https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 10:19:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422573 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 18:28:08 +0000 sarac 2422573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I too have a daughter with strong 'leadership skills' - but rude is rude. I don't allow rude behavior, like telling other children what to do and where to go, or demanding that adults get off chairs, dear god. I think it is absolutely fine to tell your daughter that this other child isn't the boss of her, and to talk to the teacher if you feel like your kid is feeling intimidated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422433 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 16:23:57 +0000 mrsrain 2422433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would talk to the teacher, but make it about your daughter as opposed to the other child. Something along the lines of, "I have noticed that LO can be timid about asserting herself around other children who have more leadership skills. How can we help her to feel more comfortable/confident in situations like this?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422402 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 16:05:45 +0000 jedeve 2422402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is my issue with the "hands-off" approach. I have some mom friends who are very "oh let's just let the kids work it out amongst themselves." What happens then is the dominant kid wins. Kids are naturally egocentric and that's fine, it's developmentally normal. But it's not something that serves them or others in the long run, and I think as parents it's okay to teach kids empathy and give them skills to navigate social situations instead of assuming they will just figure it out. </p> <p>My kid kinda sounds like the one you are describing. He is very very verbal and sometimes comes off as much more blunt and bossy than he would if he didn't know how to say exactly what he was thinking! So like he will say "I'm going to hit my brother!" Which makes it sound worse and more pre meditated than if he just flat out hit his brother like most toddlers would. He also likes things to be just so (people to be with their mommies, or playing with certain toys). I have to remind him a lot he can't make decisions for other people. I think that's okay. You can remind your daughter, and this other girl if you feel comfortable, that her decisions are hers alone to make. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422375 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 15:54:28 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2422375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: I second a read of the Janet Lansbury post @hummusgirl: provided. I teach preschool &amp; like the RIE philosophy (and was laughing when I opened the post because I just *knew* what you meant by "leadership skills"!) I don't think the other child is doing something "wrong" and I think it's perfect for you to talk to your daughter about how it makes her feel if someone tells her what to do. Definitely talk with the teacher for suggestions, but I might say something like "I noticed X told you to play over here and you did. Do you want to play here or play with __insert the other activity__?" If she wants to do something else, encourage her that it's okay to do so &amp; provide some language for her if she seems concerned about the other child's reaction "No thank you, X. I'd like to play over here." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422341 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 15:41:46 +0000 ElbieKay 2422341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Um. Those aren't leadership skills. That's being bossy/bitchy/a bully.</p> <p>I agree with @Anagram: "You can approach it from the angle that you believe in RIE and you want to know what happens when kids "work things out" but some kids are naturally intimidated by others with stronger personalities."</p> <p>I would also point out somehow to my daughter that she does not need to take orders from this kid. I have no idea how to phrase that to an almost 3yo. But no one is doing that other girl any favors by allowing her to feel like she can just order around her peers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422290 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 15:22:41 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2422290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have one of each of these kids and it's so hard. I feel like I'm constantly reminding my oldest that she can't boss other kids around, and trying to put perspective of how she would feel when someone does it to her. </p> <p>I think I would say something the teacher, asking how she would approach it. I don't think it something that should be left alone - kids need to work stuff out on their own, but they also need to know where boundaries are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422267 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 15:14:11 +0000 gingerbebe 2422267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: I'm sorry I don't have anything to add, but I just love your post title. "Leadership skills" is such a great PC way to put this kid's personality, but I also find it hilarious. :grin: I don't think I could have been so diplomatic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422244 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 15:07:18 +0000 daniellemybelle 2422244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter is super bossy. I'm okay with the term. :silly: I say to her a lot, "Your friends get to make their own choices." She's 2 &amp; 2 months and I feel like that is language she understands since we talk about choices at home. I'm not sure how this fits in the philosophy of your class but maybe you can bring that in somehow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422221 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 15:00:46 +0000 Anagram 2422221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: that post seems perfect for OP's situation. So her child can practice doing what they want, but the teacher needs to be aware of the habitual ordering around the other girl does so everyone can come to an agreement on how it should be handled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422216 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 14:58:13 +0000 Silva 2422216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass: @hummusgirl: @JerricaBenton: @ShootingStar: thanks guys, this is all really helpful. I tried to talk to her a little about it later that day, but it didn't seem to be as memorable for her as it was for me! </p> <p>@yellowbird: the mom is totally hands off. I'd step in a little if it was my kid, too.</p> <p>I will definitely find a time to talk to the teacher about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422196 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 14:50:50 +0000 hummusgirl 2422196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about teaching LO a phrase she can use to stand up for herself? Janet Lansbury has a post about a similar situation that may be helpful. Totally agree with talking to the teacher too. <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/02/what-to-do-about-a-toddler-toy-taker/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/02/what-to-do-about-a-toddler-toy-taker/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422186 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 14:45:58 +0000 yellowbird 2422186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My child is bossy and assertive and loves telling everyone what to do. I try to reign her in and let her know that just because she would like certain people to do certain things they have a choice too. Hopefully the mom will notice and help out a bit </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422176 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 14:43:11 +0000 JerricaBenton 2422176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There was a bossy kid in an art class we took. I try not to directly correct any kids because I'm not about to get into a confrontation with a parent but I would kind of narrate what I was doing like, 'miss g put these pom poms out for everyone so let's grab what we want to use...' I noticed lo started to follow suit after I did it a few times. The girl would say 'I'm going to use all the pink paint and you have to use yellow, ' and lo would say 'I can choose my own paint' and I'd say 'that's right we all choose our own colors.' I would definitely ask the teacher to be aware so she could step in though if it continued or lo was upset. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422131 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 14:24:23 +0000 ShootingStar 2422131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would probably tell me LO, "I know ___ told you what to do, that's ok. But she's not in charge so you don't have to listen." I'm not sure how that would jive with RIE, but I'm more with @Anagram: that's an adult and parent it's my job to teach my kid what's appropriate. How are kids supposed to know what's right and wrong? Kids are little megalomaniacs, it'd be all lord of the flies if they had their way :silly: . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422112 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 14:17:21 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2422112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To follow the school policy, if probably work on it at home and in other social interactions. Like asking about her day and then repeatedly telling her that she doesn't have to listen if she doesn't want to...say X to her instead...or something to that effect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422092 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 14:10:25 +0000 Anagram 2422092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: you can definitely be annoyed by other kids. No shame admitting it! Admitting can help you figure out why the kid is bothering you and then pinpoint what the real issue is.</p> <p>I'm not into this type of play philosophy, so when we run into this type of situation (it comes up a lot, since I live in an urban area and all of our play spaces are public shared spaces), I don't hesitate to step in nicely. We were at the Farmer's Market a couple of months ago and there's always a free craft activity for kids to do...I was the only parent around, the other parents were sitting quite a bit away drinking coffee and talking with each other. And one girl was taking all the craft supplies and just holding them to herself and not letting anyone else use them. She was also the oldest (or maybe just biggest) and my younger LO was clearly afraid to ask for the craft supplies. Since the parents weren't around, I just nicely told the little girl that the supplies were put there for everyone, and everyone should get to use them. Luckily then her dad came over at that point and made her put all the supplies back on the table--but I've totally seen the situation you've described many times, where one child directs the rest and the rest are intimidated by them. Since I'm not into RIE I feel like my job as an adult is to teach kiddos appropriate ways of interacting with others. So I'm totally curious to know what the teacher suggests for you and you'll have to come back and update how it works for your daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422039 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 13:57:45 +0000 Silva 2422039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePeony: very helpful. the other little girl kind of annoys me (probably not supposed to say that). but what I'm actually concerned about is helping my daughter be comfortable to assert herself in situations like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422034 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 13:56:20 +0000 PurplePeony 2422034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd definitely ask the teacher for advice. I'm sure you can phrase it so it doesn't sound nasty. If it were me, I'd make it more about my daughter than the other kid - "how can I help her understand that she doesn't have to obey commands from other kids the way she does from adults? How can I help her learn to assert herself more?" as opposed to "how can I stop the other kid from controlling my DD." I would be surprised if the teacher hasn't noticed the other girl's behavior along the way and I'm sure it's nothing the teacher hasn't seen before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422030 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 13:55:30 +0000 Silva 2422030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: That's a great way to phrase the response to my daughter. And I probably should talk to the teacher, she's been a great support in many areas. I've been wondering what will happen with this philosophy as some stronger personalities begin to come out in the classroom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2422021 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 13:52:53 +0000 Anagram 2422021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hmm...that's tough. You agree with the philosophy and how the class is run, so I guess you are supposed to just say something like, "You want to put the baby back in the crib, but you don't _____________to be mad at you. Do you want me to put it back for you?" Or something like that.</p> <p>I get that the philosophy must be assuming that kids will work things out themselves, so if you follow the philosophy, I assume you have to be okay with all the outcomes the kids choose that aren't fair or aren't nice.</p> <p>I think I would actually talk to the teacher about it, and leave the other girl's name out. You can approach it from the angle that you believe in RIE and you want to know what happens when kids "work things out" but some kids are naturally intimidated by others with stronger personalities. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-with-leadership-skills#post-2421979 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 13:40:44 +0000 Silva 2421979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is really unnecessarily long. Sorry!</p> <p>My daughter (she will be 3 in April) and I go to a playgroup once a week. There is a little girl there, who is a bit younger than my daughter, but remarkably verbal. This girl has pretty strong "leadership skills." By this, I mean she constantly tells other kids what to do. "You go there." "Go be with your mama." "I'm going to play with this, you stop." She once told me to get out of a chair I was sitting in. I told her that I was comfortable in this chair, but she could sit in the one next to me if she wanted. She repeated her demand several times before giving up, and got more and more agitated when I wouldn't move.</p> <p>I'm usually pretty hands off in my daughter's interactions with other kids. I've found that if they are arguing over a toy, they usually work it out. The class is a Waldorf-inspired and in many ways RIE parenting class, so we are told to try to stay out of it unless someone might get hurt. Even then we aren't supposed to resolve the problem (like, no enforcing sharing or taking turns, but rather saying "you want the toy that Sally has, but she is playing with it. I won't let you hurt Sally. You can come sit with me or play with something else."). I agree with and follow this style typically.</p> <p>This week the little girl told my daughter to "go over with your mama" when they were both playing in an area with the baby dolls and blankets. My daughter listened- she brought one baby over with her, but came and sat next to me and started playing with something else. Fine. But then, at clean up time, I told my daughter to go put the baby in the crib so we could clean up and she said "But she told me to come over here," and seemed...timid about going back over there. I was totally bothered by this and said "You can go over there if you want to. You don't have to do what she says unless you want to."<br /> I was surprised by how much it triggered me. I was a bossy kid myself (I can use that word if its about me!) when I was younger, and its a quality I have worked really hard to manage and use differently as I've grown. I felt so sad for my daughter who was so confused and seemed to be trying to do the right thing. Especially since playing with the babies is her favorite thing and she usually does it for the whole class.</p> <p>I'm pretty sure no one else observed the entire thing play out. Sometimes the teacher steps in if something happens, and helps negotiate it. I could ask for her advice, but I don't want to seem like I'm being nasty to this other little girl!</p> <p>How would you handle it in the future/ what would you have done differently? </p>