https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 02:03:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662642 Thu, 08 Dec 2016 00:00:51 +0000 irene 2662642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: Hmm.... I agree to all that you are saying, but please know that even though I said I am shy and introverted, it is more how I feel internally. I do step out of my comfort zone most of the time and talk to people even though I don't want to, and I do make an effort. You probably can't even tell I am THAT introverted if I don't tell you lol. I never had any problems in daycare, or any situation in my adult life really, until now. </p> <p>For daycare pick up, I always get to see other parents picking up their kids, so it is easier for me to recognize and associate who's who's mom, and I see some of them on a daily basis. With the new school, I pick up at after school care (between 4-5pm), and other kids at our class goes home before/after lunch, so I basically have never seen moms from our class at pick up. Today was special because I had to pick up early for a Doctor's appointment.</p> <p>When I say I make an effort to reach out as an introvert, I need the others to meet me half way, you know... There was another occasion in our classroom where two moms were making small talks about holiday plans, I kinda butted in and ask questions and said chatted with them. They did chat with me but after a while, they turned away and focused on talking to each other. I know that they didn't do it on purpose and I understand 100% (because I probably did it myself unknowingly before), but imagine this is basically my experience so far 85-90% of the time. It just becomes so hard and discouraging.</p> <p>The worst thing is, I can't recognize people's faces to save my life. So I am probably the super weirdo who didn't say hi to them when the truth is, I didn't recognize them :meh: To my defense, I only met all 15 of them (sans kids) briefly for a few times, and on one "mom's night out" (also sans kids) in very dark lighting and everyone was dressed up... Volunteering is probably the only way to get to see them more, but how much volunteering can I do...? Sigh.</p> <p>If you watch American Housewife, they talk about how their daughter never gets any invitation to anyone's birthday parties and how the mom has to step up and try to mingle her way into the cliques. And she still didn't get any invitation. I want to cry because that's how I feel now. And we used to have so many birthday parties to go to that I used to complain about them... Be careful what you wish for :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662635 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 22:57:09 +0000 PinkElephant 2662635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it helps you to feel less shy/left out I'll say this - some of it may be more your perception than the way things actually are! While it might seem like all these other moms are besties, you've said you're an introvert....and I bet some of the people you're seeing chatting all the time just happen to be the more extroverted moms of the bunch, talking to whoever is around and seems like they want to talk. If you can step outside your comfort zone just a teeny bit, it might be easier than you think to suddenly find yourself right in the middle of everything.</p> <p>If you were to witness pick up or drop off at DD's pre-K, you'd see me chatting with a whole bunch of different moms. People would be asking questions about new babies, due dates, who is going where for what holiday, etc.....you'd think we were all running out for mommy margarita night after our kids are in bed. But the truth is, they're just moms I chat with in those 5 minutes I see them each day. I often don't even know their names, where they live, or anything other than their kids' names (sometimes not even that!) So we're really just talking to the other moms who feel like talking.</p> <p>You've raised a good point to me, though, that it would be nice to try to reach out to someone who isn't making eye contact/seems quiet to try to draw them into these interactions. Maybe they're feeling left out, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662609 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 21:19:14 +0000 irene 2662609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, thank you everyone...! You have no idea what this means to me. Hugs.</p> <p>@junebugsmama: Thanks! Honestly I feel I was assigned to the wrong class.... another class seem to have more working moms, and at least I may have a chance to bump into them when we all pick up our kids at after school care hours! I never see anyone from our class because they all pick up their kids before/after lunch when official class ends.</p> <p>@808love: Thanks and kudos to you for all the efforts! I may have been guilty of "unintentionally ignoring other parents" when we were back in our old daycare also. I always had another friend, or other moms that DS plays with their kids more, and I do chat with them more. This experience now really reminds me that it is not OK! Sadly it is not even because I was being mean and I only stick with people I know, but it was because I was shy and introverted. That's why I said these ladies they are great people and in a way I understand, I just feel horrible always feeling like an awkward outsider.</p> <p>And funny to say, what you said to your DH reminds me of what DH said to me! Everytime there was an "activity", DH always does a "postpartum" : "Did you meet so-and-so's mom?" "I can't believe you didn't recognize / say hi to xyz" "You didn't meet abc and def's moms? Oh man you are ruining your son's life". Seriously he said something along those lines. It makes me want to go back to my hole even more, I really hate to pretend to be someone I am not! Grrrr.</p> <p>@looch: Thanks my dear, you are right, I need to really try harder and work it like a second job. Sigh. It's true.</p> <p>@littlecasita1122: @BabyTsMom: Hugs and yes, that's how I feel too :( Today another one of those ridiculous and passive "outsider" moments happened. DS complained his eye hurted a bit this morning, so I decided to make an early afternoon doc appointment and pick him up at normal school dismissal time (He usually stays for after school care until late afternoon), which is after lunch. I thought it would be carpool but apparently we had to get out of the car and wait at the front. There was a few moms waiting outside, I got out and no one talked. This other mom walked in and started chatting up with another mom, and they chatted about one of their holiday vacation plans as if they just talked about it for 2 hours last night. There I realize, these two moms are in our class, and I have met them before. Oh God. Yes, I am terrible at looking at people or recognizing people's faces. So I stood there at very close proximity to these two moms as they were chatting away. I am sure at some point they probably recognize me too. It was just super awkward. With my great outgoing personality I am pretty sure it is going to be like this for at least another year. Sigh..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662539 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 17:57:02 +0000 BabyTsMom 2662539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I started my 2 yr old in mornings preschool a few months ago and I feel the same way. It doesn't help that I work during many of the parent-involved events, but honestly even if I didn't work, I might not attend those events anyway: my LO is very attached to me and if he saw me at school, he'd freak out when I left. Which brings me to my other reason I probably haven't forged any friendships: when I do dropoff, I try to get out of there asap due to my son's tendency to cry if I linger.