https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 07:13:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2851010 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 19:41:30 +0000 cyntist 2851010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My OB told me almost exactly what @pachamama said - it’s going to be stressful, so accept that and let yourself feel it. I had a MMC found at 12w in March and am now 21w with what I desperately hope will be my rainbow baby. It’s so hard, but especially after losses, it’s 100% natural and normal to worry. One day at a time! One minute at a time, when a day feels like too much to tackle all at once. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2851009 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 19:38:20 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2851009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: :heart: it does help. Everyone on here has helped - it’s what makes this site so special to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2851008 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 19:31:39 +0000 pachamama 2851008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsJBeeG: so many hugs for you. Something my therapist told me is that ya know what? You're going to be anxious the early weeks of pregnancy after your history and that's ok. It would be odd to fight it or deny it. So just accept well damn, this is hard and mornings are rough and I'm super nervous and just let yourself be anxious. That was comforting to me, to stop fighting it and "be relaxed" when, shit, it was a struggle every day.<br /> Hope this helps, you are not alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850995 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 18:12:21 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2850995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shantuck: so true on the one foot in front of the other ... I’ll remember that when I’m struggling. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850994 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 18:11:48 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2850994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: I always appreciate your advice. :) I know I can get through this but I’m thinking it’s just going to be hard all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850993 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 18:10:05 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2850993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: thanks. My job keeps me pretty busy until the evening and then early morning. I think it’s my early morning that’s getting me tbh - it’s when I think and now I think what if’s. But I am really try the day at a time. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850992 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 18:08:52 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2850992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: thank you. It’s true that what will be will be and I can’t change it. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850934 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 12:23:34 +0000 LCTBQE 2850934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsJBeeG: Congratulations :heart: I remember you were in my due date board from before I joined (because I wouldn't join until I was 12 weeks or so, if that's any indication to you how I handle pregnancy after loss, haha?). I'm so glad to read your good news. like many others, I had two losses before I had my son, and the first trimester with him was very scary for me, I was really white-knuckling it through the entire thing-- I understand how hard it is. The only thing that *really* helped me get through it was the realization that whether or not the fetus was going to make it had already been determined, at conception, and that it was only a matter waiting it out for that viability to make itself evident. The "today, you're pregnant" mantra didn't help me, but knowing that there was absolutely nothing for me to do and that the outcome was already set in stone did give me some relief from anxiety. Also, distraction in the form of binging TV shows helped pass the evenings when I was home from work. I hope everything goes wonderfully, hang in there, this part is tough :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850901 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 10:49:44 +0000 pachamama 2850901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsJBeeG: I could have written what you wrote. Honestly I had what felt like PTSD after a sort of late MC and D&amp;C and I just could not relax at all in my 2nd pregnancy. I worried about everything, and it bordered on paranoia. I found a book by Rebecca Fox Starr Called Beyond the Baby Blues that helped me at least realize that I really had some trauma from the MC and what I was feeling was normal. Everyone tells me (including my OB) to take Zoloft but frankly that would have worried me even more (I'm a low-intervention person) so my personal preference was to trudge through this alone.<br /> it's very very hard. Take it day by day and honestly just try to stay busy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850889 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 10:00:07 +0000 Shantuck 2850889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a successful pregnancy after two losses and it was tough. I tried to distract myself in the early days and devoted myself to hobbies (decorating my house, retail therapy, etc.). After each scan or test that went well, I started feeling increasingly better about it. I would remind myself that I can't control the future and if I wanted a baby then the only way to get one was to push through the hard stuff to get to her (I was going to try as many times as it took). She turns two in a couple weeks. All you can really do is put one foot in front of the other and move forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850880 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 09:15:14 +0000 bhbee 2850880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Big hugs - for me I had to just get through it. This last time was especially hard - sometimes I would tell myself the mantra, sometimes I would pretend it was not happening at all, sometimes I had nightmares about another loss, so clearly it was in my mind. I know you had a good dark test, that is a great place to start. Do you have a provider you like? My OB understood my anxiety and gave me an extra sonogram to help (I was 11w then, the time of my most recent loss). I felt better once we got the NIPT results but never truly relaxed.