https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 22:08:01 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1521997 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 09:36:16 +0000 Jenn23 1521997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to say I'm sorry your husband isn't on board. :( I'm lucky in that my husband was willing to do anything it took to get me pregnant so I didn't have to deal with that. I can say since I've done IUI's, that they are not nearly as involved as IVF is and are pretty simple. But for unexplained, they usually aren't the best option. Usually they are best for male-factor issues. But as a few other posters said Femara or Clomid can help (even if you ovulate regularly give us an extra chance or two. :) I hope you get pregnant in the next few months so you don't have to even deal with anything else, but if not I hope he comes around so that you are both on the same page. :) Crossing my fingers for you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1519459 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 10:18:35 +0000 ShootingStar 1519459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: Happy to help! It also can't hurt to do 2.5mg of Femara, it should give you zero side effects and just give your eggs a little bump in quality. Let me know if you have any questions :). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1519378 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 09:57:08 +0000 babycanuck 1519378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Thanks for this. I am for sure going to speak to the new specialist about monitoring me for a month even while we're trying naturally if she's okay with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518965 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 06:51:25 +0000 Snowdrop 1518965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just because the tests haven't found anything doesn't mean there is nothing wrong, it just means the tests weren't good enough to find the problem. I've been charting for nearly a month with napro and already there are certain signs which have been picked up to say someThing may not be right. My usual doctor however says that nothing is wrong... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518964 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 06:48:02 +0000 ShootingStar 1518964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: Well to me it's still worth doing - you get the benefit of perfect timing and of knowing that you have at least one healthy follicle. Lots of girls regularly ovulate but the eggs aren't super high quality. And in those cases clomid/femara helps. Without having a full monitored cycle your doctor doesn't know a lot about what might be happening. And like I said, your dr was recommending IUI which only increases your odds a tiny bit, especially since your husband's counts came back fine. And then you have tho whole needing a sample from him and the procedure I order to get pregnant. I did meds + TI and much prefer that route over IUI if it's possible. </p> <p>Disclaimer - I do have trouble ovulating, so that worked for me. But unless you go straight to ivf it's probably your best option to begin with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518960 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 06:40:58 +0000 looch 1518960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: yup, times 1000 for my husband on the medical procedures! Plus, where he is from, egg donation is not possible, so that influenced him a bit as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518956 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 06:32:22 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1518956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: exactly! That's what i meant about me being worried about being offensive ;). It's 100 percent not for us, but i would support anyone else completely. I agree with bluestripedbee as well that it's tougher on men than you would think. I thought of the sperm donation/testing as just a medical appt but my husband was mortified about it. And he's a pretty easygoing guy. And i think a lot of men are uncomfortable watching their wives go through medical procedures and pain, discomfort, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518949 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 06:27:08 +0000 looch 1518949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: this was exactly my husband's reasoning.</p> <p>We had the discussion prior to beginning to TTC and I wanted to know where he stood. At first I was upset that he wouldn't want a biological family at any cost, but I understand where he is coming from and it has influenced my opinion as well. For us, it is not an option, but we still support it for others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518926 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 05:58:29 +0000 babycanuck 1518926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: You know what's funny - I asked the specialist about clomid/fermera and a trigger and she said that's generally recommended to people who don't have a regular cycle, and because I"m regular, why waste time doing that.</p> <p>I have to start this process over, without testing, with the new specialist closer to home so I will have to see what she says. He still wants to try three months of letting nature take its course, but at the same time, if the new dr says do the oral meds I might just do it lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518562 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 19:45:01 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1518562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh and I want to send you a big hug and lots of luck that you fall pregnant on your own! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518556 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 19:41:30 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1518556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no experience personally at this point but i remember listening to a podcast where they said in most cases of unexplained infertility it's not that there is nothing causing it so much as it is that technology hasn't found a way to test for or treat what might be going on. There can also be many variables. Perhaps you can explain to him that even if it can't be explained that doesn't mean help isn't important. Perhaps he is just feeling freaked out and he will come around. I hope so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518540 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 19:33:16 +0000 skipra 1518540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH probably would have gone along with it if I desperately wanted to but we both felt that if we couldn't get pregnant it was nature's way of telling us that we shouldn't pass along our genes. I never sought any testing or treatment because it was what felt right to us. I don't know how we would've handled it if one of us felt differently but probably would've at least had some testing done. Luckily I did eventually have a sticky pregnancy and it seemed to fix whatever the issue was but even if I hadn't I'm pretty sure we would have done nothing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518507 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 19:21:03 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 1518507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: He was against treatment for religious reasons. I felt the same about IVF, but was up in the air about IUI. We came to a compromise; we were going to try on our own for another 6 months, then look at monitored cycles with Clomid. (Thankfully, we didn't get that far.) Hope you figure out a solution that works for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518500 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 19:18:23 +0000 ShootingStar 1518500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why not do a monitored cycle with timed intercourse? Unless you have male factor issues, IUI isn't going to increase your odds much anyways. You could do a low dose of oral meds (recommend femara for less side effects), get monitored so you can keep an eye on follicle growth and lining, and then trigger with TI. Then it'll be old fashioned baby making with just a little help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518389 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 18:20:48 +0000 deactivated_account 1518389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: I'm so sorry you are having to deal with an uncooperative husband. Maybe try to figure out his specific reasonings. If he fears something, its possible you can explain it all to him. </p> <p>So my husband has been against various fertility related things. One issue I was able to explain to him that his worries and fears were unfounded and got him to ultimately agree. As for IUI, IVF and adoption, we oddly talked about it in depth before we were married. My husband won't consider adopting and I would. We are both on the fence about IVF and IUI. Its tough to work through those things. I hope you and your husband can figure it out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518287 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 17:10:34 +0000 Mrs. Train 1518287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we were struggling it was actually me putting on the breaks. I did about six cycles of drugs and trigger shots but I never wanted to go any further. I had several reasons.