https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 07:35:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlerpreschooler-not-listening-immediately#post-1989378 Thu, 18 Dec 2014 00:08:18 +0000 brownie 1989378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I'm in a hurry, I just take him. If he doesn't want to put his pants on, he goes to preschool in his underwear. Let me tell you, I took him one time without shoes and it hasn't happened again. He's 3 1/2 right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlerpreschooler-not-listening-immediately#post-1989289 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 22:24:30 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1989289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: oh yeah i think its definitely harder to do the things I wrote about at home (vs when I'm in a classroom)! Especially in a time crunch situation. It's a PITA to do the "robot" thing :happy: For example, my son just decided to stop clearing his plate - he'd run away and mess around. It took my husband and I like 2 weeks to figure out the logical consequence and another week to get him to understand it (we started picking him up and putting him back in his high chair because being excused means clearing your plate - no wiggle room there!)<br /> Maybe you can just take a few days to really think what would work best. Maybe he can't take his pants off for potty if he won't put them on or maybe he can't get off the potty until he agrees they go right on? It could look like a lot of different things. </p> <p>I agree that washing hands right away is a non-negotiable! We play a bubble game were he can put the stopper in and watch the bubbles build up and drain, because I don't care about that - but even that took a few tries to figure out that it was a "hook" to get him to wash willingly. </p> <p>Good luck! I really think anything applied consistently &amp; logically over time will change his behaviors. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlerpreschooler-not-listening-immediately#post-1989183 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 21:15:15 +0000 irene 1989183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: Thank you so much for your advice ! </p> <p>The thing that bothers me is, he doesn't do the things I ask him to immediately. I can wait when we are not in a hurry, but he just need to wash his hands and put on his pants when we need to be out of the door at that exact moment in the morning - you know what I mean? Besides, It gets old when every time I have to fight him to wash his hands and put on his pants after using the potty (and no, I can not give in to that!). Actually coming to think about it, I am really not OK if he doesn't wash his hands immediately after he uses the bathroom.... no, he can't wash his hands half an hour after he used the potty lol.</p> <p>I do offer to count to a certain number then he gets up to do it. Sometimes he said yes. Sometimes he said no, and I would ask him ok so what number do you want me to count to? Then he would give me another number... then there are times he just plain out say "no! don't count!". Grrrr. </p> <p>So many times it is hard to not "get worked up"! :D I really tried to execute the consequences like a robot though.</p> <p>I also understand that the "consequence" need to directly be a result of his choice... but it is easy to say hard to do on all scenario.</p> <p>But I really appreciate your advice... just need to think about it in terms of how to apply it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlerpreschooler-not-listening-immediately#post-1988751 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 15:11:22 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1988751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: are you worked up when you tell him what to do? It sounds like he's enjoying the control he has in these situations (like choosing the time out spot). First, do you think there are some things you can "let go"? Like if he wants to be pantless at home, can he do so for a certain amount of time?</p> <p>I teach preschool and kids who majorly test boundaries like that can be so frustrating! I've had the best success with things like Love and Logic or Conscious Discipline. An example would be if he doesn't clean up his toys in X amount of time (the length of a song or timer), you let him know those toys are going up in a closet and won't return until tomorrow.. It can also help to give choices within the request: let him choose the place/method to put his pants back on. The trick I've found is to remain calm and neutral, just re-state the facts/request no matter what ("you don't want to wash your hands, I know. We always wash our hands at XYZ time. You may use the bar soap or the liquid soap and I'll wait until you're ready."</p> <p>I think this boundary testing is common, but also can quickly get out of control. If the "consequence" connects directly to his choice and he sees you still remain in control/have the ultimate power, he should stop testing. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlerpreschooler-not-listening-immediately#post-1988717 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 14:45:22 +0000 irene 1988717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you @mrbee: I will take a look at it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlerpreschooler-not-listening-immediately#post-1987973 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 08:57:16 +0000 mrbee 1987973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Timeouts/penalties are effective for stopping negative behavior... we found that they aren't that good at getting our kids to do things!</p> <p>Bee wrote up our experiences with tantrums here:<br /> <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2014/01/16/diagnosing-tantrums-and-behavioral-problems-for-3-4-year-olds/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2014/01/16/diagnosing-tantrums-and-behavioral-problems-for-3-4-year-olds/</a></p> <p>We had a lot of luck with positive parenting with our toddler/preschooler! Good luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlerpreschooler-not-listening-immediately#post-1987931 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 08:31:14 +0000 Weagle 1987931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm pretty sure this is normal toddler behavior. At this age they're moving out of the "people pleaser" stage and really figuring out their personalities and boundaries. Be consistent in discipline, whatever method you choose (and change it when necessary). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlerpreschooler-not-listening-immediately#post-1987894 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 07:53:52 +0000 irene 1987894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO is 2 years 11 months. He used to listen and do things when he was much younger (like between 1-2+ years old?) and that was heaven. Timeouts also worked very beautifully. However, for the past weeks/ months, he doesn't do things immediately at the time when he was told to. This includes everything - from cleaning up toys, putting clothes on, to putting his underwear and pants on after using the potty, and washing his hands. The latter one really drives me crazy. He would literally run away and run around with no pants/underwear on and his hands unwashed and not returning until I got mad and made him come back and wash his hands for him...etc. Well, he would EVENTUALLY do it, but it would be after 20 minutes, and he considered that he has listened.</p> <p>We tried time out, which used to work, but nowadays he would rather go sit on his time out spot than washing his hands! When told he needs to __________ (fill in the blanks on activity that was requested to do), he runs to his time out spot, sits there and smiles. Gah!! Then when he really doesn't want to do timeout and I put him there, he gets up and walk away. I tried to put him back but he just kept getting up and walk away. </p> <p>Our preschool teacher suggested us to take away his toys when he doesn't listen. So far it has been somewhat working (at least he hates it for us to take away his toys!), but I am not exactly sure he gets the relationship yet (as in, when I say you better go wash your hands now or I have to take away your bus, he would go run to his buses to prevent me from taking them). </p> <p>Do you have this problem? What do you do? </p>