https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 14:37:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2049371 Sun, 01 Feb 2015 11:26:45 +0000 Mrs. Chocolate 2049371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think its a very interesting article. I have always wanted to adopt, from China where my own culture and family roots started, but I dont think it will ever happen now partially due to finances partially due to other things in life. </p> <p>I have several friends who are Korean adoptees and they range in feelings I feel like this authro with resentment and dislike of what happened to them (adoption) to feeling happy for the family they have through adoption. Many of them were adopted through Holt and the one thing they all seem to agree on and like was the culture camps where they got the reunite with other Korean adoptees.</p> <p>I am not adopted myself but reading the part about not fitting in being a ethnic race in a sea of Caucasians is not an adoptee phenomena. While my parents obviously weren't Caucasian I grew up in a 90% ethnically Caucasian town and even though my parents tried to raise me with regards to my culture (Chinese school, traditional foods, Chinese New Year traditions etc) I hated it all. It wasn't me. I wanted to be white. I still remember in kindergarten when I had to draw a picture of my grandparents; I drew blue eyed blond haired people never understanding that my own grandparents would look like me and my parents. I spent hours as a child wondering why my eyes were a different shape than my friends or why my middle name was so odd. As an adult I have come to embrace the Chinese part of myself and now as a parent I am trying to pass on what little I can about the culture and history of my family to my children (who are already only half Chinese) but I didnt come to terms to these things, much like the adoptees in the story, until i was older, in college even. When you grow up in a culture thats so different from your own and everywhere you look people look different from you you will always feel off or want to be a aprt of the main group regardless what your parents look like too. It might be more pronounced if you are the only one (like adoptees) but you can certainly feel like it too even if your parents are the same race as you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2049345 Sun, 01 Feb 2015 10:46:22 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2049345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: I think there is an element of attribution error, where people attribute their angst and troubles to one thing when it may be attributable to others. So every teen goes through a crisis of self, but some attribute it to their adoption when it may be equally attributable to other things. I'm always interested to read about people who dislike their adoption experience, and I think part of that is my desire to avoid any pitfalls. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2049338 Sun, 01 Feb 2015 10:38:52 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2049338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I didn't see your reply until now, but I'm glad I did.</p> <p>I think about your situation as the ultimate rebuttal. I also think of Korean American families adopting Korean kids and how those kids don't have the same cultural conflicts and can't really be compared to the children discussed in this article. </p> <p>There are many shades if grey in different families, and the worst case scenario is the complete loss of culture experienced by some of the children in the article. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2049332 Sun, 01 Feb 2015 10:31:48 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2049332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: Thank you for posting that rebuttal. </p> <p>I've been thinking about adopting and finally read the article. I also felt it was highly skewed in favor of ASK and I wish they covered the increase of abandoned infants since the change of requirements needed for birth mothers, such as registering the baby into the family registry (they recently updated this requirement in favor of the birth mom - it's now a sealed case that only she can see and I believe, it will be deleted after the adoption is final) but it still brings up many concerns. </p> <p>As for the initial quote in the article, "I don't think it's normal adopting a child from another country, or another race and paying a lot of money..." This plain pisses me off because it is so skewed to anti-adoption. I am all for the government helping young, unmarried mothers keep their children. In fact, I now live in a country that does NOT have local adoptions - there are no orphanages. People here all adopt internationally because that's all there is. Every child adopted is from another country, another race, another culture. Does that make them less worthy of offering a loving family to a child in need? </p> <p>I get that adoption is a business, and there are numerous valid reasons why someone would be concerned, but to close it down does not help the children that are in need of a family. </p> <p>As for the racial comments and discrimination - I'm not adopted, but as an Asian, I've felt discrimination and dealt with discrimination. Hopefully in our children's generation it would be less common, but unfortunately, it's one of those things that happens regardless of where you're from, where you're living, and who your birth parents are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2031634 Mon, 19 Jan 2015 20:20:08 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2031634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was just directed to an interesting "rebuttal" to this article, which mentions my feelings about how my son would have likely lived an institutionalized childhood.<br /> Dear Maggie<br /> I read your article with great interest. I am a Korean adoptee and now an adoption professional. I've lost count at the number of times I've been back to Korea, probably around 15 times at this point. My first trip to Korea was so life changing for me that I broke up with my caucasion boyfriend, came home to the midwest, packed my car and moved to a Korean community on the west coast in order to immerse myself in the young Korean American community there, dated Korean men and traveled back and forth to Korea. Eventually in a bid to complete my "korean-ness" I married (and later divorced) a Korean American man. My korean language is enough to get around but I compare it to the level of a smart 2 yo. I have worked with families, agencies, other adoptees, other adopted-adoption professionals, multiple governmental bodies and walked the rows of beds in orphanages. I've seen the good and the bad and while I probably fit much more into the Pollyanna category, I am well aware of the abuses and the darker side of adoptions. Mass international adoption exodus and adoption for profit should never exist. I have heard staunch pro-adoption advocates speak at international conferences and just cringed at their lack of insight.