https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Jul 2026 03:43:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2812438 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 21:33:19 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2812438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: He's definitely good but we both also put a lot of effort into therapy being productive and positive for me. We check in annually about my goals and whether I'm achieving them, whenever we talk about something particularly girly/intimate he asks me how I feel talking to him about it and makes sure I'm comfortable. Like any relationship, it takes a little bit of work, which is something I think a lot of people don't think about with therapy? We all just want to find somebody who is automatically going to get us and be what we need, and that's often not how it works. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2812425 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 20:54:29 +0000 yellowbeach 2812425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: wow that’s great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2812422 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 20:45:55 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2812422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: I’ve been seeing a guy with small spectacles who never had a kid for 3 years. He just had his first baby but honestly it was really nice to have a neutral party to deal with my breastfeeding struggles and I talked to him a lot about my difficult pregnancy and L&amp;D experience and pelvic floor PT. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2812367 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 15:42:40 +0000 yellowbeach 2812367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMom: I can totally relate to this feeling. Things were so crazy with our 1st pregnancy (pretern, HELLP, severe preeclampsia), and now I am just a little older even. I also had some PPD in retrospect. </p> <p>I think I'd be open to seeing someone, but can you ask for the woman who understands pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding and all? I'd be afraid I got some guy with small spectacles whose wife never had a kid. </p> <p>The person needs to have some sense of context, or else I feel like they wouldn't be helpful. That's my sense at least. Are their psychologists who focus on this niche? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2808080 Tue, 06 Mar 2018 13:57:17 +0000 MrsMom 2808080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: Wow, that sounds pretty stressful! I'm glad everything ultimately turned out ok. I completely understand the needing a baby outweighs the fear. I'm finally to the point where I don't think as much about what could happen. I'm very excited and have a good plan with my Dr to start Blood thinner injections as soon as I'm pregnant and I'm on a ton of supplements now. I hope we both get pregnant soon and have the great pregnancy we both deserve! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2808063 Tue, 06 Mar 2018 12:53:16 +0000 Sams Mom 2808063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a difficult pregnancy with my 1st too, though not as scary as yours. By the day of my c-section at 39 weeks I had had 12 ultrasounds, and 10 biophysical profiles. We settled on a planned c-section due to a lot of problems adding up and the fact that baby was measuring 3 weeks ahead on head and long bones. The last ultrasound (3 days previous) estimated him at 8 lb 5 oz. He was actually 9 lbs 8 oz 22 in with a 15 1/2" head at a week early. Thankfully the cyst on his brain stem had absorbed, and the polyhydraminos didn't result in preterm labor or prolapsed cord. I am almost a year into trying, and still so nervous about having another hard pregnancy or worse, but I just NEED another baby more than I am scared. I fully trust my OB and have a great relationship with him and his nursing staff. Fingers crossed that you conceive quickly this time and have a healthy pregnancy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2797499 Tue, 16 Jan 2018 17:36:09 +0000 MrsMom 2797499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jhd: Wow, I couldn't imagine my baby having surgery within the first year, let alone several! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I totally understand the talking about trying VS when wanting to try outweighs the fears. We've talked about having another, but I always thought of the after pregnancy part and not the getting/staying pregnant part. Now that we're trying it hit me in a very different way. I haven't thought of checking with my church, I'll definitely check into that! Thank you so much for your reply and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796988 Sun, 14 Jan 2018 23:22:40 +0000 jhd 2796988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMom: I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. I definitely think it’s important to find ways to deal with the stress and anxiety that comes with TTC, because you will likely need those coping skills once you get pregnant too. :heart: </p> <p>We found out at our anatomy scan with our 1st baby that there was a strong possibility of some (not life threatening) health concerns. My pregnancy was otherwise healthy but we had a very traumatic delivery and LO’s health issues required several surgeries his first year. I talked to a psych resident at my OB’s office shortly before LO turned 1 who assured me she did not think I was struggling with PPA or PPD so after that I decided I would rather speak with someone at my church instead who has been trained in counseling. It really helped me to talk through what we went through with someone who has some distance from the situation. I met with her weekly for a few months. DH and I didn’t even talk about the possibility a second until well after LO’s 1st bday and even then it took us another year to get to a place where our desire for a second (or at least to try for a second) outweighed the fears. It took us almost a year but we did get pregnant with #2. Not going to lie I have been a lot more anxious this time based on our past experience. I have been very open with my OB about this and talk a lot with my DH and mom. I’m trying hard to do little things that take my mind off my worries. Sorry for the novel. I just really hope you find what works for you and get all the answers you need from your doctor so you can have as peaceful at time TTC and hopefully soon pregnant with another healthy LO! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796957 Sun, 14 Jan 2018 18:41:18 +0000 MrsMom 2796957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tiramisu: I’m so sorry that happened to you! I couldn’t imagine not knowing why it was happening, and then a NICU stay after is so scary. I’m glad everything ultimately turned out ok.</p> <p>My main objective of the Dr appt is to find out if I need to take meds before hand or when to start when I do fall pregnant. I get some check ups now but the gene mutation is mostly a problem when pregnant (like clotting, possible birth defects &amp; not processing synthetic folic acid) outside of pregnancy it can cause autoimmune disorders like lupus, etc. Most women don’t know they have it until they get testing after several miscarriages. </p> <p>It’s very hard to feel not in control. Since having my son I became a little OCD in trying to control anything I can haha :silly: .</p> <p> It is a possibility to have a healthy pregnancy and I really try to cling to the hope. I want to take bump pictures, talk about the baby rolling inside me, paint a baby room myself or even just smile my whole pregnancy. </p> <p>My husband and I were just talking this morning about which room we would put the new nursery in and where to move things. He’s been very supportive of my feelings and is trying to help me move along but at a pace the feels right to me. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796919 Sun, 14 Jan 2018 12:20:29 +0000 tiramisu 2796919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMom: Hugs. I'm so sorry your 1st pregnancy was so traumatic. Im glad your son was born healthy! I know how scary it can be. I had a normal first pregnancy, but with my 2nd i had near constant bleeding which continued to get worse until he was born premature at 25 weeks. For a long time the doctors didnt know what was causing the bleeding. I heard subchorionic hemorrhage, then maybe it was my cervix and a polyp and then my placenta. I also understand the fear of losing the baby and I didn't take any bump photos or buy anything for fear he wouldn't make it. He's 1.5 now and is ok, but that coupled with his several months long NICU stay really did a number on my anxiety. To this day my Dr said they don't know why this happened and sometimes these things just do. But I had to start seeing a therapist and practice relaxation techniques and I think just with time I'm in a much better place now. </p> <p>I think you've taken some good steps towards having a 2nd by making an appointment with your OB to talk about it. I'm not familiar with MTHFR and Protein S but maybe they can put you on meds when you begin TTC or asap after you get pregnant? Do you see other doctors to monitor those conditions? Sorry I'm not sure if those are only during pregnancy conditions like gestational diabetes so if other Dr's aren't necessary. </p> <p>It's so hard to feel not in control of the situation and to just want a healthy pregnancy and baby so badly. I totally feel you on the what if. Honestly, I'm not sure how people do it, but I know a couple women who had traumatic 1st pregnancies (hospital bed rest, early deliveries and NICU stay) and went on to have normal and healthy 2nd pregnancies. So I think it's a very real possibility to have a subsequent healthy pregnancy. I'm rooting for you! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796877 Sun, 14 Jan 2018 01:39:22 +0000 MrsMom 2796877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: I also forgot to mention that I place little motivational quotes around my daily routine to keep me positive and found certain music helps ease the anxiety. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796875 Sun, 14 Jan 2018 01:35:21 +0000 MrsMom 2796875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: Wow that sounds very traumatic. I’m glad everything turned out good. It would definitely be hard to trust another Dr after going through something like that. I try to stay positive and know there’s only so much I can change and the rest is out of my hands, but i’m also a control freak and like to have plans laid out :silly: thank you for your encouragement and I sure hope everything goes much smoother this time around!</p> <p>@Ms.Mermaid: Pregnany is so hard already without the extra stress of having a diagnosis while pregnant. I really feel for anyone has anything but a normal pregnancy and am sorry that happened to you! I decided to go ahead and put in a call to start therapy again, maybe this time i’ll Be strong enough to get it all out. I try and tell myself that if we do decide to have another, I can’t let the stress and anxiety depress me because I have a son who depends on me to be my best. I have thought long and hard about him being an only child, but I see him with his cousins (that are all moving to another state) and know he would be so happy to have a sibling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796743 Fri, 12 Jan 2018 22:17:19 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2796743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have found therapy to be really helpful with me and my anxiety and I want to really encourage you to try again. I went through a large center that had an intake/triage process and they asked you a lot of questions to begin with and then match you to somebody and that person also asked me what my relationship had been to therapy and what I found useful/challenging about working with other therapists and it really encouraged me to ask for what I need from my therapist. I'm seeing a different one now but the foundation I laid with her has led to us checking in regularly to make sure I'm comfortable sharing or having certain conversations. (My current therapist is a man and the day we spend talking about my traumatic birth and pelvic floor physical therapy and postpartum problems was...hard...but I'm glad I did it because it helped a lot.)