https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 19 Apr 2026 01:33:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868590 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 13:02:57 +0000 maddyz 2868590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, when DS1 was two I had a new baby and it was such a mess I don't really remember much of it. I think most of the hitting and biting and such was because it was the quickest way to get my attention. I found that the more drawn out the response and the more attention he got (even negative) the more the behavior would repeat. I had to have a firm one line response to DS1 and then I would address DS2 before giving DS1 some unrelated positive attention. This is SUPER hard to do and counter-intuitive but worked really well for us.</p> <p>We would also say "hey, it looks like you would like some momma or papa time, could you pick out a book?" This helped give a new way to get our attention. It helped a lot.</p> <p>I was actually talking to DH last night about how DS1 is acting out again because DS2 has been getting lots of attention for potty training and we need to go back to the one line and more on mode of responding even through he's almost 4.</p> <p>It's super hard to dig out of these loops..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868536 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 10:19:28 +0000 shabang 2868536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just chiming in to say normal. My first was not like that at all, but my 3yo is almost identical. We're working on removing her from the situation because there are no (apparent) triggers for her outbursts, but a look does come over her face, and if we're really quick and have available hands (haha), it's possible to grab her and get her out of there. Recently, we've had limited success with a pillow stuffed animal that we tell her to squeeze and hit and bite when she feels mad, and that sometimes stops her from going after her siblings. It's odd because everything I read ties this to lack of an ability to communicate, and she is by far more verbal than other children her age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868456 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 20:06:12 +0000 Petitduck 2868456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that’s a pretty good sign and the feeling guilt for an action is just going to take longer for his brain to clock. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868411 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 16:49:20 +0000 DesertDreams88 2868411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Petitduck: he acts concerned usually, which is sweet, or rarely he will imitate her by fake-crying. On Monday she bumped her head really bad and we dropped him off at a friend's house so we could take her to the dr. without him, and when he got home, the first thing he did was go directly to her and ask "Ju-ee-ah-na, you ok? bump on head doctor fix?" and gave her a slight rub on the head. In similar situations sometimes he will get her a pacifier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868402 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 15:43:54 +0000 Petitduck 2868402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I was thinking about this today. How does your son react when his sister criea and it’s unrelated to him? If she’s hurt or annoyed or whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868318 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 23:29:56 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2868318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son was like this. It started when he was almost 3. He’s almost 5 and it’s getting better. Ugh. He (luckily?) only did/does it to his sister. But would walk by and smack her. Pull her hair for no reason. If I asked why he said “I like to”. I stay home with them and am pretty strict for things like this. </p> <p>Focusing hard on praising every good behaviour helps a lot. “Wow good job walking by without touching your sister!” “Nice job not punching anyone!” It’s exhausting but it helped. We also found just ignoring the behaviour, picking up our daughter and asking if she’s ok helps. Don’t give him any attention for it. It’s attention seeking behaviour. </p> <p>If you have Instagram follow @simplyonpurpose and watch her highlights about “junk”. It’s what she would consider a junk behaviour. After years of this, we’ve gotten the best results by not acknowledging “junk” behaviour. We still have times where he does it and we lose our minds because it’s sooo frustrating. But he doesn’t hurt her constantly any more. </p> <p>My bear advice is to come up with a plan, and make everyone stick to it. We were all over the place for a while .. trying to ignore, time outs, taking a toy away... it wasn’t working. My mom would lecture how “sad it makes grandma” when he would hit. Lectures don’t work. They don’t get it. Ignore the behaviour, praise everything good. Good luck! And for sure check out simply on purpose. Worth getting Instagram for if you don’t have it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868271 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 19:31:16 +0000 Petitduck 2868271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: that’s tricky. You should get FIL todo whatever you guys do I think. Sounds like MIL would be on board. He probably just doesn’t know quite how to handle it, but then your kid knows exactly what happens when he does something he’s not supposed to. </p> <p> I feel it can be rough for them to be around a younger sibling all the time, especially when they’re young too, but even if he was solo it would probably still happen to some degree. My kids are 22 months apart and having my older do preschool just a few mornings a week has helped us all a lot I think. It’s nice for them to have similarly aged peers for sure. </p> <p>What you’re doing sounds appropriate and I’d just keep doing it and hope it will eventually click. I know some may disagree with this or think it’s shaming, but I really try to get my kids to see if they have done some kind of physical or emotional damage to each other or someone else. It seems to be clicking a teensy bit actually with my youngest, but only a small amount. But big hugs go to the injured party and we stop and point out “look how sad your sister is because...”. And I do get my kids to say sorry to each other and give a hug if the injured party wants it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868218 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 16:33:31 +0000 DesertDreams88 2868218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: I can't wait to enroll him in pre-school next August. I'm really hoping that they will be firm and structured and he will see that other kids don't behave this way and it's unacceptable. </p> <p>@muffinsmuffins: @Petitduck:<br /> If we are out in public or a friends house, he has a "time-in" on our laps, being restrained as we explain the rule and the consequences and countdown from 10, 20, or 30. If he struggles a bunch or bites, we start the countdown over. </p> <p>If we are at home, we explain the rule and the reasoning as we put him in timeout in his room (he needs to be confined, he won't "sit" in a timeout spot). He stays in there for a minute or two and then he comes out, and says sorry. We're working on trying to have him "make it right." I can't tell if it is attention-seeking behavior or not, but I'm trying to not give him any more attention than necessary in the situations.