https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 06:05:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604298 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 17:08:00 +0000 Shantuck 2604298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted a 3 year age gap but I had 2 miscarriages during the 14 month period it took me to get pregnant. I just entered the third trimester with number 2 so I'm looking at 4 years and 3 months. I get a little bummed about it but I try to remind myself that I'm really close with my sister who is 4.5 years younger than me. I was also really worried that having #2 wasn't going to be in the cards for me after a DOR diagnosis so I'm trying to focus on just being thankful that I'm pregnant with #2 at all. Best of luck to you! :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604236 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 15:20:08 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2604236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could not agree more with the thought that whatever it is will feel right when it does happen. The uncertainty is hard, I remember not wanting to do it anymore because it was like no matter what I wasn't going to have x type of family. But it really really does feel right. And the baby we have now feels like he was always with us, he just blended right in with our family from day one. Sending love and good vibes, I hope it happens soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604197 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 14:00:16 +0000 pinkcupcake 2604197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It took us over 2 years to conceive our second so our kids are 4 years, 4 months apart. It wasn't what we wanted or planned, but rarely does life go according to my plans ;) the positives? My 4 year old is self sufficient and old enough to understand things like waiting, baby is hungry, etc and she is truly helpful. I don't know how I would have survived the first month if she was 2 years old. So yeah, while this isn't what I wanted, it's been great nonetheless and she is such an amazing, sweet, understanding big sister :)</p> <p>Also, my brother and I are 4 years apart and we are super close. So age truly ain't nothing but a number ;) best of luck to you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604192 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 13:55:22 +0000 Revel 2604192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MenagerieMama: sorry you find yourself here as well. I'm assuming it is the worst while we are in the throws of TTC.</p> <p>@petunia354: good points, thank you!</p> <p>@nana87: appreciate your comments - even of it sounds silly to you, it's helpful to know other have felt this way too. Hoping for an uneventful pregnancy for you. </p> <p>Thinking this through with all of your input I'm convinced it's not "the gap" that's my issue, it's that I don't know when it will happen. Sounds obvious, but I'm dealing with both, "how old will I be" and "how old will LO be" along with, "what if it's not going to happen at all without help." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604176 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 13:36:19 +0000 nana87 2604176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt a lot of anxiety about the widening age gap after I had a chemical pregnancy that would have been my ideal 2.5 year age gap, it was maybe the most stressful part of ttc #2 for me. I ended up getting pregnant again fairly quickly though it didn't feel like it-- dd1 and dd2 will be about 2 years 10 months apart assuming all goes well (I'm 15 weeks now). Now it seems like such a little difference that I feel a bit silly for writing about it here, but it was definitely what I want as fixating on/most impatient about ttc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604167 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 13:25:54 +0000 ElbieKay 2604167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sandy: @Revel: Thank you. Ironically, I got pregnant a little sooner than I wanted. Then, just as I was wrapping my head around the pregnancy, it ended. I would have been "ok" with it -- it was pretty early in the pregnancy -- but I am anxious about my age and also had a bunch of aftermath effects that made it difficult to bounce back quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604162 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 13:19:06 +0000 petunia354 2604162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are likely to have a larger gap than we had anticipated but we always planned on a 3+ gap. We are now looking at a 4.5-5 year gap. I think there are so many benefits to it, I personally could never have handled 2 under 2 or anything close to that. So for my sanity, a larger age gap is ideal.</p> <p>If it makes anyone feel better about the closeness of siblings who have a large gap, my sister is 10 years older than me and we have always been best friends! And my brother is 6 years older than me and is super close to my sister and I. We've all definitely fought and had our moments but I think our parents did a great job and fostering close relationships and making family time a priority (eating at the dinner table every single night, road trips, going to each others sporting events, etc.). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604063 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 11:14:53 +0000 MenagerieMama 2604063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Revel: no advice but also TTC #2 since February and no luck so far. I'm sure when it finally happens it won't seem so long and the gap will be great but LO's 2nd birthday is next month and I always assumed I would be pregnant then so it's going to be a hard milestone. SIL is also having #2 any day now and her first is younger than our LO! Sigh. I am not a fertile myrtle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604014 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 10:05:41 +0000 Revel 2604014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: thank you!</p> <p>@Ajsmommy: so glad to hear you are feeling good about your spacing now that you are PG. I hope that will happen for me too.</p> <p>@ocean81: thanks! I"m sorry to hear about your MC and appreciate your perspective. I am trying to enjoy this "extra " time with LO1 while I can because I know I will miss it. To be honest I didn't expect to feel this way TTC #2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604012 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 10:00:48 +0000 Revel 2604012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: thank you for that! I am actually 13 years older than my sibling and we are close now, so I should know it's not the end of the world.