https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 09 May 2026 19:18:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980912 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 11:08:39 +0000 nana87 980912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a card is fine! My friends and I stopped getting gifts for each other back in like high school or college, besides bringing drinks or goodies to a party or buying dinner/drinks if we're celebrating out. Like, my bff was blown away that I made her salted caramels for her last bday and other people brought an ice cream cake, and we all bought her drinks for her at the bar where we were celebrating. Anything more than that seems excessive. I only usually get presents from DH and my parents on my bday and that's all I expect </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980826 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:50:00 +0000 lizzywiz 980826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: @LindsayInNY: I agree with APRK. Either do it with that split or don't, but don't ask to chip in less. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980744 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:31:00 +0000 LindsayInNY 980744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sunshine1810: Yup... I did warn my sister that she can't play the money card but then have her friends see her shopping or buying coffee or something either... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980727 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:26:29 +0000 aprk 980727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: well, I would still consider this as being split three ways. But, my bottom line in any situation: I don't feel obligated to give a gift, especially if it's a financial burden. A nice card goes a long way, IMO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980718 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:24:27 +0000 Sunshine1810 980718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: That's too bad that her friend would call her out! I think it's sad when friends refuse to be sympathetic to other friends who aren't in the best circumstances. If she can afford to do a card and a bottle of wine, then I would just do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980710 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:22:26 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 980710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: Her presence is enough. Really just her presence. No more presents. I wouldn't even bring a card- so uunnecessary and under appreciated for guys anyway.</p> <p>I wouldn't try to renegotiate the amount she contributes. Just decline the group gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980707 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:22:03 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 980707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: maybe each couple could give $20 and she could give $10 so its a $50 GC? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980703 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:21:25 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 980703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd do a card and a bottle of wine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980693 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:17:44 +0000 LindsayInNY 980693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Ehh, I disagree... The spouse's names on the card includes them as gift givers too. Truth is, she doesn't want to (nor can she really afford to) give a gift. This couple got married last year - she spent more on her wedding, shower gift, wedding gift than on mine. Plus a house warming gift. So she kinda feels like she's given plenty in the past year (despite being unemployed for a good part of it!) and I kinda agree with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980685 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:15:04 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 980685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like the group gift is coming from three girlfriends not necessarily their SOs, even though their names will be on the card.</p> <p>You can totally go to an adult birthday party without a gift. I imagine your sister feels obligated to bring a gift niw that she kniws the other friends are bringing one too. A $25 contribution to a group gift seems like a money saver than trying to find some other guy-friendly gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980676 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:13:10 +0000 LindsayInNY 980676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: I do too if all parties contributing are couples. But this isn't the case here - it's two couples and a single person.</p> <p>@Sunshine1810: The friend who suggested it would totally call her out if she did that... Sad but true. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980660 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:09:38 +0000 MrsH 980660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd bring a bottle of champagne or wine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980657 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:08:44 +0000 Sunshine1810 980657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: Could she try talking to one of her friends and asking if she could pay half of the amount since it's just her? I think my friends would have been open to that, but I just never bothered. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980656 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:07:44 +0000 aprk 980656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: ooh. I guess I consider couples as one unit for a gift. But maybe that's old school? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980629 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:01:11 +0000 LindsayInNY 980629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sunshine1810: I agree, the group gift is sometimes easier and it would be fine if it was just the 3 girls but I don't think expecting my sister to contribute the same amount as the couples is fair. 5 people are signing the card but yet she's paying the same amount as 2? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980625 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:00:48 +0000 Bao 980625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A bottle of wine is plenty good enough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980619 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:00:04 +0000 Sunshine1810 980619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have had a similar situation in the past before I was with DH and I always just used to suck it up and go in on the group gift. I agree it's not fair, I just think people tend to default to that because it seems easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980603 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:57:38 +0000 LindsayInNY 980603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Reese: I was going to suggest she just do a bottle of wine which would be less than $25.</p> <p>@blackbird: The friend is a close friend but not really the significant other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980590 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:56:26 +0000 blackbird 980590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For a not super close friend's boyfriend? I also lean away from group gift. I'd do a card and a bottle of wine more than likely. </p> <p>I mean, i threw my husband a 30th birthday and that's pretty much what everybody brought and I think that's normal! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980581 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:55:13 +0000 Reese 980581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would suck it up and go in with the group gift . If she was to buy her own gift, I imagine she would be spending around $25 anyway. If she pitches in, it is the same amount of money she would spend and she doesn't ruffle any feathers with her 'friends'.</p> <p>shitty situation, though </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980580 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:54:28 +0000 LindsayInNY 980580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: Friend + boyfriend = $25, Friend + boyfriend = $25, Sister alone = $25. So 5 people are splitting a $75 gift three ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980577 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:53:50 +0000 aprk 980577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wait, how is the contribution unfair? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-give-or-not-give-birthday-gift#post-980559 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:50:12 +0000 LindsayInNY 980559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been trying to give my sister advice on a situation and need some input...</p> <p>My sister has been friends with 3 girls since high school (10+ years). Friend #1 is married, Friends #2 and #3 have boyfriends. Spouse #1 and boyfriend #2 are both turning 30 within the next couple weeks. Friend #1 is throwing a surprise birthday for spouse #1. Friend #2 (who's boyfriend will be turning 30) emailed my sister and friend #3 suggesting they all pitch in for a gift. Her idea was $25 each for a gift card (assuming they'll do the same for her boyfriend's birthday too probably because she's usually only in it for herself). So couple #2 and couple #3 each point in $25 for the two of them while my sister puts in $25 for herself. Seems fair, right?... Yeah.... So I initially told my sister to make up some excuse to not join in on the group gift (friend #3 is catty and would probably call her out too) and just give a card. She's only casually friends with the significant others anyways (basically through the relationship). DH said she can't go to a party without a gift. Thoughts? </p>