https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 10:43:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice/page/2#post-2750984 Thu, 22 Jun 2017 14:52:29 +0000 alphagam84 2750984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In regards to the food, I'd create a schedule. I'd say something like X nights we will cook this, Y nights you cook whatever you want and then say let's ask each brother what they want to cook on their nights. Don't even leave it open to discussion. And if someone pushes back, I would bluntly say why shouldn't they take a turn buying food and cooking it? It is a vacation for all. And no way would by husband expect me to do the cooking alone on our night. </p> <p>For the outings, I'd say that's too bad, WE can't go since they aren't kid friendly. Have fun though! Leave it at that. If hubby is dying to do one activity, make sure it is fair and you get to do an activity of your choice whether with the group or solo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice/page/2#post-2750963 Thu, 22 Jun 2017 14:24:20 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2750963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That for sure doesn't sound like a vacation to me! My husbands family also consists of 2 BIL's who aren't married. They like to cook so I guess I lucked out there but my suggestion is if you guys cook then they do dishes every night. Since its a beach house I would also see if there is a BBQ so you can have them grill meat and you just have to do sides. Less dishes also.</p> <p> If they get to have their fun I would also request a date night for you and your husband and let the family watch the kids so you can get some kids free time in also. Also some other time you can go out alone and shop or get a pedicure and your husband can watch the kids. </p> <p> I think just keeping expectations clear with your husband before hand will help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice/page/2#post-2750668 Thu, 22 Jun 2017 07:13:25 +0000 ElbieKay 2750668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I only skimmed the replies but I agree with the comments in general.</p> <p>I would use this as an opportunity to set expectations for your husband, and if you don't enjoy yourself on this vacation then I think it's fine to say that future vacations will be limited to your nuclear family so that you can enjoy yourself too.</p> <p>Note: There is no way I would go on vacation with my MIL or my parents, so I am a bit biased! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice/page/2#post-2750576 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 20:37:26 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2750576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I don't have advice other than to have your DH split the chores or speak up, but whenever we are with MY family that last thing about the guys drinking and me taking care of the kids happens. I get pissed but not much to do since it's my family pressuring him to go. Hugs!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750524 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 18:46:09 +0000 caterw 2750524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As @gingerbebe: said, your BILs sound really rude and immature. My sibs are also younger, single, childless, and my parents give them a great deal of support. They would LOVE for me (and DH) to go out with them every night, eat at fun adult restaurants, and do grown up activities that are fun for them... But they know we can't. They invite us and never push if it doesn't work for our schedule. My sibs don't really contribute to cooking or cleaning either, but they will play with my kids so DH and I can do that together (which is actually our preference so we can take a break from kiddos and have time to talk and cook!). It works out well for us. </p> <p>I also recently refused to make complicated dinners on vacation and it has made everything SO MUCH BETTER. Breakfast and lunch are easy grab your own style (I once packed sandwiches for a picnic by putting a loaf of bread and a tub of lunch meat in the color hahaha). I make one or two big breakfasts on days when we don't have something else planned. Dinners are super super easy- hamburgers (frozen, already as a patty), spaghetti with jar sauce, steak, grocery store rotisserie chicken. Paper plates and paper napkins for every meal. I figure anyone who had a very strong objection to this could do the work of making it fancy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750510 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 18:14:13 +0000 nana87 2750510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sucks, I'm really sorry. I agree though that this is a husband issue and he needs to be proactive about splitting chores and child care, and making sure you're not being isolated or taking on the brunt of things</p> <p>I am not about typical gender division, fwiw. When we travel w my family, Dh and my dad tend to do the cooking together, my mom does dishes, my dad does laundry, I usually am the prime child care person but my parents try to do as much as lo1 will let them (mommy preference lol). We all pitch in on making the plans (my mom or I come up w activity ideas, dh researches food options, my dad is the logistics guy) but almost everything is child friendly, with the exception of dh and I getting a date night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750500 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 17:49:02 +0000 PawPrints 2750500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would be a super hard pass from me. Why would you give up vacation time and your own money to go be someone else's indentured servant for a week? I bet they all think you don't mind (and that if you did, you'd say something) so they might as well continue to walk all over you. Skip it and plan a real vacation.