https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Jul 2026 02:27:25 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129683 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 16:38:53 +0000 runsyellowlites 1129683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: P just woke alot until she got older (probably around 11 mths) I find that normal &amp; acceptable for infant sleep though so it wasn't the pressing to me... well really I just had to get over it. lol P has also gotten pretty used to DH's loudness so she rarely wakes up to it anymore... Like I said though it used to be that if we even thought about going into the room she'd wake, I don't think I got more than 20 minutes during the day, and 1 good 4-5 hr stretch out of her (the one before we went to bed) until almost a year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129670 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 16:33:11 +0000 Cherrybee 1129670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: Ah, its the ocean sounds we use on our white noise machine! Its much nicer than the regular white noise! I live the sea! It has helped a lot but she is still easy to wake. And yeah, I would hate to be separated from DH at night but Id move DD out if I thought it would be good for her. Im not convinced its time just yet. </p> <p>@looch: thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129636 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 16:18:54 +0000 runsyellowlites 1129636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We put white noise on for P (well really it's ocean sounds) and set up the speakers near her side of the bed, it really helps offset any noise coming from DH's side of the bed or room (like when he gets up). It's REALLY REALLY helped! Moving P solo or one of us moving out just isn't an option (I'm a big "we go to bed together" kinda gal). P rarely wakes up now when DH thuds into bed, snores, creaks while he rolls in bed, etc.<br /> ocean sounds = life saver!</p> <p>As for the snapping part... it stinks when we know we reacted about something that in the grand scheme of things doesn't matter. When I was really struggling with this I thought "If I reacted ___ way and something happens to DH when he lives how would I feel".. if it was badly then I just kept my trap shut and did the opposite of what I wanted. Not saying he shouldn't be more conscientious knowing our light lo sleeps (P was a really really light sleeper too like if you even THOUGHT about entering the room she'd wake), but leaving mad and having things unresolved through the day sucks for everyone. :(</p> <p>big hugs!!! I'm sure being tired doesn't help. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129632 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 16:16:31 +0000 looch 1129632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awwww, just a hug for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129609 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 16:06:15 +0000 Cherrybee 1129609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: he gets them because of the medication he is on. Nasty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129580 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 15:52:45 +0000 Mrsbells 1129580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I am on your side on this one. My husband was the same when LO was an infant. He was SO LOUD, I felt like he even breathed loud on purpose. I kept telling him to make more of an effort to be quiet when LO was asleep </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129570 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 15:49:13 +0000 blackbird 1129570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As far as mouth ulcers go--I get those, too! White vinegar on a q-tip is a LIFE SAVER for me. I get them when I'm stressed or eat lots of acidic foods (tomatoes, pineapple, oranges). The white vinegar helps big time! </p> <p>Sorry you had a rough go of it when he got home. The stage you're in is very difficult and stressful. It does get better </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129554 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 15:42:36 +0000 Vegmama 1129554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thinking of you ... I think sometimes we just get a bit out of sync. One thing that has REALLY helped my husband and I over the past year is to be sure we're acknowledging the good and the bad. So, being sure to compliment &amp; thank when things are good. THEN, when something bothers me, we just talk about it ... We'll talk about the source of the frustration, and again acknowledge the things the other person is doing right. If he's mad that the cat puked on the bed, he should be mad at that, not at me ... and it's something we're really working on. </p> <p>It sounds like you're really sensitive to his emotions (which is a good thing). If you find yourself sad or frustrated, just take a breath. Tell him you aren't mad at him, just hurt with the current situation, and give him a way that it could be avoided next time. I think men work well when they're given specific examples of how to be better with our emotions! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129427 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 14:58:45 +0000 Boheme 1129427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@purrpletulips: same here. </p> <p>@Cherrybee: Hugs! I have a very difficult, nap-hating baby and I find myself being super short with my husband as well. You are doing such a good job with your sweet girl! I hope you can get a break to re-charge soon...and that your DH starts being a little more considerate of baby girl's sleep! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129426 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 14:58:08 +0000 purrpletulips 1129426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: It just got the point where I had to figure it out what was going on because both DH and I were miserable. I googled PPD and agitation out of curiosity. When I saw that it was a possible diagnosis I mentioned it to my OB at my annual checkup which happened to be around that time. He said "yep" that was very possible and prescribed me zoloft. It was like night and day after about a week on meds. DS was just shy of 4 months at the time and I had been back to work for about 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129412 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 14:53:54 +0000 Cherrybee 1129412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@purrpletulips: Really?? How did you realise that was what it was? I actually feel pretty good in myself at the moment - its just this impatience with DH.... but it is getting out of hand. I could swing for him some days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129395 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 14:48:40 +0000 purrpletulips 1129395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't remember how old your LO is, but those were my symptoms of PPD. I wasn't sad but very agitated and snapped at everything, especially DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129391 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 14:47:56 +0000 Cherrybee 1129391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: You were completely right..... so I got out of my arse and offered to make him something else. The irony is, he tried the chilli while I was making the alternative and ended up eating quite a bit of it. He said he liked it. The mind boggles! We are talking now - thanks for good advice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129264 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 14:12:39 +0000 mrbee 1129264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: So sorry!