https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 22 Aug 2026 02:46:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259926 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 17:30:50 +0000 MsLipGloss 259926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: Oh wow - I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. ((Hugs)) doll, and go with your gut. I totally agree with the previous posters that no matter what you decide, it will be the *right* decision.</p> <p>@Ali @RegberaDaisy @PasteMoo: Exactly this . . . hope. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259828 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 15:38:03 +0000 1000tulip 259828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry to hear about your father. I lost my father to cancer 3 years ago after only a 5 month fight. My brother and sister-in-law went through the same TTC decision (were about to start when he was diagnosed). They waited due to the stress level, but there really isn't a good answer.<br /> Having been through this 2 things you may not be thinking about that could matter.<br /> If you are more than an hour or 2 away the extra traveling could really wear you out physically and make your first trimester unbearable. I have no idea how I survived those 5 months and I was probably a huge hazard on the road bawling my eyes out for most of the 2 hour drive.<br /> Also from a time off work perspective-I had paperwork in with HR and was planning to start taking FMLA time to help take care of my father. He passed right before I used any, but FMLA has weird rules about how much you can take in a year (or maybe 12 month period?). If you were to take any time to help or be with him and you then got pregnant it could cut into your 12 weeks job protected unpaid leave. In case that could impact you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259303 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 11:28:03 +0000 pastemoo 259303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: If your gut is to go for it, do it. But if you are not sure, then wait.<br /> I'm sorry to hear about your father.<br /> But also... sometimes people hang on a little longer for something *extra* special. I met my 99 year old great-grandpa (I don't remember it) because he was trying so hard to keep living long enough to brag about it. He only lived a few weeks longer--literally long enough to brag--before he passed away.</p> <p>Like they said grief doesn't go well with pregnancy but grief doesn't really go well with anything else either. Every pregnancy is different. Plan your pregnancy based on your own feelings and not based on your father. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259259 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 10:49:30 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 259259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were actively TTC when my father-in-law passed of pancreatic cancer suddenly in October. The grief of first his diagnosis and then his death four weeks later really shocked my system - I had a 90 day cycle immediately following. I totally get your desire to want a baby NOW though; when they told us he had only months left, we badly wanted to get pregnant so that he would have something to look forward to/hold on for. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.</p> <p>That being said, if I were in your situation, I would have wanted to start immediately. Now that I am on the other side of it, though...I know that it would have been too much to handle, with the morning sickness and the stress and grief. Stress and pregnancy aren't ideal partners, and I know I was so preoccupied with everything going on that I wouldn't have been as excited as I could have been. It might be good for you to have something else to think about, though.</p> <p>I'm so sorry for your news - I know how difficult that is. Best of luck with everything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259211 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 10:22:00 +0000 cvbee 259211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know this is impossible to predict, but can you predict how you will deal with the grief? If it will throw you for a major loop, I would wait until after you are settled back into a happy place, but if you are at-peace with that this is your father's time and he is going to a better place, etc. then it might be okay? </p> <p>This is not at all the same, but we were able to tell my Grandma that we were pregnant AND that it was a boy before she passed away suddenly. It made me so happy to know that she died with a vision of the next generation (first great grandchild) in her heart and that she is watching over the little one that she knew about when she passed. I felt like for me, I had a positive feeling throughout her funeral as seeing one life end and having a new life within me....there was something 'right' about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259203 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 10:17:24 +0000 regberadaisy 259203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: 2 years ago this coming Christmas my brother in law passed away suddenly. He was all of 34 years old and the three of us were super duper close. Wherever we were, he was.<br /> His death prompted us to move up our TTC schedule. Basically it made us realize that all of our reasons to wait were just .... pointless. They were a new job for my husband, more money saved up. But you know what, it doesn't matter.<br /> For us that was the right time. It made us realize how damn short life really is.<br /> The love we have for each other is more than words can express. Our desire to have children and start a family is as strong as that. To think that there could be a chance we can be waiting for no good reason and miss the opportunity was too much to bear.</p> <p>The TTC struggle plus the aftermath of his death was definitely hard. But I will say when we got that BFP it was a ray of sunlight in a dark time for our whole family. Now our baby girl provides us joy everyday. And some days she's just the sunshine we (my husband, myself, my ILs) all need to come out of the darkness.</p> <p>It's definitely a personal decision. But for us it was a wake up call.</p> <p>Hugs to you.</p> <p>P.S. On another note. My dad passed away suddenly when I was 13. It saddens me to no end that he has never seen me in love or know that I am a mother or to be a grandfather to my daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259194 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 10:12:44 +0000 Cherrybee 259194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Firstly, I'm so so sorry you are going through this. My father has also been battling cancer and has recently been given 2 months. It's desperately hard watching someone you love suffer and the strange cocktail of feelings you have is just confusing - grief, anger, sadness, selfishness (oh, the selfishness! Everyone I know who has been through this has had these "am I being selfish" feelings ambush them on a daily basis). </p> <p>We're TTC (newly TTC, too) despite his prognosis because life does go on, it has to go on, I need it to go on.... I think on some level it helps me to focus on new life as opposed to death, it gives me hope and happiness despite the sadness around me. </p> <p>It's a very personal decision and nobody can tell you what to do. Much love and hugs coming your way. x </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259167 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 09:53:58 +0000 blackbird 259167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope whatever you go with feels right in your heart! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259107 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:49:24 +0000 Cole 259107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I like that idea, I have an iud though and I think my husband just views it as once that is gone we will magically have a baby in 9 months so that is part of the puzzle. I also think knowing myself that I will try desperately to control ttc since the rest of life is out of my control right now, and to be honest that doesn't sound like a good plan.<br /> I am going to have to ponder this tactic though, it might be the right course of action. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259101 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:46:43 +0000 Foodnerd81 259101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry about your FIL. My feeling is, you shouldn't change your plans too much in light of the diagnosis, but if you started a little early and were able to tell him the good news, that might be a beautiful thing. I've never been in your position personally, but my friend was in a similar situation. her grandfather passed away shortly after she found out she was pregnant, but she was so happy she was able to tell him that she was having a baby before he passed.<br /> There is no right or wrong.</p> <p>ETA I misread, now I realize it's your own father. I suppose that would be even more stress on you. But, possibly it would make him even happier to know. I'm sorry you're going through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259100 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:46:33 +0000 Cole 259100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jessiejo17: It is actually my dad, I am just worried about my husband because he is going to be shouldering a lot more of the household responsibilities because my family is kind of far away so I will be travelling. Plus, my husband is just anxious about starting (in a good, I can't believe we might have a kid kind of way :) ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259098 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:45:27 +0000 mrbee 259098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What if you guys NTNP for a while? So that there's less pressure... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259096 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:43:59 +0000 LuLu Mom 259096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I don't think there is a right or wrong, however if you think it will add more stress to your DH then I would hold off. He will be going through a lot of emotions due to his dad's illness and adding more anxiety of TTC might be too much for him to handle at this time. You two need to discuss what is best for both of your health as well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259095 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:39:49 +0000 Cole 259095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all so much, I really appreciate the feedback My gut is that we should just go for it, I think it is going to overwhelm my poor husband though. </p> <p>@Blackbird the miscarriage thing is one that keeps haunting me, my family has been under a bit of a black cloud of bad luck recently and I just keep thinking about that. </p> <p>Hope is a really powerful thing though, thank you all for reminding me of that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259093 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:39:24 +0000 T.H.O.U. 259093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im so sorry about the news of your father. Honestly, I would just continue on with your plans as you were going to. If you are honestly ready to start TTC now, then you should start now, but I wouldn't start just because of the news of your father. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259084 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:34:43 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 259084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so so sorry for your father, but I thought I would give you some little insight. When I found out I was pregnant with Mavrick (my first) my FIL was diagnosed with a Cancer (rare) and the docs gave him an undetermined time. They said if he lived past 6 months he was lucky. </p> <p>Well.... the fact that he was going to be a grandfather (for the 4th time) but our first.... he fought strong and is actually still alive today (2.5 years later) the doctors just don't understand. </p> <p>Sure we know it won't be with us for another 5 years, but just being able to play with Mavrick and actually be able to meet Sienna is such a blessing.</p> <p>Whatever you choose to do, is the good choice. But having a baby on the way gave my FIL the hope he needed to, to fight. </p> <p>hugs sweetie. xox I know the feeling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259077 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:31:07 +0000 Modern Daisy 259077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really sorry to hear about your father and I agree that it's definitely a personal decision with no right or wrong answer. I think a pregnancy will do a lot of good for the current situation and you were planning on TTC anyway, so why not? You never know how long it will take you to conceive or how stressed you'll actually be while pregnant so to me those things wouldn't matter as much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259076 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:31:05 +0000 blackbird 259076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be concerned about what the stress and grief would do, particularly in the first trimester. If you miscarried, you'd forever think it was the stress. My father had a heart attack and almost died about 6 months back, and it took me awhile to mentally calm down from that, and the grieving process of actually losing someone is quite long, ~18 months. You could speak to a professional about it...I imagine there is a clinical reason regarding why you want to ttc right away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259073 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:27:29 +0000 edelweiss 259073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i am so sorry to hear about your father.</p> <p>my friend and her husband decided to TTC after her father was diagnosed with cancer. she did end up having the baby before he passed, but i think just the pregnancy itself was a wonderful thing to share. it's a personal decision, no right or wrong answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-and-grieving#post-259068 Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:20:51 +0000 Cole 259068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My father has been battling cancer and we were just informed that time is limited, probably 4-6 months. My husband and I weren't planning on TTC for a few more months, maybe starting between October-December. Am I crazy for wanting to start immediately? Should I just wait until everything is over? Is it worth it if odds are my dad will never actually get to meet the baby? Does it change your opinion if this would be his first grandchild?</p> <p>There are some studies that have found that a highly stressful pregnancy is strongly correlated with anxious kids and I hate to knowingly put my child in that position. At the same time we could really all use some good news...</p> <p>Has anyone been in this spot? I am kind of floundering... Thanks </p>