https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 09:07:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887425 Mon, 10 Jun 2019 09:53:37 +0000 graceandjoy 2887425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am an introvert too, and I totally feel you on all of this. I do not think it's intentional; as busy as we all are, sometimes if you're not at the conversation in that moment, or you're not one of the regulars, it's almost inevitably to get left out. It's not one's fault, but it sure does suck :sad: </p> <p>I have no good advice since my oldest is only entering K (so I'm totally going into your territory now), but don't worry!! He does and will have friends and as long as he gets to do things with his friends, it's gonna be okay! </p> <p>For one, I'm not sending my DD to our town's most popular summer camp b/c their program just doesn't work well for working parents. I WISH I can send her so she can hang out with her school friends and form deeper friendships, but it just doesn't work out right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887405 Mon, 10 Jun 2019 09:03:43 +0000 lindseykaye 2887405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanting to send virtual hugs. I know this stuff is so tricky to navigate and it feels extra hard since it's not just your own social life you're responsible for but your kids. </p> <p>Some thoughts (take or leave whatever might work for you)...<br /> First, you have a lot of time ahead with these people. While I know you feel pressure right now to get things right for fear of having to play catch-up forever, just know that is not necessarily going to happen! The people who seem close now may drift apart, the moms you are acquaintances with may become close friends, it's just impossible to know the future so don't borrow worries of tomorrow (or 10 years down the road). Try to focus on what you have in front of you now. Set a couple of reasonable goals (maybe a handful of playdates over summer? Connect with one new kid your son has mentioned? Whatever they are) and celebrate the wins when they come.</p> <p>Say yes when you're invited if it's at all possible to make the plans happen. I'm purely speaking from my own experience of overcoming introversion/shyness (which took a long time!). People will stop inviting you if you always say no - not out of rudeness necessarily, but out of sight is out of mind. You may already do this, but you may need to think of ways to do it even more.</p> <p>Also, you may view these people as acquaintances of each other but maybe they're actually closer? I know we have even good friends that we sometimes don't invite places due to space, forgetfulness, or the mix of people who are joining us. I'm learning from this thread that it's possible they might feel hurt because of this, but I can promise you that from this perspective even when it's an intentional act not to invite someone to something its not intentional for them to feel hurt or because of any negative reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887402 Mon, 10 Jun 2019 08:32:29 +0000 irene 2887402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: Thanks! </p> <p>My question is, how to invite other moms out to play? For the past year most of the playdates are mostly drop offs or carpools... the moms don't come. I was under the impression they were always too busy with their other kids and they didn't want to hang out with me. Maybe I am wrong, because now I see people do hang out on FB lol. How do you even go about it with someone you barely know and have a different # of children than you do...</p> <p> @ALV91711: Awww.... hugs, we didn't have a playdate in K and our first playdate was at the beginning of 1st grade! Last year I really pushed myself, listen to DS (he'd say mommy can I have a playdate with xyz?), don't ignore him and reach out to the other mom and make it happen. I honestly had no idea this was so crucial and then now 1st year is over and I realized I still haven't done enough lol.</p> <p>@Purpledaisy: Hugs.... I am very much like you! I don't think the other mom ghosted you, maybe she has multiple kids and life genuinely got busy? I do feel like this is very much like high school again (who knew?!), the difference is at least in high school we get to see the same people every day and build friendship (there is nowhere to go other than school), but for now, we have to either volunteer or really be very extroverted and talk to everyone about interesting topics in that 10 minutes of pick up time.... and I am not known for either of that... Hugs and we'll figure this out together :grin: :heart: </p> <p>@SugarplumsMom: The thing is, I DID research the heck out of summer camps in my surrounding area.... I reached out to all the parents I happened to small talk with about summer plans, no one ever matched up to me. They either say I don't know at this point, or we haven't figured it out, or we are traveling xyz months. All fair. Then suddenly it surfaced that everyone of them went to this same camp together at the same week. No I don't think it is intentional to leave me out, not at all, just that when you see it it does sink you a little, that's all... </p> <p>@misolee: I did start those mini convos! I think I talked to the wrong people .... </p> <p>@wrkbrk: Very good point (that we'll be with this group for a decade)! I haven't thought about that. I guess I really do have to try harder .... It is so outside of my comfort zone but yes, for the next decade's sake.