https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 06:26:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-29990 Thu, 08 Dec 2011 20:39:15 +0000 mrs. wagon 29990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beka: well said. My dad was youngest of 9 (there were 11 children, 2 died young), he has a nephew who is older than him (my oldest aunt was pregnant, with him, at the same time as her mom, with my dad) and my grandma died at age 97, vibrant and full of spitfire til the end! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-29987 Thu, 08 Dec 2011 20:36:34 +0000 mrs. wagon 29987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't judge them any more than I would judge someone who uses the morning-after pill, someone who reduces a multiple pregnancy, etc etc etc... they are responsible adults who can make their own decisions. Would I ever do this (go off birth control and leave the size of my family "in God's hands")? No way jose!!!! I could not handle a large family! </p> <p>I do feel a little bad for the older kids, but in this case I think numbers work for them-- it's like having 5 daycare teachers for a group of 7 kids! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-29931 Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:07:31 +0000 shinystraps 29931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A lot of the comments in this thread are hurtful to me - I'm the second-oldest of 14 kids, biological and adopted. And a lot of comments in this thread are simply conjecture, so I thought I'd share my perspective as someone whose family is NOTHING like the Duggars in terms of how we live (dresses and such) but is similar in size. </p> <p>My parents have a strong relationship with each kid, as opposed to us being closer to our older siblings than to our parents, as some people say. They have one-on-one time with each kid, with each other, and with their friends. And my mother's uterus/vagina hasn't fallen out because having babies is a normal, natural thing to do, to answer some of the other comments. As the second-oldest, I appreciate people saying that it's not fair to the older kids, but trust me, I've never felt like having more people to love was unfair to me. I had a normal childhood - there were just more of us. </p> <p>It's interesting how many mean comments people like to make just because we're different, and how many people love to assume that they know how things "must be" in a family different than theirs - Do I want to have as many kids? No. But that's a choice each family makes - and as many of us on this forum talk about honoring each family's choice, it's interesting that this choice has received no such tolerance on this thread. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-29909 Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:12:19 +0000 Shutterbug 29909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I heard today that she miscarried - no kids or 19, it's still a very sad thing to hear :(</p> <p><a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20552173,00.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20552173,00.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-14100 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:44:25 +0000 eeh 14100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ski: There is actually research that women with larger families life longer. In their book, the Duggars point to a study where women with large families life an average or like 10 years longer or something like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-12572 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:01:50 +0000 skibobrown 12572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that family is nuts. I guess women back in the day used to have tons of babies. But they also used to die a lot younger, and wasn't some of that due to the toll that childbirth takes on your body? Especially as she gets older there are more inherent risks associated with pregnancy. If you're 45, want a baby, and have never had a baby before, then I would say go for it. If you already have 19 kids, maybe it's time to say enough is enough.<br /> For those that are worried about the older kids getting less attention and being forced to raise the younger kids, just remember that used to be a totally normal occurrence. We just don't see it as much these days since huge families are much less common now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-12566 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 13:55:30 +0000 Rescuemom10 12566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree! I dont think its fair to the older ones, and with 20 kids you dont have much time to get them each their own special time. With that many kids you HAVE to have the older ones responsible for things they should not have to be, and thats not fair to them IMO.<br /> I have an older cousin who has this meantality, "God willing" and him and his wife just had their NINTH! I cant imagine. I think it should be a sign when you come to my wedding and then leave at the end of the night, drive off and then turn around later realizing you LEFT one of your children! Random side story there sorry but yeah...TOO MANY! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-12143 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 08:04:27 +0000 looch 12143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I look at it this way: whatever they do, has no direct impact on my ability to create my own family, so they can do what they want. They aren't judging me for waiting until age 34 to start a family and decide to have one child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-12118 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 05:38:48 +0000 MH.Abroad 12118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Really agree with EEH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11884 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 18:20:59 +0000 Dr. Pepper 11884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>On one hand, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! On the other had, I have been waiting for the announcement. I knew they were going to have more, I just can't believe it though. I fear for Michelle. Her body went through so much with her last pregnancy. I hope this one goes much smoother for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11866 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 17:50:41 +0000 Running Elley 11866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@eeh: I completely agree with what you said. I don't think that having children is a decision that I would make for myself and I'm also concerned about the possible health consequences that this could have for her and the baby but I do think that it's hypocritical for a lot of people to be judging this choice...especially if they are pro-choice. Following the same principal of her body, her choice people should just be leaving this decision up to her and her husband. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11826 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:42:19 +0000 mediagirl 11826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SUNSHINE1810 Oh but it's not up to them..."it's all in God's hands" 'scuse me while I roll my eyes.</p> <p>I do appreciate the fact that they a. dress their children well and b. have a very well-behaved family. I feel bad for the older children having to parent the younger kids but it doesn't seem to affect their oldest ones - they have already moved on, married and produced offspring!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11809 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:30:31 +0000 Andrea 11809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know anything about them but that seems like way too much wear and tear on one woman's body! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11808 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:29:09 +0000 cyndistar3 11808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am all for leaving life up to God but wow... I really feel sorry for the older children. My mom only has 4 kids and I know how it feels having to basically raise my younger siblings. It isn't fair, I didn't get a good childhood, I got to play mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11799 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:19:12 +0000 eeh 11799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hola: They afford all these kids because they believe in having multiple streams of income and also have a philosophy of "buy used, save the difference". They don't live an extravagant lifestyle and wear thrifted clothing, drive used vehicles, cook frugal meals, etc. They pay cash for everything, including their house which they built themselves with the guidance of friends who are in the construction business. </p> <p>They don't believe in conception..at one time Michelle was on the birth control pill but still became pregnant. This was after their first child, Josh was born. Michelle had a miscarriage which doctors believe was caused by the birth control pills. It was at that point that their views on contraception changed and they felt like the miscarriage was a result of their actions. They were no longer willing to "play God" and instead decided to leave the size of their family in His hands. They follow principles outlined in the old testament regarding abstaining from sex during certain times of a woman's cycle as well as for x number of days after the birth of a boy and x number of days after the birth of a girl. </p> <p>Also, their kids all have J names because they named their first son Joshua and their next pregnancy (after the miscarriage) resulted in twins who were named Jana and John-David. They picked those names based on the fact that they liked them, it had nothing to do with the letter. From there they decided they needed to stick with J names because they never know if that baby will be there last and they don't want that child to feel like they aren't a part of the family because of having a name that doesn't fit in with their siblings names. I can completely understand where they are coming from. We know people who have had "theme" names like Presidents or Elvis related names but by the time they get to their 3rd or 4th child they run out of names in that theme that they like and the child ends up with a completely unrelated name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11762 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:21:55 +0000 hola abejita 11762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>TBH, I don't know their story other than that they have 19 children (and counting). How do they afford having all these kids? Do they just not believe in contraception? Not bashing them, I'm merely curious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11654 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:52:48 +0000 ohapostrophe 11654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really saddened to hear people criticizing them for having more children because of the complications they had with their last baby... should all moms with a complication during delivery stop after that baby!? To each their own...(although I do feel bad for that poor woman's pikachu!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11650 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:50:35 +0000 eeh 11650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was just reading about Bruce Willis and his 35 year old wife expecting a baby which means his kids will have a 23 year old age difference. It's interesting to me how it doesn't seem to even phase people in this case but with the Duggar's having that kid of an age gap is a big deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11611 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:18:49 +0000 T.H.O.U. 11611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with EEH that I don't really think the older children are responsible for "raising" the younger ones. I think its totally normal participation for a family. I think a bigger issue to discuss is why do so many children/teens have entitlement issues. I certainly don't think you'll see and of the Duggar children with that problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11603 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:10:58 +0000 MaisyMay 11603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a little torn because it's none of my business, but another part of me says "wow, 20?!?!" As long as all are happy and healthy, who I am to judge? I couldn't have 20, but all the more to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11602 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:10:24 +0000 chopsuey 11602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think Michelle looks amazing for having 19 kids though. I feel like 1 wrecked my body. 3's my limit. Can't imagine having 18 more... :T </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11600 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:09:21 +0000 chopsuey 11600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm all for leaving it up to God.. but shiz. 20 is a bit much! It's like they're purposing trying to get pregnant.. -.-<br /> To each his own I suppose.