</p> <p>@My Only Sunshine: @catlady: yes on the disappointment and how LONG it feels, even though objectively I know it is not. If someone could say I would be pregnant by x date, even if that was 6 months from now, I would be ok with it. I keep getting hung up on doing the math and how their birthdays will line up etc. Totally not helping. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604010 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:55:15 +0000 ocean81 2604010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but I completely understand. We conceived #2 when DD was 1 so we were going to have a 21 month gap... We unfortunately lost our baby boy at 13 weeks though. Besides the obvious grief, I was also grieving a family I had dreamed of (2 kids close in age) Your feelings are totally valid and normal. Although it's hard to accept right now, close in age does not guarantee close siblings. @My Only Sunshine: put it perfectly... Whatever you end up will feel right once your baby is here. Right now I'm focusing on enjoying my DD and spoiling her with 100% of my attention while it's still "only" her. I hope you get your BFP soon! :goodluck: </p> <p>@sandy: I'm so sorry for your loss. My sisters are 5 and 11 years older than me and my brother is 9 years older. I looked up to them so much when I was growing and I still do. I am close to all of them. I shared a room with my brother until I was 10 and he was 19! He used to run home from school to play with his baby sister :) Wishing you an uneventful pregnancy and a healthy baby boy :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604007 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:52:59 +0000 Ajsmommy 2604007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will have a 3y3m gap and I had always "pictured" a 2 yr gap. However, life got in the way, DH had an illness and then it took us 13 months to conceive. I was disappointed but now that it's happening I am actually happy it turned out this way. DD is going to be older and will understand better plus I get more time with her as an only child. She's so fun!!</p> <p>Conceiving is such a tricky thing and after going through what we've been through (fertility treatments/etc) I realize how naïve I was.. it's one of those things that we really can't control and those that get pregnant exactly when they want to are to be considered extremely lucky!! </p> <p>Good luck on your TTC journey, hope you get your bfp soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2604006 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:46:32 +0000 snowjewelz 2604006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sandy: My sister and I are 7 years apart, and while yes, I'll never know what it's like to have a sibling super close in age, I think it all works out the way it's supposed to :heart: I wouldn't trade her for anything else! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603998 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:32:27 +0000 catlady 2603998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went through similar feelings when we were TTC #2. We went through 2 losses and it took 8 months to get one to stick, which in retrospect isn't bad but felt endless at the time. We were aiming for a 2.5 year gap but will end up with a little over 3 years once LO2 arrives in December. I'm actually very excited for the larger age gap. My LO is already so much more mature than she was back in May (when we were originally due). With the extra time, we have also been able to get through most of her toddler transitions already (potty training, starting preschool), instead of having them right when the new baby arrived. Plus I get a little extra time with my first as "the baby", which I have actually been really enjoying.</p> <p>Also just wanted to note that I am 4.5 years older than my brother, and my parents always said it was a great age gap. I was very independent when he arrived, which made life much easier on them, and when we were older, I was pretty much a built-in babysitter as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603995 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:28:13 +0000 My Only Sunshine 2603995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Revel: We wanted an 18 month-2 year age gap, got a 3 year age gap instead. I think whatever you end up with, it feels right for your family once the baby is here. </p> <p>I do agree the disappoinment is the hardest when you're still trying. I remember every month that went by, I would mentally check off "Well now they'll be X months apart." That thinking was not helpful. Wishing you luck on trying, because I do think once I was pregnant with DS, the anxiety about the age gap really went away because I knew what it was going to be. </p> <p>On a side note, my half-sisters are ten and thirteen years older than me and we've always been close. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603992 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:25:00 +0000 yellowbeach 2603992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Revel: I'm just now pregnant with #1, so I don't have any advice to offer from the mom TTC perspective, but I do have a sister that is 7 years older than me.</p> <p>My mom did this on purpose - she and her brother were also 7 years apart and felt this was an ideal gap. They enjoyed their relationship not just as children, but as adult siblings as well. Having someone older and wiser can be a beneficial role model. I feel the same way about my sister. While she left for college when I was in 6th grade, I got to see her setting an example (going to Yale undergrad, swimming competitively, getting a good job) and wanted to emulate her. </p> <p>I guess my only point is there may be some bright sides to your unintended gap. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603991 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:19:35 +0000 Revel 2603991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sandy: oh I remember your story and your DD2, so much love to you. Thanks for the much needed perspective, and I'm so pleased to hear you're expecting now.</p> <p>@mamabolt: @BKCaribBaby: @2littlepumpkins: I appreciate the perspective on the age gaps. As I think about it, I don't know if it's the gap as much as the passage of time in general, the not knowing, but I suppose there's no cure for that!