</p> <p>[eta] When we vacation with in-laws, they practically take over all the care for DD, MIL cooks and cleans (and if I happen to feel like cooking a meal, DH helps me with it) and they usually offer to babysit at least once so DH and I can go off on our own. That's a vacation! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750475 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 16:44:19 +0000 youboots 2750475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly being away from home with my DD is so much more difficult than being at home. We have a family beach house and I don't like to go there just the two of us. Add people that expect you to cook/clean in addition to caring for your children, away from home? Just no.</p> <p>If it were me I'd rather stay home than go on this 'vacation' I agree that your DH needs to manage his family, not you. Personally I'd be ok with a night or two out after the kids are in bed. One big activity like golfing- great. We went to our beach house with friends recently and the guys were legit gone for 7+ hours golfing 18 holes- I let DH know that I expected him to take over the bulk of the parenting that evening and the following morning. Since I mostly SAH going out of town to care for my kids so DH can go do fun activities is not vacation for me and I speak up- he is good at 50/50 when he is not working and I expect the same when we travel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750466 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 16:13:25 +0000 ottilie 2750466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've traveled with my family but not my inlaws so I don't have a ton of experience, but this sounds pretty frustrating. I'd set expectations with your husband so you both know what to expect and can find something you're happy with. You both have kids, it's not fair for your "vacation" to be you alone with your kids. Let him pick 1-2 activities to do without you/the kids if that's what you agree on, then maybe you could do your own thing (sans kids) 1-2 times as well. Similar with meals - tell mil what day you'll cook or clean, also suggest doing something alone with your husband and kids one or two nights. It's hard because obviously your husband has no sisters so there's no one for you to go out with alone expect your husband or mil but you could do things yourself or with them or just plan things that are fun for your kids and make sure your husband supports you. Otherwise maybe don't do this kind of vacation again </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750312 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:29:00 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2750312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you'll have to speak up in the moment. If your husband is sitting around drinking with his brothers and one of your kids needs something, hand the kid off. </p> <p>Speak to your MIL about planning something family friendly. I wouldn't be upset about my DH going out with his brothers twice in a week, but every night would be a hard no. Push for a date night. </p> <p>When it's your night to cook assign tasks to your BsIL. Just be direct. "BIL1 can you chop these vegetables for me while I do x?" "BIL2 will you set the table?" "I cooked, so y'all get to clean!" </p> <p>Traveling with family should be easier for you, not harder. It's your vacation too. Don't let everyone walk all over you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750286 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 12:05:20 +0000 MamaBear87 2750286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read all the posts so may have been suggested. But I would be out on this visit. It seems like your in-laws want to relive old vacations from when it was only their kids.<br /> I'd stay home and see if you can get some of your family to visit to help manage kids. </p> <p>I love my in-laws and they love to help out with our little but when I was pregnant I went on a family get together and all we did was go to bar/restaurants to eat and drink and hang out. I was immensely bored and if we have another I'll bow out of vacations while pregnant </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750272 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:48:55 +0000 looch 2750272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: you can't control other people, just your reactions to the situation.</p> <p>That, and taking the path of least resistance. If people aren't going to be doing the dinner dishes, use paper plates and don't feel bad about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750271 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:48:42 +0000 Jess1483 2750271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since BILs don't care about cleanliness, could you just say:</p> <p>We'll cook dinner Tuesday and Wednesday<br /> We'll clean up from dinner Thursday and Friday</p> <p>Otherwise, we are glad to handle dinner as our own family unit. </p> <p>This does two things:<br /> 1) Separates the cooking and cleaning duties<br /> 2) Takes it off your shoulders. If MIL ends up doing it all because she's babying her boys, so be it. You choose an amount that you think is "equitable" divided 3 ways (you guys, ILs, BILs as a unit.) Beyond that, it's MIL and FIL's choice not to make their precious ones do any work, then they can do it themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750270 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:48:18 +0000 Littlebit7 2750270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: are BILs contributing financially to the vacation? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750269 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:47:20 +0000 cat620 2750269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Those are good tips! I will probably need to remind them that it's my vacation too, since it seems as though people forget that. The "menchildren" thing is so true. My MIL can baby them if she wants, but it's not my job to cook and clean for them. I have my own actual children. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: My DH definitely needs to step up and help with the kids and tell his brothers no sometimes. I agree that it's my vacation too, and I need to be able to enjoy myself. I'll talk to DH and use some of your suggestions! </p> <p>@Littlebit7: I agree about dividing responsibility, so I'm not stuck with 100% of the childcare. I'll talk to DH and come up with a plan</p> <p>@Jess1483: I wish BILs would help clean, but they have no interest in that, and I'm not their mom, so I can't make them. I think DH would help if I asked him. That's a good idea about getting a rental with separate living quarters. Our beach house isn't like that, but I'll keep it in mind for the future </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750264 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:40:03 +0000 cat620 2750264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bibliolove: I could probably get DH to help clean up, but I know from past experiences my BILs do not care if there is a mess or not. I'm not their mom, so I don't want to be the one telling them what to do. Apparently they weren't raised to care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750262 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:39:24 +0000 ShootingStar 2750262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As others have pointed out, this is mostly a husband problem, not an in-law problem. We vacation a couple times a year with my family, and we actually have a beach trip upcoming with them next week.</p> <p>My mom has said she's not cooking meals because she's on vacation. Okay, I'm fine with that. We're going to the Cape and traditionally DH and I buy lobsters for whoever wants them and we cook them. The other nights we go out with just our family unit, or we all go and split the bill. </p> <p>But generally, our family unit makes our own plans. Anyone is welcome to join us if they want. So last year we were on our way to the beach so we invited my brother and sister in law. They came with us, and then we decided we'd get some lunch, ice cream, and mini golf. They chose to keep hanging out with us. At the end my SIL was like, "you guys are a lot of fun" lol. Other times we've gone to the beach and my dad has come with us. </p> <p>There are a few activities that we all like to do together (sort of), like lunch and walking around one of the nearby towns. So my parents will say, "Hey, we're thinking of doing Provincetown on (blank day)." We drive separately, we all eat lunch together, and we tend to split up to walk around the shops. Sometimes my mom and I will shop together, but usually it's me and DH and DS.</p> <p>Generally on these family trips DH likes to give me the opportunity do something with my mom, like shop or get a pedicure. He watches the kids while I go out for a couple hours with her. So to me, if your DH wants to do 9 holes of golf with his family while you either do a different activities with the kids or hang at the house, that seems reasonable. And if he wants to go out once or twice after the kids are in bed, that seems reasonable too. Assuming he'll still get up in the morning and not expect to get to sleep in late.</p> <p>I think the important thing is your DH has to realize that he still has responsibilities. It's a vacation for both of you, not a license for him to pawn the kids off on you so he can go have fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750261 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:38:33 +0000 cat620 2750261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Yes, there is a lot of peer pressure from his brothers, but I'm hoping he can learn to say no to them</p> <p>@Adira: That's a good point! I realize his brothers and parents can do whatever they want, but there is still an expectation for my husband to join in. I need to talk to him to make sure he'll say no sometimes and help out with his kids</p> <p>@erinbaderin: That's true about not having to pick up their slack. I'm going to try to focus on my kids and making sure we're having fun versus worrying about my in-laws and what they do. We can eat out without them if necessary. </p> <p>@raspberries: I think that's exactly how his parents see the vacation - their three boys and them like the good old days. I feel like an outsider somewhat, since I'm not involved in their plans or taken into consideration. I will talk to DH and make sure we agree on how everything will go down</p> <p>@Anagram: That makes sense. I think he needs to be more assertive with his parents and make a point to help out with his children. He tends to be a push-over with his family and wants to go with the flow, but that doesn't work when there are conflicting needs. I'll talk to him about it. </p> <p>@Banana330: Those are good suggestions, but honestly, the uncles could care less about bonding with their nephews. It's something I've come to accept, since every time we see them, they barely acknowledge the kids are there. Maybe this will change when they have kids of their own one day. The in-laws babysit occasionally, but I think their priorities are to spend time with their sons on this trip. They see their sons less than their grandkids, since we live closer to them than BILs do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750252 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:25:37 +0000 gingerbebe 2750252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: Great point, we do this too. We clearly outline what tasks DH will be in charge of while we are on our trip so I don't have to think about it. DH is in charge of any diaper changes he's present for, he does the laundry every single day and folds it, he does the dishes after I cook, he does bath for both boys, and he usually puts DS1 down for naps and bedtime while I handle DS2 for sleep. If we're in a hotel situation, DH does foraging for breakfast and drags back a ton of food in the morning from the buffet to feed our kids in our room.