https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 05:15:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-776068 Sun, 12 May 2013 08:08:38 +0000 Mrs. Superhero 776068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With us it's far more pushing than hitting (which scares me more, because she shoves her little sister over). I haven't solved it but I try to remember that usually she's reacting physically because she can't express it well verbally. So when she's in a good teachable mood (not just after she's hit) we talk about gentle hands, and what words you can use instead of reacting physically. Also, she processes really well through books and we got "I call my hand gentle" from the library, which helped us have a calm way to talk about it.</p> <p>I of course discipline in the moment, but it's easier to teach her when we aren't both upset. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-776063 Sun, 12 May 2013 08:01:57 +0000 Lozza 776063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hitting is an automatic timeout for us. We'll sit him down in a spot where he can't reach any fun things, walk away (not out of the room, just not interacting with him) for about 30-60 seconds, then come back and talk to him for a minute or so about how we don't hit people, and hitting hurts, and it makes them sad, and it is never ok, and what else he can do, etc. Then we ask him to say sorry to whoever he hit and give them a hug, which he is always happy to do unless he's having a total overtired meltdown and just can't handle life, in which case we handle things differently and usually just remove him from the situation entirely. Timeouts work really well for us if he's just pissed about something but otherwise ok, or if he's boundary testing. If he's having a meltdown, I mainly just take him to a calm, quiet place (even if that's just the car) and try to get him to relax.<br /> We also do a lot of having him repeat rules back to us, like "no hitting people" or "no biting people" (we have to specify because LO will go around hitting the couch and the floor and figuring out if that's ok, so "no hitting" doesn't quite fit the bill)<br /> We also like the book "Teeth are not for biting" and I think there's a "Hands are not for hitting" version </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775909 Sun, 12 May 2013 02:23:09 +0000 T.H.O.U. 775909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know you said you didn't want to do timeouts but we have doe a modified time out with decent success. </p> <p>If she is repeatedly hitting and doesn't listen to stop then we take her to a back hallway in our house and Stand er facing a wall. I will stand behind her and hold her hands against the wal or to her side. I stand there with her for maybe thirty seconds and then we start to talk about needing to calm down and use gentle touches. When we return we move her on to a new activity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775891 Sun, 12 May 2013 00:39:48 +0000 HLK208 775891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ah, such a hard phase! At that age, it seemed like DS wasn't hitting because he was mad or upset but more because he was just trying out what he could do. I would just explain that when he does that it makes me sad, so sad I could cry. Which, I never really cried but I could tell it worried him. Luckily, after that he stopped and went to giving me kisses non-stop! </p> <p>Does it seem like your LO is hitting or biting because of a tantrum or just randomly? A lot changes between 2 and 2.5, they start to learn emotions better and pick up on more words to communicate rather than physically be displeased about something. Also, DS was 2.5 before we put him in a time-out but before that age, it wouldn't have been that helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775863 Sat, 11 May 2013 23:41:06 +0000 sarac 775863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: I have to be honest and say that I've given that look to some parents. I understand hitting once, and then the parent apologizes, corrects their child, we move on. But more than that and I think you need to remove your child from the situation, honestly. </p> <p>I experienced a parent recently whose child was a biter. First time, she issued this half hearted apology to the other parent, but really did nothing about it. Then the child bit another several children, and she just let it happen. We were all appalled, honestly. One of the children had blood from the bite, which just seems like a health hazard. It was a bad situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775269 Sat, 11 May 2013 14:07:51 +0000 Maysprout 775269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went through my daughter wanting to hit probably around 15 or 16 months, luckily she got over it but it was rough. I could tell when she was getting geared up so I'd go over and try and catch her hand in the act and tell her no, that it's going to hurt the other kid and he'll be sad if she hits him, if she didn't look like she could calm down then I'd try and take her away to another activity, if she was fairly calm I'd give her another chance but if she started hitting again then I'd take her to something else. </p> <p>I found I had to be incredibly consistent, there was no letting it go when she was just playing with a friend and they were both squabbling, because the next day she'd be worse. I left a couple play group meet ups when she kept misbehaving. And when she was calm I'd try to talk to her about it but she was pretty young then so I'm not sure how much she really understood. She stopped luckily after not too long but for her I really had to be on top of it right away or she'd end up getting worse for a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775251 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:27:06 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 775251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I kind of tried this today, actually (more for me to cool off than him). But unless I shut the door behind me, he just follows, and if I DO shut the door, he flips out. He's a bit on the clingier side and it just makes me feel terrible because I kind of feel like I'm just abandoning him when I should be trying to have some magical teachable moment ...?