</p> <p>It's never fun when one person feels unacknowledged... but I always find that one person has to be the bigger person. It's awesome when it's the other person... but when they're not stepping up, sometimes you have to be the one to suck it up! It's never fun, but sometimes necessary!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1129204 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 13:59:20 +0000 Cherrybee 1129204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the love of god....</p> <p>It has all gotten a thousand times worse tonight. I text DH to apologise for being snappy with him this morning. I was a little miffed that at no point did he apologise for or even acknowledge what he did (accident or not) to cause me to be snappy but there you go. I wanted peace between us so I had to be the bigger person. Besides, it wasn't okay to snap at him and he did deserve an apology...</p> <p>Anyway, I decided to be a lovely wife and make dinner for him for when he got in from work. I juggled a seriously fussy baby to make a chilli, which was bubbling away when he got in. Long story short, DH said he wasn't able to eat chilli because he has mouth ulcers and, well, I started crying. </p> <p>A bit of back story here, DH's mum is the best cook ever and he grew up eating home made, interesting, delicious food. DH has inherited his mum's talent but doesn't like having to cook after a day at work. He does cook (he made the last two meals) but he'd rather share responsibility - only, I'm not such a great cook and whenever I make something he is often quite critical. And he has cause to be - I'm a terrible cook. Fact. But it wears pretty thin. The last three meals I made: Sunday - the pork was too tough (he said it was probably a poor bit of pork and not my fault but it still made me sad). Monday - the lamb casserole was too salty (and it was). Then today - the chilli would affect his mouth ulcers (I'm sure it would). So you can understand why, after a tough day with DD and broken sleep, I would feel pretty upset about this. I just feel like no matter what I do I will never be good enough. I try and I try but I may as well not bother (but if I don't bother, that's a problem too). He said (as if to warn me not to put any pressure on him tonight) that he had had a terrible day at work - but he has always had a bad day at work or is really, really tired or aching from his arthritis or all three. SO I told him exactly how I felt (like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try) and said "there, you can add that to your bad day", meaning that on top of his bad day he can bloody well hear what I've got to say and comfort me because I'm tired and miserable. </p> <p>Anyway, long story short, instead of reassuring me and telling me that he appreciates that I try to make him dinner and that even if he's not going to eat it he still loves me for trying, DH went in a mood. He said he felt attacked - that he came in from work after his hard day and instantly I was snapping at him again. He said that the comment "add that to your bad day" was uncalled for (???). He then brought up the morning and is now claiming I "whacked" him in bed this morning when his alarm first went off and told him to get up (I did tell him to get up because he was running late but I don't recall hitting him - maybe I nudged him). </p> <p>We've barely spoken all evening. He is sitting there playing on his phone. The chilli is sitting, cold, on the stove. Neither of us have eaten and to top it off DD isn't going to sleep. We did try to talk it out but it ended in him getting defensive again. I've apologised again for snapping this morning, I've apologised for the "whack" I don't recall giving him and I've apologised for making him feel bad about the chilli. But I'm sick of apolgising and getting nothing in return. When are my feelings going to be acknowledged? Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127882 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 08:25:10 +0000 Bookish 1127882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I hear ya. I get suuuuper snappy when I'm tired. We had to move LO to her room because DH is such a loud sleeper. Our bed is SO creaky, and he would just flop onto it like he was a whale and omg I thought I would kill him. I would get onto the bed like a stealthy ninja but nooooo, that was too hard for him. </p> <p>So yeah, we moved her and are much happier for it. Most of the time ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127873 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 08:21:47 +0000 blackbird 1127873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think mama needs a little time to herself right now. I know I get super bitchy when I get overloaded. </p> <p>When E used to sleep in our room, DH used to get dressed and everything in the bathroom/other room. Is that an option? Otherwise, moving her to the nursery with a video monitor definitely took the edge off our mornings. I can get up and make coffee now without worrying about waking her. </p> <p>DH's alarm used to go off every morning (and it's LOUD because he wears a CPAP to bed for apnea) and the white noise machine kept E sleeping through it. It's a very loud white noise machine. Very loud. </p> <p>I know your said your baby is a light sleeper, but you can't be on your tiptoes for the next 5 years. So some noise is good unless you want to live in silence every time she's snoozing. But i understand it's a huge PITA when the baby wakes up :(</p> <p>PS our nursery doesn't have a chair either. If we needed to rock her, we'd go to the living room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127840 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 08:13:45 +0000 mrbee 1127840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Maybe there are two options... the baby could move to the nursery (with a audio/video monitor), or possibly your husband could move to the wardrobe-meets-library when he sleeps at night? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127829 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 08:10:32 +0000 Lindsay05 1127829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It happens! I can blame my DH for just about anything these days. I have been really trying to communicate with him about the things that bother me and he has been good at trying to make sure he is careful. Being tired and all the things that come with PP play a factor and I dont think there is a whole lot we can do to help with it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127689 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 07:20:42 +0000 Cherrybee 1127689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mjane: Oh, haha! Yes, good idea!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127669 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 07:14:00 +0000 Cherrybee 1127669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: We don't have another suitable room. We live in a tiny 3 bedroom house. The nursery is tiny (no room for a chair next to the cot, never mind a bed) and the back bedroom is our wardrobe meets library! I like what you said about it saving your marriage - I think if I continue to snap at DH because he is too noisy he will eventually get really sick of me! Action is required! </p> <p>@Foodnerd81: Its dummy reinsertion for me! Drives me potty! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127647 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 06:56:42 +0000 mjane 1127647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: ah, yes, I'm sure he's full of suggestions on that one. I meant you might be able to brainstorm together about how to all three share a room in a way that didn't make you mental. </p> <p>My baby is not really napping either. And yes, it's slowly chipping away at my sanity. But it's lovely to have a break from her at night--i.e. have her in her own room. Totally understand if you feel like you can't--I had planned to have her in with us, but found the stress of her every stirring/groaning/whimpering was much greater than the worry about her breathing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127616 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 06:38:50 +0000 looch 1127616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What if you and your daughter bunked together in another room? We did this and I swear it saved my marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127613 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 06:35:50 +0000 Foodnerd81 1127613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: as a mom to a baby who frequently refuses to nap- I hear you! And I can't sleep during the day either usually. It's the rocking to sleep that eventually slowly drives me insane- at first its sweet bonding time, but after half an hour or mor in a deal room of the same rocking you start to lose your mind a little. </p> <p>Dh has been away since tues. if she doesn't fall asleep eating when he is home, its his job to rock her down, but I've been doing it all while he's gone. He's back tonight and I'm so excited, loud noises and all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127607 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 06:32:29 +0000 Foodnerd81 1127607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: we don't have a chair in C's room either. I pick her up and being her to the glider in the living room, with the lights dimmed as slow as possible so I can just see what in doing. It's actually easier for me to stand up from the glider than from our bed or the bed in C's room so I think it's less disruptive to her. But she only wakes once per night usually, if it was more I might be more hesitant to have moved her. We do have the same 6 month room sharing rec but hardly anyone I know follows it and even my pediatrician said its fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127604 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 06:31:17 +0000 Cherrybee 1127604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mjane: Oh he is already full of suggestions about how I can be less KNACKERED ( :happy: )! Sleep when the baby sleeps, go to bed earlier, invite his mum round and take a nap.... he's got all the answers! And he's completely right but I'm not going to admit that to him!! </p> <p>To be fair, I'm not horrendously tired physically.... it's emotionally. I'm drained dry by dealing with a tired, cranky baby who wont nap!! Her night sleep is the only decent sleep she gets so I DO NOT want it disturbed!!!! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127580 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 05:23:51 +0000 mjane 1127580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get it, and I definitely endorse the white noise in the room if she must be there with you--and I really, really endorse moving her to her own room. She will be okay, and you will sleep better, and your marriage will do better. We've shared a room with LO only while traveling, and it nearly drove me insane. I lost my sh*t when my husband took one bedtime as an opportunity to explain to me the thing he didn't like about his new pack of t-shirts. She didn't wake, but she did a little moan ("Why the eff do you think now is a good time to discuss the necks of your shirts, papa?!?!") and I could have murdered him. He will never have the same standards as you and it will continue to drive you BONKERS. </p> <p>But yes, as @grace says, apologize and explain that you are EXHAUSTED. Or, since you're english, maybe KNACKERED. :) And frame it as a problem you guys might try to brainstorm about together? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127579 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 05:18:57 +0000 Cherrybee 1127579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: Yeah, we have the white noise on all night. She's such a light sleeper though - just like me. I took your advice and sent him a text to apologise. </p> <p>@Pepper: Yes, we have a video monitor. </p> <p>My concern about moving her into her own room is what to do about night feeds. I don't have a chair in there - the room is so tiny. I don't want to wake her too much by taking her out of the room to feed her...hmm.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127576 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 05:12:13 +0000 tinyperson 1127576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was the same way in the middle of the night and when DH got into bed. He was so noisy. It made me mad! You're tired, you're the one who has to put the baby back to sleep if she wakes up, so it's understandable. Things got better for us when we moved LO to her own room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-i-cant-stop-snapping-at-my-husband#post-1127569 Thu, 03 Oct 2013 04:45:24 +0000 Grace 1127569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's 'cause you're tired. It makes even the tiniest thing seem gigantic. To be honest, if I were you, I'd apologize for being moody, and tell him it's cause you're so tired. It's a way of making you guys a team rather than you taking care of the baby and him being the scmuck that keeps messing it up. On a more practical note, do you have some white noise in the room. We have a fan going (quite loud), and it masks extra noises. </p>