government or something to go PT. you guys should start a thread though, sometimes it seems like a quarter of HB are lawyers! my dream would be working like 3.5/4 days a week, but I would take a MASSIVE pay cut--way more than 20%-- and I just feel like it would be hard to claw my way back if I wanted to go FT again. I think it's incredible that there are even two women at your office that have 3 in the city! if they have any tips post them here. I actually took a second to think about it and I know exactly one person in my *entire* NYC life who works and has 3 kids (well, she is pregnant with #3 right now)--she told me she's going to go PT and she doesn't give a shit about the money. </p> <p>@MACSUNSHINE: I think the working with 3 thing is totally doable if you have a lot of support in the way of family help, a career with family-friendly hours where you don't get side-eye for leaving "early" at 5pm, plus other factors like not having a shitty commute or living in a high COL area. maybe I'm just intimidated at the thought of it all, but seems to me like if any of those things went away it would be pretty tough. I really love your perspective on daycare as a short-term expense, I'm adopting that moving forward :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817789 Sun, 22 Apr 2018 16:22:13 +0000 MACSUNSHINE 2817789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm working full time with 3 is completely doable. For me, I bear the majority of the mental load around the house and family organization and I am fortunate enough that as much as I love the independence of my career financially, the mental load is just not worth it if we have more than 2 kids. Family help is also a factor. Previously when I worked in public accounting, most women worked less than full time or had nannies with more than 2. My best friend has 3 and works full time as a teacher, she does it well but has never paid for daycare always used family. </p> <p>Also I think of daycare as a short term cost, in the scheme of life and childhood it is a short period where we would have more than 2 in daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817787 Sun, 22 Apr 2018 16:01:59 +0000 periwinklebee 2817787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: I can't tell you the number of times that I've heard men say something along the lines of "kids aren't that demanding to your career, it's only a half hour of playing with them in the evening before they go to bed". Hah, I assume their wife or MIL or someone is spending more time than that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817786 Sun, 22 Apr 2018 15:49:03 +0000 nwm 2817786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: ha thank you that is good to hear :wink: most of my exposure to colleagues at work are people who have stay at home wives so that sort of answers the question of how THEY make it work--two women in my office did just each have a third though so i guess i should go ask them how they do it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817785 Sun, 22 Apr 2018 15:39:31 +0000 periwinklebee 2817785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: I do know people who have three and a demanding career yet still manage the home life well (I can't imagine it, but I lack parenting experience and am not a natural :silly: ) I think they are underrepresented on hb, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817782 Sun, 22 Apr 2018 15:02:26 +0000 nwm 2817782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: sounds like we are in the exact same place &lt;3 my 36th birthday is 6 days after my due date and LO1 will be 2 years 4 months. i know right after #2 comes there will be a period where i am like, was i crazy? three would be impossible! but i just wonder how long that phase will last haha. </p> <p>it does seem from this thread that a lot of ladies considering three are at the same time considering major career changes/scaling back at work. my job is something of an all-or-nothing proposition and i don't think scaling back is something i can do in the time frame we would need to have our third. setting aside the childcare costs, is having three and working full time+ just not something one can do? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817680 Sat, 21 Apr 2018 10:46:25 +0000 LCTBQE 2817680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: you are so organized! I've always wondered if I'd started younger if I just wouldn't be so freaking tired all the time. I have a friend who has my exact life set-up/living situation/baby sex-age situation, but she had her boy at 27.5 and I had mine at exactly 34. she is tired too though :) are you?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817679 Sat, 21 Apr 2018 10:42:56 +0000 LCTBQE 2817679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love this thread! it's the complete opposite of the recent one-and-done thread :silly: </p> <p>It's nice to see so many other mamas on the older side and how you guys strategize and make decisions. I'm 35 and pregnant with #2, will turn 36 right after this one is born--we've been vacillating about 2 vs 3 basically since we got married. Right now I'm leaning towards being done at 2 because of FT work/commute/money/exhaustion, which feels like a relief and a disappointment at the same time. Not set in stone though, I think I'll hang on to the infant stuff for a lil while. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: even though I think we agree that newborn days kind of suck, I'm so excited for you to have #3 :) :heart:</p> <p>@Mamatimes3: this is inspiring! I'm going to start another thread soon about close-in-age tips. I have the same due date this time as last and we'll have a 2-year gap. I'm excited to hear about your management style as I'm sure you wouldn't have done it again if it had been untenable the first time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817611 Fri, 20 Apr 2018 19:25:42 +0000 Hypatia 2817611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The most important timing consideration is how long you're able to have children. It sounds so obvious, but for a long time I think I assumed I wouldn't have trouble conceiving and menopause was sooo far away. I sort of thought of it as turning on a switch—sex Ed programs certainly made it sound like pregnancy was a given without contraception. We haven't been to a fertility doctor, but it took us two years to conceive our second child. It made me realize that whoa, this isn't as easy as I thought and there are no guarantees. </p> <p>We really want six kids, but I'm 33, so I don't know how things will turn out (we have two and are trying for our third). We waited and waited to start before our first because we wanted to be more financially secure, but looking back, I wish we had started sooner. I just think that we would have always found a way to make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817511 Fri, 20 Apr 2018 11:50:45 +0000 codeitall 2817511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: I think you perfectly summed up my feelings. It will all work out, if I want my kids close together, I can't look at my current situation as a limiting factor because this will impact my family for decades after this tough season passes.</p> <p>I'm also fortunate that I'm starting my family pretty young compared to many of you. I'm not even 30 and already have two kids ;) That takes the biological clock out as a factor entirely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817314 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 14:15:05 +0000 Mamatimes3 2817314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, the age gap I wanted in between my kids was the main factor. I wanted 3 and I wanted them close in age. The 1st two are 20 months apart and there is exactly two years in between the 2nd and 3rd. I also had my kids later in my 30s so I didn’t want fertility to become an issue. Luckily it didn’t. I also WOH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817294 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 13:19:58 +0000 Autumnmama79 2817294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: :shocked: amazing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817292 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 13:14:03 +0000 ElbieKay 2817292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were planning on two kids. Baby #2 turned out to be twins.</p> <p>I guess the lesson is that you never know, your Baby #3 could be twins too! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817285 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 12:59:05 +0000 Mama Bird 2817285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We always wanted a big family, but of course it was a hard decision either way. We both work, neither of us will quit, and the logistics will be a nightmare for a few years. The only thing we had control of, timing-wise, is waiting till DD is mature enough to handle me not always being at her service, and things in general not going her way. When I was pregnant with her, DS had just hit the terrible twos, and it was so hard to deal with an extra irrational toddler and pregnancy.</p> <p>I guess there's no good timing, really, though... we thought we were in the clear, and now DH is dealing with his mom battling cancer, and a wife who's thisclose to disabled by killer headaches. I had two very easy pregnancies and definitely didn't expect to become a dead weight just when DH needs me most. If I'd known how this would be, I don't think I'd be brave enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817277 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 12:35:24 +0000 JennyPenny 2817277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want 3-4, and have always liked the 2.5 yearish age gap. Thankfully that means no more than 2 in daycare at a time. I only have 2 kids so far and they're 2 yr 9 months apart and it was great so I feel comfortable repeating it again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-for-a-third#post-2817276 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 12:33:04 +0000 bhbee 2817276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I already SAH post my second so that’s not changing, but I wanted a decent space - 2.5 years or more. My first two are 3 years exactly so oldest would have been just starting kinder. I think that makes a huge difference - I feel like three kids at home a lot might drive me mad so having one in school is great. (Or having one in free school if that is a factor!) We lost that baby and now it will be 3.5 years between and right before my oldest starts first grade. I think it’s turning out just right. My older two are pretty independent, no diapers. I think the oldest will be a great helper too and she has matured SO much during kinder on all fronts. My middle is still a wild man but as he gets closer to 4 I think that will improve in some ways too. We don’t do a ton of activities (for many reasons) but I do worry the baby will be dragged around constantly! And I’ve seen siblings with that age gap still be close as adults. Where we live most people have their kids really close together so I don’t know anyone having their third the same time as me but it’s ok since it’s what worked for us. </p>