</p> <p>@DesertDreams88: Thanks - What you described is a very different dynamic within a small group of friends.... I was the in-crowd too in my own group. School is a gigantic group of acquaintances (40+ only in our grade). My point when you see a gigantic group of acquaintances (10 or above) all going to one event on the same week and it makes me wonder, wait, hmm.... what about us? It easily made me wonder if there were an email sent out about it and somehow I was excluded. I don't think that's the case but it also reminds me that I failed (again) this year at being an adequate mom.</p> <p>@ChitownRo: Thanks! yes although it is easy for me to think that way but I agree I don't think it is intentional. Just can't help but be debby downer for a little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887328 Sat, 08 Jun 2019 19:50:15 +0000 ChitownRo 2887328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m and extrovert but play dates and camp - coordination only happen if my kid requests it. He’s going into K, so that hasn’t happened much. Life is just too busy to fully micromanage his social life. Our family life is pretty fun/busy though...lots of weekend visitors and our friends from college have kids etc.<br /> I’m sure you weren’t left out intentionally, but everyone is over scheduled/over worked and it’s just more mental energy to think “am I leaving anyone out” for every event. (Birthdays are different, just do the whole class) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887308 Sat, 08 Jun 2019 09:35:43 +0000 DesertDreams88 2887308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't know if this helps but I'm the mom that didn't invite friends. Here's what/why:<br /> - 4 moms, 4 three year olds all decently friends.<br /> Interaction level:<br /> - Moms hang out 2x a month<br /> - 3 of the families hang out weekly<br /> - Group chat<br /> - Playdates maybe every 4-6 weeks<br /> - All live within 10 min, mostly 5 min</p> <p>One friend, T, invited us all to a weeklong camp via group chat. E didn't respond, but me &amp; C did. Cool, week 1 of camp done.<br /> A couple weeks later, T invited us to another week of a diff camp, no response from C or E. I signed up.</p> <p>A couple weeks later, I find 2 camps that fit in the pther 2 weeks of June. I only invited T. Here's why:<br /> - Didn't think C or E would be interested bc of their lack of interest earlier<br /> - The drive was inconvenient<br /> - E has to share the car with her husband<br /> - E is really tight with her kids and doesn't do any childcare (she homeschools, has the kids stay with her in church, etc).<br /> - C doesn't really schedule things for her kids it seems<br /> - C has a bunch of vacations planned for June.<br /> - For one camp, it was last-minute the week before (still accepting reservations)</p> <p>So, anyway. Maybe some or all of these reasons apply here. </p> <p>How do you feel about initiating play dates at third party locations or your house, either as a group text or in person? That's what I and my friend T do, and it helps build friendships! I will warn you, after 5-6 no-replies or "sorry, we're busy"s, we sometimes give up with certain people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887300 Sat, 08 Jun 2019 08:47:44 +0000 wrkbrk 2887300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Youre not the only one who worries about this. I’m very extroverted but I am still nervous about meeting “good” parents at ds’s new school. We have our first introductory play date tomorrow and I told DW I feel like it’s my first day of high school lol. We’ll be with this group for a decade! It’s a big deal!! Haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887295 Sat, 08 Jun 2019 05:36:55 +0000 misolee 2887295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think summer camps are an interesting dynamic. Like someone mentioned above, everyone’s drop off and pick up needs are different along with budget as well as what the child’s needs are. Plus theirs personal family vacation time too. So it’s not super easy to coordinate everyone’s schedule to be at the same camp.