https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 13:03:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-769399 Thu, 09 May 2013 08:51:09 +0000 LazyLightning 769399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whomever has the better opportunity takes precedence. Right now that's my husband, even though I've finished my advanced degree and he still has some left. So his job leads us for now because it pays better and has more opportunity for advancement. If that changed, mine would. Basically whatever works best for our family's long term goals (savings and such). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-769230 Thu, 09 May 2013 07:47:42 +0000 Bookish 769230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really love all the responses I'm getting. It sounds like the majority of y'all have had a pretty successfull time balancing your careers, which is amazing!</p> <p>I had a long talk with DH about our jobs last night, and he showed a lot more ambition than he has in the past. He has some things he wants to accomplish, so it looks like we will just have to see where the two of us are in a couple years when I graduate. These can be hard conversations to have, but I'm glad I'm having them! And glad to hear from y'all!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-769221 Thu, 09 May 2013 07:43:42 +0000 ValentineMommy 769221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My career takes precedence, even though I would prefer that HIS did. I have a masters degree, and he barely has an associates. Since I have so much more education, I have a muuuuuch higher paying job (and one that is fairly stable). He has been out of work several times, due to being laid off, and I have been able to support the household. If I lost my job, however, we'd be totally screwed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-769178 Thu, 09 May 2013 07:16:10 +0000 TheReelDeal 769178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't sacraficed for my husband. He's a teacher and around here getting a new teaching job is hard, one of our friends has been looking for over 6 months. We are both equally educated and while he makes more now, I haven't even come close to my earning potential. I got a new job without consulting him because I knew moving wasn't an option but I also wasn't going to let that stop my career goals. Do I travel more than I like for work? Yes, but getting paid more helps us both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-769140 Thu, 09 May 2013 06:58:03 +0000 mrs. 64 769140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends. We dated for long distance for several years including while we were engaged because I had gotten a job in our ideal place and he couldn't find one. It was the height of the recession and we didn't want him to leave the job he had until he had one lined up. Once the wedding rolled around we still weren't in the same place. We toughed it out for 6 more months of long distance before he got a job where I was living. It was incredibly hard figuring out what to do and who should quit their job (if anyone) when we got married. Ultimately the deciding factor was where our family was (near me). We decided to tough it out until he got the job here and thankfully it wasn't longer than 6 months because I probably would have quit my job at some point if it were longer than that.</p> <p>At this point, I would say his job is more important. He makes much more money than I do and if only one of us had a job, it would have to be him. I hope they never move him to another office though because I'm not really willing to move away from family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-769085 Thu, 09 May 2013 05:52:50 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 769085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Without getting into the why, DH's career will now take precedence. He has a better benefit plan than mine and greater earning potential even if he stays in relatively the same job function throughout his career. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-769072 Thu, 09 May 2013 05:14:10 +0000 Charm54 769072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say we both respect each others careers equally and know they are important, but at the end of the day DH makes over 2x what I do. His career is always changing and likely we will have to move as a result of it. For financial reasons it has to come first. However in his most recent job change he took a job in our current town so we could stay close to family to have our LO and I could keep my job. I'm not under any illusions that we will be here forever but I appreciate the sacrifice he made. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-768913 Wed, 08 May 2013 21:33:57 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 768913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I compromised for my husband. He got a job offer right out of university (we went to the same school, different programs) so we moved 3 hours away from home two days after our last exam.</p> <p>His job for sure takes precedence. Last year he made almost exactly 4 times what I did.. and I have a decent job! He will be making even more in 2 years if he passes the program he is in.</p> <p>If we moved somewhere where I could make more, I'd probably only* ever make about $80-100k (in a big city after years of work) which is a lot less than he does.</p> <p>I wish it was more equal, but I'm proud of him and glad we made the sacrifice to move here and follow this career path for him.</p> <p>*realize this is A LOT. but I say "only" because it's less than hubby.