https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 07:44:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485787 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 19:17:01 +0000 JCCovi 2485787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had 2 under 2 and they are now 2.5 and 13 months. Things were hard but now I think they're a lot easier because they can entertain each other some and let me off the hook. The main thing I would say is that absolutely no parenting moments can match the joy I get when they are playing sweetly together or greeting each other after time apart. It is the best thing in the world! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485680 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 15:33:04 +0000 catlady 2485680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have a second yet but I just wanted to say that it seems to be pretty normal to never feel 100% certain either way, but most people just go with their gut and I've never heard someone say (out loud) that they regretted their second child. In my case, we weren't sure we wanted another until my LO was at least 1.5 years, I think. She was almost 2 when we started TTC #2. It feels weird to admit this, but at this point in the game (having already lost 2 pregnancies that could have been our #2), I still don't feel mentally ready for another. But I want another in my heart so I am just trusting that having a second is the right choice for us. I think you just have to jump in and not think too much or you will drive yourself crazy. </p> <p>Sometimes I think about the reasons to stay one and done and it seems logical to stop now, but I know I would regret it if I didn't try a little bit longer. With my history and age, we may eventually find ourselves one and done anyway, but I'd rather that the choice be made for us than for me to make that choice myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485646 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 14:53:17 +0000 ShootingStar 2485646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were always pretty sure we wanted two, but it wasn't until DS hit 12m that we actually felt like that was something we could handle. And then we waited another year to actually TTC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485606 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 13:15:29 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2485606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is how I felt about a third. It's just so tough. And I don't think there is ever a perfectly clear answer</p> <p>Baby 2 was much better for us. Our marriage was better because we knew what to expect. We were better about sleep habits so he slept better. And the change in schedule wasn't as drastic. 0 to 1 was much harder than 1-2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485602 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 12:59:05 +0000 FancyGem 2485602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I honestly didn't consider having another baby until my son turned 4, which was last month. lol I had health issues after having my son and he is very high needs. We will not start ttc until Dec. 16/ Jan. 17, and he will be going to Kindergarten by the time the new baby would be born. I'm not suggesting that you wait as long as we did, but maybe you can wait a little while longer before you make a decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485595 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 12:35:52 +0000 Portboston 2485595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: that makes sense. And I agree 6 months can make a huge difference. I mean, even just 2-3 months ago I was saying no way to a second. Now I'm considering it. So maybe in another 6 months I'll have my answer! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485583 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 11:58:11 +0000 wrkbrk 2485583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: Commenting to follow. We are 90% sure we are not having a second but I still waver from time to time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485580 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 11:52:53 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2485580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: Yes, many of us have a lot of other things going simultaneously. We were aiming for closer because I have been a SAHM because very young kids with my husband just starting out in a job with a difficult schedule plus the cost of childcare was just not the best for us. A lot of DH's coworkers have a similar spacing as us (30s) but some have smaller too, though I don't think there are too many with 2 under 2. I don't think you need to pressure yourself to make a permanent decision until you at least see what you think of toddlerhood, and you're probably about halfway to that. :) When my first was 7 months we were talking about lo2 already, but so nervous, like you. Then by 1 year we were certain we would have another, and by 18 months we were ttc. So even though it seems like "what's another six months going to change?" it really could change your whole perspective since things change so much in these first few years! But my advice if you think you want another and it's just the baby stage.. go for it. (eta, even the tough times feel differently for me the second time around, because you understand how short it is moreso than the first time) Just my two cents though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485555 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 10:30:09 +0000 Modern Daisy 2485555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were in such shock at how hard our lives became with LO #1 especially since we have no help and live in a high cost of living area that for the longest time we were truly 1 and done even though pre-kids we used to talk smack about those families behind their backs. Then over time DS got easier, started sleeping better and was more fun, and while still VERY difficult and constantly challenging, we asked ourselves if our decision to stop at 1 was only because of this difficult period (which lets face it will only last a few years) or if we preferred a family of 3 long term. The honest answer for both of us was that we really did envision 2 kids as the perfect family size but were too overwhelmed and blinded by how difficult our baby/toddler was. This really helped put things into perspective because it kind of allowed us to see through the fog and make a more informed decision. But I will say that I no longer look at one child families with judgement. Now I completely understand stopping at 1! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485549 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 10:13:05 +0000 MrsKoala 2485549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My second isn't here yet but my advice is to give yourself more time. At 1 year, I was not ready for another child in any way. 7 months later, life was significantly better and we were all thriving instead of just surviving. So if you're not sure now (when it's still hard), let yourself have more time. 7 months to a year won't make that significant a difference if you wait. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485548 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 10:01:06 +0000 Andrea 2485548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was on the fence for a long time! LO1 was 18 months old before I decided to go for #2. Yeah most people seem to have kids closer in age, but it's not for everyone. I love our age gap, 2 years 9 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485522 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 08:09:15 +0000 Portboston 2485522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: @avivoca: @2littlepumpkins: @sometimesshesings: thanks for all your stories! We're definitely not deciding right now. Just trying to get some perspective from others. I'd like to be done having kids by the time I'm 35 though so I will need to decide before LO turns 2. I have time! </p> <p>@2littlepumpkins: funny- most of my group of friends have babies very close in age! We are all in our early to mid 30s with husbands in late 30s/ early 40s though so that definitely makes a difference!!! </p> <p>@Applesandbananas: @gingerbebe: congrats to both of you on number 2!!! Those are all good points to think about and I love reading others perspectives! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485497 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 06:59:37 +0000 Applesandbananas 2485497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am currently pregnant with #2 and I've had a lot of panic moments, but ultimately, I think it'll be wonderful. We had been planning to have a second, I had my IUD taken out, and we got some news about LO that was hard to process and made a knee-jerk reaction to stop TTC. We weren't really sure if it was a temporary pause or something more permanent, so we didn't do anything beyond P&amp;P, which is NOT birth control and so here we are.</p> <p>In a lot of ways, I'm hoping this will be my do-over, like @Anagram talked about. LO was a NICU baby and a lot of his newborn days and first year were fraught with appointments and testing and worry. His condition is genetic and we have a 50/50 shot of LO2 having it, so we'll see what happens. Either way, I hope LO will either have an advocate if LO2 is unaffected or a special bond, if LO2 is affected. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485496 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 06:56:13 +0000 avivoca 2485496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were on the fence about a second. We both wanted another child, but considering the logistics and financials, it seemed daunting. Well, the decision was made for us when our birth control method failed and now I'm 10 weeks pregnant. It was a shock, and there have been some tears, but I'm so happy now that we never had to decide. Sure, the next few years are going to be tough with two in daycare at the same time, but ultimately, it is what we wanted. </p> <p>You still have time to decide. At 7.5 months, I was in no way ready to have a second. I wasn't really ready until she was two, was sleeping through the night, and I had fully weaned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485493 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 06:47:30 +0000 Smurfette 2485493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would wait. DH and I always said we wanted two. Then we had LO. We had a lot of talks about just having one for a variety of reasons. Then about when she turned 2, I realized that I did want another. We would be happy with just her but we both feel like we aren't complete yet. She turns 3 on Friday and we are starting TTC this month. This age gap isn't that we figured on but I think it will be WAY better for us and LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485459 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 00:58:34 +0000 gingerbebe 2485459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, DH and I always said we wanted 2-3. It took us 3 years to have our son, I was egregiously sick for 6-7 months of my pregnancy, it was high risk because of a complete previa, and then my son ended up with colic and reflux and didn't sleep or stop screaming for months. And I have high sleep needs too. I had PPD/PPA, I was on a total elimination diet for his breastmilk, I had low supply so I was pumping 3+ hours a day and combo feeding with formula, and my husband worked long hours. I don't think I was a functional human being until DS turned 6 months. I felt great at 9 months - I transitioned DS to formula, he was STTN for the most part and taking reliable naps. </p> <p>I was not ready for another yet, but we started talking about timing because it took us so long to have DS and we were already 34. I got my period back at 10 months PP and DH said let's NTNP and if we're not pregnant by the time I'm 35 (so 6 months later) we'll go back to the fertility people. He said this assuming we wouldn't get pregnant on our own butttt turns out we did. I started feeling like garbage and to my utter surprise, I was pregnant before DS turned 1!! </p> <p>I'm now due with #2 in May and they will be almost exactly 20 months apart. I was REALLY sick again this time, but only for 4 months this time. And the pregnancy has been relatively normal. DS is really fun and sleeps well at 18 months aside from daycare illnesses and he will be too young to know life without his little brother, which I sort of love. </p> <p>Am I scared? Yes. Was it planned? No. But 1) at least if its bad, we'll get it all over with, and 2) we've learned a lot from DS and DH and I feel more confident that even if we have another nightmare baby, like @anagram said, we'll know how to handle it. Instead of panicking for months on end, I'll know to take my kid straight to the pediatrician, decline Zantac and go straight to Prevacid for reflux, or I'll know to go right on Zoloft if I feel terrible. I'll know how to control my diet for the breastmilk, I wont get hung up on combo feeding again, and I've got helped lined up. DH is already taking over any night wakings with DS (luckily there aren't that many these days), we just got a house cleaner, we have a reliable babysitter, and we've signed up with a nanny agency in case I decide I need the big guns and need to bring in a regular mommy's helper. DH will be home a lot more the first few months this time around and seeing how awful things were the first time with DS, he's 100% on board with me doing anything and everything I need to stay sane this time around.