<br /> I know as an introvert it’s hard, but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and ask. My DD finished k and I noticed towards end of the year, at any event (class party, moms day, field day, etc), the starting point for conversation would be “what camps are you doing this year?” And then one mom would chime in about this camp and others would about another camp and then I’ll look into it and see if it falls within our family’s budget and timing and sign her up or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887294 Sat, 08 Jun 2019 05:15:33 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2887294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) Don't take it personally. That's my main advice about everything. If no one brought it up, think of it as they didn't think of it (you mentioned that your interactions are short) or that they didn't want to pressure you. You can't continue thinking people automatically exclude you on purpose or you will always be hurt, often times, unnecessarily. </p> <p>2) Research the heck out of kids' events in your area/surrounding area. If you're introvert, that means you have to spend some actual time looking stuff up and often times, you will be the one in the know before any of the other moms.</p> <p>3) Having limited interactions with other parents shouldn't hugely affect your kids friendships. Think of it this way, how many people are BFFs with just the kids they had playdates with? I sure didn't. My parents had no/limited interaction with my best friend's parents as a kid and we've all kept in touch with each other since elementary school.</p> <p>4) Don't be so hard on yourself, momma :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887293 Sat, 08 Jun 2019 01:55:12 +0000 Purpledaisy 2887293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice, I’m just here to say SAME. My dd just finished kindergarten and I have zero parent friends from her class. I even connected with one mom, hung out twice, and then she kind of ghosted me! I’ve actually felt legitimately sad a few days at drop off/pick up because I feel left out... I feel so silly and tell my DH that I feel like I’m in hisghschool again sometimes and I’m not in the “in” crowd. I’m hoping for better luck next year :crying: </p> <p>I also acknowledge that it’s partly my fault because I do tend to keep to myself and I’m not active in volunteering. </p> <p>Also, I think it’s totally unfair for your DH to blame you or make you feel guilty for this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887285 Fri, 07 Jun 2019 22:29:59 +0000 ALV91711 2887285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is hard when your an introvert! We are just finishing k and I haven’t really made a connection with another mom yet. I try hard to join in a bit of small talk at pick up and drop off but it is hard when I also have my baby with me. A few of the moms have older kids in the school and do lots of volunteering and they just seem a bit more connected. </p> <p>We haven’t had one play date with a school friend yet. I didn’t think much of it until we were at Mother’s Day tea in his class and I heard other kids/moms talking about it. It kind of made me sad. </p> <p>All this to say I feel for you. It is hard. I hope you can find a mom to connect with who has the inside scoop. I definitely wouldn’t show DS the pics, no need to make him feel sad or left out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887284 Fri, 07 Jun 2019 21:55:32 +0000 Corduroy 2887284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Hugs! We just wrapped up K and I certainly haven't broken into the social circle. At best I have a handful of other "outsider" parents that I chat with at parties. I am lucky that my neighbor with a daughter in the other K class keeps me in the loop on what she finds out from her tight-knit pickup hang out group. </p> <p>I'd bet those parents didn't intend to exclude. Summer scheduling is hard. My DD is going to know exactly 0 people at most of her camps. Everyone has different pick up and drop off needs. Coordinating seemed impossible so I didn't even try.</p> <p>You are entitled to hurt and vent but when you're ready to pick yourself up use your new connections to invite the other boys (and moms) to play. You could probably figure out pretty quickly if social media will bring you closer or just drive you nuts. Of course that's all easier said than done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887283 Fri, 07 Jun 2019 21:55:08 +0000 irene 2887283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JCCovi: @bhbee: Thank you, yes, I don't think it is intentional (4 out of 5 of these boys were in boy scouts and we were not, but 4 out of 5 of them were also in our class - there's probably more of them which are not shown in the pics), but it is also that no one has thought about, hey! I should reach out to them and see if they are interested! Just a little sad. </p> <p>I also suspect that different moms has probably talked about their plans but somehow no one said oh hey, everyone is going to this one camp on this week, are you going? So it didn't register. Even that just the past week another school mom (not someone I friended on FB yet) texted me to see if I would like to get playdates together with our DSes. She mentioned her DS was going to an outdoor camp this week but didn't specify where (the name of the camp) and with who. Now I saw the photos. ah well. It is just all a tad strange but I will continue to have faith in the goodness of people...