https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Jul 2026 13:58:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2799208 Tue, 23 Jan 2018 16:56:14 +0000 Mrsbells 2799208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pajamas: I agree with the idea of managing expectations. With young children things just wont be the same because they can be unpredictable. The point should be about spending time together even if its not a well organized dinner, at least its nice to share a weekly meal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2799190 Tue, 23 Jan 2018 15:21:41 +0000 hilary 2799190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like many others we tend to serve buffet style. However, we prep the kids plates but don't call them to the table until the adults sit down. If we serve the kids first, by the time we actually get to sit with our food they are either done or need something else. Prepping their food but then fixing our plates before calling them to dinner has bought us a peaceful beginning to dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2799184 Tue, 23 Jan 2018 14:53:44 +0000 maddyz 2799184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have big problems with family understanding dinner with small children. It's been so long I think they forget. Our big thing is timing. 7pm dinner means my kids are most the way ready for bed and I wont be able to join until 8 at the earliest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2799171 Tue, 23 Jan 2018 14:39:14 +0000 Anagram 2799171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: 100% agree. Sounds like an underlying negative dynamic between Mom and brother's parenting.</p> <p>@Mrs. Pajamas: When we have big family get togethers, the grandparents (my mom, or DH's parents) always help us wrangle our kids. They sit with a kid and help them eat, so we get a break and finally get to eat a hot meal ourselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2799159 Tue, 23 Jan 2018 13:50:45 +0000 SweetiePie 2799159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree that expectations need to be managed/adjusted.<br /> My son is one of only 2 kids on my husbands side - the other is 11 months. My MIL likes having dinners for holidays or special occasions that are fully seated and several courses. I’m an adult and I think it’s a pain in the ass so I can’t imagine a kid that wouldn’t be bored out of their mind!<br /> When he was a baby (and now my nephew is the baby) it was much easier - I just made sure she knew when he’d be awake and ready to eat and she could plan the meal for that time or not. And I just told her over and over that he’s a baby, he may be fussy or he may be chill, but I don’t have total control over that (outside of making sure he’s rested). She mainly understood. And he was in a highchair so he was at least contained.<br /> However, now that he’s going on 3.5 she had higher expectations which I think is actually the opposite of what should have happened. Yes he is a good kid and yes he eats pretty well. But he’s still 3 and he’s still not going to sit through a 2 hour dinner. We are lucky if we get 15-20 mins at home when it’s just us!<br /> So the first holiday this past year when he was no longer in a highchair (the baby nephew took over) she was SO UPSET that he didn’t sit with us the whole meal and eat all the food she made. He literally ate some matzoh and pickles and the peaced out during the first course.<br /> Do I want him to have good manners and be able to sit at a table? Yes. But developmentally I don’t think that’s appropriate for a YOUNG toddler. So I let him roam around and play with the toys in the next room. Everyone was OK with this but her. She cried. She had a vision and expectation in her mind that wasn’t realistic and when it didn’t happen that way she got upset. But my husband and I explained to her that she has to adjust her expectations because it’s not like it used to be (pre-kids or even pre-toddler). The next meal she did - she understood that he wouldn’t stay. She tried to put the foods out he would eat first. And she did the main courses buffet style. So he sat with us during soup/salad and ate some semi-healthy things and then went off to play. Overall the meal was more relaxed. </p> <p>I guess the point of all of this is that whoever is most unhappy (your mom?) needs to understand that this is a different season of life and it won’t be an idyllic Family meal with all her brood. Kids tantrum and dislike foods and get bored and want to play. Even the well-behaved/tame ones have bad days. Embrace the chaos for what it is and it won’t always be that way.<br /> As for your brother’s kids, I know my sister would be PISSED if I tried to tell her they weren’t well behaved enough. So I wouldn’t even bother with that. I guess your mom can try to tackle that if she feels so strongly about it. But again, I think this is something you all have to adjust for.<br /> AND LOTS OF WINE. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2799154 Tue, 23 Jan 2018 13:25:05 +0000 MrsBucky 2799154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, it's not your job to fix this. I think you can choose what rules to enforce for your kids based on what you want (I could see either- be more lax since you're not at home, or stick to the rules for consistency) and let all the other adults make whatever decisions they are going to make. You can't fix your mom's feelings, and honestly it's not your job too. If she wants to enjoy family dinners, she needs to express what she needs to feel happy and then see if everyone is willing to accommodate. It sounds like it's really an issue between your mom and your brother and how he is choosing the parent his kids. Dinners with little kids are so stressful anyway, but do your best not to take on anyone else's stuff. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2799130 Tue, 23 Jan 2018 12:24:41 +0000 KT326 2799130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think at 10 and 7 they should be able to sit at the table and eat, then ask to be excused. This is what we do for my 5 year old when we have dinner at the in-laws. Dinner there is almost always a huge production, fancy dinner and what not. He knows he has to at least try to sit at the table and eat something. If he doesn't like it after a couple bites he can ask to be excused. </p> <p>Honestly I would say something to your brother. Just tell him you are trying to instill good manners in your daughter and the older boys should be good examples for her. </p> <p>I don't expect the kids to stay at the table as long as the adults do, but I do want them to have good manners. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2799012 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 23:07:55 +0000 lamariniere 2799012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have large family dinners often since we don't see our extended family often, but we always have a kid's table. The kids eat and then they are allowed to get up and play while the adults continue on at a leisurely pace. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798984 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 21:07:54 +0000 Eko 2798984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It agree with some others and say that expectations need to be adjusted. My toddler does not have the ability to sit quietly through an adult like dinner. Also, table manners are something that is not as important to every family. If my son eats all of his dinner and wants to leave the table to play, i am ok with that. Thats what we do. Once kids are done eating they leave and go play. Its also a lot less stressful for parents who can continue to sit at the table and socialize. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798982 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 20:41:26 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2798982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This isn’t really a solution but basically I just let it go. I enforce the rules at home but I don’t at big family dinners. I let him eat or not eat, get down or stay. Mind you, we have these dinners infrequently so I can understand a weekly thing is kind of annoying to just let it go all the time. DS is 3 so I trust him that if he doesn’t eat, he isn’t hungry or he will eat more at breakfast. The one thing I don’t allow is for him to bug other people while we are still eating. If he wants to sit on laps and eat off peoples plates, he has to go to his chair and sit. Usually my brother or cousin will go off and play with him and my parents don’t care, they just like everyone together in one house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798978 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 20:09:45 +0000 Pollywog 2798978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Three more tips: announce the menu via email so parents can prep if it is something their kids hate, set up kid friendly appetizers and snacks so even the pickiest have something (I do fruit, cheese, crackers, and yogurt pouches), and have people over at least an hour early with the expectation that the kids will play. Hungry kids+food they like = way better manners than when they are full of energy and having to eat something they hate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798935 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 16:41:52 +0000 Mommy Finger 2798935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Holiday dinners with the whole family in my grandma's tiny house suck right now with my boys being 2.5 and 5. There are to many people squished at the table and all the food is family style so it's a lot of effort to pass it all around to make sure that everyone gets what they want. And let's be honest, most of the time, my kids will just eat the bread. So, I just manage my expectations that it will be a crappy meal for all of us.</p> <p>That being said, we do get together with my more immediate family at my parent's house a good amount. The menu is a little more relaxed. It's served buffet style and there's generally more room to spread out. Usually the parents of toddlers/young kids go through the line first to get the kids set up with their dinner and then they're able to get their plate afterwards. The kids still will or won't eat and will be allowed to go play after they are done. Much more casual and so much more enjoyable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798930 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 16:20:52 +0000 youboots 2798930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it’s about managing expectations. Many kids are not able to sit still for a formal adult speed dinner. I feel like trying to make it more enjoyable for the adults is putting a lot of pressure on you. </p> <p>Large family dinners are usually just holidays and very informal for us- a buffet- everyone eating wherever and starting/being done at different times. I like how casual it is because then people can visit easily.</p> <p>All that said we don’t do Sunday dinners with my in laws anymore. We make plans to have dinner whenever but I don’t like the pressure of standing dates on my calendar. On my side they are not a thing. Honestly on Sundays I don’t want to go anywhere/do anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798926 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 16:13:37 +0000 looch 2798926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a varying age of kids, and what has worked well with my son is explaining that different families have different rules, so just because his older cousins leave the table doesn't mean he can. I have also had to explain to my dad that the days of lingering at the table are over, at least for now, and he can either lament it or he can get up and go play a board game in the living room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798921 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 16:01:30 +0000 snowjewelz 2798921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's pretty chaotic both sides of the family but we just embrace it. We don't necessarily do set weekly dinners. With DH's side, there are another 2 kids (going to be 3) so there would be 5 kids in the future eating at once. Once the food is ready, we usually feed the kids first, and then let them play while we start/continue/finish. DD2 is currently the youngest of the bunch so I just help her eat first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798916 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 15:50:04 +0000 Pollywog 2798916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What's your brother's thoughts on this? We have a dozen kids for our family dinners (newborn to 15) and what works well is buffet where kids and adults eat and play as they please. How it normally works out is that the parents of toddlers eat with the toddlers in the kitchen and the parents of the older kids and the big kids eat in the dining room. When someone is done they put their plate in the sink and can play. Normally the toddlers and high schoolers stay for awhile and the school age kids are quick to leave. That's fine because someone will be needing their seat. With 24 in the immediate family having everyone sit down at one table is impossible, but this works out really well.</p> <p>It also is like no stress. I've had 13 over in our tiny townhouse and my SIL just had 29 in her equally tiny house. Everyone ate and everyone talked just as nicely as when we are in my BIL's huge house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-for-making-big-family-dinners-enjoyable-for-adults#post-2798914 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 15:41:51 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2798914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're lucky enough to have my parents and my brother and his family nearby. We've been doing Sunday family dinners for a few weeks but they always end up being super stressful. I'm wondering if it's just this time of life with young kids or if there are strategies to make it more fun for the adults. My kids are 3yo and 6 months, both girls. My older DD is a really good eater and we've worked hard to instill some table manners in her so she's good about eating with adults and then when she's done she can go play quietly by herself. My brother's kids are 10, 7, and 20 months, all boys. They do whatever the F they want and it creates massive chaos at the dinner table and then my 3 yo wants to play with her cousins and I'm not sure if it's worth asking her to stay at the table or give up when we have family over. My mom is really upset as she cannot enjoy herself anymore. One idea we talked about was feeding the kids early and letting them play while the adults eat. I'm pretty against that with my own kids on a daily basis but happy to do that for bigger family dinners. One issue is my youngest nephew can't eat on his own yet so that wouldn't entirely solve the kids behaving badly at the dinner table issue. Other ideas??? </p>