</p> <p>@ElbieKay: you hit the nail on the head, the uncertainty is very hard. I'm sorry to hear about your MC and I hope you'll have your sticky BFP very soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603988 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:15:34 +0000 cascademom 2603988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When DS #1 was a year old, I wanted to TTC, but life got in the way. We reached a point where at 2 years old, we had to decide to TTC or not. We decided to go for it. Our kids have a little less than a 3 year age difference. It's been fantastic for us. Yesterday in the car ride home, both of them were giggling and having a ball. I said something to the effect of "This makes me happy that we have two kids." When they play together, it's magical. Our next door neighbors have the same age gap with their kids, 11 and 14. They get along really well. I never hear sibling fighting, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603981 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:10:32 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2603981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Revel: we wanted a 2 year gap but got a 3, and I have heard a 4 year gap is actually really great too! There are definitely kids in my daughters preschool with a 4 or so year gap. And I worked with kindergarten students expecting their first baby sibling and it was the sweetest thing ever, they actually understood a lot more than the 0-3 or so year olds. Age gaps don't determine how close your kids will be. Whatever it turns out to be it will be worth the wait. I know it sucks not knowing though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603978 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:08:40 +0000 BKCaribBaby 2603978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, but there are benefits to a larger age gap. I've seen all different kinds of sibling age gaps work, and I don't think there is a "one size fits all" experience. I wish you all the best in your TTC journey. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603977 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:08:26 +0000 sandy 2603977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: wishing you the best for a BFP this time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603972 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 09:04:39 +0000 ElbieKay 2603972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My friend loves her 4yr age gap. Older child adjusted pretty easily bc he understood what was going on and had lots of friends with younger sibs already.</p> <p>We have been TTC #2 for several months and had a mc earlier this year. I am in a TWW now and it's my last chance for a due date before my 40th birthday. Sigh. My son is almost 2.5.</p> <p>So, I feel you. I would be ok with a wider gap but am concerned about my own age. Sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603957 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 08:49:53 +0000 sandy 2603957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unfortunately, for some of us, we can't get the age gaps we want for our kids. </p> <p>I waited to try for my second bc I just didn't have baby fever or a desire to have two super little ones. So we started trying a little before DD1 was 2 aiming for a 2.5- 3 year gap which I thought would be just perfect. It took us about 8 cycles to get pregnant with DD2 making our girls almost exactly 3 years apart. Well, my DD2 was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease in utero and only lived 13 hours after she was delivered at 37 weeks. My girls' birthdays are 3 years and 2 days apart. It was/is so hard when all of DD1's friends have little siblings and all she can do is say she has a sister but that she died.</p> <p>We waited a year to start trying again (physically bc i had a csection and also to grieve and heal emotionally). I'm 25 weeks pregnant and DD1 will have just turned 5 when her baby brother is due. So it's not the age gap I planned for my family but it's what we ended up with. So many friends have moved past the baby stage and I'm just going to be starting over. So many of DD1's friends have 1 (or more) siblings and I wish so badly her sister were here to be her playmate. But I can also see positives with this large 5 year gap. LO is at a stage where she is so helpful and understanding - I think she is going to be a great big sister. She's going to school full time this fall so she'll have her friends and activities while I'm at home caring for an infant and stuck in the nap trap. And as they get older we'll just have to do our best to foster a close and loving sibling relationship. Maybe having such a big gap and having very separate life stages will reduce any sibling rivalry issues. </p> <p>So few things in life are perfectly planned. I can understand the anxiety and worry though as you see the gap getting bigger and bigger. I wish you the best of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603941 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 08:34:57 +0000 mamabolt 2603941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I started TTC#2 right after LO1's 2nd birthday. It took just over a year with a MC in there, so they are 3y 9m apart. I had some regrets about how far apart they are, but honestly it's been really nice. She is pretty self sufficient, I got through the worst of the 3 year old behavior without a new baby to deal with, and she was so excited about the new baby and really understood what was happening. And bonus, only one in college at a time. I hope you get your BFP soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-2-struggling-with-the-growing-age-gap#post-2603939 Mon, 15 Aug 2016 08:31:22 +0000 Revel 2603939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>TTC #2 since April, although I think we've only had 2 legit shots at it since then (missed fertile window 1x and then one cycle was annovulatory, I think, my cycles are generally a bit long and irregular). I'm struggling with the age gap we're looking at now across LO1 and this hypothetical baby, 4 years now at minimum, and just wondering what the future holds. I know it hasn't been that long but I'm feeling down at the beginning of this cycle, regretting not starting trying sooner, I guess?</p> <p>I'm having some blood work done by my GP, some standard stuff and then she threw in a hormone panel and vit d for me, so perhaps I'll get more info in case anything is going on.</p> <p>Anyone out there in this position? Seems like there arent as many of us who are in this positio. TTC #2. </p>