</p> <p>ETA: we moved from just outside of Toronto where there are PLENTY of Marketing opportunities (and I know so many people that could have helped me get a job!) to a very small town of 7,000 people. Marketing majors aren't really needed here! I was lucky to find something, but I doubt I'll have any options going forward if I want to change companies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-768905 Wed, 08 May 2013 21:24:31 +0000 MediaNaranja 768905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My career will take precedence. I am somewhat specialized and we've decided that we will move to wherever it is that I find a job (I just finished grad school). Luckily, he can do what he does almost anywhere, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-768866 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:51:40 +0000 rawrasaur 768866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DHs job/career path definitely dictates where we will live. This town sucks as far as job opportunities go, so it made the choice to be a SAHM easy. I am not opposed to working, but it would have to be a job that I enjoy and is worth my time. In my mind, the job that will provide the better life for us makes the decision, whatever that better life entails - money, schools, city, extended family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence/page/2#post-768844 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:41:41 +0000 googly-eyes 768844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I go to work (currently SAH) DH's career is more important. He'll have been there longer and makes more $. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-768834 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:37:45 +0000 yoursilverlining 768834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you think your husband is self conscious about not having a degree when you are finishing your master's; and have career ambition? It sounds a little like he likes where he is at, but hasn't been terribly ambitious, and maybe the prospect of having to job search without a degree and possibly work his way up again is making him bristle a little?</p> <p>We treat our careers equally. It's a little easier to do that because my husband has tenure, so unless his university closes his deparent (which won't happen unless the entire university closes completely), his job is safe. If he did have to find a new job, his job would take precedence because we would have to move where there he could get another tenured position. Outside of that regard; our careers are equally important. </p> <p>When LO is sick, we each look at our schedules to determine who stays home, and split the day if we need to. We both give and take where we can, and where we need to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-768784 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:17:41 +0000 littlek 768784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: Same here, actually I was making more! Crazy how things have changed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-768780 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:16:37 +0000 littlek 768780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's job takes precedence since he makes 4 times what I make. I earn a good salary but not nearly as much as DH. I talked to the partners and I'm in a holding pattern until I can give 100% to work and then I can be considered for partner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-768753 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:06:18 +0000 marionberry 768753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In our family, DH's job takes precedence because he makes 3x what I do. However, I have made him turn down job offers that wouldn't allow me to do what I wanted to do or didn't benefit us as a family, just him. Luckily, turning down some good opportunities has now led us to him working in a greater job in the same area so that I can continue working in mine. I think being able to have those conversations and compromise is really important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-768101 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:45:27 +0000 prettylizy 768101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us it's all about the Benjamins baby! lol! DH makes close to 3x what I make and we both REALLY like our current lifestyle. He is also way more career motivated than I am so that palys a role, but its really mostly money. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-768057 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:30:53 +0000 LemonLong 768057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband's job has taken precedence. We've moved twice for him. He makes 30% more than I do, and my job has been more flexible so I telecommute full time and have been able to stay with my company in different roles for each move. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-768012 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:19:12 +0000 Honeybee 768012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both of us have sacrificed depending on what is best for the family as a whole. For example, when we graduated college I gave up a comfortable job I really liked to move where my husband got a job; we knew that he needed to build his credentials in his field (getting his Masters, professional certs, etc...), and I wasn't quite sure where I was going, so I chose to follow his career. I ended up taking a job I didn't really like for over four years, and I supported him in completing his grad degree (while working full time and with our first child). When he finished, it was previously agreed that it would be "my turn," so I started grad school. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to find a job in our current area, and knowing that the area in general wasn't really the environment we wanted to raise our children in, we decided to move this December. DH found a new job, since I'm still finishing my MLS and preparing to start a new career. I don't think DH is in his forever job (he'll probably start applying for new positions in the next 2 years), but it's good enough for now while I start my career. In the future, if other opportunities come up, we'll make the decision the same way. We just evaluate what is best for the family as a whole and what will benefit us the most in the future, even if someone has to sacrifice short term in order to make that happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767984 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:10:16 +0000 ladyfingers 767984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both our careers are equal, largely because we couldn't maintain our current standard of living (or one that was at all comfortable for us) without both our salaries. We also have the same amount of education and time put into our careers. We would be willing to make sacrifices for the other -- if DH got a job elsewhere, or if I did, we'd consider moving if it were the best decision for our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767754 Wed, 08 May 2013 13:05:01 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 767754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My career has taken precedence... It kind of has to both financially and satisfaction-wise. My well-being is pretty wrapped up in my career trajectory and his is less so. I needed to be at a large prestigious academic medical center and there aren't very many throughout the country, so that was a huge consideration. He can find a job anywhere.