<br /> Also it helps to just come here and vent! We used to have a pregnancy after loss group thread maybe there are people to revive it?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850876 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 09:10:45 +0000 periwinklebee 2850876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Congratulations! I know it's super hard. :heart: </p> <p>What helped me most was acknowledging, repeatedly, yes this pregnancy might end in loss too. There's nothing I can do to control that. The most I can do is to enjoy being pregnant now and the time I have with this baby. It mostly sucked regardless - throughout the entire pregnancy I would randomly burst into tears at the thought of losing him - but the NT scan and the anatomy scan were super wonderful and joyous occasions, because after repeat loss I really didn't take them for granted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850861 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 08:17:17 +0000 skinnycow 2850861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's sucks - I'm sorry. I have no advice but I'm right there with you. I'm just trying to remind myself every day that I'm pregnant right now but it's hard to keep the anxiety away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850858 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 08:06:19 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2850858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Litebrite: thank you! I will steal that mantra the next time I feel overwhelmed with a helplessness feeling about being pregnant again. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850857 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 08:05:18 +0000 Litebrite 2850857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy after a loss is hard. When I felt anxious thoughts creeping up on me the mantra "I am pregnant today" helped calm me and also reminded me what happens is out of my hands and to appreciate that particular moment of pregnancy.</p> <p>There were milestones that definitely helped with the anxiety. The biggest one was getting past the week I lost my previous pregnancy. And then once the baby started moving around I was able to relax a little more. So this is to say, hang in there and it should get easier for you as the pregnancy progresses.</p> <p>Congrats and good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850856 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 08:05:03 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2850856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kaohinani: your reply is so thoughtful - thank you. I know you’re right - no pregnancy is the same and two losses doesn’t mean this one will end the same. I’ve prayed a lot to find peace in not having kids, seems I now need to pray to find peace in this pregnancy no matter what happens. Of course I am also praying for a healthy and happy baby. </p> <p>Gotta love the early pregnancy hormones. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850854 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 07:52:08 +0000 Kaohinani 2850854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsJBeeG: First of all, thank you for your service... My DH is currently in the reserves after many years serving AD. I do understand how a stressful lifestyle (such as being an attorney in the military) would compound your situation and make you feel more uncertain over the future success of this pregnancy. As for this pregnancy, CONGRATULATIONS! 💙 I have gone through the same anxieties and my best advice is simply to live for today. (The same mantra the military supports ... One can't plan too far ahead as plans always change!<br /> See how beautifully that worked for your "NTNP." 😉) At this very moment- you ARE blissfully pregnant and all is well. This pregnancy is not the same as your losses. Unless something (forbid it did) changes, this pregnancy is unlike the others and you should recognize that you have limited control to change the past. May I suggest, you may wish to see someone (a counselor or therapist) to whom you would be able to explore your fears with and productively come up with ways to cope? Each individual copes with loss and anxiety differently so you may need to find what is specifically therapeutic for you. Also, side note - please find comfort in knowing that cramping, which is similar to light AF pains, is common place in early pregnancy and, especially so, in 2nd and sequential pregnancies. </p> <p>Best of luck and, once again, congratulations! 😃 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-coping-with-new-pregnancy-after-losses#post-2850849 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 07:24:21 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2850849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Okay sweet HB ladies - I need some help. I’m definitely not coping with an unexpected pregnancy after two back to back early losses. I consider myself a resilient person as I’ve always coped well with difficult situations and been able to find the good in it. </p> <p>At moments I’m cautiously hopeful and cautiously excited over being pregnant. And to avoid confusion - a baby is very much wanted by myself and DH - we just decided to stop actively trying after the second loss for me to heal emotionally. </p> <p>But right now as I struggle early morning with intermittent cramps (and admittedly mild nausea and sore boobs) I had the panicked thought - why did I tell anyone (just told my boss yesterday as I had to as I’m in the military and he would know soon anyways and he was super excited for me) because I’m going to miscarry this baby too. It’s not like me but I really felt like I was having an anxiety attack over another loss. </p> <p>Any coping strategies? I could really use them. I have a friend who would tell me it’s not helping me by being so worried but the reality is I can’t shut my brain off. </p>