https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 28 May 2026 12:12:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1616262 Tue, 06 May 2014 12:24:45 +0000 Jenn23 1616262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: I actually do that. I say "gentle" while trying to show him what that means. Been working on that for months now with our dog (he hits him, too) He has yet to get the gentle thing, but I keep trying it! Thanks!</p> <p>@MrsMccarthy: The only sign J does is "more". I've been working on "All done" and "help" for over a month now but he's yet to get them. And he still doesn't nod yes or no, yet. So our communication is difficult at this point, although his receptive language is great. I KNOW he understands much of what I say. Thanks!</p> <p>@lamariniere: I've tried explaining it and he either laughs or glares at me. Oh boy! Thank you. </p> <p>@MUI831: That's good that your son at least does do some gentle strokes! And good that you haven't heard of him doing it a daycare. I think J is doing it on purpose to get a reaction, but doesn't really get WHY it is wrong, so that is the problem. Hopefully soon he'll get it. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1616165 Tue, 06 May 2014 11:51:17 +0000 Mommy Finger 1616165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't wait for DS to grow out of this phase! We do the gentle hands and show him what that means and he will do a few gentle strokes and then WHACK! I don't think he knows what he's doing. I don't think time outs will help him at this age (almost 18 mo) but if I'm holding him when he hits me, I immediately put him down. I try to explain to him why hitting is not ok and it hurts mommy and daddy. I haven't been told that he's hitting at daycare so that's a plus. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1615093 Tue, 06 May 2014 03:44:21 +0000 lamariniere 1615093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you are doing things right. If the gentle approach doesn't work, I always go back to something stronger like time outs. I ALWAYS explain why the behavior isn't right and what he can do instead. If he continues, I remove him from the situation and he goes immediately to time out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1615038 Tue, 06 May 2014 01:11:50 +0000 birdofafeather 1615038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: thanks for this. I have been finding the same (that parents have different reactions and I don't know how to react!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1614926 Mon, 05 May 2014 22:11:02 +0000 erwoo 1614926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jenn23: And what I do when I get him after time out is that I tell him that he can't hit and as he got older he started to say "uh huh" b/c that's what he says for "yes." And I tell him to say "sorry" as well. I know your LO isn't talking yet but what helped was me teaching him to say, "sorry" first, and then teaching him to say "sorry I hit you (or whoever)" as his vocabulary started to increase. And before we leave the time out spot I hug him and I tell him that I love him and that's why he's in time out. I guess I do that to reassure my kids that I'm not doing it b/c I don't love them. My oldest really gets it now.</p> <p>All of this takes time and A LOT of patience. ;) And what works for me may not work for you b/c all kids are different. My boys are SO different but my discipline ways are the same and I adjust based on age. For example their ability to speak and understand. I have to work harder with my youngest to help him understand what he did was wrong and I ask him to say "sorry for (whatever he did)" in hopes that one day he will understand. That's what I did with my oldest and it has helped. And, again, this is really just a phase b/c they are not able to communicate with us fully! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1614769 Mon, 05 May 2014 20:43:15 +0000 bunnylovesbear 1614769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son has been doing this for the past couple months, and like you, i think a lot of it sparked from his lack of verbal skills. He is able to communicate with us, but gets frustrated easily. We've tried much of what has already been said. He can't say sorry yet, but we talk about "going easy" and "showing love," and then I'll guide him to gently stroke my cheek. We also make him give kisses and nod his head yes to agree that he will "be nice." Something else that has worked lately is I will immediate tell him "no, we do not hit" in a stern voice and make him stand facing a wall while I hold his arms at his sides. I do this for maybe 5 seconds and ask him if he's ready to play nice. 90% of the time, he shakes his head yes the first time I ask. Other times, he yells, screams, drops to the floor, hits himself, etc. actually, he will retaliate by hitting himself a lot. So I'll explain that I don't want him to hit "my Johnny" either. (Then he'll stroke his own face with gentle hands. Lol). </p> <p>So yah, not sure if I have much advice. We've tried it all..,but you're not alone in this battle! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1614732 Mon, 05 May 2014 20:27:30 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1614732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: totally! That's a good point too. Show him gentle hands. I find saying no makes things negative or confusing but showing them what they CAN do makes it better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1614729 Mon, 05 May 2014 20:26:25 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1614729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went though a phase of this and the only thing that worked was to ignore. By ignoring I mean as soon as he hit us we would put him down and walk away silently. With other children obviously you will need to say something aside from jut pulling him away. A firm no can also be good. Maybe just seeing you aren't amused but it should be brief and then ignore because attention seems to be a goal. Everything I've read suggests that time outs before age 2 and a half or so can be a bit confusing but there's no harm in trying early. I hope it passes. Ours was a very short phase. It may as you said be something that his lack of expressive language effects. Do you sign with him? That may help. My son is a late talker but signing has made it so easy to communicate with him even when he won't say the words. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1614701 Mon, 05 May 2014 20:16:29 +0000 MamaMoose 1614701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jenn23: I think an important part is to not only tell him no hitting but to take his hands and gently stroke your face and say "we use gentle hands. It make mommy so happy when you use your gentle hands". This has worked with my daughter in the sense that when she hits I immediately say "please use your gentle hands, can you show me your gentle hands" and she does soft touches to me or whoever it was she was hitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1614646 Mon, 05 May 2014 19:53:05 +0000 Jenn23 1614646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erwoo: Thanks! I'll keep doing the time-out's and hope that eventually he gets the hang of it. I don't think he minds them, but perhaps over the next few months (hopefully sooner!) he'll get the idea. Thanks. Glad it helped you. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1613383 Mon, 05 May 2014 12:13:47 +0000 erwoo 1613383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did time outs with hitting with my oldest. Luckily he really only (and barely) hit me when he was around 15 months old. Now, with my youngest who just turned 2, he hits! With his hands, elbows, and will kick me too! That little booger! Soooo... I started time outs with him as soon as he started hitting and he still does, but he knows now that he shouldn't b/c I can see him hesitate. Or he'll do the motion but not his me or his brother. I think with time outs in the same place and consistency between everyone in our household he will get better and he actually has if he's at a point where he does the motion but doesn't actually hit us. That's the only advice I can give. They eventually outgrow this behaviour but it's good to nip it in the bud early on. I really do feel your pain.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1613367 Mon, 05 May 2014 12:07:17 +0000 Jenn23 1613367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, all. Since J doesn't talk yet he can't say sorry. He doesn't show remorse either or even care that he's punished (in time-out) or at least doesn't seem to care. Just this morning he hit another boy twice in the face at the playground. I moved him away the first time after telling him to wave hi, not hit, but he went right back over and did it again. I'm beyond frustrated with this. He also hit me a lot today (more than usual) and glares at me while doing it. Sometimes it is when he's mad about something, but often it just comes out of nowhere so I have no idea why he's doing it! Thanks for all the tips. I'm hoping once he can talk, perhaps then it'll be easier to deal with! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1612870 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:50:42 +0000 yoursilverlining 1612870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO does this to me sometimes (she doesn't do it hard, but it's clearly a tactic she's using since she only hits me when she's mad because I'm making her do something she doesn't want to do like go to bed (oh the horror!)), and I take her hands and calmly tell her (never yell) that "we don't hit people because it isn't nice and it hurts them. You hurt mommy when you hit and it makes me sad." Usually lo's eyes well up with tears and I hug her and feel like a giant asshole for a few hours :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1612841 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:42:39 +0000 bunnylove08 1612841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our DD does this too. When she hits me I tell her "A don't hit mommy. That is not nice, say sorry." If she doesn't say sorry I tell her "That's not nice, mommy is going to sit over there until you're ready to say sorry" and that usually works. So far it has work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1612840 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:42:30 +0000 looch 1612840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The problem I ran into with hitting (when my son was into this) was that it was very difficult for me to decide what to do in the moment, because some parents would glare at me when my son did this, others wouldn't flinch.</p> <p>So I had to decide in advance and handle each hitting episode the same, because I was confusing my son. I'd literally remove him, as in pick him up and move him to another area and then explain why I did that. He got it, eventually, but man, it was tough times (on me!!!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1612824 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:39:24 +0000 LuLu Mom 1612824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are 19 months over here and we have the same thing going on! She's been hitting us and the dog for 2 weeks now. We've tried a stern talking too, we've done timeouts, I've grabbed her hand in the process and said "we only do nice touches", and honestly nothing is working. She's so stubborn that she almost glares at me when I punish. It's ridiculous. The best thing is isolating her from the rest of us for a short time, usually putting her in her crib. And then she has to say sorry and give hugs/kisses. I get so worried that she shows no remorse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1612765 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:21:56 +0000 wonderstruck 1612765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is only 11 months, but has also started doing this. I initially was doing the 'be gentle' thing and taking his hand and showing him how to touch nice. It was getting me nowhere and the frequency was increasing. Since then I've started to cry 'ow' when he does it, and I immediately put him down and kind of make a show of tending to whatever part of my body he hit, and then coming back and telling him that hurt and something about playing nicely. For some kids that doesn't work either and they'll laugh, but for my son it has helped taper down the hitting. And if it's another kid I would pay a lot of attention to the child being hit before saying anything to yours, that way if he's looking for attention through hitting, he's not getting it. Assuming it's an actual hit and not just reaching out to touch them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1612693 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:04:12 +0000 LBee 1612693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No experience, but from an outsider's perspective it sounds like you are doing everything right. You are disciplining him with actions that "fit the crime," so to speak, and aren't providing mixed messages (I think in this scenario my mom's approach to my biting - aka biting me back - wouldn't be a good choice). I like the idea of you saying that if he's going to hit, you are going to stop playing with him, as hitting is not fun for you. </p> <p>Based on his verbal delay, I wonder if you are right about him just trying to get attention. I know that my MIL says that my husband had a lot of trouble when he reached the toddler stage with being too rough. She said that every other sentence to him was "use your words." In this scenario, he actually can't "use his words." I would think he's using his hands to demonstrate what he wants / needs. </p> <p>So, no real advice, I just wanted to say that it sounds like you are addressing it and are being proactive! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddlers-and-hitting-what-to-do#post-1611802 Sun, 04 May 2014 14:15:54 +0000 Jenn23 1611802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hoping some of you can help! My son (19 mos.) has been hitting me in the face for a few weeks now and over the last several days it has gotten much worse. I think he is doing it just to get a reaction, but I'm not sure that I'm handling it well because the frequency is increasing. </p> <p>For a few weeks I would say, "It isn't nice to hit, be gentle, let's hug.....if you do it again Mama will leave" and then he'd immediately do it again despite my attempt to hug or anything else and I'd leave the room for a few minutes, then come back..</p> <p> Last week I started implanting time-out's. I put him on the sofa for one minute if he does it after my warning. But the time-out doesn't seem to phase him (he isn't bothered by it at all and just sits there quietly and not crying or upset) Anyway, did anyone go through this and if so, what did you do? </p> <p>He is also doing this to other kids at playgrounds. He doesn't speak yet (delayed quite a bit verbally) so I think when he touches other kids' it is just his way of saying hi? I tell him immediately to wave and say hi (even though he can't) to try to stop him from touching them. Has anyone experienced this as well? I don't see other kids his age doing this, so I'm not sure why he does this. Thanks! </p>