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11558 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:57:40 +0000 eeh 11558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've actually been thinking about this a lot the past couple of days (before I even heard the pregnancy announcement) because I just finished reading their first book. </p> <p>Just because they have the means doesn't mean the 'should' have more kids but just because they already have a large family doesn't mean they 'shouldn't' have more. I don't think we can apply shoulds here...I think this is a matter or personal choice. There are so many people who are pro-choice on the abortion matter but when it comes to a family that is functioning perfectly fine we think it's okay to all of the sudden impose our views on the size of their family? How this can me seen as anything other than hypocritical is beyond me. </p> <p>Also, people are saying they shouldn't have any more babies because Josie was premature. So, to the couple who just had their first baby and that baby was premature should we call them up and say no more? Yes, they should exercise caution and talk things over with their doctors. However, Michelle has said she is in better health now than at any point in the past 10 years due to changes in her diet and exercise. Not only that but they firmly believe in the idea that God has a plan for them and their lives and if that means more children then it means more children. If that means a life without Michelle, then it means a life without Michelle. That is their choice and their believes. </p> <p>The thing that disturbs me the most is the backlash they receive over such a personal choice. I understand that they open themselves to the criticism when they announce this on tv or to a magazine but even if they didn't, word would get out and people would talk. So, how people find out doesn't really matter much to me so much as the rude, hurtful, and just downright nasty comments people are making. Go read the people.com reader comments..they are downright sickening. It makes me thankful that these parents strictly monitor their children's internet access so they can't read the nasty things that are being said about their family. </p> <p>I've also seen people talking about how the older ones are raising the younger ones and how they can't possibly be close to their children..to those people I would encourage them to read the Duggar's books. They spend a good deal of time talking about how they spend one on one time with each of their children regularly and how the kids actually enjoy helping out with their younger siblings. It also says that they routinely stay up late talking with their older children and having heart to hearts. In the end...none of the kids are alcoholics, drug addicts, criminals, etc. They are healthy, happy, functioning human beings who provide a great deal of love and charity to their community. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11516 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:13:51 +0000 Rock n Roll 11516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My opinion is pretty much that I don't care. It's their lives. Her body, her choice. I do think the whole "J name" thing is pretty obnoxious, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11513 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:10:00 +0000 Mrs.KMM 11513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly - I think they are being completely irresponsible. After all of the issues with pregnancy #19, it feels like they are just asking for something to go even more majorly wrong.</p> <p>Also, I really don't agree with their lifestyle. Yes - they can afford all of their kids (a TV show helps with that) but they don't have enough time to truely raise 19 kids individually. The older kids spend a lot of time raising their younger siblings and, IMO, that just isn't right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11494 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:56:56 +0000 Sunshine1810 11494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with a lot of the PPs. At this point I think it is almost irresponsible. They can't have strong connections with each of their children, there is just now way. It is absolutely unfair to the older ones as well, because they are basically the parents.</p> <p>I am also somewhat surprised (although I probably shouldn't be) that they made a decision to have another one after all the difficulties they had with their 19th child. I have 2 friends who had babies at 25 weeks (one is still in the NICU and was born in July), and believe me it has been a really difficult time for them.</p> <p>My other friend who had a baby at 25 weeks decided not to have any more children because of the complications with her child, and her own health. She doesn't want to not be around to raise the child that she has, let alone have a baby with serious health problems. As much as she would like another child, I admire her, and think that's a responsible decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11493 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:55:36 +0000 tequiero21 11493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think a big family is fine if the family is up for it. but 20 is a bit ridiculous. i really don't like the 23+ year gap between the first and the last child. that's way too much. i want my kids to have a sibling relationship, not a parental one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11489 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:52:05 +0000 Navy_Mommy 11489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>On a more serious note, I feel horrible for the older kids and I just hope this pregnancy turns out healthier than her last.</p> <p>There is absolutely no reason to have that many kids in an overpopulated world, I don't care if you can "afford it" or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11488 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:52:02 +0000 venice4504 11488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I honestly think its selfish and disgusting. It's not fair to the other kids who quite honestly can't know their parents well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/twenty-20-kids-and-counting#post-11487 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:50:46 +0000 kiddosc 11487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that it's not fair to the older children. They were forced to be "parents" at a very early age. I also agree with some PPs that the real parents aren't really able to love and support all their children. I remember seeing some episodes when the last one was in the hospital and thinking that the second to youngest child really got the short end of the stick in the amount of attention she was getting from her parents. It just doesn't sound responsible to me. </p>