<br /> I have noticed that the other moms all seem to know each other and chat away, which makes me feel a bit like an outisder. But at this time I don't think there's a good way to change that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662537 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 17:49:24 +0000 littlecasita1122 2662537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice but just wanted to say I have a lot of the same feelings with my son's preschool. He went to a different daycare last year as I was working part time so most of the kids in his new school have gone there for two years now and cliques were already formed. We've tried to attend potluck dinners and activities they plan in week nights but it's been so hard forming friendships. My son's also been having a hard time adjusting socially and his teachers recommended setting up play dates but no one has given us a warm welcome. I'm also an introvert so there's only so much I can do to step outside my comfort zone. I feel like I'm in school all over again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662307 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 09:26:41 +0000 looch 2662307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if you want things to get better, for both you and your son, you need to get involved. I know it's not for a lot of people, but it's really helped me this year, in a new school, where a lot of people know each other. </p> <p>I am active in the PTO by giving tours to prospective parents, it allows me to be in front of the principal and PTO board without having the time commitment or stress related to running a committee and I am also the room mom (along with another mom that I made friends with). That puts me in front of the teacher and knowing what's going on in the classroom, as she funnels all the events through us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662266 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 02:52:15 +0000 808love 2662266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am generally friendly and volunteer so I meet a lot of people. I used to be super shy but that is another story. However, I experienced this cliquey stuff when I enrolled my daughter in a weekend art school at the museum academy. A mom and I were chatting comfortably in line while waiting but she mentioned that many kids know each other from their school. Just then another mom walked up and they proceeded to talk as if I had disappeared from the face of the planet mid sentence! Will be more conscious to avoid doing that to someone else. Hope I don't do that to others as I wouldn't do it intentionally. Therefore I don't take it personally. Just see it as a little social misstep on the part of the mom who is talking to both of us and I can live with that. Just need to be ok with initiating and cultivating relationship with other parents. </p> <p>This also reminds me of the other day when DH chaperoned and I asked if he met other parents on the fieldtrip and he said something to the effect as to why he had to be the one to start the conversation. I said because we want to build community and this is your chance to do it!<br /> So hugs and encouragement to you as you do the thing that will bring you more of what you would like to see in your future. Maybe this will be your way of breaking out of your introvertedness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662263 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 01:40:55 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2662263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I'll give you a hug! Give it time. I am sure there are other moms feeling like you. I hope you find some connections soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662248 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 23:46:38 +0000 irene 2662248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: Thank you so much for sharing! Yes. Another mom did tell me that volunteering is what potentially can help "break the ice" with other moms, but now we are half way into the school year, all the "group volunteering" amongst his class has already been signed up. For the general school volunteering, I'd be volunteering with moms from other grades, which I do have to say I'd rather get to know better DS's classmates' parents first. On top of that.... my work schedule can be a bit hectic, so I am afraid if I sign up for something, chances are I will have a work deadline when I need to volunteer...... I do think I will try harder next year though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662243 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 23:30:00 +0000 Corduroy 2662243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: DD recently moved from daycare to preschool and I'm feeling some of what you are. In my case I attribute most of it to preschool being a bigger group of kids and not feeling as intimate. DD genuinely thought the kids at daycare were her brothers and sisters. Her friends at preschool are definitely classmates at the point (3 months in). I haven't talked to any parent at preschool except a mom a knew previously. I'm always running around between kids at daycare and preschool though.<br /> I hope you find a way to bond soon. Maybe there's something you could volunteer for? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-do-you-like-your-los-school#post-2662227 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 20:56:28 +0000 irene 2662227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you like/dislike your LO's school? And why?</p> <p>I used to LOVE DS' daycare so much. I feel all the parents are very open, approachable and down to earth, and DS always told me he's "everybody's best friend", even the teacher told me everyone loves to play with him.</p> <p>We switched to a new school since pre-k, which is PS-8. It is a private school, and it has great reputation. We love the teachers, the curriculum, and what they do with DS. There is nothing bad about it! However, I am really not "gelling" well with it. </p> <p>It's been a few months now, and I just feel so awkward and not fitting in. It seems that most of the kids who are currently in the school came from the same pre-school / daycare, and some enrolled when they were in preschool, so everyone already know each other. Every time there is an "activity" in DS's class, the moms are talking to each other and I don't know how to join in. Most of the moms in my class are full time SAHMs while I work, so there is also not much in common. The idea of everyone being in the "upper class" to be able to afford private school also makes me feel that I don't belong. Yes we can afford it too, but I only have one child while most (if not all) of them have/planning to have 2-3 kids in the same school. Last but not least, with me being a super introvert doesn't help matters either. </p> <p>Don't get me wrong, they are really lovely people, just that I feel very out of place, and I don't know what to do in the next many years.</p> <p>While DS loves his school and his teachers, he always told me he has no one to play with, and he only has one boy who he plays with and is best friends with. (I was excited to get a chance to meet this boy's family over a thanksgiving activity, but I only get to meet the boy's nanny...) It's been a few months now, and it's been really concerning for me.</p> <p>I was watching the show "American Housewife" from ABC, while it was a lot more extreme, it talks about cliques amongst the moms. Oddly and sadly I can relate to it so well, which makes me so sad.</p> <p>People are telling me that it will get better but I am just not seeing how that is going to happen. DH has a strong preference for private school education so switching to public school is not something that is on the table (well, as long as we can afford it lol), and I assume all private schools, at least the ones we have visited in our area, is the same if not worse. Thank you for hearing my vent, but I'd love to hear your thoughts too. Does anyone dislike their current school and why? Any suggestions for me? Or maybe I just want a hug lol. </p>