</p> <p>@bhbee: Thank you so much, it is great advice! It sucks that we have to plot out who to be friends with at what position! I only have one child and most moms have 2 and 3, so it is already hard to find a match. And then our school has 1/3 boys and 2/3 girls. DS' friends are mostly girls, but now I realized the right strategy is to be friends with boys' moms. Grrrr. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887280 Fri, 07 Jun 2019 21:32:43 +0000 bhbee 2887280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I parent as an introvert too. It’s hard! I would agree that there was probably no intentional exclusion, you do have to kind of be present to hear about everything, and for me I’m just not going to be. I try to avoid social media if it’s making me feel bad.<br /> This year I feel much more included because we got lucky and had a bunch of nice girls in my oldest’s class, they made a good group. And then I got closer with one mom who has kids similar ages to mine AND is a good social planner. Seek out those moms who seem to be planning lots of things and know everyone! You don’t need to be good friends with everyone for that to help you be more plugged in. Easier said than done I know, but if you really make an effort with a few people who are well connected it helps a lot.<br /> I struggle with this all the time - especially that idea about messing up your kid’s social life because you are introverted - so I don’t have it figured out but you’re not alone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887277 Fri, 07 Jun 2019 21:15:32 +0000 JCCovi 2887277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also feel really hurt by this.</p> <p>But I think it’s possible something like this originated out of just a discussion when people were already together. So then there was never a conscious effort to invite people and therefore no thought about who would be excluded? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/vent-parenting-as-an-introvert#post-2887276 Fri, 07 Jun 2019 20:57:33 +0000 irene 2887276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a vent of a first world parenting "problem", pardon me.... so here goes...</p> <p>DS has been in the same school since pre-K and we are moving on to 2nd grade next year. I am an introvert. I kept a distance with other moms and I always find odd to make small talks at pick up or what not. I only warm up to very few moms. I do always make an effort to go to mom events but chatting is not my forte. </p> <p>I friended one mom last year on FB (I am never the type who would befriend strangers/acquaintances, so it is a big step for me lol). With summer here, I thought about connecting with this other school mom via FB where our DSes plays together. One thing led to another, 2 other moms probably saw me via connections and friended me. I noticed a ton of them out there all interconnected. Their pictures show that they do hang out occasionally, which I have always longed for. It is sad that since I am an introvert, I felt I am robbing DS of many fun outings. </p> <p>Then today, I saw one of these moms posted pictures of an outdoor summer camp where several of the boys from DS' class were all doing. And my heart sank.</p> <p>I just learned about this camp only 2 weeks ago and it was a girl's mom who leisurely told me about it that her and several of the school kids were doing (they are probably doing it in future weeks as I don't see them in the pics). It sounded great, but was too late to join. Then today, I saw several of DS' friends all at this one camp and I felt disheartened and left out. It is probably not done intentionally, but I felt bummed that why would the moms who were planning this not reach out to me and see if I was interested to sign DS up? I am not the one who will be going but my child was, I know that DS are friends with all these boys, and I would have really appreciated it and would definitely sign DS up. I am pretty sure I have led up the conversation about summer camp to various moms during the past months but for some reason no one have introduced me to this camp and told me their plans of going at which specific week. Talking about feeling neglected and excluded if someone didn't invite you to a birthday party...</p> <p>And now I worry. Now I am connected to several of these moms, I would bound to get updates of them hanging out together and of course we are not amongst them. Then I'd felt left out. Rinse and repeat. Hmm.</p> <p>Anyhoo... just wanted to point out and curious to hear your experience as a school aged mom, and if someone can talk me off the ledge. Do you friend other moms on social media and when (and how) do you start hanging out? Every year I am wondering how I can do better and every year I failed. Do I really have to engage in countless volunteering to be the in-crowd? Any comments welcomed. I am sorry for venting but it bugs me a lot. I didn't even dare to show DS and DH, or DS would be so sad, and DH would blame me for not being a social butterfly to extend DS' social circle and limiting his future success blah blah. Bleh.... </p>