https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 07:42:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-600421 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 12:28:00 +0000 Alivoo01 600421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As others have said, I wouldn't discuss it with her since she showed such strong feelings about how a baby should be named. If she asks what the baby's name is, then you can share it and the background info.</p> <p>Btw, I love Max!! Maxwell is contendor for our DS! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599824 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 10:55:28 +0000 Boheme 599824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, I would leave her out of that discussion especially after what she did. And Max is an awesome name! I love it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599594 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 10:19:53 +0000 LuLu Mom 599594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs D: That I can understand, I've always been a middle name kind of girl to honor family. I guess in my family duplicate names are pretty normal as well, so I have a different mindset than most might. I have a boy cousin with the same name as myself and my mom is named after her aunt so we have two Sally's. These are just two of the cases! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599477 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 10:03:53 +0000 Mrs D 599477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I certainly agree that no one should feel pressured to use a family name (that would never be appropriate) I guess I do just kind of feel bad for the younger siblings (I am the youngest of three) who dont stand a chance when the first come first served rule is applied. I think middle names is perfectly fine for cousins to share - but I think same first names is weird, and first and middle becomes weird.</p> <p>@LuLu Mom: I agree that middle names are a great way to honor family and this was my own personal preference that way everyone can use the name and be happy. I think when one person takes it upon themselves to use a family name as a first name it lessens the ability of future cousins to have the name somewhere in their name... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599405 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 09:50:17 +0000 LuLu Mom 599405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not dicuss it with her, and honestly I kind of believe the "first come first serve" policy. My sisters and my first daughters all have the same middle name (which is a family name.) We always knew we would all use it. </p> <p>I'm very much considering using Alice as a middle name if we have another girl, which is named after our Great Grandmother who we all absolutely adore and I never thought to discuss it with my younger sister (the only one still having more children.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599261 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 09:25:18 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 599261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unless your sister askes about your name decision then I wpuldn't share. I see where your heart and head were at when you wanted to divy up the names, but I would have had a similar reaction to your sister. I would not have lashed out, but would not have appreciated the implied obligation and pressure to use family names. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599196 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 09:14:11 +0000 Bluebonnet 599196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't discuss with her.</p> <p>LO has family names and we never consulted anyone before, and we did not announce the name until LO was born. Similar to your sister, I felt the only people who should have input on LO's name was DH and me. Not because I didn't want to honor family members, but because I didn't want to create drama (my MIL would have a strong opinion, my mom would have an opinion, etc, etc). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599135 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 09:00:36 +0000 lawbee11 599135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PP. Oh, and I love the name Max!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599125 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 08:57:41 +0000 blackbird 599125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would you initiate the conversation? Nope! Name your kid what you want :) </p> <p>Would you name your child the family name without consulting? I'm in this position now, actually. We're leaning very heavily towards giving the baby my grandmother's first name as a middle name. It never occurred to me to run it by anybody in the family and I won't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-599008 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 07:12:00 +0000 Mrs D 599008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: @HabesBabe: I agree with you ladies that normally it would/could be an unspoken thing just first come first serve but I also think its nice if multiples want to honor the family to agree to use it as a middle name so everyone can. I think it was also such a sensitive subject because the passing of my grandpa was so recent to when my nephew was born (less than 1 year) that emotions were still high and possibly irrational...</p> <p>Thanks for the input everyone - I really appreciate the affirmation that I'm not crazy! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598853 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 23:16:48 +0000 HabesBabe 598853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: I'm totally with you! I wouldn't bring it up again and wouldn't have thought to "discuss" it in the first place. Like you said, first come, first serve. So sorry to hear about you losing your mother at such a young age :( And you can still honor her with a name for your LO even if your brother already did it-- I don't see anything wrong with having cousins with a shared name/middle name! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598849 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 23:12:37 +0000 lemondrop 598849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She closed that door already, so I wouldn't invite her input since it sounds like it would just be negative anyway. Glad you have at least one supportive sister, and here's hoping it will be a Max for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598832 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 23:00:29 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 598832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with everyone. I wouldn't bring it up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598771 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:23:52 +0000 Boogs 598771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She had her chance to use the name and didn't, so I see no point in discussing your name choice with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598770 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:22:39 +0000 MamaMagpie 598770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with everyone else, there's no need to bring it up with her! If you do decide to announce the name, she'll learn of it when everyone else does and whatever her reaction is, it will be. </p> <p>And PS I so love the name Max! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598752 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:14:44 +0000 mlm2934 598752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that it's not necessary at this point to discuss.</p> <p>I never really would have thought to in first place, even though its nice thought - I just always viewed it as first come first serve. My mom died when I was 13, and my brother had a daughter when I was 20 who he names after our mother. I was no where near having kids so I just felt he got there first so no hard feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598725 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:57:32 +0000 Mrs D 598725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ALV91711: @andrea86: Thanks Ladies, I love the name too obviously :)</p> <p>I'm undecided on sharing the name because I also think you need to meet the baby first and make sure it feels like a fit. I haven't discussed this with DH yet - so not sure yet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598724 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:57:27 +0000 MamaCate 598724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs D: That is exactly how they sounded in the post and it seemed like the easiest way to differentiate between the two! It is too bad your other sister wasn't able to see past her own little bubble...<br /> we had a sort of similar situation when my SIL and I were pregnant at the same time. DH's and her father had passed away when they were young and it seemed both were interested in using the name for a boy. Luckily, disaster was averted because we had a girl and they had a boy, but the first time we saw them after our respective ultrasounds, they announced they were using the name without ever consulting DH. I am really glad it didn't turn into a huge mess, but it easily could have! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598707 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:47:11 +0000 andrea86 598707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you going to tell people what you are planning on naming LO? If so I would just bring it up in casual conversation. I don't necessarily think you need to discuss it with her, but I wouldn't hide it either. </p> <p>Max is such a great name too! I wish my relatives had better names! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598693 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:40:32 +0000 ALV91711 598693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the others. She obviously doesn't want to discuss it and she has the chance to use the name and didn't. She can't get mad about it. And if you talked to your other sister and she is fine with it, then go for it. </p> <p>Max is a great name! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598684 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:35:36 +0000 Mrs D 598684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: I really appreciate that you called my one sister reasonable - thats totally how they are one is reasonable and one is totally not! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598666 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:26:11 +0000 MamaCate 598666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with pps about not talking to your sister. I would use the name if it works out for you. You already talked to your reasonable sister and the other one had the chance to use it and chose not to, so it seems likely to avoid hurt feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598638 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:14:50 +0000 Mrs. WinterWheat 598638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it needs to be discussed but you could always bring it up in conversation if you want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598632 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:12:06 +0000 Mrs D 598632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>thank you ladies so much for the input - its good to know others share my opinion! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598627 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:11:22 +0000 sera_87 598627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, it definitely doesn't warrant a discussion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598601 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:03:14 +0000 cheesetomywhine 598601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would leave it alone based on her prior reaction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598594 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:59:28 +0000 LindsayInNY 598594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same as above. Don't mention it. She already made it known that she doesn't care and your talked it over with your other sister. I think that's all you have to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598584 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:55:21 +0000 prettylizy 598584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't even bring it up. Doesn't sound to me like she would be interested anyhow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598577 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:53:00 +0000 T.H.O.U. 598577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope I totally wouldn't mention it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-family-names-what-would-you-do#post-598555 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:43:15 +0000 Mrs D 598555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, here is the background. </p> <p>My grandpa passed away in 2010 - he was the first close family member me and my sisters lost. It was devastating - I truly never expected it to feel the way it did. My grandma is still to this day heartbroken and so sad when she thinks of my grandpa.</p> <p>My nephew (I have 2 sisters, this was the first grandbaby in my family) was born in 2011. When we found out she was having a boy I decided to broach the subject of family names. I reached out to my pregnant sister and suggested that the three of us got together and discuss how we wanted to honor family names. I had heard of friends doing this and it being the best way to not have hurt feelings if one person uses a name and the other cant. In most cases - my friends had had internal family agreements to use names as middle names.</p> <p>The react from my sister was astonishing. She was offended I would suggest such a discussion and immediately told me that whatever my other sister and I wanted to say meant nothing as the choice of what to name their son was solely her and my brother in laws decision and how dare I suggest such a discussion. I was really shocked - I am much more of a lets talk about it in advance person to avoid family drama. She ultimately named her son a non-family name and gave him her husbands name as a middle name - but she was very bitchy about withholding the name until you came to the hospital to meet him as if she was proud to be the keeper of that secret.</p> <p>Now I am pregnant and would love to honor my grandpa and use his name (Max) if we in fact have a son. I have spoken to my other sister who fully supports this. The question is, do I discuss it with my sister (mother of my nephew)? She made it clear she thinks that decision is between mother and father only with no one else having input so one part of me thinks to hell with it - no sense talking to her since she was so blunt with me about it. But the other says maybe I should be the bigger person and initiate it again...</p> <p>Would you initiate the conversation?<br /> Would you name your child the family name without consulting? </p>