</p> <p>I had a traumatic labor and delivery experience due to my gestational diabetes and it took a long time before I was willing to be pregnant again. I also had severe anxiety during my pregnancy and don't want to go through that again. None of this sounds as awful as what you went through, and I'm so sorry for your experience. I read the book "One and Only" about how great it is to be/have an only child and once I gave myself permission to only have one child, I found myself deciding that I do want two. But the book also offers strategies and ideas for helping your only child feel less lonely and helping them form strong attachments, etc. if you decide you cannot go through another pregnancy. </p> <p>Starting with the doctor sounds like a good step. I also had a decent amount of luck with meditation podcasts when I was facing severe pregnancy anxiety, so you might want to look into some of those or some other mindfulness exercises? I also assigned myself a set amount of time per day to worry, and beyond that, I wasn't allowed to worry. It sounds dumb but it helped a lot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796727 Fri, 12 Jan 2018 21:15:46 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2796727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m sorry you had such a difficult pregnancy. That sounds very traumatic and hard to deal with and I don’t blame you for being nervous to try again. </p> <p>My DS is also 3 and we are nearly 7 weeks pregnant with our second. For DS, we had a rare complication found on a 33 week ultrasound that basically gave him a 50/50 shot at survival. We saw high risk doctors and eventually it was discovered the issue wasn’t what they thought. Thankfully we only had a single week where I thought I would lose him but it was extremely traumatic...then my wife had PPROM and he was born 3 days after we saw the high risk doctor at 35 weeks. It was crazy. Needless to say, I also said I would never do it again and yet here we are! I did see a therapist and spent time processing it. It took time to be ready to try again. I feel confident this time that we will have a good plan because of what happened before, but it does make me have anxiety sometimes knowing what can go wrong. </p> <p>I think having a good OB, self care and coping strategies are what will get you through it if you want to try again. I’ve also resigned myself that I can’t control it and I just have to try to remain positive and trust it will work out. It’s so hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796699 Fri, 12 Jan 2018 17:38:58 +0000 MrsMom 2796699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni: @birdofafeather: @youboots: Thank you all for your very kind words. I've tried a couple therapists several times, however I always leave feeling more anxious. I think it's because I can't quite put into words exactly how I feel, so I get frustrated with the therapists. Plus I think anyone who's trying to get pregnant hates when someone says to be patient, am I right? HAHA.</p> <p>I'm really excited to have another baby and I'm trying to tell myself to stay calm until my Dr. appt and find out what the plan will be. I guess it's just driving me insane that it seems so far away....It doesn't help that almost all the women my age in my family are all pregnant right now. </p> <p>@youboots: I'm so so sorry you had a difficult 1st pregnancy as well. My son just turned 3 in November and keeps asking for a baby. Are you just starting to TTC #2? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796683 Fri, 12 Jan 2018 16:25:01 +0000 youboots 2796683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I highly recommend therapy. I have similar feelings after a difficult pregnancy and long induction I have an almost 3 year old and am very anxious ambout TTC baby #2. I’ve been seeing a therapist for 3 1/2 years and it’s been amazing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796682 Fri, 12 Jan 2018 16:21:52 +0000 birdofafeather 2796682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i don't have advice, but i just wanted to say that i'm so sorry that you had so much trauma surrounding your last pregnancy and i can absolutely understand the fear and anxiety you have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796671 Fri, 12 Jan 2018 15:59:31 +0000 Jennibenni 2796671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so sorry you went through that! It sounds awful. I can understand your anxiety. Have you considered talking to a counselor or therapist about ways to manage it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-after-difficult-1st-pregnancy#post-2796669 Fri, 12 Jan 2018 15:46:10 +0000 MrsMom 2796669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi all, I’m new here but am so glad to have found what I think is a great group of people. I’ve read through some posts and everyone is so nice and supportive.</p> <p>My husband and I recently decided to start trying for our 2nd baby, however it’s bringing me a lot of stress and unwelcomed anxiety. </p> <p>History: I had a very difficult first pregnancy which luckily ended with the healthy birth of my son who is now 3. We tried for several months to get pregnant the first time, and then at 12 weeks I had gushes of blood that woke me out of my sleep. We thought we were miscarrying but the ER Dr. said baby was fine and that I had a sub chorionic hemorrhage we would have to watch. My Ob put me on BI weekly ultrasounds to monitor. As the bleeding continued well into my second trimester my OB decided to test me and found out I have MTHFR gene mutation and Protein S deficiency which led to a lot of meds and shots the rest of my pregnancy. He told me to prepare for a mid-pregnancy loss. Because of the daily bleeding and wondering if every day was the last day I was going to be pregnant, I never bought one baby thing or even opened up the door to what was supposed to be the nursery. I became very distant and depressed that I was going to lose my baby. It wasn’t until 30 weeks my family decided to throw me a baby shower and my mom came to my house and painted the baby room that I finally started getting excited. And when he was born at 37 weeks, Happy and Healthy we all cried (even my doctor who said he doesn’t know how he survived).</p> <p>I swore right then I would never do this again. I love my little boy something fierce and we would be just fine the 3 of us. But my husband is an only child and doesn’t want my son to be lonely. It’s taken a couple years but within the last few months I’m longing for another baby to the point where it’s almost all I can think about. But I’m so terrified at the same time. What if it all happens again? I try to talk to my family about it but they don’t understand. I have an appointment February 2nd with My OB to find out what plans and preparations need to be done so we can start trying again. I just don’t know how to help this anxiety. How do I get the feeling of terror to go away? </p>