https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 11:03:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-43123 Thu, 29 Dec 2011 09:13:13 +0000 mamabolt 43123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live a few hours by car from both our parents. At this point, we've told them we are happy to have them come hang out at our house while I'm in labor, keep an eye on the pets, stock the fridge, do whatever they want to help us out, and come over to the hospital after the baby has arrived and we've gotten settled. But we do not want them staying at the house once we are released from the hospital, we want two weeks to get settled into our life as a family of three. After that DH will go back to work, and my mom will come up for a week or so to help, and if I still feel like I need help after that, MIL will come for a while if she has retired by then (supposed to happen sometime in 2012) or can take the time off work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42823 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 16:02:37 +0000 skibobrown 42823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all of the responses! I just emailed her to reply to a previous email that she had sent. At the same time I also snuck in a short paragraph about a potential visit. I told her about my parents' plans and told her to let us know if she also wanted to visit. I let her know that she's always welcome but that we would like to talk with her about scheduling a visit at a time that would work for everyone. </p> <p>I'm curious to see how she responds. DH is the first person on that side of the family ever to move away from the town he grew up in. So this whole business of getting on an airplane if you want to see your family members is not really something MIL really seems to get... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42731 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 14:50:10 +0000 T.H.O.U. 42731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree about inviting her. Also she may be waiting to hear what your parents plans are so that she doesn't overlap a visit with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42694 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 14:33:23 +0000 daniellemybelle 42694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that maybe she just wants to be invited. I would directly ask her, "Why don't you come stay with us after the baby is born? I was thinking X time frame - what do you think of that?" </p> <p>I'm hoping my in-laws don't come right when the baby is born, but we'll see... I bet they will want to. Two sets of parents at the same time just seems so stressful when you are already going through so much change! I'm hoping my mom will stay with us for three weeks, and then we have a week to ourselves, and THEN my in-laws come. Maybe that's wishful thinking? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42608 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:57:50 +0000 Katm558 42608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second what @navy_mom says. Tell her your trying to plan out your first few weeks, and find out if she plans to visit. We live far away from our families too, and found that they weren't planning to visit until we brought up the subject and told them when we wanted them to come. I think neither sets of grandparents wanted to step on any toes, so I had to take it into my own hands. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42607 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:57:16 +0000 autumnlove 42607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO should be here today or tomorrow and my parents still don't have concrete plans to visit us! They just say maybe in 2-3 weeks, etc. I know they just really hate flying and my Dad has a God-complex about taking time off work...but this will be their 1st grandchild. I just might book the flights for them when I leave the hospital! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42606 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:56:36 +0000 MegWag 42606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say something along the lines of "DH and I have been talking about after the baby comes. My parents are planning to come XXXXX. We were wondering when you'd like to come visit." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42605 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:54:03 +0000 mediagirl 42605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would schedule something with her. For example, my Mom will be coming to stay with us for the first month off and on as we need her (she only lives 2 1/2hrs away). We asked my MIL if they could wait until after my Mom's time is up and then come visit. We told them all we won't be traveling far in the baby's first year, so we would REALLY love it if they would come spend time with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42589 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:44:04 +0000 SAHM0811 42589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you really want to say something, say it along the lines of, "Just so you know, you're welcome to come and stay anytime..." Some people don't want to intrude and maybe just need that nudge or invitation.</p> <p>I also understand what you are experiencing. For both my babies, my mom came out to help me after birth. MIL however never did. Money is not it either since they've been to Europe twice in the past 4 years I've had our daughters. And mind you, they are in CA and we are in NY... which is definitely on the way to Europe. They have only seen our DD's when we visit them. </p> <p>I do chalk it up to her not being as close to my hubby as I am as close to my mom. I never made it an issue though as my relationship with her isn't close enough to warrant that sort of discussion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42578 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:32:33 +0000 Navy_Mommy 42578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've specifically asked anyone who we thought might want to fly out to visit after the baby is born, and I look at it as scheduling.</p> <p>I don't want to be bombarded with guests all at once so I'm coordinating with EVERYONE when/how long they plan on visiting.</p> <p>If I were you I would just casually bring it up..."hey MIL, I'm trying to plan for "after birth" visitors and my Mom is planning on coming from x date to y date; are you planning on flying out to see the baby?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42568 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:24:56 +0000 chopsuey 42568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom came to visit 2 days before I went into labor (on my due date). She stayed for 3 weeks. My dad didn't see our LO until I flew out with the baby when she was 4 months old. The in laws didn't visit until our LO was 2.5 months old. </p> <p>I would let your mother in law know what your parents are planning to do and ask if that's something she would like to do too? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/to-those-who-live-away-from-family#post-42560 Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:19:30 +0000 skibobrown 42560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our family lives across the country from us right now, but we still would really like to see all of them soon after the baby is born. I had assumed that both sets of parents would want to fly out and meet the baby as soon as possible, since that is what we have seen other friends' families do. My parents are already planning their trip to meet the new baby, and they will arrive in town about 2 weeks after my due date. My dad will stay for a week, and my mom will stay to help with the baby for 3 weeks. </p> <p>However, DH's mom has yet to say anything about visiting the new baby. We've tried to insert the idea into conversations, and she's not picking up on it. She has expressed multiple times how sad she is that the baby is going to be so far away from her, so we know she wants to meet the baby. All she has to do it get on a plane and come visit us, but that idea doesn't seem to have occurred to her. It could be a money issue that is preventing her from planning a trip, but given that she is currently on a 3-month long trip to Florida, I don't think that's a great excuse. </p> <p>So, does anyone have any great suggestions for how we can politely ask MIL what her plans are for visiting us? Her relationship with DH has been a little complicated over the years, which is what is causing us to walk on eggshells right now. If you live away from family, will they be visiting you soon after the baby arrives? </p>