</p> <p>I handle packing and unpacking for the trip, keeping the diaper bag fully stocked and ready to go at all times, I handle carseat installation, packing food and snacks for the kids on the go, menu planning, shopping for groceries once we get there, nursing/pumping, bottle washing, making sure we have all the baby-related supplies (diapers, wipes, toiletries, bath tub, etc) on hand. </p> <p>Its so ingrained in our travel habits now that we don't even talk about it anymore! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750244 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:13:27 +0000 lamariniere 2750244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: totally agree with point no. 1. </p> <p>We are doing a very similar vacation with my ILs and one BIL later this summer. Luckily, my ILs are very hands on with the kids, so I think they will be making lots of plans that include everyone. My biggest fear is meals, but we will have a BBQ and probably take turns doing simple meals or eat out. </p> <p>As for feeling like the nanny, you have to speak up. I would not agree to a "vacation" where I'm providing 90% of the childcare and doing household tasks while everyone else goes and has fun. Can you find a family friendly bar/restaurant so everyone can go out one night? I would also try to carve out some time with your DH. Since my DH and I don't get much alone time, I really appreciate being able to go out with my DH to do things. Honesty, if there isn't more balance, I would back out of the vacation because it actually sounds pretty miserable to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750243 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:13:12 +0000 Jess1483 2750243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, because the gender structures are so unbalanced (in my opinion) in that family, we talk each year before we get there about DH doing even more of the "domestic" duties than usual (without me asking in the moment). In our home, I do most of them because by the time it's time to cook dinner, I'd rather do that than another hour with the kids, and he's been gone all day. It's my choice, because I only work part time. But on vacation, the expectation is that DH does laundry, cooking, cleaning, kid care in equal proportions to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750232 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:04:33 +0000 Jess1483 2750232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read all the previous responses, so I'd guess some of this will be repeat advice.</p> <p>We are headed off to a similar (annual) vacation with the ILs next week. The first year we went, I was miserable. I got up (even earlier) with DS1 every day, had to put him down at 6 pm. every day, was stuck in the house, did all sorts of meals and laundry (not just for my family, but towels, etc for other people as well), and no male in the family lifted a damn finger. Over the past few years, I've put my foot down and we've worked toward a far happier balance where I feel like it's my vacation too. The things we've done:</p> <p>1) Honestly, the only people we want cooking meals are me and my MIL. I truly don't mind cooking. BUT my younger SIL, who doesn't cook, is in charge of dishes every night as her part of renting the house (sometimes we split the rental, sometimes ILs pay, but regardless, SIL doesn't pay and doesn't cook, so she cleans.) Maybe BILs or even DH could be in charge of dishes each night, so at least that's off your plate.</p> <p>2) DH chooses some activities to do with his family outside of the house/late at night, BUT if he isn't doing those specific activities, he's on kid duty so I get a break. </p> <p>3) We try to choose beach rentals, when possible, that have sort of separate living quarters. Last year, we had basically two full apartments, one on top of the other. It gives me space to be mom, and then is easy to spend time together (DH's S, who has kids, doesn't generally join us, so it's usually just us and younger BIL and younger SIL, who sometimes also bring SOs, but no kids). This year we didn't quite achieve that, but I'm hopeful that with the improvements over the years, it will be okay.</p> <p>Good luck. It's hard, and I know you want your DH to experience the time with his brothers and go do fun things, but then you should mention things you'd like to do alone or with MIL or one of your kids or whatever--shopping, a walk on the beach, just going somewhere alone ;) I think it's worth an honest conversation with your husband--I'd even use the phrase "I'd like this to be a vacation for me, too." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750229 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:02:39 +0000 gingerbebe 2750229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I am not saying your husband is a jerk, I'm just saying it is HIS responsibility to make this easier for you because its his family. I'm being really blunt in my post because its possible you're just trying to be super nice and be more vague/passive about it with him, hoping he gets the hint that this isn't really fun for you. When we first got married, on our first trip home to his parent's for Christmas, he kept leaving me to zone out in his dad's office playing video games or something and while I had to chat with his folks in the living room for hours. I could not break away even though I was EXHAUSTED from cooking dinner or whatever and my ILs felt like they had to keep chatting with me even though I'm sure they were tired too because they didn't want to seem rude. Needless to say, I got PISSED at him about it. In his defense, it just never occurred to him that he couldn't leave me like that because every trip home as a bachelor was about him just vegging at his mom's house. Once he realized this wasn't a vegging out situation anymore, we never had a problem. Sure there are times we have to do things separately, but he always checks in and then comes right back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750226 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:00:45 +0000 Littlebit7 2750226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So we've done beach week several times with both of our families, pre and post kid. The men clean up after dinner. They are assigned that. I don't really give an F if one doesn't want to. There is an announcement made if it seems like no one is jumping up to help.<br /> Everyone is on their own for breakfast and lunch. We do a big grocery shop in the beginning and divvy up the bill accordingly, including booze. Everyone contributes.<br /> As for dinners, yeah the women mostly cook, but the guys man the grill. We do easy meals and stuff that revolves around grilling. Ex: hamburgers, grilled chicken (BBQ or terayki) l, grilled sausage and peppers with pasta. The first night we always do frozen lasagna so no one has to think about dinner. The last night we often order pizza. </p> <p>As far as you getting a vacation, I wouldn't let the planned adult activities aspect get to you. Your DH might have to opt out from one or two or them. You guys have kids and the rest of the group doesn't. Unless you want to get a sitter it is what it is. hOWEVER. You need to get on the same page with your husband regarding who is on/off with the kids. Maybe divvy up morning vs afternoon. Or everyday you get a chance to go for a solo walk/run, or get a few hours of uninterrupted beach or pool time. Or spa time. Switch off days as to who gets to sleep in. Ask his parents to do bedtime one night and go out for a late dinner. Make him say no to some daytime planned activities. Everyone else may still go but he has kids and responsibilities. </p> <p>@Bibliolove: yeah this exactly </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750224 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:55:55 +0000 Adira 2750224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: @gingerbebe: @SweetiePie: Absolutely agree that the issues seem to be with the husband more-so than the in-laws.</p> <p>When we visit my in-laws, I feel like my husband actually makes MORE of an effort to ensure that I'M having fun. If I'm miserable, he knows we won't visit with his family as often, so he absolutely steps up more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750222 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:53:15 +0000 SweetiePie 2750222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Agree with the comment that this is mostly on the husband. I'm not saying he's a jerk or anything, it might just be a tricky situation. but when it comes to how you're treated on a vacation by your in-laws that largely has to do with him and how he handles the situation. My husband is far from perfect but I honestly can't imagine him leaving me daily while on our family vacation and thinking it's OK. Even if he did it because he felt obligated he would find someway to make it up to me. He wouldn't just say I don't think it's a big deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750219 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:47:34 +0000 gingerbebe 2750219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: The long and short of my answer is if mama's not on vacation, no one is on vacation. </p> <p>I'm putting this problem 90% on your husband's shoulders. Your in-laws can baby their sons however they want and make plans however they want for their vacation, but your husband and you are a team and the needs of his family come first. If your MIL is making all these plans for HER children to hang out together, your DH has to intervene and be like yeah no, that's not going to work for us. I don't really care if your DH doesn't see his brothers often - my DH sees his brother maybe once a year and they chat on the phone semi-regularly and have a great relationship. He does not ditch me with the kids when we see his family to go drinking with him or his other family members. I make it very very clear to my husband that when we visit his family, it is WORK for me - it is not a vacation. It is me taking one for the team so that we can have family bonding time with his side, which is important to both of us, but not relaxing. </p> <p>I'm pretty sure if your husband just starts opting out of your MIL's planned events because they don't work for his family, she's going to start getting the hint pretty fast. If DH acts resentful about it, you can tell him that you don't get a vacation from being a dad, period. </p> <p>Your BILs sound like they're being really rude and immature - I have a younger brother who is babied plenty and he's always jumping in to help with our kids and the example he set with that made it a non-issue when his now-wife came around - they just both see it as natural that they play aunt and uncle and entertain the kids because THEY don't get to see our boys very often. To them, its a privilege and we are grateful for their help.</p> <p>Functionally, I would do the following:</p> <p>1. Own that this is not a vacation. Tell your husband that this is in NO WAY a vacation for you and that you are basically looking at this as an out of town work trip. And if this isn't a vacation for you, its not a vacation for him either.