https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 23:11:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2449051 Thu, 04 Feb 2016 11:47:36 +0000 snowjewelz 2449051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only drive for 20 min but that's def when I decompress too. It's the last of my alone time before I get home, DH hands over DD, we eat, play with her, get her ready for bed, etc... Then I gotta clean up the house before I can sit down for like half an hour before bed! </p> <p>I almost always listen to podcasts in the car. Usually more funny ones (except for Serial). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448230 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 19:40:41 +0000 jape14 2448230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a longish commute for my area (~45 minutes each way, mostly in traffic) and I actually love it for time to decompress. I mean, sometimes I also scream at other drivers, but in general, it's not bad. I always listen to NPR and, if it's not holding my interest, I switch to a podcast. I also make sure that I have a snack/drink with me - in the morning, I eat a small breakfast (bagel, clif bar, or avocado toast) and in the afternoon, something sweet. And always a cold diet coke! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448208 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 19:10:22 +0000 babypugs 2448208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I hear you about the commute! Mine is about 1.5 hours round trip and it used to stress me out sooo much (bumper to bumper the whole way). Now I listen to audio books from the library and I savor my commute. I'm working my way through the Harry Potter series...so good! For me it's a great way to transition. Could be with a shot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448202 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 19:02:54 +0000 gingerbebe 2448202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I just thought of you! I don't know how you handle washing cars in the UK but I just left the office frazzled and decided to stop at a car wash before picking DS up because my car was filthy. I went to a place right off the highway and it was surprisingly relaxing! A few minutes in a sensory deprivation chamber while your car goes through a dark tunnel while water jets and soap blast your car and then fans blow the water off. I just sat in the car and zoned out and wiped down the console with a wipe. Afterwards I used their free vacuum and sucked all the crumbs and puffs out of DS' car seat and feel so much better! From start to finish it took 10 minutes. Can you do that at least once a week?? It was well worth the $10! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448167 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 17:59:07 +0000 Corduroy 2448167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I park the car at home and walk to daycare. It's a 5-10 minute walk but it helps me decompress. </p> <p>In the months when the sun is out later we hit up a park on the way home. In the winter we try to go to the library once a week before home. Making time for a little activity makes me feel better. </p> <p>Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448163 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 17:55:14 +0000 Cherrybee 2448163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyBoecksMom: Yes, I think adjusting my mindset is going to be key here. I've been working on this in other areas of my life recently, recognising where I cause myself stress with my own negative outlook. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448134 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 17:19:24 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2448134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As others have said, I try to decompress on the ride home... unfortunately, I work 5 min from where I pick up the girls. </p> <p>Honestly, it's the hardest to get used to. The kids are SO excited to see you and SO over their day so they're whiny and ... well... annoying. And it's rush, rush, rush to get them dinner, then baths, then bed for each one. It's like you have no quality time with them... but it's the new normal. </p> <p>I had to really adjust my mindset. I get mentally prepared before I pick them up and make sure I leave all work stress behind until after they are in bed. All adult conversations usually wait until 8ish, and then I unload on DH LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448046 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 16:14:50 +0000 Cherrybee 2448046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs D: Hahaha! I love number 3! :grin: </p> <p>@catomd00: Oh god, the nursery rhymes!! E has a Peppa Pig nursery rhyme CD in the car and it makes me want to dash my brains out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448025 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 16:03:54 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2448025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second (third? fourth?) the podcasts on the commute. Its gotten to the point where I actually look forward to traffic cause it means I can listen to more of them! I recommend them to my husband and we often listen to the same ones and can't wait to get home and talk about them. Some favourites for particular moods:</p> <p>When I just want a good story and to let my mind wander:<br /> -This American Life, Radiolab<br /> When I want to learn something new:<br /> -The hidden brain, freakonomics, planet money<br /> When I want to hear about people whose lives are more fucked up than mine:<br /> -Dear Sugar<br /> When I want to feel cool and understand more about the internet and online culture"<br /> -Reply all</p> <p>I think resigning yourself to "it is what it is" and embracing the chaos can sometimes be a good thing. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448007 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:45:15 +0000 Cherrybee 2448007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: The a genius idea!!! Comedy!! I love it so much! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448004 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:44:12 +0000 Mrs D 2448004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I feel you on this. I think - most important is to be "ok" if you have nights where you count the minutes until bedtime. K can be a total handful at night - we usually only have 1-1.5 hours with her before night night. Some times it feels like forever. </p> <p>DH and I both have very stressful careers and are sometimes wound very tight when we get home. We do not have long commutes but have found that the following works - fwiw we eat dinner together all three of us, so some may not apply:</p> <p>1) Sharing duties...if one of us is more wound up - that one takes over food prep and the other focuses on K.