https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 10:59:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730749 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 17:17:05 +0000 Pirouette 1730749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: I know exactly what you mean. It is a hard adjustment, and one I'm not sure a lot of people are prepared for. </p> <p>@cascademom: I'm the same. Lo is only 6 months, but our lives and priorities are so different now, and we just don't prioritize nights out alone anymore. We've only just started being able to go out together and it has helped tremendously!</p> <p>@googly-eyes: yea it was a bit irresponsible... But it was the opinion section I guess </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730736 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 17:06:00 +0000 gilmoregirl 1730736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: Thank you for saying this. I'm feeling this way right now; I can't tell if my feelings or normal or whether it's some degree of ppd and I think the fact that I keep asking this question is a really good reason to call the dr. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730682 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 16:03:06 +0000 googly-eyes 1730682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>On the one hand I really appreciate what this is saying and think they make really good points. @zbug: well said!</p> <p>On the other, stuff like this is kind of what made me second guess myself when I first suspected I had ppd almost right of the bat, and that confusion about "well it's probably just normal" sometimes leads to people not seeking out professional help when they really really need it, so I kind of wish they had added the disclaimer of "still seek help if you think ppd might e the case" because IMO it's better to get checked up than wait and wait as it gets worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730643 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 15:29:49 +0000 cascademom 1730643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pirouette: For us, how we define our time together as a couple and family changed. I had a tough time and didn't see support in one of my groups. I also couldn't bear being away from LO for a night a week after weaning plus work. I gave up my knitting group in favor of my family. We still get solo nights, but not weekly. It was a conscious choice I made. So life is very different from how it was 2-3 years ago. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730624 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 15:08:50 +0000 Mama Bird 1730624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sad article, but I liked that it pointed out that sometimes parenting is just hard, and it's not necessarily in one's head. Speaking from personal experience, it was a real zero to sixty transition - I never expected to be home all the time but have no time for basic self-care, never mind cooking, cleaning and intelligent conversation. And then it got worse... my maternity leave ran out, we weren't ready to leave the baby with strangers, and I ended up working from home full-time with precious little support from anyone but DH. No regrets about the decision, exactly, but the stress was through the roof. Now I know why so many couples crack after having kids, and really wish that more families had some sort of support network to get them through the early days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730610 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 14:59:09 +0000 Pirouette 1730610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: that's an excellent point! I totally agree that there's little talk of the in between. But I feel like the hormones affected me a lot more than during pregnancy, and I wasn't really prepared for that. </p> <p>@Zbug: yea I agree. PPD can be very serious, and I think often anyone that has any sadness at all pp is told they have it, which is ridiculous. </p> <p>@cascademom: I feel like pre baby, all I heard was "parenting is hard because you have no life" but no one really can explain the toll that lack of sleep and lack of time together can take on a marriage. Babies are all consuming! Which is a blessing and a curse on a marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730553 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 14:05:49 +0000 cascademom 1730553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, they've done some excellent articles lately about parenting. All of them have touched what I've experienced. I noticed how DH and mine's fighting style and expectations of each other changed with LO's arrival. Add family stresses to it and it was awful in the beginning. It took a long time to heal from it. If anything, that period of our lives made counseling a reality in our marriage. DH is more open to it than before with a change of counselor. Nobody really talks about how hard the transition from a couple family to a kid family is. I'm glad it's being spoken about more openly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730433 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 11:40:39 +0000 Zbug 1730433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: @Applesandbananas: @Mae: I really agree with what you guys are saying. I also think there is very little acknowledgement that parenting is hard. While I'm glad there is so much more awareness about ppd these days, I think sometimes things are blamed too quickly on ppd. It takes away from the the legitimate difficult times you go through as a new parent and, in my opinion, diminishes how serious and terrible ppd is for those who genuinely are suffering from it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730422 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 11:29:26 +0000 Mae 1730422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that hormones can be a legitimate issue. But I also agree with the article that sometimes things are objectively hard. I had a few people suggest to me in my first month PP that I might have PPD because I was pretty honest about the fact that I was having a hard time coping. But I also think I had a lot to cope with! I had ended up with a c-section with post-op complications that required daily wound care from my husband (which was scary and frustrating and kind of horrible to have to have my husband care for me). I had a baby who was screaming 5-7 hours/day for 2 weeks straight until we figured out I had low supply. I had (have, actually) so much damage from breastfeeding that my LC called it "shocking" and she's "seen a lot of boobs!" I had inlaws staying with me for over a week who then got us all sick and I was dealing with a sick 4 week old and sick husband while being sick myself. So someone telling me that maybe I had PPD, as though all these problems were just hormones and not just a really hard period of my life was sort of like telling me that my feelings weren't valid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730382 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 10:24:35 +0000 Applesandbananas 1730382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for sharing!</p> <p>I think the further removed from parenting/parenting small children people get, their memories get fuzzy and they just remember the good stuff. </p> <p>Parenting is HARD and I've felt a ton of guilt for not loving every moment. But for as much joy as there is, there's a ton of hard stuff (sleeplessness, teething, tantrums, finding childcare, health concerns, fighting with spouses, etc.)</p> <p>The article really resonated me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730357 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 09:46:20 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 1730357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>(I do think hormones can be huge as you say, but sometimes it seems like there's little acknowledged space between loving parenthood all the time and PPD etc.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730356 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 09:44:44 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 1730356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Really liked this article for acknowledging that there are legit reasons to be systemically sad or frustrated other than diagnosed PPD and the like! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/trauma-of-parenthood#post-1730281 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 07:41:10 +0000 Pirouette 1730281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/06/29/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-parenthood.html?_r=0" rel="nofollow">http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/06/29/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-parenthood.html?_r=0</a></p> <p>Interesting and depressing, especially the stats about day to day happiness reporting! Wondering what everyone thinks...I do think having a good support network is essential. But I do think hormones are a bigger piece of the puzzle than they suggest. </p>