</p> <p>If our childcare falls through, I think he's got the flexibility to stay home more of the time and can work from home. I cannot. So yeah, my career is more important because it has to be, but even so, when we decided where to move, his preferences carried huge weight and I'm fully supportive of his career moves, even when they involve shifting some of the family support to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767713 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:52:53 +0000 looch 767713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: I think he's got to look at it from the perspective as to what might happen if his employer moved out of the area...then what? It's fairly common where I live for large firms to move their offices around depending upon the best tax breaks.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767699 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:49:58 +0000 Bookish 767699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: We've actually discussed this! We have a local community college that even if his work didn't pay for it, would be within our budget to send him at nights or part-time. He seems interested in it, but I think it really scares him. I've told him he should really talk to his management about what kind of skills they'd like for him to develop, etc., but he's been very reticent about doing so. I don't think (even after 9 years!!) he realizes how much they value him and would want to see him move forward in his career. It's a confidence thing, and I really have no idea how to help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767694 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:49:04 +0000 littlebittyhouse 767694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>His career. He is looking to be on track to partner where as I would prefer to be working 3-4 days per week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767683 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:45:30 +0000 looch 767683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: Why doesn't your husband look into getting his degree part time, while working? I did that with my masters and my employer paid part of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767678 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:43:30 +0000 MrsBrewer 767678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: I wish I could do the same thing for my husband!! I know how much of a hard worker he is, but he's just having a lot of trouble finding something that he enjoys and finds challenging! I also want to wave my wifey wand! hahahah </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767673 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:41:15 +0000 Bookish 767673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBrewer: I tend to agree with you, I think he has a really stellar resume that would transfer well to any city, but I know he is very self-conscious about his lack of degree. It's hard because *I* know how awesome and hard working he is, I wish I could wave my wifey wand and find us both something lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767669 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:39:39 +0000 MrsBrewer 767669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: Although you said that he's been at his current job for what, 9 years? I think most companies will take that experience over degrees! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767668 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:39:26 +0000 ShootingStar 767668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In our family, in terms of location, my job kinda takes precedence. My job is highly specialized and only available in areas with lots of high tech companies. I work in Boston but could also do Research Triangle, NYC, Silicon Valley, etc. DH works in software too, but his is a much more common job and a job that teams usually have multiples of, whereas my function is usually 1, if that, to a team. So while we'd like to move back to upstate NY where I grew up, I won't have much job opportunity there so we stay in Boston. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767655 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:34:17 +0000 Bookish 767655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBrewer: Ironically, DH makes about 30% more than I do, and doesn't have a degree. It actually makes this whole thing more complicated, because without at least an Associate's, I worry that he will have a harder time finding something!</p> <p>@Chillybear: There are definitely a lot of industries that could use someone with an MLS. It's essentially an information organization degree, which makes me (I think) marketable to a variety of businesses. My school does send out job postings, but it is an online degree at a school 4 hours away, so it's harder to network, unfortunately. I'm trying to get as involved as possible at my current job (provided I stay here) so that someone might think of me when they leave their post! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/two-income-families-how-do-you-decide-which-career-takes-precedence#post-767654 Wed, 08 May 2013 12:34:16 +0000 KT326 767654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My career will ultimately take precedence. I am studying to get my CPA and right now I work for a great company with lots of room for advancement. However, my job is more flexible so when it comes to DS I am usually the one to take him to appointments or stay home with him when he is sick. DH likes his job but doesn't love it. One of our dreams is to open up our own bar but we have a long ways to go before we get there. </p>