<br /> I give you this background so that you have context when I have to say that I'm sincerely disappointed at the skew of the article which painted adoption in such a negative light. While there were some neutral perspectives, the majority of the article focused on ASK, TRACK and KoRoot which are notoriously anti adoption, something that they did admit to. I applaud their efforts to better the lives of adopted people. I absolutely support their valiant attempts to change an entire culture's attitude toward single mothers, secrecy and the shame and circumstances that lead some families to adoption. In this, we are fully in agreement.<br /> However the article said nothing of the millions of children with special needs (physical, mental, emotional, older age) who will not find homes nor sufficient medical, educational or social care in their "home" countries. The article did not touch on the 1000's of children every year, specifically in Korea, that will end up in life long institutional care because there are not enough families willing to adopt in Korea. The article said nothing of the multitude of evidence based medicine/literature that shows disastrous decline in the emotional, physical, mental and psychological well being of children who grow up without permanency. And the article did not touch on the implications of aging out of a system and a culture that considers orphans and adoptees in Korea to be 2nd class at best. Worldwide, (USA included) many orphans have ended up as part of the sex trade and other industries because they have no other educational options or family support to help them on a better path.<br /> I agree with Laura Klunder's statement that someday I hope to work myself out of a job. I have many interests and I am also a fine emergency room and urgent care physician so I have no personal conflict of interest if adoption ceases someday. However the reality is that no matter how accepting a culture may be of adoption, no matter how supportive we can be for single mothers or poverty, there are some families that are not able or meant to parent the children they give birth to. For those children we should find permanent, loving homes in their country of origin. If that is not possible (and for many countries like Korea it currently is not) then children should be allowed to be adopted into a family, wherever that might be.<br /> Every time I go to Korea I end up walking past a cosmetic store where a pretty girl is clapping and inviting people to buy makeup and 2$ fake eyelashes. Given my interest in girly things, and my successful run as a Denny's nightshift waitress in college, if not adopted I'd probably be waitressing and/or clapping in front of some store as a best case scenario. While there is nothing wrong with those choices, I had a multitude of educational and other opportunities as an adoptee and I think I was meant to be a physician, researcher, wife, aunt and contributing member of society and I advocate for all children to have opportunities as well.<br /> Thank you for your time. If you decide to do another followup article at some time, I'd be happy to contribute.<br /> All the best- Judy </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023740 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:56:44 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2023740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: powerful piece! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023737 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:56:18 +0000 sunshineandsushi 2023737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm half Korean and half white. While I am not adopted, my parents divorced when I was very young and my white father raised me. The "in-between" sentiment in the article is definitely something I understand and felt occasionally growing up in an all-white community. You almost don't fit in anywhere. Around white people, you stick out as Asian. Around Korean people, you stick out as white. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023720 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:49:06 +0000 psw27 2023720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Really interesting article @mrs.jacks thank you for sharing! It really does provide a perspective that I never thought about. </p> <p>I agree that there are likely other issues involved with the main adoptee who no longer speaks with her parents. Obviously her dad saying "I didn't sign up for this, send her back" is an indicator of some larger issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023713 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:44:43 +0000 mrsjazz 2023713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very interesting. I've been reading a lot of adoption news lately. It's good to hear what adoptees feel about their experiences, even if a lot of it is negative, so that it could help the younger generation of adoptees and their parents. One thing I always read about is how the adoptees felt isolated and alone, were the only one of their kind, and that it was hard to talk to their parents about it.</p> <p>I just read this blog yesterday: <a href="http://www.nickysaeun.com/the-asian-in-caucasian/" rel="nofollow">http://www.nickysaeun.com/the-asian-in-caucasian/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023680 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:24:20 +0000 Maysprout 2023680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interesting read. Three of my best friends growing up were adopted from South Korea and we've had interesting talks about feeling rejection and curiosity about their birth culture. All of them have handled it in different ways. They've all contacted birth families but don't continue to communicate with them (except one did stay in contact with an older sibling, which has been very beneficial). </p> <p>I don't think loss of culture only applies to international adoptees though and while open adoptions are great theyre not always going to work. My cousin was adopted domestically and they tried to open up and allow for communication with the birth mother as my cousin got older but his birth mother was cruel and so my cousin cut off contact with even more grief than before. </p> <p>Adoption is tricky but I think it's good to read lots of different perspectives, even negatives, to help navigate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023646 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:01:36 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2023646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pancakes: Oh wow. Thanks for sharing. It definitely is inter-generational. Mr. Jacks' mom is adopted, so we feel it... and our daughter's birth grandfather is adopted so that plays into our lives too.