<br /> This is a family obligation. So if he doesn't want a super resentful wife on his hands, he better be prepared to work at least "part-time" on this adventure. </p> <p>2. Nail down exactly what events he will attend "without the kids." This will force him to prioritize and own which things he is leaving you solo for. If he wants to go golfing in the morning without the kids, that means he gets up with them in the morning and feeds them breakfast before he leaves, and you're off the clock once he gets back for the rest of the afternoon to go relax. And that is the day your MIL can cook and you just come home to eat. If he wants to go out that night with his brothers to drink, he can wrangle the kids during dinner, give them baths, and put them to bed and meet up with his brothers AFTER the kids are down. </p> <p>3. Divide and conquer. Build in some plans where you can each take one kid and that way reduce the workload somewhat. My husband and I do this when we visit his family and we can mix and match relatives with certain activities and certain kids. </p> <p>4. Plan for one day to be nuclear family day. That is a day where you and your husband plan things for just your family to do that is fun for your kids. If the rest of the family wants to tag along fine, if not, whatever. </p> <p>5. For meals, I would plan on picking up pizza one night (send your husband) and then do a spaghetti night. You can make the spaghetti sauce ahead of time at home and freeze it and take it with you in a cooler and just boil spaghetti once you get there and serve with salad and bread. Your MIL can cook 2 more nights and I assume you will eat out another 2 nights. I would research kid friendly restaurants ahead of time and have those ready to suggest. I would impose one of those kid-friendly restaurant nights on the nuclear family day so that you don't have to worry about feeding the kids and can pick an earlier dinnertime that works for small children - if your ILs wanna join that day fine, if not, whatever. </p> <p>6. Let your husband know that after this trip is over you are having some treat yo' self time and will be requiring him to watch the kids more or need to spend money on a babysitter for a spa day, date night, girls night, whatever. After DH's parents visited this last time, I just declared a random day off and it was glorious. My husband knows how much work it is when we have family trips and family visits, so he is fully supportive.</p> <p>7. Stop doing these trips in the future if they aren't going to accommodate your kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750217 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:44:18 +0000 SweetiePie 2750217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) for a 1 week vacation I'd ask my hisband to choose 2-3 outings he wants to do (preferably would be after kids are in bed so I could just have sometime to myself and it would be NBD for him to be gone). The rest of the time your ILs can do outings or spend time with your family, but either way your family will be spending time together.<br /> I would also suggest that I get to go to a spa or something by myself for a few hours one day :-)</p> <p>2) As for meals, I would tell ILs they can cook for their grown manchilds (menchildren?) and you guys will fend for yourselves (simple meals like hotdogs and hamburgers and sandwiches, corn on the cob, etc) or go out to eat at a reasonable kid friendly hour and they are welcome to join. Blame it all on kids. That's what I'd do. "Oh it's easier to worry about our own meals since we eat earlier because of kids but you're welcome to join). </p> <p>But I also have no problem setting my own schedule for my kids sake even to my inlaws. They are creepers so I set boundaries really early. If you don't see them as much I can see how this could be harder. </p> <p>I'd also just be honest if I got any push back from DH or ILs that it's your vacation too and you'd like to spend it as a family and not just alone wrangling kids. Ask them if that sounds like fun and I'd bet the answer is no. If Their answer is yes then I'd say "great! Then you do it. " :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750216 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:42:38 +0000 Bibliolove 2750216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would really annoy me, this is no "vacation" for you. One thing that pops out, is we have a rule: whoever cooks, the other person does clean-up. So if you are cooking, the bros should be doing the clean-up. That's crap otherwise and we aren't living in the 1950s here people. I know many older generation are fine with that traditional dynamic ( I see it all the time with my own extended family when I go home). But that doesn't fly with me.</p> <p>As for the kid-less activities, honestly they sound a bit selfish to me (the in-laws). Your DH needs to set the record straight with them, and you should discuss that with him. I don't have any easy solutions, knowing my in-laws, they would probably jump at the chance to baby-sit, while we all go out at night. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vacationing-with-in-laws-need-advice#post-2750210 Wed, 21 Jun 2017 10:35:19 +0000 Banana330 2750210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would see if people are ok with serve them self breakfast and lunch, and then assign dinners. We often do this when we go away with friends and it works great. Simple breakfasts and lunches that people can easily grab. </p> <p>I would definitely carve out sometime for just you or you and DH. Besides it's good uncle/ grandparent bonding time with the kids. </p> <p>I don't see an issue with the golf day or a night out (one night) but I'd speak up about the cooking/cleaning/childcare situation. </p>