<br /> 1) money, I knew in my heart I wanted to adopt and I didn't want to spend thousands on treatments that may or may not work when I could put that money towards our adoption.<br /> 2) I felt like if my body wasn't meant to carry a baby then maybe it just wasn't meant to be.....it wasn't going to keep me from being a mother<br /> 3) the drugs make me a crazy wacka doodle</p> <p>Before my husband understood I had to sit down and really think of those reasons and then vocalize it to him. Fertility treatments are no fun for men and woman. I know woman feel it a lot because we feel like it's our bodies not doing it right but I know my husband felt a lot of pressure too. He felt horrible that he couldn't get me pregnant.</p> <p>I would maybe sit down and talk about it. See both sides and maybe come to a compromise. Maybe a few IUIs but not IVF. Or maybe some cycles of medication but not IUIs. I know it can be so hard when opinions are not exactly the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518263 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:53:37 +0000 littlek 1518263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I don't think anything you said was offensive. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518258 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:50:02 +0000 BSB 1518258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At first, he was reluctant on doing IUIs. But after speaking to the dr and hearing the medical speak, he was a little wiling.</p> <p>I think emotionally its hard for men. It really took a toll on DH's self esteem. Just like us, he knows how normal people can do it without help. He just wants to be normal and not have to pay for it. Plus, as a man, the most important part in creating a baby is providing the sperm. If there is something wrong and takes that part out of his hands, then he can pretty much feel useless.</p> <p>In his mind, he thinks he is a failure because he thinks its because of him we aren't pregnant. At first, I thought it was a male factor but after the failed IUIs, I think there is also a female factor.</p> <p>Also, knowing how common and frequent it is nowadays helps too.</p> <p>I think getting him to explain why he feels that way could help him.</p> <p>Also, there's a book that is written by a guy to help with guys's feeling and IF. It's called 'what to expect when she is NOT pregnant'. DH enjoys the book. It made him laugh at certain points. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518257 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:49:58 +0000 PurplePumps 1518257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only thing my husband is against is ICSI cause he doesn't want a person deciding which sperm makes it. He's ok with IVF since nature is still in play and the strongest still wins, albeit in a lab rather than in me. Though we're not there yet and haven't seriously discussed what it involves and the cost. He did resist IUI for a little, but only because he was embarrassed about having to give a sample. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518254 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:48:23 +0000 babycanuck 1518254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTal: CD3 blood, HSG, lots of internals, SA. Dr totally recommended that most fertility clinics around here would have you do counselling, which he is completely against. </p> <p>@littlek: "Your tests and mine came back okay, so why use drugs if our bodies are fine." That was it. I told him I'm making the appointment regardless. It can't be the cost - we both have insurance coverage that is pretty good.</p> <p>@hotchildinthecity: Thank you for sharing this - it's comforting (though not fun) to know that I'm not the lone soldier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518234 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:35:37 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1518234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Okay, i'm probably going to be alone in saying this and hopefully it doesn't offend anyone, but yes, my husband was against iui and ivf. Essentially i was not on board with them either but i would have considered trying if he wanted to. His reasoning was that he didn't like the clinical aspect of the whole thing, the sperm donation, the injection, etc. he also was not a fan of the injectables for me and the side effects they may have had. He was already watching me struggle with pcos for the year and it made him uncomfortable to watch me "go through" anymore.</p> <p>So yes, i think i could say that my husband was against the treatments, although us bypassing them was a joint decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518232 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:34:23 +0000 littlek 1518232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: did he say why delay? Is it the cost? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518229 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:32:41 +0000 MrsTal 1518229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm curious what tests you've had done.</p> <p>I have noticed that your husband has put up a lot of road blocks on your journey, do you think he's just not ready to admit there is a problem?</p> <p>Does your RE have a therapist on staff? Some do, if not could you find someone that specializes in IF issues and try to meet with them, maybe they could get to the root of the issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518218 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:27:13 +0000 babycanuck 1518218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ETA: I'm totally going to go for my consult without him to the new clinic and at least let them review my file, then book treatment for July if needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518215 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:25:16 +0000 babycanuck 1518215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: CD3 blood, HSG, lots of internals, SA</p> <p>I just went back to him and said OK - here is the deal. Can we try naturally for another 2 months and I'll book for the clinic in June? He said 3 months, and I said you have to promise me that in July you'll come with me and he said yes.</p> <p>He agreed.</p> <p>let's see if this holds up </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518208 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:23:22 +0000 mrswin 1518208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: Walled you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518197 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:17:59 +0000 littlek 1518197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: I'm so sorry. Can you try and have a conversation why he is against treatment? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518157 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:06:51 +0000 pui 1518157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What tests did you have done?</p> <p>I don't see any reason why trying an IUI is a bad idea. I hate that you husband keeps putting up these road blocks. :\ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexplained-if-was-your-spouse-against-treatment#post-1518146 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:03:16 +0000 babycanuck 1518146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am curious if there are any bees whose spouses said no to treatment and what their mindset was.</p> <p>My husband is saying he does not want to do IUI and won't give me a legit explanation. He said "all the tests should we're fine, so let's keep trying" and I'm devastated. The Dr recommended IUI and I'm totally ready to sit in a corner and cry for a week (sorry, I know that's pathetic when some of you have been going through stuff for a lot longer than I have). </p>