</p> <p>@Petitduck: his baby sister is with him almost all of the time. I think he does it a bunch with the ILs but my FIL is way more of a softie than MIL is. I've seen FIL trying to read to G on the camera, and G smacking him over and over and FIL just saying, "Please stop that G, it's not nice" or ignoring it. I've seen that happen twice, and I barely ever watch the cameras, so I imagine it happens more. both MIL and DH say FIL is uncomfy being a disciplinarian bc he wasn't around much with the kids when they were young. </p> <p>@crazydoglady: Crossing my fingers and hoping! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868193 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 15:21:13 +0000 crazydoglady 2868193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in the "it's normal, but sucks" camp. L was like that with EVERYTHING and then things started to shift a couple months after his 3rd birthday. This has also coincided with speech development. Keep doing what you are doing, G will move past this. </p> <p>The cup incident reminds me of when I went to pick up L from daycare and a little girl said "your mommy is here" and he legit SMACKED her on the face. This was a little past 2.5. I was absolutely horrified. He still has his moments, but he doesn't do that stuff anymore. We have extreme battles of the will now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868192 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 15:11:08 +0000 Petitduck 2868192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds totally normal, but obviously upsetting and or frustrating for you as a parent. Not every kid does it, but it’s not abnormal. </p> <p>Does baby sister also go with him during the week? And does he do any of this with your in laws?</p> <p>You just need to pick a way to deal with it and be consistent and I would suggest drawing little attention to unless it’s a very severe incident that hurts. Otherwise focus on celebrating the positive and desired behaviour is how I would tackle this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868188 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 14:53:38 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2868188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it’s a prime age for testing reactions and boundaries. My son is older (4yo) and didn’t test with violent stuff, but if I said no, don’t throw that toy/touch the outlet/etc, there were and still are times he would look dead in my eyes and do what I told him not to. We had to be very clear with consequences. Now, he still does those things on occasion but he gets upset and often explains the emotions behind it and us to him so it seems to be evolving into empathy/guilt. He apologizes and means it now more than he did last year.</p> <p>Since baby bro was born 4 months ago, we do see some testing of the limits in a more physical way. Like he will jump off something and land close to the baby, play with a toy in a reckless way by baby’s head. Again, there is zero tolerance for this and we explain thoroughly and repetitively why he can’t do that and he needs to say sorry to baby or he goes to his room until he apologizes, loses the toy privilege, etc.</p> <p>So, I say normal testing of the limits and reactions. What do you do when he does these things? What do other caregivers do? I think you’ll all have to get on the same page if you truly want it to stop and he needs to learn those consequences. Could also be attention seeking behaviour depending on your reaction. When DS gets a time out, I quickly pick him up, take to his room and explain in a monotonous voice why and when he can come out and leave with the door shut. There’s no debate: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868187 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 14:50:43 +0000 Ajsmommy 2868187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds just like my 23 mos DS... he's a terror... and he knows it too.... it's hard to know how to handle it, especially when he is hurting his sister or me. We try to tell him no and stop the behavior. </p> <p>He goes to an in home daycare and the lady has NEVER EVER mentioned him hitting or kicking or anything there... it's like he only does it at home... like for real. What is with these kids?? I am shocked on a daily basis by my sons actions... and so far everyone has just tossed it up to normal boy behavior :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-guilt-normal-wwyd#post-2868161 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 14:00:11 +0000 DesertDreams88 2868161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have posted about my toddler a lot. I know.<br /> <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-energy-spirited-toddlers" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-energy-spirited-toddlers</a><br /> <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hitting-stage-length" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hitting-stage-length</a><br /> <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-hitting-newborn-advice-needed" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-hitting-newborn-advice-needed</a></p> <p>Anyway.... I felt like things slowly got better over 2018, and then I spent 2 weeks home with him and heck no they're not better. </p> <p>My main concern is he seems to feel no guilt. He knows what he did is wrong, he tries to run and hide if he knows consequences are coming, he cries in timeout, but it's not out of guilt - it's out of "hey let me out". He doesn't like punishment but it hasn't changed his behavior at all. I don't *think* he's too young to control ANY of his actions. </p> <p>He honestly seems to enjoy, or have an least no compunction with, hurting others. I can't identify any triggers. Examples:<br /> - Jumping on a trampoline with friend, then hitting him in the head with a baseball bat<br /> - Digging in the xeriscaped rocks with a large shovel, then dumping the rocks on his baby sister crawling nearby and hitting her on the head with the shovel<br /> - DH asking for his cup, LO gives it to him and then turns around and pushes his baby sister over. </p> <p>None of these recent situations involve a conflict that got out of hand. It was random violence. </p> <p>Is this abnormal or normal? What has helped you deal with this as a parent? Who do I go to for help? A child psychologist? I plan to talk to the dr at his well-check next month.</p> <p>BTW he is babysat for 40 hours a week by my in-laws and my FIL is a softie but I think my MIL is firm with my toddler. </p>