</p> <p>So difficult! We do do the "this is what gentle feels like" kind of thing pretty regularly though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775248 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:23:38 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 775248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think that's a great technique, and I've done the feeling-identifying thing with LO a bit (a la "Happiest Toddler on the Block") with mixed results. I think me may be a little young to get the drawing thing yet. </p> <p>I do my best to avoid triggers, but a lot of this lately just seems like it's boundary-testing, pure and simple, and there wasn't anything I could see that he was really reacting to. That's often the case when he hits me, which makes it really frustrating.</p> <p>On the other hand, when we're with other kids, 99 percent of the time it's usually because another one is trying to play with a toy that he has or that he wants. I can try to head that off/intervene. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775243 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:16:24 +0000 looch 775243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: I understand exactly where you are coming from. Believe me, I have been there!</p> <p>I learned this approach by watching other parents interact with their children. I also realized that my son was hitting when he was upset about something, usually that another child had taken something away from him. Once I realized why he was doing it, I was better able to come up with a solution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775242 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:16:08 +0000 brownie 775242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did timeouts. Just a minute were I walked away. It allowed me to settle down and he wanted me so it was a negative consequence. It was also logical because people don't want to play with people who hurt them. Then I would return (within. 2 minutes) and tell him I didn't like hitting. It hurt. </p> <p>We have also spent lots of time working on gentle hands. We have him practice when he gets a little less gentle </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775239 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:14:20 +0000 mrbee 775239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: If I can identify the feeling that's frustrating Charlie, then I will sometimes describe it out loud to him and say to him, he must be so upset or disappointed. Or I'll grab a marker and encourage him to draw out how he feels (usually a bunch of scribbles). Just little things that help him express his frustration/feelings without resorting to violence.</p> <p>Then after he feels better, I try and encourage him to do that stuff in the future rather than to bite or hit or whatever. It really does work! Not all of the time, but a good amount... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775238 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:14:08 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 775238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Interesting. I've encountered some parents who are clearly sympathetic, having been through this stage, but there always seems to be a handful who look at me like I'm the worst mother on the flipping planet, no matter what I do. I'm always so rage-y inside, like, "REALLY? I'm sure your kid NEVER did this, ever." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775236 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:10:45 +0000 808love 775236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Great advice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775233 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:08:03 +0000 looch 775233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went through the same, but I will report now at about 28 months it has completely stopped.</p> <p>At first, I would redirect by literally picking him up and moving him, which didn't work. What worked (eventually) was me backing off and explaining to the other parent that I was trying to let the kids of equal age work it out themselves. Every parent was fine with this approach and eventually, the novelty of it all wore off.</p> <p>Hope it helps, but I totally understand if you don't want to go down this road. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-moms-how-do-you-address-hitting#post-775230 Sat, 11 May 2013 13:06:05 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 775230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO is a couple months shy of 2. Lately, hitting (and sometimes pinching or biting) has been an issue. I know it's developmentally normal and all that, but I'm at a loss as to how to effectively deal with it. A simple, stern NO used to suffice, but not anymore. I do get down on his level, tell him it's not OK, and hold his hands, but sometimes as soon as I let go (and he is seemingly calm) he bops me or someone else again. </p> <p>Pregnancy hormones don't help here -- sometimes it takes every fiber of my being to resist bopping him back (yes, totally aware that's not helpful). He's such a good boy outside of this, and we've gotten off pretty easy so far, so I guess I'm a little blindsided.</p> <p>ETA: Not a big believer in timeouts at this age, at least for him. </p>