</p> <p>I'm glad that kids are being given the space to talk about the adoption experience and I'm also glad that my children will grow up having each other and their birth families in their lives. I hope that will mitigate some of those tough feelings. I know it won't make it all better, but hopefully a little bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023627 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:53:29 +0000 Pancakes 2023627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>On a related note, I read this the other day, and it made me feel really sad: <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/please-dont-tell-me-i-was-lucky-to-be-adopted/2014/12/31/9e9e9472-6f48-11e4-ad12-3734c461eab6_story.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/please-dont-tell-me-i-was-lucky-to-be-adopted/2014/12/31/9e9e9472-6f48-11e4-ad12-3734c461eab6_story.html</a></p> <p>The author has the legitimate right to feel this way, but it made me feel sad for her adoptive parents, almost as if she feels they did something wrong by adopting her. I also wonder about the message she is sending to her own daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023626 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:53:16 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2023626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read the article, but I'm researched a lot about international adoption - especially from Korea. My husband and I have Korean work ties and I was living in Korea when I realized I wanted children after all. We fell in love while I was there. </p> <p>It's definitely a country I'm interested in, but we're not Korean and there has been new laws that limit international adoption, some of which were attributed to Koreans that were adopted internationally. </p> <p>As soon as my exam is over (which I should be studying for now) I'll comment more. Thanks for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023624 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:51:34 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2023624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamimami: I wondered if increased openness in her childhood would have helped or if she would have felt alienated no matter what?</p> <p>I really liked the quote where someone described "In one culture I'm singled out for race and the other for sex." And also the comment about "in-between worlds". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023615 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:49:50 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2023615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: Did you think the author was taking a position one way or another?</p> <p>I definitely came away without a clear sense of what next steps should be... but I guess I liked the fact that there are no easy answers.</p> <p>My feeling is that we should struggle with these tensions, try to be as ethical as we can, and then find the right path for our own families. (Though the author doesn't explicitly say any of this-- it's just my thought process.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023612 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:49:17 +0000 mamimami 2023612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really feel for the adoptees interviewed! I am glad they are setting about on their journey to figure things out. I am also so sad for their adoptive families, mostly the family of the main girl -- they don't talk to each other anymore. As a mom, that breaks my heart. There must be some other issues there, too, I think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023603 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:44:49 +0000 daniellemybelle 2023603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was a very interesting read and I don't really know what I think. I am not sure that you can or should end adoption without meaningfully addressing the reasons why women place their children. And in this case, if Korean women want to place their children, and there are not Korean families who want to adopt, I'm not sure that I agree that international adoption is somehow worse than essentially forcing women to parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023589 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:36:50 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2023589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think this article did a reasonable job of finding some adoptees that did not share the views of the ASK crowd. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023580 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:34:37 +0000 mrbee 2023580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Articles on international adoption often seem so negative to me! I realize there are pros and cons and needs for ethical concerns, but I rarely hear positive things about it. That doesn't jibe with my anecdotal sense of things... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023576 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:33:21 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2023576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: I was pretty impressed with how in-depth the article went. When I first started reading, I thought 'Oh, this is typical anti-adoption rhetoric', but by the end, I could really see how much thought and research went into it. I think it helps that the writer is an adoptive parent of an international adoptee. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023571 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:30:50 +0000 Torchwood 2023571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're not likely to wind up adopting (though it could happen), but this was a very interesting read about issues that I hadn't considered before. Thank you for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tough-but-challenging-article-on-adoption-focus-international#post-2023534 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:00:53 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2023534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just stumbled across a really thought provoking article on adoption. It was hard for me to read (emotionally), but I think I gained a deeper understanding from it.</p> <p>The focus is Korea because they have the most mature international adoption program, but I think the ideas and feelings discussed are much broader than just applying to Korean adoptees. I'd imagine that there will be growing adoptee communities in both China and Guatemala soon.</p> <p>I wonder what your thoughts are?<br /> <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/18/magazine/why-a-generation-of-adoptees-is-returning-to-south-korea.html?_r=1" rel="nofollow">http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/18/magazine/why-a-generation-of-adoptees-is-returning-to-south-korea.html?_r=1</a> </p>