<br /> 2) If we NEED to have a quick decompress - we put on her fave show for 15 mins or so and have a quick chat<br /> 3) It may seem really silly but one of K's fav things is to run around kinda "screaming" but not like shrieking...sometimes when I feel like we are crumbling one of us will start doing that - the three of us all join in and just act like fools...she loves it and somehow it does help DH and I.<br /> 4) When I feel I have been extra bad or short with her bc of how she is acting I spend more time with her during the bed time process...which she is generally calm for. Read her a few extra books - rock her a few extra minutes...kind of reconnect with her. Its not the 1.5 hours where she may have been driving me crazy but it makes me feel better to end the night on a high note.</p> <p>As for the commute - I dont have the issue now but I used to when I took public transportation years back - it would wind me up even worse. What I found worked was either 1) play list of my fav songs 2) play list of soothing songs or 3) books on tape... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2448003 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:43:12 +0000 catomd00 2448003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I take a nice hot shower when I get home most days, but especially on stressful days. That 15 minutes helps me reset and get through the rest of the evening. Luckily If DH isn't home yet, DD is content to play by herself most of the time so I can do it. During my shower On rough days I take deep breaths and give myself a pep talk to switch modes and get through the evening.</p> <p>In traffic, I call my sister or listen to a podcast before I get DD. I also do see breathing when traffic is bad and get pumped up to listen to nursery rhymes and the occasional screaming on the rest of the ride home! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447973 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:22:48 +0000 DillonLion 2447973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel you on this. DH and I commute together, which works out great in terms of being able to talk about our days undisturbed, but I really struggle having absolutely zero alone time during my day. The car ride isn't relaxing to me because I'm either in intense conversation with DH or listening to boring sports talk radio. And I don't do the driving so I'm just sitting there, bored. On rare days when we don't ride together I listen to an audiobook/podcast of my choosing that is uplifting or listen/sing to really loud music to unwind.</p> <p>It is hard! I try to carve out some alone time for myself on weekends, but it doesn't always happen and I struggle with guilt about it. But I'm trying to let go of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447968 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:20:56 +0000 jhd 2447968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>PPs have given great suggestions already. I listened to audio books or talked to someone on the phone if possible when I had a long commute. I definitely recommend something funny. My DH listens to a lot of comedy when he's stressed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447961 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:18:51 +0000 SweetiePie 2447961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: could your inlaws pick her up even ONE day a week and take her to your house? Then that reduces a stop before home for you and maybe you can take a little Longer to get home, get a coffee, whatever. My mom does this with my nephews once a week so my sister isn't so flustered to rush home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447952 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:14:50 +0000 Cherrybee 2447952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: Well that would involve a 30 minute walk to my inlaws with E (or 2 busses to daycare), a 20 minute walk to the train station (or two busses on a daycare day), a train to the city I work in, another train to the area my office is in and a short walk to the office. So..... no! But I like your thinking! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447949 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:13:03 +0000 gingerbebe 2447949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like what you need is a laugh. So I would focus on finding audiobooks or podcasts that you find hilarious. Something like a crass David Sedaris book or something that will make you cackle will raise your endorphins even as you're sitting in traffic. </p> <p>Here's a list of audiobooks written/spoken by comedians:</p> <p><a href="http://airshipdaily.com/blog/101420138-hilarious-audiobooks-written-and-narrated-by-comedians" rel="nofollow">http://airshipdaily.com/blog/101420138-hilarious-audiobooks-written-and-narrated-by-comedians</a></p> <p>I think when you arrive to pick up your daughter, you should turn off the engine and take 30 seconds to just take a deep breath and stretch. You can do this seated in the car or standing outside. Just get the kinks out and get the blood rushing through your limbs and that should again, give you a mood boost.</p> <p>I might try scents in the car that might boost your mood. A favorite perfume or just even a few drops of lavender or mint essential oils to either relax you or envigorate you.</p> <p>I would also get myself a big ol' beverage of choice before hitting that mean commute home. For me, it would be an ice cold diet soda over crushed ice. I know you have GD, so I would really try to give yourself some kind of power snack in the car, like a handful of nuts or a hardboiled egg to keep you steady until dinner.</p> <p>All this requires planning ahead, but I think if you have those things ready, it will relieve your post-work anxiety and help you be more pleasant once you're home with your daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447936 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:07:03 +0000 Cherrybee 2447936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Yes, I could do that. I will try it! (how sad!!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447935 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:06:12 +0000 avivoca 2447935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Would it be possible for you to leave your car parked at work most of the week and take transit home? I don't know if that's safe or if you pay for parking, but it might cut down on the time spent in the car. I knew a guy who drove to work on Monday, left his car parked all week while taking transit (or running), and then drove home on Friday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447930 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:04:03 +0000 looch 2447930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I get it, lol, lying in a darkened room. Can you take 15 minutes before you pick her up and literally just close your eyes in your car? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447927 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:01:22 +0000 JoJoGirl 2447927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This may not be realistic for you with your schedule, but I started recently stopping at home FIRST before going to pick LO up from school (only works now because her new school is near my office, not my house). I take 10 minutes to change into home clothes, put away my gym bag, wash my lunch tupperware, throw in a load of laundry before I go get her. Then when I get home with her 15 mins later than usual, I can do nothing but spend time with her. it helps a lot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447923 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:59:07 +0000 Cherrybee 2447923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Oh gosh, that's terrible. 9pm! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447916 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:53:55 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2447916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the others to maximize your commute. I live in DC and drive so I completely understand the rough commute. I try to listen to podcasts that I accumulate over time, audio books, anything that can get me thinking about other things. Usually my husband and I commute together, which for me is a bit rough because I'm an introvert and my job involves a lot of "on" time so I'd love a commute to decompress and not talk but it is what it is. It's rough for me too because I go straight into parent mode and LO is a late bedtimer so I don't even get to turn off until after 9. Find those moments as much as you can, it's an ongoing struggle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447912 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:52:05 +0000 Cherrybee 2447912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Public transport is out because I need my car while at work (customer visits, evictions etc). I love love love eating out though! We do eat at my inlaws' once a week but its the same issue - E acting up because she's tired, making conversation.... I really just want to lie in a darkened room! </p> <p>Maybe I just need to accept that its what it is and try to view it positively - like all you who equate being stuck in traffic as your me-time! :silly: I just hate how little I have for E during the limited time she gets with me because I'm so burnt out. It wasn't like this when I was off work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447895 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:43:15 +0000 erinbaderin 2447895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if this will help, but I listen to podcasts on the drive. I also resign myself to the fact that the commute sucks (it sounds like our commutes are similar), other drivers are terrible, and that's just the way it is. A while ago I saw a sign on the highway that said "Be Patient" and I try to remember that as a mantra - if that guy wants to be ahead of me that badly, whatever. There's no point in holding a grudge. This has really helped me deal with traffic stress, which I used to have a real real problem with. I do sometimes call my husband (he's also still working while I'm driving) and make him talk to me for 5 minutes if things are really bad - could you maybe make a deal with him that you'll only call if you really need him and in return he'll try his best to make 5 minutes for him (I don't know his job, this may not be feasible). I also keep a jar of mixed nuts in the car for snacking (and a bag of mini eggs, but those are less responsible). Lately I've been listening to Bitch Sesh, a podcast where two women talk about Real Housewives, and between that and the snacks my commute almost feels like free time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447859 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:31:29 +0000 Cherrybee 2447859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: She's watching TV while interacting with me. She'd never let me get away with leaving the room or even trying to clean or something! </p> <p>DH cant really pick her up because he works inflexible hours. We did arrange for him to collect her two days a week from my inlaws house when he finished work but it meant he didn't get there until 6pm and my inlaws didn't like this - so they started bringing her home and waiting for me to get in (it meant I was still solo with her until DH got in, with no down time!). So I went back to picking her up. I like the podcast idea. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447821 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:13:00 +0000 looch 2447821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only have a long commute two days a week, and I go on public transportation, is that an option at all? If I had to drive, I think by the time I got home, I'd be an absolute mess.</p> <p>On those days, we eat dinner at my parent's house, would it be possible maybe to eat out a few days a week, or invite yourself over to your inlaws, :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447820 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:12:57 +0000 MamaG 2447820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you are dealing with GD as well, so some of the snack options listed aren't the best probably, but I would definitely try to get a snack on the drive home. </p> <p>List? Would a list help? I sometimes find that if I just put together a list of work crap before I leave there that I can let it go. I'll make a list of things to do the next day. Then at the end of the day when I see something done I can feel some sense of accomplishment.</p> <p>Can you eat with your daughter?</p> <p>Where is DH during these times and how is he contributing to the family? My DH goes home every day while I do pick up. It means he starts dinner and has it nearly ready when we get home. I will also hand off to him. If I just can't parent, I'll ask him to step in more and get us through the evening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447809 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:08:26 +0000 Cherrybee 2447809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: I like your thinking but no, he is still at work when I'm driving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/transitioning-from-work-mode-to-parent-mode-without-time-to-decompress-tips#post-2447802 Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:03:57 +0000 Greentea 2447802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely try to eat, maybe even late at work or on the drive (though it sounds like such a stressful commute!) Our parent patience runs thin when we are hungry, that is for sure! </p>