https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 19:09:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901309 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 11:43:57 +0000 Mamaof2 2901309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! I talked with her again last night and she asked if it was OK that he had a crush on her - I told her yes that was OK and then took it as an opportunity to talk more about secrets and making your own decisions </p> <p>To add with the whole religious theme - my mom sent me to a Catholic summer camp the year before 8th grade and there was a game of strip poker!! WTH?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901267 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 20:47:42 +0000 lady baltimore 2901267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I would reach out to some public school health teachers to find out what you can about the public school curriculum (actual information, not scare tactics). I am a trained 5th grade health teacher on the East Coast, and while I am mandated to teach puberty, I am barred from discussing intercourse of any kind. When a student with more information than is covered in the fifth grade curriculum asks a specific question about sex or reproduction, I just have to redirect them to ask a trusted adult in private.</p> <p>That said, I am already frankly discussing anatomy, puberty, and consent with my three-year-old, and can't imagine that we won't be ready to discuss sex well before she gets to it in school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901262 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 19:33:57 +0000 Madison43 2901262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: wait what!?! :shocked: Who has that in their curriculum? Mom of a public school kindergartener now, now freaked out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901260 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 19:27:35 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2901260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: FWIW the incident I spoke about above that happened to my work colleague happened at a private catholic school. His son is a sweet, sensitive kid but there’s a boy in his grade who’s a bit of ringleader troublemaker who started spouting off crap about porn. My coworker found out about his almost 9yo looking at a hardcore website from the parental control they use on his iPad. They didn’t lock it down enough because they trusted him and didn’t think he would ever go looking at stuff like that on his own. They hadn’t had an in depth sex talk with him yet so his first exposure to sex was through porn. He didn’t even understand what they were doing in the photos. My coworker was so upset and filled with major regret that they didn’t arm him with tools to deal with these topics earlier and it’s really stuck with me. I can’t stand the thought of some jerk kid telling my kids about whatever before I have the chance to help them understand it. Knowledge is power. </p> <p>I think as long as you are prepared to talk with your children about all the crazy crap they are going to be exposed to, that’s great. But don’t bank on the fact the school doesn’t teach them about it and you’ll be able to control it. It was a huge wake up call to me and we are extremely liberal about these things to begin with. The world is a totally different place than when we were kids and exposure is everywhere. Kids will always be curious but it’s up to us to empower them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901254 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 16:59:23 +0000 agold 2901254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: @Becky: I love hearing both of your opinions despite totally different than my own. And yep to restrictive environments. Good thing I don't have a plan to maintain a restrictive environment. But I don't want a teacher at school talking to my very young girls about masterbation, anal sex, oral sex, dry humping and showing them all kinds of pictures so make sure that these little kids understand. Kudos to you parents who think your young kids are mentally equipped to handle it. I have all sorts of plans to talk to my kids about things as the topics arise and the time becomes right for me and my kids and the situations they get in. </p> <p>@Becky: And yep. So true those Catholic school boys! I married one! :silly: Also, the private high school is the place where all the kids who got kicked out of public high school went. I know there is no full shelter that can be provided. But I do love the idea of a small private school for grades k-6 for all kinds of other reasons, too, like safety and issues that pertain to my specific community. The way my little niece is growing up with this private school is so appealing to me. I hope my girls love it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901253 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 16:50:00 +0000 meganmp 2901253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: I'm with you on the private schools not sheltering kids. If anything, at my school it is the opposite- we don't even allow parents to opt out of gender studies starting in 4th grade, and it starts in preschool (age-appropriate, of course). It's one of the reasons I love this school! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901242 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 14:25:01 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2901242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I'm not sure about what books and things your district is using but I'm guessing what's happening is that schools are responding to the fact that kids are learning about these topics earlier in life in general and pretending otherwise is only likely to set them up for problems. Studies have repeatedly found that the more restrictive the environment, the more likely kids are to experiment with things they're being sheltered from. Moving away from abstinence-based sex-ed has actually helped teen sexual activity and pregnancy rates decline over the past few years. And schools are doing more about talking to kids about sexuality and accepting differences, which I think is a positive so where I stand, I'd rather kids know more than less if they're initiating these conversations. Restriction generally tends to lead to the opposite outcome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901238 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 14:15:33 +0000 Becky 2901238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The secretive thing rubs me wrong too, but I don’t find the rest of it disturbing. I would talk to her about making her own decisions, and the fact that it’s always important to her to come to you if she ever feels uncomfortable. I wouldn’t talk to the teacher unless it seems like the boy is making her do something she doesn’t want to, or the secretism becomes too much. </p> <p>Maybe this isn’t the norm, and third graders do seem younger to me than when I was in third grade, but there were a few couples in my class in third grade, and a few of them dated for years. It was the grade I learned about sex—on the playground, gossiping at friends houses. And I was a “good girl.” I also don’t think it’s too young to talk about sex if questions come up. My mom gave me the period talk in 4th grade, so that’s when we had the sex talk, but I was just thinking the whole time “I already know this.” We got sex Ed (which also discussed puberty) in school at 5th grade and that felt way too late to all of us!