https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 07:19:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2594329 Thu, 28 Jul 2016 10:34:36 +0000 808love 2594329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter picked up 'I'm shy' from her preschool class at age 4. I was so annoyed. It took a year to undo it. Well, actually a year of that class where she learned it and a few more months of summer break to undo it. </p> <p>In retrospect, I wonder if she picked it up there (and used it inappropriately) because she never learned it from us, she was just observing and testing out vocabulary in action. Maybe little girls like to be called shy from what they see at school!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2594321 Thu, 28 Jul 2016 10:31:46 +0000 autumnlove 2594321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3 year old ignores people until she warms up so we have lots of chats about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2594247 Thu, 28 Jul 2016 09:48:25 +0000 Corduroy 2594247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: My 3.5 yo daughter tried out "I'm shy" after picking it up at daycare. She isn't shy but she enjoyed experimenting with the new idea and really liked being rude. </p> <p>We often talk to LO about separating feelings from actions (It's ok to feel angry but it isn't ok to act mean). In this case it was "It's ok to feel nervous/shy but it isn't ok to be rude to others." Once the rude behavior was cut off she lost interest in being shy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593686 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 12:43:22 +0000 mediagirl 2593686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyBoecksMom: she can be such a little snit sometimes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593659 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 12:28:10 +0000 Mamaof2 2593659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD has been pushing some limits lately so we talk about things being nice or not nice - its even turned into a game of sorts at bedtime - she asks me to name things and she guesses if they are nice or not. So for your DD you can say "When that little girl called you the wrong name and you yelled at her... that was not nice" When someone calls you the wrong name you can just say "No, I'm not Molly I'm Jane" that would be nice.</p> <p>If someone wants to play and you don't you say "no thank you I want to play alone" That would be nice<br /> If you said "Go away!" that wouldn't be nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593653 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 12:24:00 +0000 looch 2593653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: I hope it works! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593648 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 12:21:34 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2593648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: I'm sorry, I know it's not funny, but I had to laugh. What's with girls at this age??? W does the same thing and I make her apologize and then go sit by herself until she can get "in control" and treat people respectfully. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593634 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 12:12:03 +0000 mediagirl 2593634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: She's 4. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593631 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 12:08:01 +0000 MamaG 2593631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: How old is your daughter? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593622 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:58:00 +0000 Mama Bird 2593622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, she definitely needs a more constructive way to express her feelings. DS acts like that too sometimes, and I back him up and tell him he has the right to say no and be left alone, but he does have to use his words and not whine or pout. On the flip side, some kids I know don't really get "no", so at some point I have to interfere and get them away from DS because they keep getting in his face. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593595 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:29:43 +0000 mediagirl 2593595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: @MamaG: I'll try this. Thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593593 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:29:08 +0000 MamaG 2593593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: Like @looch: I tend to turn the tables on my daughter so she can see her actions as if in a mirror. It tends to be pretty effective and she will almost always tell me that how I treat her (when modeling the behavior back at her) makes her feel sad. Then we talk about how to better handle it. A little role playing if you will. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593585 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:18:03 +0000 looch 2593585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tell my son when he is being rude, it took him a while to Understand what it meant. I tend to show my son how what he does affects other people by turning the tables on him and behaving towards him they way he behaved. It's very effective for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593577 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:13:06 +0000 mediagirl 2593577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KayKay: yes, and that's what I worry about - she has labeled herself as shy, therefore she is. We try not to use labels like that and use them as feelings, rather than describing who we are. </p> <p>@catomd00: totally agree. Her reaction to the girl was rude, though. She yelled at her and then jerked away in a rude way (hard to describe in words). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593572 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:09:40 +0000 KayKay 2593572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with modeling/explaining the preferred behavior -- using a calm voice, voicing your opinion to be left alone at that time, etc. </p> <p>I also try to be careful about labelling my kids, so instead I might word it as "it's ok if you are feeling shy today/right now". That way they know that having that feeling and wanting to be alone is an ok thing, but that they aren't always/don't have to ALWAYS be shy. If that makes sense? My personal experience has been that things like that can be self-fulfilling (e.g., someone told me i am shy = i am always 100% shy = i can't do xyz because i'm a shy person), but that might just be my hangup ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593524 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 10:29:18 +0000 catomd00 2593524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's rude if she wanted to be left alone or not share. That's her right, in my opinion. I would have talked to her about how to politely ask the other child to leave her alone. With my 2 year old, I will usually tell the other kid "no thank you, she would like to play alone" to model the behavior and then also tell DD, it's not nice to yell, you can just say X instead." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593519 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 10:23:59 +0000 Adira 2593519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With Xander, I try to give him tips on what he can say and how he can say it for next time. Like "Instead of yelling, next time just say 'My name is Xander and I want to be alone please' or 'No thank you, I don't want to play'." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593513 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 10:14:38 +0000 ShootingStar 2593513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounded like she wanted to be left alone. Maybe coach her on some nice ways she can respond when she feels like that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/using-im-shy-as-an-excuse-to-be-rude#post-2593490 Wed, 27 Jul 2016 09:42:50 +0000 mediagirl 2593490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Apparently my daughter has heard somewhere that she is shy. She now uses that excuse when she is rude to someone. Example, this morning a girl came up to her and called her the wrong name. My daughter yelled, "I'm not (other name)!" and turned away. The girl continued to pester her and wanted to see her book. My daughter whipped around and huddled over the book so the girl couldn't see it. </p> <p>I asked her why she reacted that way and she told me, "I'm shy and I want to be left alone."</p> <p>If your child reacted this way to another child (once or multiple times) how do you handle the situation? I'd love some tips for the next time this happens. </p> <p>I asked her why she yelled at the little girl and then explained that she could use her nice voice to tell the other girl what her name is. </p>