</p> <p>So, I can't tell you how it is yet, because I haven't had him yet, but that's where we are. My really good friend just had her second baby in January and she had a similar experience with her first and she is just LOVING her second so far. He's been a great eater and sleeper and so easy going she is calling him "baby lite" because she can't believe how much better it is this time around. I'm hoping I luck out with an easier baby too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485458 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 00:58:25 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2485458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have a second if the newborn stage is all that's holding you back. I had PPD with the first, but planned the second better, had DH around more, etc, and no sign of it so far 5 months into this two kid thing. It can be difficult, yes, but I figure they won't be this little forever and we'll just get through the tough times. (Plus, no going back now! :P)</p> <p>7 months old is really early to decide though. I know on hb it seems like 2 under 2 is the thing to do, but I don't know too many who have them close together in real life (though I am young, in my 20s.) I didn't wind up getting pregnant again (it took a bit longer the second time) until lo1 was 2, and they are just over 3 years apart, and that seems close enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485453 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 00:46:36 +0000 Torchwood 2485453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're debating this too, except DH is the one who isn't sure. I definitely want another, but he has concerns. I'm afraid to discuss it because I get upset and in the past he's always pretty much given in when I've gotten emotional. I don't want to abuse that, and basically manipulate him into it if he truly doesn't want another. But this poll is heartening. If we do have another, it makes me less afraid he (or I) will regret it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485449 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 00:35:36 +0000 Anagram 2485449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't answer your question because I wasn't ever REALLY on the fence. We knew we wanted more than 1. But...I had a really terrible first pregnancy and I also had a "bad" sleeper, child with tongue tie, child with MSPI, child who was sick much of the first year (nothing major, just the regular daycare stuff, but all back to back for forever). It was rough.</p> <p>I dreaded doing it again. Never had baby fever for #2. My other mom friends would look at other, younger babies and just be like Squeeee! I can't wait to do that again. And meanwhile, I would just be dreading the whole idea.</p> <p>But, I knew I wanted two. First, I waited until I fully pump weaned Lo1 and got to eat a normal diet for a month (I did the MSPI diet till she was 13 months, and I EPd because of her tongue tie). Then around 1, she started sleeping better. I'm not going to lie--she's still not a great sleeper at 2.5, but she usually only wakes once a night now, compared to 6 times a night her first year of life. Those things--being freed from the MSPI diet, stopping the pumping, getting LO1 on hemp milk, and her sleeping better....made me feel ever so slightly more preared to do it again. Still, absolutely 0 baby fever. And a feeling of dread when thinking about having a baby, rather than a joyful feeling. But logically, I knew I wanted 2, and I knew one day the hard part would be over, so I decided to plunge in. Honestly, I wanted to get it over with.</p> <p>My main concern was the illness during pregnancy while working full time and taking care of a todder. My only plan was to pull out the big guns of pregnancy nasea meds ASAP after getting a BFP. So I did. I got my BFP and immediately scheduled a visit with my OB. I was only 5.5 weeks pregnant and just starting the nausea, but it was already 24/7, so I didn't even attempt to try all the other crap I tried the first time (crackers, soda, lemon, ginger, sea bands) that did nothing. I told her to give me every script I could take simultaneously. I ended up on a combo of diclectin, reglan, and zofran that made me sleepy buy functionally miserable. Which was an improvement over pregnancy #1. Did I sometimes put Vicks under my nose and then wear a scarf wrapped around my face to cook my toddler salmon for dinner? Yes. But I managed. It's crazy what your body can do when it has to do it.</p> <p>Obviously, instrumental to me getting through it was my husband, who took over ALL (or 90%) of night wakings while I was pregnant. I was on too many meds to safely do night wakings and driving to work. But I continued to prepare meals (and not eat them myself) and continued to work, and generally survived.</p> <p>My positive ending is that LO2 has been an absolute joy for the most part. While she has some of the same problems big sister had--tongue and lip ties, dairy sensitivity, I've been through it all before, so it's not mentally taxing the way it was the first time. And I've enjoyed her babyhood so much more this time, because NOW I finally see how quickly it goes.</p> <p>So part of me is really happy to have had this do-over. Now I finally get why people love babies so much. Although I don't ever want to be pregnant again and we are 99% sure we are done at 2, I finally look at tiny babies and think.....sniff....awww....I want a tiny baby! And I never felt that way between LO 1 and LO2. </p> <p>I think if I would have stopped after LO2, I would still be kind of traumatized by that first year. Getting a chance to do it again with more knowledge was very healing for me. I'm not saying that it's super easy--we've had our challenges with illnesses this winter. My girls have been sick with one thing or another for the past 2 months--it just doesn't bog me down as much as it did the first time around.</p> <p>Not sure if any of that helps you. but that was my experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485448 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 00:33:04 +0000 sometimesshesings 2485448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that you should give yourself a little more time. I didn't feel ready to even consider a second child until DS1 was almost 2! I can't imagine life without DS2, but I think waiting until we were ready was essential! (And by "ready", I do not mean we were ever SURE. We ultimately decided to ntnp, and the winds very quickly blew us towards LO2.