</p> <p> As for private school, it definitely doesn’t shelter kids. If anything, the kids I know who got sent to private schools (all small, religious schools where I was) ended up more promiscuous. The small catholic school my husband went to through 8th grade certainly didn’t keep him out of trouble. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901232 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 13:27:27 +0000 agold 2901232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KNS: I know that kids everywhere can know and talk about all kinds of things. But I really want to avoid it being taught and encouraged by the school. I live in California in a really good school district. But California is increasingly more liberal regarding what is being taught at schools. I see a lot of books that are allegedly being shown to very young grades with things are absolutely disturbing to me. The school district won't confirm or deny the books, and they also won't tell which day that the subject will be taught to the kids. Also, you cannot pull your kids out of school that day. Now, I would absolutely still pull my kids out of school that day. But just in general, I don't like how all of this feels to me. A small private religious school is something I'm much more comfortable with. That is where my oldest is at preschool and my niece is in grade school. So we are considering keeping her there at least through 6th grade if we can handle the expense of it. We are also willing to sacrifice quite a bit to make it happen. But this is a tough decision still for us and I'm about one or two years away from having to make it. I'm going to be working harder to find out more as the time comes closer. What are your thoughts on all of it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901039 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 18:27:12 +0000 KNS 2901039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: are you considering private because you think that kids at private school won't know/talk about sex at 8? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901036 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 17:53:59 +0000 agold 2901036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be comfortable with any of this. I think 8 is too young. I would even call the school and ask for the two kids to be watched closely. And I would be looking into who this boy is. Oh no. I'm going to become a helicopter parent! :shocked: ETA: talking about discussing sex with 8 year olds is exactly why I'm considering private school for my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2901030 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 16:39:33 +0000 mrsrain 2901030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely not too young to start conversations about consent. There are a lot of great resources out there that break down how to talk to kids about consent and sex based on their age. Love that she feels comfortable coming to you with this! You did great not responding with fear, which is so tempting to do! ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2900986 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 09:40:37 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2900986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would 100% be weirded out like you! But I think this is an awesome opportunity to have a lot of discussions with her about how she feels, how others make her feel, etc. Like wow that’s so awesome that you and this boy like each other! But remember that in relationships, both people get to have a say. Wouldn’t it be silly if you were given a choice between chocolate and vanilla ice cream and you really wanted chocolate but someone else said nope you have to have vanilla because that’s what I like? Maybe frame it in easier context if you can. </p> <p>Unfortunately, I was just talking to my colleague who’s 9 yo son was told about porn on the playground a few weeks ago and ended up finding some videos another kid told him about :bummed: so I think this is the age where conversations about consent, relationships, etc need to happen. It still seems so young to me but I would really keep having the discussions with her and maintain open communication as best you can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2900983 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 09:25:13 +0000 graceandjoy 2900983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would feel the same way! I'm not sure what I'd do except to reinforce everything you're already talking about. Maybe I'd ask her whether this is going on with her friends too; sometimes I feel like it's all peer pressure. Maybe it'd also be time to lay down some ground rules? Ahh, so crazy! I am so not ready for this, my oldest is only in kindergarten! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2900980 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 09:14:38 +0000 bhbee 2900980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh yeah I have an almost 8yo and it would bother me, but I agree with pp that it’s awesome she came to you. Maybe the #1 thing to encourage that secrets aren’t a good idea (since she’s old enough to understand secrets vs surprises). Probably it’s all harmless but that way you’ll hopefully be clued in. I think what you said sounded great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2900973 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 08:38:23 +0000 hitchhiker 2900973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would rub me the wrong way, too, but honestly I would be kind of excited about all of the opportunities it opens up to have the kinds of conversations you are having. We can't stop our kids from having these types of interactions out in the world. So I would be proud that she came to you with the information and then use it to start conversations. Sounds like you handled it great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-need-advice#post-2900971 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 08:20:50 +0000 Mamaof2 2900971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter told me something last night and its just rubbing me the wrong way! I felt weird posting on FB so I'll do it here-</p> <p>DD is 8 and in 3rd grade</p> <p>she came home yesterday and told me that a boy in her class has a crush on her - she was so excited because while she has a had a crush on a boy before this was the first time a boy had a crush on her.</p> <p>She said they were going to get married and move to AZ - I asked why AZ and she said that's where he wants to live. Then she said they are having 3 kids - she has always been adamant about NOT having kids - now she wants 3 because he does. I told her it was ok to say NO about anything and her response was "I cant say no to him" Umm, YES YOU CAN!!!</p> <p>She said they haven't kissed yet - I told her she's 8 and doesn't need to be kissing boys - she asked if it was ok if he made a kissy face at her far away since their lips didn't touch (what? that's weird she is 8!!!)</p> <p>He also told her to not tell anyone but she said she told me because she was so excited.</p> <p>Ugh -the whole thing rubs me the wrong way - the secrets, her willing to do whatever HE wants</p> <p>Am I overreacting?? We talked last night about making your own choices and how saying NO is ALWAYS acceptable but I feel like I need to say more </p> <p>What would you guys do? Anything? Nothing? Just a simple crush and let it go? </p>