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485443 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 00:17:11 +0000 Portboston 2485443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@QBbride: @blackbird: totally agree! Just trying to get some perspective from others who have been in the same position :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485442 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 00:15:33 +0000 blackbird 2485442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like 7 months old is WAY too early to be making concrete decisions! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485439 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 23:55:00 +0000 QBbride 2485439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I think you're too much in the thick of it still to make a proper decision one way or the other. My LO is almost 8 months and I still feel super sleep deprived and stretched thin. We have two kids and it is AMAZING, I don't regret it ever. Especially seeing them together... it's seriously the best thing ever. </p> <p>Maybe reevaluate in a few months?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485438 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 23:50:23 +0000 Portboston 2485438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babybysurprise: that's how I feel. I have high sleep needs as well and I feel like it's never going to get better. It might actually be the biggest factor in my decision. If I knew I would get a good sleeper I would probably do it. I so wish I could see the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485437 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 23:48:33 +0000 Portboston 2485437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: thank you for sharing you experience. I do plan to give it a while until we decide one way or the other. I hope the next few months will give me some clarity. Your story reassures me that even though it can be extremely difficult and almost seem impossible, it eventually gets easier. &lt;3</p> <p>@MoonMoon: @schubr03: glad I'm not alone!!</p> <p>@Adisho: I know there are people in the world who regret having children so I wanted to make it an available poll option since sometimes those people don't feel they are able to speak up :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485436 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 23:44:39 +0000 babybysurprise 2485436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice but I feel like I could have written this post myself. It's a daily thought. The only saving grace is that I am 28 so I guess we have some time to decide.</p> <p>Eta: my biggest con is the sleep issues. At 2 she just started sttn, I have a high sleep need not sure I could do two more years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485431 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 23:38:33 +0000 Adisho 2485431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485430 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 23:36:02 +0000 schubr03 2485430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to chime in and say that I am I the same boat right now. I always thought I wanted 2-3 kids and now that I have my daughter I can't imagine sharing my love and time. However, I do miss having a teeny tiny baby! Thanks for reassuring me that I'm not crazy for having these thoughts! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485428 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 23:33:15 +0000 MoonMoon 2485428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only have one but I struggle with the decision too. I will say though, that there are lots of valid reasons NOT to have a child. The only good reason to have a child is if you really really want one. So if you're feeling ambivalent, which I gather from your post, wait it out. I personally couldn't imagine 2 children under 2, and I had an extremely easy pregnancy/baby! Just give yourself the time to make your decision, and let yourself feel good about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-have-a-second-or-not#post-2485426 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 23:25:24 +0000 erinpye 2485426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also had issues with my first being colicky for 6 months, PPD, tongue tie, reflux and vomiting, horrible sleeper, on and on and on. I was also extremely, gravely ill with my pregnancy. Because of all of that, even though we had always said we wanted 2 kids, DH and I nearly became 1 and done. But, then a year rolled around and she was so much fun, sleeping better, and we decided to go ahead and go through with TTC for a second. I happened to get pregnant right away (the first time it took 8 months), so we were a bit shocked to end up in the 2 under 2 club (they're 1 day shy of 22 months apart).</p> <p>I'm not going to lie, it was so so hard for me. I was terrified I couldn't love another baby the same as my first. I was even sicker my second pregnancy and had a 1 year old to deal with. My second baby was also colicky, for hours at night, for months and months, and nothing soothed her. She was a great sleeper for a couple of weeks initially, and then a horrible sleeper until well past a year. My eldest was SO jealous and a very difficult 2 year old. My PPD came back with a vengeance, and it was really, really bad. There were days they would both cry for hours, and I would want to leave and never come back. </p> <p>And then, I reached out and got help. The fog lifted, the girls settled down. They started to play together. They started to be so much fun. I can't tell you how glad I am we went through it all, to have them. I would do it all over again. I do not regret having our second baby, for one moment. Yes, it was so hard, but goodness I love her. </p> <p>I say this: Take all the facts you list above out of it, and if your heart is saying do it, that's what you need to listen to. If those facts are helping you confirm the decision in your heart not to, listen to that too. There is no right answer, only the one in your heart.</p> <p>(And honestly, my experience is not the norm: most parents I know tell me the exact opposite: going from 1-2 was much easier for them than going from 0-1. And even if it isn't, take it from me: it's worth it. And yes, the love is the same.) </p> <p>I would have been no where near ready to make the decision when DD1 was 7.5 months old, so give yourself some time, even just a few more months, to just be. :heart: </p>